WARNING: none.
CHAPTER 01 — ROLLER SKATES
❝FILLED WITH LOVE, JUST PLAIN WORDS WON'T BE ENOUGH.❞
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NEZHA DIDN'T LIKE his father and older brothers. Though, perhaps "didn't like" was an understatement (for one of them, at least). Whenever he thought about them, there was an itchy, gnawing feeling that arose in his chest. Irritating was the right word to describe it.
Nezha loathed his father. That much was true.
His older brothers were at least somewhat bearable.
However, that didn't mean he didn't dread going anywhere with them. No, no, his brothers were still awful! Annoying as ever, in his opinion.
His eldest brother, Jinzha? He literally glows. Well, that's hyperbole, of course — or was it? Either way, Jinzha would need to pay lifetime support for the long-term damage done to Nezha's eyes. Why is he SO shiny?!
So eccentric for no reason...
Nezha hates waking up in the morning because of him.
And his other brother, Muzha? Well, if he had to give credit where credit is due, at least Jinzha was outgoing and peppy.
But Muzha? Muzha SUCKED. His brother Muzha was not only wrong all of the time, but was in such denial about his incorrectness and so shameless. Can you believe the audacity Muzha has to go against him in every argument?! The pettiness to argue with someone younger than him! Just thinking about it gets him mad.
Muzha is just — the WORST!!
"What's got you in a foul mood?" Muzha looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You looked like you just ate a lemon."
Nezha crossed his arms, turning his head away. "I don't want to hear that from you, Muzha!"
"Did you just—? You know what, never mind." His older brother rolled his eyes. "Jeez, here I was hoping we could play nice for one minute..."
"I heard that, you know!"
"Oh gee. Do you want an award or something?"
"Why you—"
Here he was, arguing with Muzha on a fine, fine day in the Celestial Realm. His father and brothers needed to attend an important meeting that was far too mature for someone of his age (as they said to him), so Nezha needed to be dropped off somewhere else as they discussed their oh-so-mature thingamajig. That's why Muzha was even bringing him to the Heavenly Orchard in the first place.
Hmph.
What a bad brother. Dropping him off in the Heavenly Orchard? Then leaving him unsupervised? Shameful behavior for someone older than him.
Aren't they supposed to watch over him or something? To make sure he wasn't causing "mischief" or whatever else they claimed he was doing?
Whatever. It gives him freedom from them for a bit, anyway.
He definitely should've protested more when they forced him to make himself "presentable" when they left. Like, seriously, he's not even going to be attending this oh-so-prestigious meeting. Why does he need to wear this fancy outfit and have his hair tied up like this?!
That's why he detested his father and brothers.
Adults are just so... so...
"Annoying!" Nezha grumbled to himself, arms still crossed.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"Maybe if you listened to me, you would understand the great advice I give for your awful attitude, Muzha."
"You better be glad I'm not allowed to do anything to you as that would tarnish Father's name. Cause if I could, I swear..."
"Bleeeh!"
Muzha scoffed. Typical Muzha behavior.
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Taking his mind off of his brother for a moment, Nezha looked ahead at the Heavenly Orchard in the distance. It wasn't a bad place, per se. It was just boring. I mean, yeah, cool, it's a garden in the Celestial Realm that grows the fabled Peaches of Immortality. Which is pretty cool. But aside from its only selling point, it literally doesn't do anything else.
Like, seriously? Only peaches? They couldn't find any other fruits to grow and bring immortality?
At least peaches taste good. Would've been better if it was strawberries, though.
"We're here," Muzha said, looking down at Nezha. "Go play nice, or something. I don't know. Just don't cause trouble for the gardeners."
"Fu—" a glare quickly changed his mind, "—fffine. I'll play nice."
"Good. I'll pick you up later once we're done. Toodles, kid."
"Don't call me—"
In the blink of an eye, Muzha had vanished, off to somewhere. Nezha rolled his eyes and directed his attention to the Orchard. Okay, great, he's here. Now what? Does he just sit on one of the benches and watch the gardeners do their thing? No offense to the gardeners, of course, they're all sweethearts — but surely Muzha doesn't expect him to entertain himself for god knows how long alone, right?
...
You know what, that doesn't sound so bad.
