19th February 2024
"Is that the last balloon?" Minji asked as she's tying a fully blown balloon in her hands with Haerin filling out another with air as she nodded her head. "This is the last one. Anything else we need Minji?" Haerin asked as she carefully handed the last balloon for Minji to tie it. "I think we're okay for now, I'll see what we can add tomorrow."
"Where's Hanni by the way?" Minji asked as Hanni's been missing ever since the two started getting the balloons ready. "I think Hanni's still in your room Minji... She's been thinking too much today..." Haerin said as Minji just let out a light sigh.
"I'll go check up on her, you just piled up this balloons in a plastic bag or something okay? Thanks Haerin." Minji patted her shoulder as she made her way upstairs and got into her room where she saw Hanni's sitting by the couch, her knees curled up while she's hugging them with her expression visibly plastered with worries.
"Hey... What's wrong?" Minji closed the door gently before made her way to Hanni and sat down next to her. "...are you having another..." Minji asked in fear as Hanni just shook her head with a light smile. "I'm okay Minji. I just can't stop overthinking about what would happen if tomorrow's plan doesn't go well..."
"Hey..." Minji then went over and gave Hanni a hug as she let her knees down and let herself into Minji's warm embrace. "...everything's going to be okay. Have faith alright? You're not in this alone, me, Haerin and Yongbok are also with you and we will make sure to get this plan to work."
"So, I don't want you to think too much..." Minji caressing the side of Hanni's head to calm her down. "...and just get a good night sleep okay? Tomorrow's a big day for us." Hanni just nodded at her friend with a light smile. "Yeah... yeah you're right Minji. I'm actually tired of being like this anymore..."
"And you won't be anymore comes tomorrow. I promise you that if you couldn't bring him back, which I believe you can, then I'll get him back. That's something I'm willing to do for you, even if it cost me my friendship with Yongjae." Minji could only patted Hanni's back to give her more comfort as secretly she was worried as well, how could she not though...
On the other side, as usual when it's night time and you're all alone in your room, you're spacing out while sitting on your bed. But tonight's just... this night's just too painful for you knowing whatever's happening tomorrow would be much more worse than now.
You've been shrouded with guilt all night long, you couldn't bare to hide anything from Yongbok so you told them you won't be eating dinner with them just so him and his parents couldn't see the pathetic state that you're in.
"Cry... Go on just cry you useless guy..." You whispered to yourself as you're staring blankly at the wall in front of you with your tears continued to drop down your eyes, not even knowing when it would stop. "...you deserve what's coming tomorrow. You made her birthday the worse day in her life and now you expect tomorrow would be a good day? You deserve all this pain tomorrow Yongjae...."
20th February 2024
Throughout your morning class till the end of your afternoon class, you've been singling out. As much as you're trying to concentrate, your mind's kept on drifting away from time to time. Even though today's your special day, it didn't make it much happier with the fact that you're feeling lonely today.
But so did Hanni when you left her on her birthday and somehow you kept telling yourself since you woke up this morning that today's more like a payback for what you did to her and your friends and you don't have the right to complain about it.
As soon as the final class ended, while all the other students were busy packing up and leaving the room, you and the rest of the exchanged students grouped up to discuss about reports writing for the final assessments once you return to Korea.
During the discussion, you contributed your part when necessary while the rest of the time you spent being silent all the way till the final part of the discussion. Satisfied with the meeting, the rest of the group finally took their leave and while you're the last one in the room, or so you thought, Danielle greeted you.
"Happy birthday Yongjae~" She wished you as you're confused as to why she knew about today. "How did you know...?" You squinted your eyes as she gave you this rather teasing look on her face before a giggle followed through her. "The literature club greeted you by the group chat this morning. You haven't check it out?"
"Oh right... Sorry I haven't check my phone the whole day today..." You settled back onto your seat as you got your phone out and immediately replied all the text messages from the group chat that wished you a happy birthday.
