| Lavanya |
"YOU! In this house." Agastya pointed his index finger at me with a certainty that made me uncertain about my decision. Before walking out of my room, his face muscles clenched and he gulped. Agastya looks flustered at his own choice of words yet I know it was a command, not a statement or a wish. I stir at my place and suddenly I have grown skeptical about what to do. He has weakened my resolve to go. I don't know what to do.
An hour back, I was in his room and there was darkness all around me. The weather still seemed cold, and I hugged myself, even while being under the blanket. It felt like I was under some spell, like those movies, sleeping for ages. I yawned loudly when I woke up from my beauty sleep, yet I felt lethargic and drained out. I looked around and I didn't recognize the surroundings.
It - isn't my - house. Wait. Where I am? What happened last night? Numerous thoughts rushed in my mind. My eyes fell on the alarm clock, it was 10 in the morning and then it made sense. A small picture on the side table said it all.
NO WAY!
NO FUCKING WAY AGASTYA.
I mentally screamed.
How the hell did he bring me here again? In his fucking house. After whatever happened last night, he's the last person I'd want pity from. My head pained and I saw the IV attached to my hand. The glucose drip was over, so I carefully removed the IV, my hand was soar. I stood up from the bed quickly and went to freshen up when I realized what I was wearing. It was his hoodie. Who the hell made me wear it? I would kill him with my bare hands if -
I looked for him in the other rooms on that floor, also the one where he kept me like a hostage last year, but he was nowhere to be seen. One thing that I noticed was, his house didn't look the same. Previously, it was happy, beautiful and colourful. Blue, beige and white. There were so many of Natasha's pictures but now everything seems empty - the walls, the house, his heart. I'm sure that he hasn't thrown them away but has hidden them from the world, only for him to see and relish whenever he wants. I am sure. His love for her is all about protecting her and safeguarding her memories, even her lies and her betrayal. Otherwise we never had reasons to be at loggerheads.
Now that I glanced around, his house is painted with darkness. Fine greys and black with dim lights to add to the gloom and silence, yet stunning. The house is still a marvel. Just like Agastya. It isn't welcoming anymore, but captivating. It's not cozy, but oddly safe. It doesn't have pictures hanging on the wall, but so many memories stuck here, lost and never found.
His house looks finally belonged to its owner.
Nevertheless who cares.
I stepped down the stairs quietly only to find that guy in the kitchen. Agastya 'Devil' Raichand was cooking breakfast, with just an apron on his upper body. Who allowed him to roam half naked with a girl in a lonely plot? Thankfully he was still in sweatpants. Seriously? What on earth - I gulped on seeing the movements of his muscles as he stirred the spatula. My eyes didn't move an inch away and I was mentally slapping myself for drooling on the man who mistreated me a few hours ago. It hadn't been a complete day to last night and I was already ogling at him?
When he began serving the breakfast, he didn't even spare a glance at me. He's truly the limit.
And after protesting so much, Agastya forcefully made me eat everything on my plate. His eyes didn't leave me while I ate. FUCKING CONTROLLER.
When he was sitting near me, I saw his face closely and it had bruises. Even his knuckles were bandaged. What happened to him, I wondered because yesterday he was fine.
Also, why the hell did he have to remove his apron after I was finished eating? Roaming around the house bare bodied around a woman is not right Mr. Agastya Raichand, my mind said.
(It's against my ego but he's really a distraction. His abs are to die for and his muscular toned body is everything made between hell and heaven. SHUT UP LAV!)
I heaved a sigh of relief when he told me that it was the nurse who changed my dress. At least he didn't lie there. But what was I expecting? Agastya would never touch me that way, not that I would have allowed him after whatever had transpired between us last night. I had allowed him to do enough tortures on my body. Getting dressed for him, letting him touch myself, letting him make me dance on his tunes was more than enough.
Frankly speaking, I don't understand what does he want. Last night, he called out me for not leaving him alone, and now he is forcing me to stay. This monster of a man threw me on the floor but then brought me to his house, arranged for a doctor and asked me to stay as if he cares. I faintly remember how he picked me up, I had felt those strong and safe arms around my body, his warm hand holding mine, rubbing them together, and his silent gaze on me. I could feel it all. But I don't need his care. Nor his pity.