Nezha took a few steps into the Heavenly Orchard, admiring the lush greenery and cultivated rows of peach trees. He laid down on the stone bench, closing his eyes.
He'll just enjoy the rare peace he has in the Heavenly Orchard, take a small nap, and have no one to interrupt him—
"Ooh, who's that!"
—nevermind. He spoke too soon.
His eyes opened, and he took a good look at the person who spoke to him.
The first things he noticed were [color] eyes and a smile that rivaled Jinzha's brightness. You wore a single-colored changshan, and that was just about the only notable thing regarding your attire. Everything else seemed very simple. A little surprising for a (presumed) Celestial, but who is he to judge?
Next to you was a taller girl with green hair partially tied into pigtails, the rest falling against her shoulders and framing her face nicely. Similarly, she had green eyes, though in a lime-green shade. She wore a jade-colored qipao with gold accents. However, the most notable feature of this girl was her dragon's tail which rested against the ground.
She must be one of the dragon princesses, then!
"Wooow!" you looked at him in awe. "You're very pretty!"
"Erm, thanks?"
"I love the lotus motifs on your outfit! Especially the lotus-shaped collar. Even the lotus petals growing from your skin seem pretty... oh, they're also on your hair. I think pink suits you very nicely. It complements your pink eyes! Are your eyes naturally pink?"
"[Name], c'mon," the girl next to you sighed, "don't interrogate the poor kid."
"Kid—?" That was his initial reaction, but seeing that she was also taller than him, he supposed she couldn't help it. Doesn't mean he liked it, though!
You pouted, looking at the dragon girl. "Mmm, but isn't his outfit just the coolest?"
"Sure, sure..."
"You know what, I have the perfect idea!" You suddenly turned back to him, smiling brightly. "We should get married!"
"Wha— no?!" He looked at you in disbelief.
"Why not?"
"Why should I?!"
"Cause you're cute, and I'm cute, and umm... I don't know!"
"Mmgmmh!! What do you mean you don't know—?!"
"Besides, who's stopping us??"
"Me," the girl beside you let out an exasperated sigh. "Jeez, you're only a year younger than me, and you act so childish... Maybe it's because you're not an older sister."
She turned to Nezha. "Hey! Sorry about [Name]. I'm, er, you can just call me Ao Jie. I'm the daughter of the Dragon of the West. It's nice to meet you — Nezha, right?"
"...Yes, that's me. How do you—"
Ao Jie gently hit his back, or well, as gently as she could. "Lighten up, kid! You look so grumpy for your age."
He deadpanned.
Your face lit up. "We should introduce him to the other two!"
You grabbed his hand, dragging him off to another part of the Orchard as Ao Jie shouted something at the two of you. His hand had a rough, uneven texture compared to yours — which had a texture akin to satin. Unblemished. Smooth.
The people you dragged him to seemed to be around Jinzha's age, and frankly, that meant they were ancient.
The woman, who he quickly recognized as Princess Iron Fan, wore a golden tiara with a red ribbon around her shoulders, along with what seemed to be gold pauldrons. Her hanfu was white and red with gold accents, and her hair was half up in a bun. As expected, she carried her signature fan with her.
The other person wore an outfit akin to a Celestial Warrior. He had long black hair and a black diamond eye at the center of his forehead, which was kind of freaky!
That, and the fact that he was the nephew of the Jade Emperor.
"Oh? Are you Nezha?" The man said to him, noticing you approaching. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Erlang."
"...I know who you are."
"Aha, I suppose it's not that hard to know of me considering my title," Erlang gave him a sheepish smile. "Nevertheless, it's a pleasure to be acquainted, especially since I've heard so much from Jinzha."
Nezha's face darkened. "Jinzha?"
"Yes, him..." Erlang awkwardly cleared his throat as Princess Iron Fan gave him a pointed look. "Well, I see you've become acquainted with [Name] as well— ...[Name]?"
You were busy playing with his dog, Xiaotian Quan.
"Dog!" Nezha's eyes lit up like stars, kneeling beside you to play with Erlang's dog too. "Aren't you just the cutest!"
"Oh..."