"Thanks for the birthday wish as well Danielle." You then thanked the girl who then sat next to you. "How're you feeling today? I hope you're feeling happy and blessed." She asked as you just faked a smile and nodded your head at her.
"You should be, okay?" Shen then went through her bag as she fetched her poem book. She then flipped open the front cover as she handed you a piece of folded paper from the book. "I'm sorry I didn't get you something better, but I hope this will help you out."
You glanced at the paper she's holding as you accepted her gift. "Thank you Danielle. I'm sure this is more than enough. I'll cherish this over anything else."
"See you tomorrow then. Happy birthday again. Safe travel home okay?" She then stood up as she got her book back into her bag. "Bye~" She bid her goodbye with a wave as you waved back at her.
As Danielle finally left, you slowly unfolded the paper she gifted you and realized that she wrote you a poem as a gift. As you leaned back against your seat, you read what she had written.
My dear friend, Yongjae. Happy Birthday to you
If you ever feel like you're not sure
if it's worth it to wait?
You want to believe that things
will work out, but you're afraid
of being disappointed
Then I hope this poem is for you...
"The questions hangs in the air,
unanswered, yet so clear.
Is it worth it to wait?
To hold on to hope,
when the future is so uncertain?
The heart says yes,
but the mind says no.
The heart wants to believe,
That everything will work out.
That the wait will be worth it.
But the mind knows better,
It knows that life is unpredictable.
That things don't always work out
the way we want them to.
So the question remains,
Is it worth it to wait?
To put your life on hold,
For something that may never happen?
Only you can decide,
But whatever you choose,
Do it with you heart.
And never give up on hope."
You heaved out a sigh as you folded the paper back neatly before placing it in your shirt pocket. As you got your bag, you exited the class room and you made your way out of University by foot before getting on a public bus that travels to Yongbok's area daily.
As you've arrived at Yongbok's neighborhood, you continued walking the usual way towards their home before your feet stopped by a local bakery. Breathing out, you walked into the bakery as you walked over to the displayed cakes next to the counter.
"What can I get for you today mate?" The lady behind the counter asked rather nicely. "Can I have a slice of this cake please?" You calmly pointed at the cherry cake displayed. The months you've spent in Australia already helped you a lot with conversing in English.
"Anyone's birthday today perhaps?" She asked as she's preparing your cake onto a plate. "Mine's actually..." You replied rather shyly. "Ahh~ Happy birthday" She greeted you as she then handed you the plate as you saw your slice of cake had a lightened up candle on it.
"Thanks for this..." You then blew on the candle before you took the cake outside and sat down at a table near the entrance. As you calmed yourself down, you took a bite of your cake before the memories began to cloud your head again
Within the range of cakes that's available, it didn't take that long for you to chose a simple cherry cake among other more delightful and sweeter cake. That's because cherry cake was the first cake that Hanni had bought you with her own earnings back in the years.
And since then, you valued cherry cake as the best cake among all others as it holds a special memory for you as every year since then, you'd always settle for the same cherry cake as your birthday cake and never gets tired ot it.
"They have this delicious red velvet cake, this oreo cheesecake and even those cakes with fruits on it and you still want to settle for a cherry cake for the third year in a row?" - Hanni
"Cherry cake is the best cake there is for me. Besides, you know I don't really do sweets stuff too much right? Come on, just buy me that cake and I'm already the happiest birthday boy for today. I appreciate you for even buying me a cake for three years now." - You
"Alright~ A simple cherry cake for my bestie. As long as you're happy then I am gald. Hehe~" -Hanni.
You finished the slice clean while your mind's reminiscing before you made your way back to Yongbok's house and immediately got into your room. As you locked the door, you went over and sat on the edge of the bed. Throughout this whole time, you've been thinking about the poem Danielle wrote for you.
It's already been almost four months since. You thought that you're here to heal yourself and you were trying to heal yourself, you really did but somehow you're starting to be unsure, you're starting to doubt yourself that healing's what you really need.