The reason for my distress can never be the reason for my comfort. That's not how I want my life to work around him. I can't be a hypocrite because my self esteem is more pricey.
Last night, Agastya broke me and my confidence. He showed me that it is him and only him. I wouldn't lie to myself, I had felt extremely special while we danced together. It was as if a dream had come true. As if I was a princess and he, a prince. It's not like I have fallen in love with him, or I like him. But if any girl would have been in my place, in such a dreamy setting, she would have romanticized it. Right. Right?
There is no way anyone can resist Agastya Raichand. I am just another girl. And with Agastya, I thought that we would be okay. We would not be at loggerheads anymore. But he chose to part ways, or maybe he never walked the same path as mine. At one moment, I was witnessing stars coming down the sky, and suddenly I was forced down to face the reality, he had cunningly manipulated.
His dark grey eyes turned mysterious to hateful, his sweet words seemed venomous, his grip on me, loosened instead of tightening or maybe he never held me the way I thought he did, in the first place.
It wasn't like I was always looking forward to a night like that, instead he made me dream for it. He raised my expectations and then crushed them in a split second. And then out of nowhere, after acting like a villain, he becomes the knight in the shinning armor. He finds me again, picks me up together and takes care of me. What should I take away from his behavior? What does he want? Why on earth does he want me to stay?
I want my answers. I need an explanation for his actions because I am not going to lose the fight. This is not how it should be. He can't treat me like filth and then gold the very next moment.
I can feel the heat flaring in my body, I'm probably not well but I need to address the elephant in the room first.
"Agastya!" I yell, as I look out for him, in the entire house, running everywhere around taking quick steps.
"Agastya! Agastya, I'm talking to you." A frown appears on my forehead as I finally find him near the lawn, sipping on his black coffee, all unbothered and ignorant of my shouting. The sky is grey and clouded. He is dressed casually in a grey sweat shirt paired up with a black trouser. The fit literally showed off his biceps and veiny forearms, for he have his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, his hairs are a little tousled and he looks like a Greek god. My conscious mocks me for not being able to stop myself from noticing him and this man will never miss a chance to piss me off with myself.
I take slow steps and walk up to the door and hold him by his shoulder so that he can look at me. A scowl appears on his face, as Agastya glares at my hand which is holding onto him, quiet roughly by his shoulder, so I retreat back. Agastya doesn't utter a word in response and steps down to the lawn. He is sarcastically hushed, not giving a damn about my presence around him, about me yelling his name at the top of my voice.
"Agastya listen to me!" I shout again but he is busy taking out the tablets from the pack, he had placed on the table. The small table chair set in his lawn is so cute and elegant that I instantly want one for my home though it's just a flat. But the creature standing near it, is neither cute nor elegant by any means. Agastya is ruthless and a total menace. His eyes appear emotionless and his body language stiff. Is he a robot? And is he ill? Why he's taking the medicine? No he's not ill, he doesn't look so. In fact it's me who has got fev-
I didn't move an inch from my place when he offers me the tablets and a glass of water, without uttering a word. STRANGE! IDIOT! MANIAC!
How can he act like that and make me speechless every time? Can he please stop confusing me? What does he actually want?
I cross my arms in front of my chest, denying his help but he is too adamant. Isn't he? Standing close to me, his hand holding mine tightly, Agastya asserts that it won't be nice for me if I don't obey him. Mind that no words have been exchanged between us yet. Agastya pulls me closer like he owns me and I watch him doing that. He hovers over me, his eyes telling me to obey him. I gulp hard at the proximity, as I stare at him, our eyes meeting each other's. I can smell his cologne, hear our heartbeats and my rapid breathing, his touch shoots electricity through me. It always takes some time to gather myself whenever he is around. I know that I don't want to indulge in this matter and I have more important things to discuss so I reluctantly I take the medicine from his hand, and again electricity runs through me because his slightest of touches set my body on fire. Before I can push him away, he back steps himself and stands at the same spot again, exactly three steps away from me.
"Agastya! Agastya!" I call him but Agastya stands there silently, drinking his coffee. Unbothered. And I am infuriated.
"Fine! Let's handle it this way. You don't want to respond, don't. But I will ask whatever I want." Agastya rolls his eyes and my teeth grit in response. The nerve of this man!