"Pfft! Just let them be, Mr. Erlang," Ao Jie laughed, shaking her head and finally catching up with them. "They have a lot of spunk, y'know. Nezha in particular is a bit of a troublemaker — you heard the news about him beating up my cousin a while back, yeah? Dragon of the East's son, Ao Bing?"
Nezha froze. His face formed into a grimace of sorts, cringing.
"Eh? You fought someone, Nezha?" You gave him a comically shocked look. "When?!"
"No comment."
Ao Jie crossed her arms, leaning against one of the peach trees. "Looking at them makes me wonder if my baby brother, Ao Lie, is going to turn out like that... aah..."
She sighed, shaking her head. "Oh well! No point in thinking about it."
Erlang sweatdropped. "Are you really just a year older than them..."
"C'mon, Iron Fan!" you say, rubbing Xiaotian behind his ears. The dog leaned into your hand, letting out happy yips. "You should say something!"
"Hmmm," she hummed. "Very well."
...
And that's all she said.
"Whaaat! Give us more than that, pleaaase," you whined, giving her puppy dog eyes.
"What else should I say? Let's see..." Princess Iron Fan lifted her pink and white fan. "Isn't she a beauty? The most stellar thing made out of banana leaves the world has ever seen."
It was definitely not a banana leaf fan.
"I can't show off the fan though. We'd most definitely get kicked out by the gardeners... A shame."
"I think we should do it anyway."
"No, Nezha. We are not doing it anyway."
"Why not?"
"No, [Name]. We are not doing it."
"D'awwww..."
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The more and more Nezha spent time with you and the other three, the more he felt like he was having fun. It wasn't often he got to spend time with other people aside from his family, let alone someone who was around his age.
Wait, is he being — sentimental?! Well, if it's just once in a while...
However, peace cannot last forever. And by that, he means—
"Oh. It's you," Nezha grimaced.
Muzha rolled his eyes. "The feeling is mutual, kid." He then turned to look at Princess Iron Fan and Erlang. "Thanks for watching over Nezha, I suppose."
Erlang paused for a moment, before opening his mouth, "You're Jinzha's other younger brother — Muzha, is it?"
"Oh? You're Jinzha's friend?"
"My name is Erlang. It's nice to meet you." He offered Muzha a polite smile.
"I know who you are."
"Oh, aha... Surprisingly, you have a striking resemblance to Nezha. I'd expect you to look more like Jinzha."
Nezha scrunched up his nose.
"Me? Nezha?" Muzha pointed at himself, a look of disbelief on his face. "I look nothing like a kid who's about to get hit with puberty. Please consider going to an optometrist."
"I'll kill you."
"Maybe when you reach my shoulder, you can."
Erlang averted his eyes. "Ahaha..."
Muzha glossed over any further retorts Nezha had to offer. "Well, regardless, I'm here to leave. I'll be waiting by the entrance to the garden, Nezha. Let me know when you finish saying goodbye."
Watching his brother walk toward the entrance, Nezha shook his head, turning back to his newly made acquaintances. "Hmph. I have to leave now..."
"Will we see you again, Nezha?" Ao Jie asked.
"I'm sure you guys will if Li Jing continues to come here for whatever reason."
"Calling your father by his full name is a little..."
"Will..." you spoke up, a slight quiver in your voice. Nezha paused, waiting for you to continue. "Will I see you again, Nezha?"
Huh?
"...Ssssure. Whatever!"
He turned around with a pout. "Bye, I guess."
You smiled brightly at him, despite his brash remarks. "Bye-bye, Nezhaaa!"
For a heartbeat or two, he stopped. This might be the last time he ever sees these people, and he wants to spend more time with them — but things don't always turn out that way.
Though, goodbyes aren't forever, right?
"Sooo," Muzha crossed his arms, looking ahead. "What are your thoughts on everyone?"
"What?"
"Thoughts on the people you met, idiot."
"They're... unique. More tolerable than you and Jinzha."
"Of course, you'd say this..."
Nezha ignored his side comment. "Ao Jie is kind of energetic and impulsive. Not in the way that Jinzha is, though. It's something different. Erlang is, argh, honest and calm. I guess. Princess Iron Fan is... well I don't know yet. She didn't speak much."
"And [Name]?"
