It has been a week since I had a confrontation with Kane.
It has also been a week ever since I was set free. He decided to hide that we ended the engagement from Mrs. Daoming and went back home to Japan.
I hate myself for breaking his heart twice for Lei. But I guess, my heart really stayed with the man.
I keep choosing him over and over again even though it would result to getting heartbreaks.
I wonder how he is doing?..
My feet suddenly halted when I heard someone playing the violin in the school campus.
It was a beautiful melody that I decided to follow until I ended up and saw him playing the violin for her.
Huaze Lei
I silently listened behind the walls as I leaned my back on it, and closed my eyes.
"Only special people...can hear me play violin..."
I let out a small smile when I remember the words he uttered when he change into a complete different person.
Special...
The last time I heard him play violin was with Shancai. And after months, I heard him play violin again, but not for me.
I felt the cold liquid on my cheeks as I wiped it away.
"That will be the last song I play for you in Mingde University" I heard him speak due to the fact that I was near where they are standing.
"Shancai, I dedicated it to you"
And my heart broke again on those words.
I know I shouldn't feel this way because I finally raised my white flag on him.
But it still hurts, knowing I never felt special with those feeling he had for me.
I wonder...when will I finally feel that. When will I finally consider someone's feelings before asking to be love?
A man gave me his love, but it felt suffocating.
I gave my heart to someone, and it feels heart breaking.
Can I love, without getting hurt at all?
I only want one thing, only one.
But I can't have it when I keep yearning for his feelings.
But I guess, asking for the right one is too much to ask when I keep holding on to the love that bloomed at the wrong time?
I found myself leaving the school campus.
How can I be your leading lady if you need to be the leading man in someone else's story...
Why is loving so difficult?
Why do I need to make a choice? Why do I need to be the one deciding?
I can't blame anyone for losing him, because no matter how much I despise it, I was the one who pushed him away.
Lei, can we still find our own happy ending?
I hope that by the time everything is fixed, you still have your feelings for me.
I hope we don't drown in the sea of problems again. I hope that your love that is starting to bloom for me, is still surviving.
I can only hope for one more thing.
Please don't forget me.
It has been three days since I saw Lei. It has also been three days since I waited for him on the rooftop.
It's been so long since the last time I went here. His safe place will always be here.
I clutch on the box of brownies I baked in case we met again.
I don't even know how to face him.
I felt the cool wind against my skin as I looked at the scenery. I miss the peaceful surroundings.
When we first met again, I thought I could handle it. But chaos broke into my mind and became the reason I couldn't sleep.
He made my world upside down again.
I thought I should just remove the feelings I held for him because it seems impossible.
It seems impossible for him to choose me over Jing.
Jing is a beautiful, smart, kind, and elegant woman. Someone who became Lei's standards.
I don't know whether his feelings for me before, is something I can call love.
Maybe he decided to love me, because I was the one here.
I can't read his mind. I can't predict what my future will be with him. Lovers or until friends only.
Shancai... Another woman who stayed with him. Someone who openly shared his pain with.
While I hid and stopped bothering him because I thought he needed his space to clear his mind.
But Shancai, decided to be that someone who can listen to him. Something I should have done.
I was his friend that loved him. I shouldn't have left him when he needed someone the most.
She was the person who was with him at his lowest.
That might be the reason, why I think I am not worthy of his love at all.
Maybe that was the sole reason, that I thought would make Lei step in on Shancai's ongoing problem.
I keep pushing him to her yet I'm still expecting him to love me.
My hands tremble on my thoughts as I grip the box full of brownies.
I'm hopeless.
"Maybe I shouldn't hope too much..." I mumbled to myself as I felt my chest part ache.
He needed that someone...
And I am not that one...
I sighed shakily before turning around to leave the place.
So many negative thoughts surround my head when I think of him.
But I felt my whole world stop when I saw him in front of me.
"Lei..." I called his name as he stood in front of me. "Ling..."
He called me by my real name as I felt tears welled up to my eyes again.
That's right. I am not Xiang Li that loved him. I am Teng Tang Ling who didn't play any significant role in his life.
Those two people, are different.
"Happy Birthday" he greeted making me snap on my thoughts and realization hit me when I saw the cake he was holding.
Birthday...
It was my birthday?
He went closer to me as a small smile adorned his lips. "I remember it"
"I still recall your name and birthday."
I stared at the cake he was holding and saw it was my favorite flavor.
"Thank you..." I breathlessly whispered.
"Even though I don't remember it" I laughed knowing he remembered my real birthday than me.
I felt the tears fall on my eyes as I wiped it with a smile.
Somehow, I was still important. He set down the cake when he saw me crying so he could wipe my tears with his handkerchief.
"Hey... You're getting emotional" he worriedly stated as I chuckle. "I am always emotional"
I hugged him tightly making him halt on his movements to put his arms around me.
"Thank you for reminding me that I'm still important to you" I can't stop myself from soaking the shirt he was wearing as he rubbed circles behind my back to soothe me down.
"You will always be important. You can't just see that" he pulled away to crouch on the same level as me.
"Remember, your feelings for me are the ones I cherished above everything. I have no reason to abandon the past I had with you because we decided to stop our feelings."
"Ling, you're important to me. And no one can change that nor replace you in my life. Always engraved that to your mind" he pulled me back on his embrace as I cried on his shoulders.
"Thank you..." I keep repeating those words. I am glad to hear his words.
That made me realize his character is beyond what I have known.