Muichiro's pov
"I am home!" I called out, immediately seeing my younger brother running to me, smiling "Mui! You're home!" he called out, hugging my leg tightly. I couldn't help but smile, wanting to pick him up but I couldn't, I was too weak.
"Awh come on! Can't lift me up anymore?" He complained and I forced out a small laugh "I guess you are just getting bigger and bigger, huh?"
"Mhm! Soon I will be just as tall as you!" He giggled and I nodded "you sure will" I smiled and walked into the kitchen where I expected to see mom but she wasn't there.
"Where's mom?" I asked and looked over at Yuichiro who just shrugged a little "not sure, she got a call from work.. she seemed mad.. left without even saying anything"
I sighed and rubbed my eyes in frustration, knowing that she might need to work overtime again “okay.. when was the last time you ate?” I asked and Yuichiro just looked down at the floor, mumbling quietly “yesterday”
“wh-what do you mean yesterday!?” I yelled out and he flinched a little, saying “mama overslept so we had to rush to school.. when I came back she didn’t manage to cook anything” I immediately dropped my bag down onto the floor and went towards the stove “I’ll cook you something, okay? Just wait a little longer”
Yuichiro smiled excitedly and ran to the living room to play with our two cats. While I was cooking.. I felt so weak, so drained.. like I will pass out any second. The aroma of the food was making me more and more hungry but I couldn’t let myself eat.. I just couldn’t, I’ll lose control again, end up binging like last time and feel nothing but guilt and disgust.
…
“Here Yui, sorry it took so long” I mumbled and handed him a plate with his favorite fried rice noodles.. one of the only meals I manage to cook without worrying about burning the house down. “Thanks Mui! It looks amazing!” he said excitedly and took the first bite.
I heard my stomach rumble, the hunger getting more and more underable, my hands were shaking because of how weak I was. “Here! Try some!” Yuichiro said and handed me the plate. I shakily reached for the fork, and grabbed some noodles with it “just one bite.. just one” I thought to myself and put the noodles in my mouth.
The second it touched my tongue I felt instant relief, I couldn’t help but take one more bite… and another.. and.. another. “Muiii! Come on! Don’t eat it all!” Yuichiro whined playfully, making me snap out of whatever I was just in, making me realize what I just did.
I quickly handed him the plate, feeling a strong sense of guilt wash over me. I didn’t feel good, I felt horrible now, I couldn’t believe that I lost control like that again!
I slowly stood up and went to my room, closed the door and dropped on the floor right beside them, tears welling up in my eyes. The urge to purge was getting stronger and stronger again, I just wanted to get rid of everything I had eaten but at the same time I didn’t.. the feeling of hunger, the weakness and fatigue disappeared for a split second when I was finally getting some food inside me and I knew that by making myself vomit, it’ll just make me feel weaker than before.
I quickly stood up and took out a scale from under my bed, standing up on it “pl-please be under fifty.. pl-please..” I begged quietly, my eyes closed shut. I slowly opened them, seeing that I am at 49,1 kilograms. I didn’t know if I was happy or disappointed.. it was under fifty yes but.. so close to it as well.. just nine grams and I’d be at my limit.
A normal sixteen year old boy should weigh around 61 kilogrammes.. but no.. that’s too much! I can never allow myself to go that far... Not again.
I put the scale back under my bed and took out my notebook where I wrote down my weight each day and how many calories I am allowed to eat. “about.. seven bites of noodles.. rice noodles.. but fried.. I used oil..” I sighed in frustration, writing it down on my notebook, sighing “I’ll just have a gum.. that should suppress the hunger a little”
Next day - Tanjiro's pov
I was walking to my next class when suddenly I saw a group of guys picking on Muichiro. "Hey! Leave him alone!" I yelled out and rushed over to them, pushing one of the guys away from him.
"Oh look at you, Muichiro! Finally found a boyfriend?" One of them teased. "He's not m-my boyfriend!" Muichiro yelled out with tears in his eyes, trying to stand up but couldn't, he just fell back on his knees.
"Come on.." he grabbed his chin and before I could stop him, another guy grabbed my arms, making me unable to do anything "you remember what happened like a year ago, hm?"
Muichiro looked away from him, tears streaming down his cheek. The guy leaned closer to his ear and whispered "once a fatass, always a fatass.. no one will ever love you"
Then they just.. walked away, leaving me and Muichiro all alone. I kneeled down next to him and asked "are you okay?"
He nodded a little and grabbed his bag, trying to stand up once again but now with my help, he finally managed to do so.
"You look pale.. are you sure you-" before I could even finish the sentence he stumbled a bit, almost falling but I managed to catch him.
"Okay, I am taking you to the infirmary" I said and he shook his head, trying to push away from me but unable to do so due to how weak he was.
Once I got there, I sat him down on one of the beds and the nurse took a look at him.
"Oh dear you are skinny.. have you eaten today, sweetheart?" She asked and I saw Muichiro's face grow pale before nodding a little "Y-Yeah.."
She nodded and filled up a cup with water as well as grabbing a small red apple from her desk "here, eat this and then once you feel better you can go back home" then she turned to look at me "can you stay here with him for a bit? Just in case something happens"
"Yea, of course, no problem" I said and sat down on a chair that was placed next to the bed. Once she was gone, I turned to look at Muichiro who was anxiously staring at the apple before putting it away "you should eat it, you look really pale.."