"Oh, him?" He stopped for a moment, thinking about you.
You, the airheaded and bubbly one of the group.
"I don't like him." Muzha made a face at that remark but didn't press him further. Nezha, too, made a face at his own remark.
IF ERLANG WAS HERE, HE'D BE CALLED OUT ON HIS LIE IMMEDIATELY.
01 — SUMMARY
Nezha meets another heavenly deity from the celestial realm.
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02 — IMPORTANT: REGARDING NEZHA'S AGE
I didn't even know this was discourse until I started going through Tumblr for Nezha headcanons, so let's address this right away.
I am nearly certain Nezha is depicted as an adult in Lego Monkie Kid. From the way he is visually depicted,
Different height/proportions compared to kids in the show
An older design shown from when he fought Ao Bing in his childhood—though, this seems to have changed in S4
The wiki describes him as "an adult," but take that with a grain of salt
—as well as his characterization,
While short-tempered, he carries wisdom and maturity due to his experiences as an immortal
—I just don't think the writers intended him to be seen as a twelve-year-old or child. Of course, I also doubt the crew would ever reveal the ages of any character, so don't take this as a fact.
I think it's important to respect the source material and be careful about how you adapt certain things, especially if it has religious/cultural significance.
Nezha, worshiped by Buddhists and Taoists, is a patron of youth/children and often depicted as a child or younger; this is made very clear with his visual depictions in statues or temples. I don't think there's room to argue regarding that one. Media usually depicts him as a child as well, and he is most widely recognized as a child. However, there are also cases where he has been depicted as a teenager or adult depending on which aspect of his lore you're looking at.
So, now we've reached this point. Is it okay to separate media from the source? Should LMK stay completely accurate to Nezha's depiction in other media and religion?
Ultimately, I think that depends on you.
If you feel uncomfortable with viewing LMK Nezha in a romantic light because you've only known him as a child, that's OK!
If you view LMK Nezha as aro-ace, that's OK!
If you view LMK Nezha in a romantic light and do it respectfully, that's OK!
It's 100% fine to disagree with these different depictions of Nezha. Nezha, and many deities/religious figures, do not exist within a vacuum; they are fluid and subject to many changes throughout history.
I think expecting everyone to adhere to a single interpretation of them just isn't possible, especially if people end up ignoring centuries of literature, art, and history with these deities to push one specific narrative.
Nezha is not always a child. Nezha is not always anything, just recurring elements that make him a cohesive and recognizable figure to many (lotus imagery, twin buns, iconic weapons, etc.). Hell, his age isn't even explicitly mentioned in Journey to the West, with the only real indicator being Wukong, as Wukong does, calling him "小哥" (little guy/young man/etc.). I'm pretty sure most of LMK Nezha's characterization and backstory come from Investiture of the Gods rather than JTTW anyway.
LMK is very casual with accuracy when it comes to characterization/chronology since it's here to give us silly shenanigans with Legos, LMAO
I'd like to believe there is a difference between media Nezha and god Nezha. You can take creative liberties with media representations as long as you acknowledge his existence as a worshiped god in different countries. Taking headcanons and ideas of this media representation and then pointing at the god Nezha, saying that the media rep is the only valid version, is just... not it!
Rules are kinda weird for immortals. Don't fixate so hard on proving or disproving that he's twelve and just enjoy Nezha as you see him, or something.
(maybe i should text my mom and ask her how old nezha is LOL)
(also please keep discourse out of my comments. it's the one thing i ask of you)
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03 — NOTICE
can you believe i return from a year of writer's block with a short story abt a goddamn lego! imagine my surprise when shadowpeach made it on the top ships on ao3 for 2023. how did you guys do it
alsooo if you read the very important notice (which you should) you'll notice i commented abt nezha being an adult but i haven't depicted him as an adult yet! in fact both the main characters rn are children, lol. i want spring thief to be sort of a coming-of-age story, so do anticipate angsty teen nezha and eventually the humbling realization he gets as an adult that he was cringe af, LMAO
i have the entire story pretty much outlined but updates are gonna be sooo slow so please bear with me
— PROMPT: "Oh, them? I don't like them."
— VOTES & COMMENTS GREATLY APPRECIATED! thank you 🪷