When Keefe arrived at Havenfield, the first thing he noticed--apart from the evasiveness Foster was flinging at him--was that she was wearing crush cuffs.
Wait, what?
No, no, no.
But hang on...definitely no. Fitz would have told him if he was getting her crush cuffs.
She also didn't seem the type to wear them.
So he asked.
And she evaded his questions.
So naturally, he kept asking.
And finally, after an agonizing number of questions, he dragged the whole story out of her.
They were from Dex.
To help mask her enhancing without the need of gloves.
And they worked, but it had led to a very awkward interaction between them.
Dex, whose crush on Foster had been painfully obvious, had forced her hand.
But Keefe was shocked at how she'd handled it.
She'd kissed him.
Keefe should be so lucky.
She seemed to be bracing herself for a lot of teasing, but Keefe didn't have it in him to tease her. Not for this. Not for something that was probably really hard on her--and even harder on Dex. So he lowered his voice and asked, "How's Dex?"
"Hopefully okay." She looked around the living room, obviously checking to see if they were still alone.
"What about you?" He asked her, pointing to the dark circles rimming her eyes. "Couldn't sleep after crushing Dex's fragile heart?"
Okay, so maybe he was going to tease her a little.
"I didn't crush it," she contradicted him.
But he felt her doubt. He moved closer to her. "I'm just kidding," he told her gently. "All you did was prove my dad's theory."
He watched as she thought about what he'd said, and understanding dawned on her. He knew she was remembering his dad's book, The Heart of the Matter, where his dad had theorized that the heart and head held two different sets of emotions.
"Since when did you start agreeing with him on that?" she asked.
"Since Lumenaria, when you enhanced me."
Her eyebrows shot up at that, but she didn't say anything.
Keefe smoothed the front of his navy blue jerkin before elaborating. "I'd assumed that the enhancing made everything feel more intense than normal. But I realized later that some of what I picked up didn't match the usual Foster Feelings you're always flinging my way."
"Empaths," she grumbled, pulling her cape closed, as if that could keep her emotions away from him.
"Hey, it's not my fault you hurl your emotions at me like we're in a big old splotching match of feels," he reminded her. "I'd ignore you if I could."
As if he would ever ignore her.
"And I'd block you if I could."
He laughed. "Then it looks like we're stuck with each other. But if it makes you feel any better, it turns out you're only giving me a tiny piece of the Foster Puzzle. I got a glimpse of the bigger picture and...well...let's just say it was very enlightening."
Extremely.
And he loved it.
She looked away, staring at the floor. "How so?"
"Nope. Not gonna tell you."
Wish I could though. But you HAVE to figure this out on your own.
"Uh--they're my feelings."
"Yeah, but once you know about them, it...changes things. That's the part that's missing from my dad's theory. He never explained why the emotions in the heart and the head are different. But I figured it out. It's because we're aware of what goes on up here--" he tapped the side of his head--"so we control those feelings in subtle ways. We'll encourage any emotions we're comfortable with, and fight the ones we aren't. But here--"he pressed his hands against his chest--"everything is beyond our control. And once you become aware of it..."
He flicked his hands, like he was holding something that went poof!
He knew his theory was correct, but hated the implication that her head was so thoroughly fighting her feelings for him. Why was she uncomfortable with the idea of falling for him?
"Think about what happened with Dex," he added. "In his head he wanted the Dexphie ship to set sail so badly that he kept fighting for it, even when he got some pretty clear signals that he was bound for a crash. But deep, deep down, he knew you were better off as friends, and you kissing him finally brought that feeling out. And now that he knows it, he'll never look at you the same ever again."
It felt like his words stung, though she seemed to be trying to push the pain away.
"Hmmm," Keefe said. "Please tell me you haven't decided you want what you can't have."
"No!" she insisted. Then she turned thoughtful. "Don't you miss when crushes were only silly, secret things?" she sked him in a quieter voice. "Suddenly it's all getting so...real--and not just because of this. I mean...Fitz already finished filling out his matchmaking packet. And you probably need to go pick up yours--if you haven't already."
He smirked at her. "So that's what kept you up tossing and turning? Wondering if I've registered for the match?"
"Ugh, that's so not what I was saying."
"Suuuure it wasn't."
She rolled her eyes and started to turn away, but he grabbed her hands and drew her back in. Maybe deep down, her heart was concerned about that, even if her head refused to admit it. "I don't want you losing sleep, Foster. So let me set that powerful little mind of yours at ease. I have not registered for the match, and I won't be for a while."
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "Waiting to see how a few things shake out."
With you.
He wasn't that interested in registering, honestly. He didn't care whether or not he was a 'good' match in the eyes of society as long as he loved the girl he married.
Seemed to be working out just fine for Dex's parents. At least, for their marriage. Society had not been kind to them, but they obviously loved each other.
But again...Keefe didn't really care. He was used to being viewed with scorn.
If Foster decided she wanted to be a good match, he'd register.
He saw no reason why they wouldn't be matched.
And if she didn't want to register, but chose him, then he would have no need.
Otherwise, who knew. Maybe eventually, if she chose Fitz—and Keefe managed to get over her—he would decide to register and try to find someone else.
Just the thought of that made him queasy.
He knew they were young, but...his feelings for her were doing nothing but growing.
The more he knew her, the more he loved her.
It was actually pretty intense.
He felt her curiosity at what he'd told her, but she didn't press him on it. Instead she insisted that her lack of sleep had been from staying up late talking to Amy.
When he asked if they talked about everything, and he added a loud kissing sound for effect, she shoved him away.
Always teetering on the edge of irritated and amused.