Muichiro shook his head "I am fine, I just.. haven't slept well.." he mumbled and took a small sip of the water, his stomach growling immediately.
"You are clearly hungry, come on" I grabbed the apple again, saying "here" I handed it to him again. He looked at it and shook his head "I-I can't.."
"What do you mean you can't?" I asked and he just froze, shaking his head once again "I just.. I.." he mumbled quietly and moved the apple closer to his mouth, his hands trembling slightly.
"Alright, if you really don't want to, I won't force you but.. make sure to eat something for a lunch" I said softly and he looked at me slowly, his eyebrows narrowing "why do you even care..?"
"I care about everyone and since yesterday I just kind of see that you don't have the best relationship with food" I said and he looked at me with wide eyes "what? What?! What do you mean by that?!" He said in a panicked voice.
"I mean, in the morning you almost passed out, I haven't seen you eat throughout the whole day and you barely touched the cafeteria food. Now you are refusing to even let the apple touch your lips" I said and immediately saw his hands trembling "th-that's not true.. you're just.. imagining things.." he mumbled quietly.
"I don't think I a-" I was about to say but he interrupted me "please just stop talking about it.. I am fine.. please leave"
"Alright, I hope you'll feel better, if you decide to go home, I'll bring you notes if you want" I told him kindly and he looked down "ehm.. that would be nice I guess.." he mumbled quietly.
"Mhm, I have some time after school so.. I can maybe bring it to you? Or could I have your phone number maybe? Or your Instagram?" I asked, hoping he'll say yes. He seemed lonely, sad, alone all the time and I wanted to be there for him.
"Oh.. yea.. sure I guess, Instagram is fine.." he said and pulled out his phone out of his pocket, showing me his profile and I followed him "thank you, I'll go now, hope you'll feel better" i said and left the infirmary right after.
Muichiro's pov
Once he was out of the room, I looked at his profile, slowly scrolling through his pics "he's so muscular.. seems to have an amazing relationship with his family as well.." I thought to myself and sighed, turning my phone off and just sitting there, thinking "why does he want to be my friend so much.."
"Why is he talking to someone like me? Someone who is so lame, annoying, unfunny, needy, ugly, unstable.. just why"
"He'll leave eventually like everyone else.. why am I overthinking this so much, don't you dare get attached again, Muichiro, you know what happened last time!"
"He's gonna leave you, he's gonna betray you, use your weakness against you, don't you dare open up again, don't you dare say anything!"
"He's probably just doing this as a dare, no? He doesn't care, someone dared him to talk to you, why would he talk to you otherwise? Because he was worried? Definitely not, who would worry about me?? Why would anyone even try to talk to me.."
Those thoughts circled my mind uncontrollably, I couldn't let myself believe that someone like him wanted to talk to me..
"stay calm Muichiro, don't panic immediately.. Maybe he's different.. maybe he won't betray you.. just don't think about what happened before.." I thought and clenched my fists, taking a small deep breath.
…
When I got home, the door was unlocked so that meant someone was already home, knowing it must be Yuichiro because of how hard mom works.
I came into the room and immediately saw Yuichiro peek from another room "Mui!! You're home early!" He said and ran over to me with open arms. I chuckled and dropped my bag on the floor, hugging him tightly "hi buddy, how was school?" I asked and he whined "boring like always, how about you? You're home really early.."
"Oh, we just had less lessons today, don't worry" I gave him a forced smile and went to the living room, laying my bag beside the table. "Mui, can you draw with me?" Yuichiro asked and I nodded "well of course"
His eyes immediately widened with joy and he handed me a sketchbook. For a while we just sat there, drawing, when suddenly my phone buzzed. Before I could reach it, Yuichiro reached for it first and looked at me with a smile "who's Tanjiro~?"
"A guy I met in class, now give me my phone" I said and tried to reach for it again but Yuchiro opened the chat instead "hi Muichiro, here are the notes from history, how are you feeling?" He read the message and looked at me "why did he ask that..?" Yuichiro asked and I snatched my phone away from him "nothing, don't worry about it"
"..did you faint again?" He mumbles worriedly and I sighed "Yui please I am okay, I was just dehydrated, I am okay now, alright?" I lied, not wanting to tell him about the bullying.
"You say that all the time.." he said and stood up, walking out of the living room. I sighed and looked at the chat, replying with "hi Tanjiro, thank you for the notes, and yea I am feeling a bit better, thank you for asking"
Within seconds another message popped up "I am glad to hear that, and no problem!"
I smiled at the message and laid my phone down, walking towards Yuichiro's room, opening the door and finding him on his bed. I closed the door behind me and sat down next to him, asking "are you mad at me?"
He was quiet for a bit before shaking his head "no.. just.. why don't you tell me anything, every time I ask you something that has to do with your behavior you lie to me.. why?" He asked quietly, his voice cracking slightly.
My eyes widened slightly as I pulled him close, saying "I am sorry Yui, I really don't mean to lie but.. sometimes it's for the best, there are just some things you don't need to know, but I promise that I am okay" I said, trying to sound reassuring.
Yuichiro didn't say anything, he just leaned against me and rested his head on my chest, mumbling "okay.." quietly.
...
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