You got yourselves to new places, you went sightseeing, you took late night walks in the park, you watched the sunsets by the beach sands, you tried new foods and drinks, you busied yourself with lots of things, yet came midnight, it all came back again.
The moment the clock ticked at 00.00, you always found yourself leaning against the headboard, eyes staring blankly at the wall in front of you. Deep inside, you felt empty, you felt that your heart's missing even though it's beating just fine.
And every time you felt that void, every time you're thrown into the emptiness, you're screaming inside for anyone to pull you out yet no one's there...
...no one but Hanni. How do you keep the memory someone you've never really had, but somehow found a home in your heart? How do you hold on to the memory of a person who's never truly yours, yet managed to build a home within the chambers of your heart?
The memories you had with her were the only source of remedy for you and even though you're disappointed in yourself for not being able to get her out of your life, some broken parts in you wanted those memories to stay as whether you like it or not... Those memories actually the ones that helped you in your healing.
You walked over to the desk as you got your sling bag from the top cabinet. You unzipped the bag as you took out your poem book that you haven't touched since you came to Australia before putting it on the table while you're getting your old phone out.
Your breaths were shaky as you got the phone connected to a charger and it took a few moments before you could turn it back on. As you're getting it connected to a connection as soon as your phone started up, your heart kept on consulting you that what you're doing now, you needed it.
It's not going to make you a worse person, betrayed yourself? Probably but was it really betrayal if this was the only thing that would keep your sanity from going away...
As your phone's connected, instantly, waves of notification sounds echoed from your phone and it just won't stop for a few while. You knew that was going to happen so you just had to wait for it to stop and it finally did a few moments later.
You took few deep breaths and exhales before you held your phone and the first thing you saw on the screen were texts, a lot of texts and you're pretty sure you could expect from who some of them would be. But the texts were the last thing you wanted to see right now.
Without thinking much, you went straight to the gallery as you immediately found yourself staring at her photos that you took with your phone. As you're finding yourself trapped in a maze of memories yet again, you asked yourself if she would do the same thing as you did now.
You wonder if she's probably experiencing what you went through, did she ever find herself couldn't sleep all night as all she could think about were about you and her? Did she find herself some time to sit down and think about you even once?
As you've went through just as many photos of her as there were possible, you braved yourself to go through your messages which was packed. As you scrolled through, seeing chats from some of your friends, group chats from university, definitely texts from Minji were there until finally you saw her name.
And to think that she's probably are happy with her life with Jun, you didn't expect such tons of texts she sent to you which could reach the hundred mark if she had send a couple more and you're left confused.
"Don't..." You whispered to yourself. "...you got this far, don't run away now." You breathed out a long one as you entered her chat and you realized she's been sending you texts since the day after her birthday. Occasionally she sent a few texts every few days up to that point.
"Why are you texting me this much... Jun's not going to like this Hanni..." Even though you're questioning the way she wrote her texts, deep inside you're a bit glad that Hanni's still somehow care about you and your well-being despite what you did to her.
Once you reached the end, the latest she had sent was today. A day that she will never miss to give you a text for years. A sincere birthday wish. You were smiling yet you're drenching in tears as you're listening to her soft soothing voice, singing you a birthday song.
"Happy birthday my bestie for life~ Make a wish snore king~" You heard her soft snicker at the end of the voice note as in your mind, you only thought about one thing. You thought that you were moving on, until that moment she asked that question and the first thing you wanted was to wish that you're next to her right now.
You kept telling yourself that you've moved on, if not, still trying to move on from her, but then after reading those texts from her, you're not so sure now. It's like being caught in this never ending loop of where you're fine during the day, keeping your mind away from her by doing pretty much anything else, convincing yourself that you're over her.
But when night comes, she appears in your dreams, so vivid, so real that when you wake up every time, there's this sharp pain in your chest knowing that she's not there with you. The distance that now lies between you and Hanni, the emptiness from it served as a reminder.