"Why the hell did you pretend to be all cordial and.." I pause before adding on the next word which is so unnecessarily embarrassing. "..attracted when you knew that I had no expectations from you?" I take another pause to look for his reaction, but he chooses to ignore me, so I continue because I need to bring out his reaction.
"Why was it so necessary to humiliate me in front of everyone? Why did you make a spectacle out of me when all I did to you is nothing? Is revenge more important than someone's dignity? Agastya you ripped me off my reputation, for which I worked my ass off. Seven years of resilience and you just ruined it all. It was my day, I don't care if that was once your company. I have got chosen for merit. But you destroyed my happiness and my respect for you. You know! You know that whatever I published about Natasha back then, is true. She left you, she cheated on you -"
"- ENOUGH! Do not say a word-" Agastya finally breaks the silence. I know I said a little extra but it is our truth anyways. It's where we started.
"I will say-" I reply fiercely but he didn't let me complete.
"I SAID. NOT. A. WORD." Agastya emphasizes on each and every word, pointing his index finger at me, flaring with anger and loathe. This version of Agastya is what exactly I had expected to meet, on my day one of job. I was prepared to face him but he defeated me rather wickedly.
"I can never forget the way all my employees looked at me. I hate the sympathy and compassion coming from them when they couldn't look beyond your authority-"
"Exactly. That's what I wanted you to feel. Small, belittled, ripped. Because that's how I feel in front of you every fucking day. You call me your subordinate? You fucking took over my office, you are steering my life without my permission. After ruining my peace of mind, you are back again for what?" Agastya yells like a beast, anger seething from his entire body. I see his neck muscles stretch, his Adam's apple prominent, his nose flaring with rage.
"It hurts your fragile male ego right? A woman left you, chose someone else over the magnificent Raichand heir. The man who never goes wrong, unfortunately went wrong in everything he has been doing - relationships, business and family. And now again, a woman has dethroned the prince." I return his ferocious energy but Agastya takes me by surprise as he pulls me towards him furiously, and I end up holding on to his torso. I open my eyes to find that his orbs have softened. Agastya seems, surprisingly torn up. Thankfully I had changed into his hoodie, before coming downstairs, because I can feel the raindrops hitting us lightly.
"IT WAS NOT MY EGO." He says in a husky loud voice, it is almost a cry, I can understand the undertone of his voice though he tried his best to not sound vulnerable. He is talking about Natasha.
"I never cared about myself Lavanya Sinha. It isn't what it looks like, but you are so blind that you can't see beyond my ego." His hand circles around my waist more firmly, his eyes bore into mine as if he is trying to make me understand, as if he wants to thrash all the allegations and thoughts I harbor for him. His dark grey eyes are glassy, his lips are parted, My left hand automatically cups his well sculptured face. There is something about Agastya that draws me to him. His pain makes me forget everything he has been doing to me. I mutter in a low voice "I wanted to.. but do you ever let me? I always have sympathized with your cause and you know it Agastya."
It is raining cat and dogs, but none of us has budged. We both are completely drenched, but did it bother? His eyes looks at me briefly, as if he is giving into me but then again, all the things he said further, were wrapped in bitterness.
"Who are you to me? Huh? Why should I let you in? I never wanted you in my life in the first place but you just barged in. And how many times I have to tell you that I don't need your sympathy?" Agastya again tugs me closer to him, harder this time. Our faces are inches apart, and I am on my toes, clinging to him, all wet and agonized. His pain subsides quickly, he's good at hiding it but his harsh words didn't hurt me too much, this time. I have been there enough times, I know the intent. He's angry with me, but that's not what makes me angry on him, rather it is his lies and excuses which are hurting me. What the hell he wants? Why is he so difficult?
"Then why don't you let me go? I'm stuck on your skin like a leech right? I just don't come off. Correct? Then why did you care and bring me here? Why couldn't you let me suffer in the middle of the road, when it could have been easily your perfect revenge? You wanted to hurt me and it was a golden chance for you, an opportunity on platter, to see me suffering. Why didn't you let me go? Why am I being held here?" I cry loudly, looking at him, throwing his words on his face. I am hurt and the raindrops camouflage my fresh tears.