But he thought it might help her for him to make light of it, at least a little bit.
Keep it from feeling like such a big thing that would hurt her friendship with Dex.
But she needed encouragement, too.
With that in mind, he moved back in front of her. "Okay, fine, you want me to be serious again. I don't like it. But I will. Because I do get what you're saying, Foster. All of this...stuff. It makes everything way more complicated."
She admitted she was worried about losing Dex after yesterday's...misadventure. But he assured her she hadn't lost him. He knew Dex well enough to know that. He also couldn't help but lean in and add in a whisper, "and here's another thing you can count on. You'll never lose me. No matter how any of this stuff goes down."
His words affected her. She was rendered speechless, looking up at him. It was obvious she didn't really know what to make of his promise, but that it was pleasing all the same.
Keefe, though he was tempted to push further, leaned back and added in a normal voice, "I have way too much fun annoying you."
She sighed. "That does seem to be one of your talents." But her emotions were affectionate, not annoyed—for the moment, anyway.
"And you adore me for it. In fact, maybe we should find out if we're meant to be."
He puckered his lips, and Foster shoved him a little harder than before.
He had truly just been teasing—of all the different ways he'd imagined kissing Foster, this hadn't been one of them—but even so.
He almost wished she would.
Because if his theory was correct, then a kiss between them would yield very different results.
Sparks flying. Hearts pounding. Foster's head understanding her heart. Warmth.
Someday...someday, it would be really great.
For now, he was content joking around with her.
"Hey--how come the Dexinator gets the smooch test and I don't? Do you realize that thanks to you, sweet, innocent little Dex has now kissed someone before I have? And you too?"
"Really?" she blurted out, throwing some surprise his way. "Never?"
"I realize it's hard to believe, considering..." He waved his arm in front of himself, indicating his exceptional good looks. "Don't get me wrong--I've had plenty of offers, but..."
He shrugged.
And he wasn't actually kidding.
He hadn't gotten quite as many crush cuffs as Fitz, because Fitz was a Vacker, but he still had several girls—all of them silly, none of them actually caring about him—flirting with him just because he looked good.
He could've capitalized on that. Could have had frivolous, meaningless 'relationships' just for the fun of it.
And it had been kind of tempting, since even the superficial interest the girls flung at him was more care than he got from his parents.
But he didn't want that.
He'd enjoyed some meaningless flirting, sure.
But to pursue anything further than that? He just...couldn't.
He'd seen enough of his parents' marriage to know that he didn't want to be with someone just because it made societal sense. Or for the sake of convenience.
He didn't want to be with a girl just because she thought he looked good.
And didn't want to risk hurting a girl by not being able to give her the affection she was looking for.
Nothing but genuine interest would make a relationship worth it.
And why kiss someone if you know there's no future in it? Some guys did, but Keefe just didn't want to do that. He wanted it to mean something. He didn't want anything fake or forced--he wanted something real.
"What about Biana?" Foster asked quickly. "You told me you kissed her mostly on the cheek."
Oh, yeah.
That.
He hadn't meant to tell her that--Biana would probably be humiliated if she knew he was still sharing that information. But he'd been awfully loopy on pain meds.
Even so, he remembered how jealous it had made Foster when he'd told her.
That part had been awesome.
"Eh. That doesn't count. She dared me to do it, for one thing. And the only reason I caught a tiny corner of her mouth was because she turned her head on me at the last second. Thank goodness I had my eyes open, or it would've been a disaster."
Biana had been pushing pretty hard that day.
And Keefe hadn't encouraged it, but he was too cowardly to openly discuss it with her, either.
He let out a long, weary sigh.
"You know what, Foster? You're way braver than I am. I guess we already knew that, considering your number of near-death experiences. But...I've never had the guts to be honest the way you were with Dex. I keep telling myself, 'If I don't encourage it, it'll fade.' And it's helped a little, but..."
But he wasn't sure Biana didn't still have feelings for him even now.
And if he'd been honest with her, she could've moved on and not have been pining for him.
Biana was incredible, and Keefe loved seeing the person she was becoming, but...she was like a sister to him. He loved her, wanted to protect her, cared about what happened to her...in the same way Fitz did.
In the same way Alvar should have.
It was never anything more than that.
He felt Foster's curiosity, and guessed that she probably knew exactly who he was talking about. But she didn't ask for clarification. She simply said...
"Please don't lead her on."
"Never. Why do you think I don't flirt with her? I even go out of my way to flirt with everyone else around her so that it'll be more obvious, you know?"
Well...he used to flirt with everyone else.
He flirted with the girls at Foxfire.
Until Foster came along.
Now...it wasn't like the other girls ceased to exist, or that he was ignorant of their beauty, it was just that there was no space in his head for them.
Every tiny bit of flirtation in him was reserved for her alone.
"Yeah," Foster said distractedly. But he was picking up some distinct jealousy and disappointment.
His words had stung. And he thought he understood why. She did understand that Keefe was flirting with her, and now she thought it was only a ploy to get Biana to take a hint.
Well, he couldn't have her thinking that.
"Hey," he said softly. "I--"
But just then, Grady strode down the stairs and gave him such a threatening glare that Keefe feared for his own life, and he backed away.
At least the look on Edaline's face was apologetic as she came up behind Grady.
And Foster was adorably awkward about it.
But mostly Keefe wished her parents had waited just a few minutes longer to come down the stairs.
He was itching to get started on Project Make-Foster's-Head-Understand-Her-Heart.
Hmm. That needed a new name. Something a little shorter.
Oh well. It was almost time to go to Ravagog.