It's when in these quiet moments that the truth tends to whisper to your ears, questioning yourself whether you've really moved on or you're just going through the motions. You're left in this never ending limbo, stuck somewhere in between having moved on and holding on to the memories and fragments of her that still feels so much like a part of yourself.
After spending your afternoon having late lunch with Yongbok and his family in celebration of your birthday, night came as you're sitting on your desk, laptop's on, papers all over the table top as you're working on your reports and assignments.
Feeling a bit tensed and stressed out, you took a light break while leaning against your chair. As you're clearing your head, suddenly you heard your phone's ringing, your new phone.
Confused at who's calling you at this time of the night, you grabbed onto your phone and realized someone's calling you from Korea judging by the first few numbers were Korea's postal code. As you're reading out the phone number, they looked way too familiar.
And ultimately one person came to mind, maybe two so as you breathed out a long one, you immediately answered. "You hang up on me I'll fly over to you right now and headlock your head, you hear me?" A woman's voice echoed into your ear as you sighed silently.
"I missed you too Kim Minji." You greeted her with a light smile. "I guess Yongbok couldn't keep this away from you any longer..."
"Less of that for now, are you using your laptop right now?" She asked as you're confused. "Yes. I am." You answered her. "Then I'll video call you in a minute and don't you dare reject it alright? I'm celebrating your birthday now."
"Wait, wait Minji, what do you mean celebrating? You and wh-"
"It's just me okay. You can trust me. Trust me, the amount of self control I had not to bring her with me today was too heavy okay? So can you trust me this time?" At that point, all you'll be feeling is guilt if you don't want to do what she wanted.
"Okay. Just give me a video call then I'll answer." You accepted her request. "Okay, I'll call you in a moment." Minji then hang up the call as you went over and got your hoodie on your top before Minji's video call went through your laptop.
As you sat back down, you answered the call and in a short moment, Minji's face appeared on your screen, sitting by a desk in her room before she gave you a wave. "Hi~"
You gave her a wave back with a smile hinted the guiltiness in your heart. "Don't worry too much, I'm not mad at you, probably the first month only I'm still furious about you leaving but yet again, you have your reason and I have no right to judge that." She said as you could only nod.
"Still. I'm sorry for doing this." You apologized as Minji just shook her head. "We're all behind that now. Come on, cheer up a little bit okay? Today's your birthday and I am celebrating it." She then scooted over to her side as she came back with balloons strapped on a long string before she placed it on the sofa behind her as a decoration.
You let out a chuckle before your mind couldn't stop thinking about someone. "Minji-ya..." You called out to her as she hummed while she's getting more decorations on the sofa. "...how's Hanni?"
Minji stopped at what she's doing as she went back to the front of the laptop. "Hanni's doing fine now. But..." Suddenly you heard someone called out Minji's name as a echo came from the distant. "My mother's calling me, I'll be back okay. Don't hang up you hear me?" She pointed her finger at you as you just nodded with a smile.
"Yes mom~" Minji then stood up as she walked away from the laptop and as you're staring at an empty video call, you turned your attention back to the papers on the table and continued working on your report while waiting for your friend.
"Hi Yongjae..." A certain whisper echoed into your ears as you suddenly felt gasping for air because you recognized that voice. You glanced over at your laptop screen as your eyes landed on her. She's right at the other side of the screen, looking at you with the softest smile that you couldn't forget.
"Hanni..." And just like that, you're trapped in a frozen frame of time as nothing else seemed to matter.
Okay... Okayyy..OOOKaaayyyy... this is it. This it it. THIS is it right...? Will it finally be it on chapter 38 or are we going to stretch this all the way to Chapter 50? We'll see....
I hope you all don't mind that I'm starting to add photos or potentially GIFs into chapters now. Hopefully they'll add a new point of views of certain situations in the story and just to make it more immersive and added a POV kind of vibes I hope.
BTW Your boy's recovered from Covid already, thanks for the wishes from the last chapter. Bless all of you.