"Held what? A fucking hostage? You were not well -" Agastya pushes me back with irritation and we continue to argue.
"-As if you care? And out of all the people in the world, for me? It's a joke on you Mr. Agastya Raichand." I say, with a gaze, heavily scrutinizing his actions, which don't match his words. Just then he admitted that he wanted to see me defamed and belittled so what's now with my health? I wipe my face because I know I should not cry.
"Get lost!" Agastya says in a low voice and rubs the bridge of his nose. He doesn't look at me.
"When you lose the argument, you always do this."
"Get lost!" He mutters it again but I will not move.
"I won't until I get my answers."
"I'm not answerable to you."
"News flash Mr. Raichand, it was me, who got humiliated last night. It was me, you carried to your home. Its me, you doesn't let go of. You want me to understand your intent but it's you who doesn't want to explain. Then in all the scenarios it's me, whom you are answerable to." I reply. This man always gets me riled up. He frustrates me. His actions are contrary to his words and he doesn't have explanation for them. As much as I try to reason with Agastya, he comes up with something more irritating.
"You will suffer more than you did last night, Lav and this time, I may not even show pity on you. Because now it seems like a mistake. I shouldn't have brought you here because you are thankless."
"And I would love to see you losing." I retort. I know that he can't do anything strong enough that can waver me. And after bringing me here, I can see that Agastya do have his limits. Though in many ways he has hurt me. His words were too harsh last night, his intentions were not good, he said so many things about how he despises me and it's only me who's the reason behind him having issues with this merger. and it did hurt a lot. Knowing that all he hates in this world is just me, was unsettling. But still there's something that tells me that I won't lose.
"When I'm at war, I don't lose." Agastya looks at me again with all the seriousness.
"You are at a war with yourself. What about that?" I jibe at him with pity in my eyes, because he hates when I do it.
"You have said enough for today. Go to your room." So now 'get lost' changed into 'go to your room'. Man has forgotten that it's his room, not mine. At this rate, I wonder if he's actually a good competitor?
"I say the truth and it hurts you Agastya. Stop running from it. And trust me, I'm a better enemy than you think. I trusted you but not anymore." I said before walking out, I added "Let the war begin." Agastya and I looked at each other with equal passion, hate and fervor. This, whatever it is, is not ending soon. I walked out on a drenched Agastya while he stood there like a statue, with tight fists, and rage in his eyes.
_________________
I came back home around 8 in the evening. Yes! I survived at Agastya's place that long, almost a day. Now that I think about it, the day was emotionally hectic and gloomy. After we had fought in the lawn, none of us was at peace. I felt an awkward silence engulfing both of us. Agastya and I bumped into each other several times while I was roaming in his house, and quietly changed our ways like strangers. Of course we are strangers, what else. Right? Huh.
He was there, around me, making me ponder about his actions, his confession and the sudden sadness that had surrounded me. I was again, kind of abducted, but this time, with my will. I couldn't muster some will to come back home, partly because of my health and partly because of him. This time, it wasn't like last year. No matter how much we act, we aren't unknowns now. We know each other. We aren't defeated but surely tired. We aren't angry, instead we hate each other specially Agastya, for anger is a small word that subsides with time.
It rained and thundered throughout the day, but after getting drenched, I don't know how but miraculously my fever was gone though I was continuously sneezing. Hehe.
I roamed everywhere in his house and he didn't utter a word, but just looked at me coldly and helplessly. His eyes held pain and loathe but the former was more evident in his eyes. It looked like if I reminded him of something. I don't know.
My conscience knew that I shouldn't feel like that, specially after what he did with me yesterday, but all I could feel was concern. I saw him sitting on his bar, emptying two bottles of scotch in less than half an hour, so many times. Natasha's painful memories have pushed him towards alcohol. I went to support him, when he tripped a little in front of me, but he signaled me to stay away. His grey eyes were cold and didn't deliver much but it was evident that he's in pain. I still feel that Agastya doesn't deserve this loneliness, he has learnt to live with. The man who loved Natasha with all his might, so much that he still defends her actions in her absence, this kind of love is rare. I don't understand what made her ditch him and cheat over him. But then, I can't take his shit also. Maybe it was personal and painful for him, but everything I did was part of my job. I didn't intend to become his boss, or replace him but at the same time I can't say no to responsibilities and opportunities coming to me. I don't deserve his wrath though he has a reason.
The question for the night is, why does he care? Because for that, he doesn't have any reason.
He's making me go nuts.
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Two Months Later :
"Agastya how many times did I tell you to not approve of this story? There was so much of research that we needed to do before airing on this news on the prime time." I yell in front of everyone, at Agastya who is sitting in the main lobby, on the chair, with his legs on the table, playing a game on his Iphone. Can you believe it? A guy in his early thirties, is addicted to games? Or maybe it's just his one of those tricks to annoy the hell out of me. Anyways! This man has aired one of the most important news on the prime time slot, about an actor who was accused of molesting his PA, without my consent. I had already told him that we needed to conduct more interviews to make it more spicy and informative but he has swore to not listen to me.
"I have been in business for ten years now. I know what I did." Agastya says, while his eyes are still stuck on the phone screen and mine on him. Only Agastya Raichand can nail honey brown coloured sleek ribbed sweater, tucked Korean style, inside the pants on a bulky body frame like his, with this fineness.
"You absolutely know what you have done. Going against my rules and advices is your favorite thing." I reply furiously, as I hover over his body frame.
"Ma'am! It's okay -" A timid voice makes me retreat back. It was Riddhima, one of our journalists on this news.
"Riddhima. Am I your boss or him?" I narrow my eyes at her.
"Ma'am you both are -"
"Stop frightening her." Agastya intervenes, not giving a damn about my anger.
"Shut up Agastya! How can you?" Riddhima visibly jitters at my pitch.
"- But Lavanya! The news brought us good TRP and it was not a lie. That actor is actually the culprit. His co actor has testified in the favor of PA." Mr. Raichand said in a polite voice.
"Uncle! You are also siding by your son?" I cried helplessly.
"Lavanya-"
"Can you stop shouting? I'm not able to concentrate." Agastya says standing up in frustration.
"You just can't play this stupid game in the office."
"I can do what the fuck I want." He grits his teeth and walks towards his office, without looking back.
I sigh defeatedly and fall back onto the chair, he was sitting on previously. I'm tired. I'm actually tired of this man. This is the not the first time he did this. It's been two months now. After whatever happened at the launch party and his house, I thought we could be cordial or at least we would stay quiet in front of each other, ignoring and not giving a damn. But things are haywire. Agastya hasn't left any stone unturned to irritate the fuck out of me. He just doesn't listen. The past two months have been the toughest of my life because no colleague has ever pissed me the way Agastya does. I sometimes feel like, he's still the CEO and I'm a nobody. No one dares to go against him, and he never supports my decisions. Even the seniors don't support me in front of him, calling his decisions productive over mine. They say I should learn from him, no matter what the position is. Are they all for real?? Hardly a few of my ideas have been taken in consideration, because he was always ready to counter. The sly smile on his face, and that fucking smirk after winning almost every argument is SO IRRITATING. He walks past me, like he's some king of the world.
I swear I have exercised more power than this, in my journalism days. Conducting raw and real interviews, covering live stories of controversial cases, even if it meant going against my boss, it was all so much fun and I was always complimented for my efforts. One thing that I noticed about him is his brain is always working. He is always thinking about something, weaving certain patterns in his head, probably new ways to counter me and how to gain support.
I don't know what magic has Agastya done on each and every person here that they don't consider my points except for a few times. Agastya Raichand is an incorrigible man. After becoming the CEO, all I have done is bicker. I fight, scream and yell at him all the damn time. Huh.
I know that my cues maybe are not as good as his, but he's not the boss. I am the boss. And now, I'll show him how it's done because I can't support him like I did in our first conference meeting. I am not an assistant or an Agastya Raichand cheerleader like other employees. I always had a soft corner for him but with time, he has just forced me to think that he doesn't deserve it. And I can't be kind at my own expense.
I seriously have had it all. He has tested my patience, above the limit. Now I will show him, who's the real boss.
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Lavanya and Agastya wardrobe inspo :
A/N : AgaNya didn't really have a happy valentine's. But I hope you guys had. Do read and share your reviews.