It takes me a week to build up the courage to text Chloe, and even then I sit for over an hour debating what to say. Does responding to her at all promise that I'm going to forgive her? Days later, I'm still torn in pieces over her choice to expose me to my parents, even if she didn't anticipate their reaction would be so extreme.
I have depended on Chloe as a confidant for years, trusting her with every stress and secret that felt too heavy to carry alone. Did she want to reveal my secrets the whole time, assuming she could protect me better than my own decisions could?
With a single message, I tell Chloe a time to meet at a nearby café. I don't leave room for her to respond or change the details, both of us knowing I won't reschedule if she doesn't show up.
Sitting in the empty café, I'm certain that I am ready for this conversation. Prepared to stay calm despite the storm rolling in my stomach, my posture is straight as I await Chloe's appearance.
Everything I planned to say falls apart when I see her.
Apologetic eyes meet mine, her bottom lip quivering before she wipes her cheek and washes the emotion away from her face. Always good at stuffing her feelings in the bottom of her heart, I make up for the expressions she refuses to show.
"How could you!" I whisper-shout, feeling my face redden with the words. I don't wait for a response, knowing I need to get the anger out of my system before I can listen to her reasoning. My voice cracks as I continue, "you were my best friend, you should have been there for me because my parents never were."
"I didn't know-" she answers in a small squeak.
"What did you think was going to happen? You knew how much my parents wanted me to date someone like them, and if you listened to me for long enough to hear more than your own voice you would have known how close I was to already being kicked out before you opened your goddamn mouth."
"I'm so sorry, Rome," her eyes drop down in embarrassment, her hands shaking as she reaches out to me before reconsidering, pulling them away and back onto her lap. "I was blind and so so stupid... My own heartbreak made me terrified that Lucas would hurt you as badly as I was, convinced we would never be able to trust anyone to make us happy." She raises her chin so her eyes meet mine. "I had no idea what I was doing and I should have kept my mouth shut. Your parents are such horrible people, none of those things they said were true."
I swallow down the painful memories of my parents' words. They absolutely gutted me to hear, paining me each time my mother's insults were yelled or my father cursed me for being alive. But that's not what hurt the most. As nasty as it feels to admit, those words were all ones I have heard before, and it likely wouldn't be the last time they said them to me.
But knowing Chloe has never supported me while I told her everything I loved about Lucas or the details of our first date? Knowing Chloe didn't believe I could find someone capable of caring about me without a selfish reason? That hurts me more than my parents ever have.
"I did believe in you and I'll always know that you found love with Lucas. Dating him was your choice, not your parents or even another guy's, and I completely believe it was the right one. I let my fears make me doubt that and I fucked up, but if you give me the chance I can show you how much I support you."
"How am I supposed to believe that you understand now, that in a few days you've changed?" I shrug, forcing her to face the unrealistic expectations she has left me with.
"What about in a year?" She says quietly.
"What? Chloe, you're going to be gone next year." I narrow my gaze, uncertain at where she is going with this.
"Yeah, I am, but you could come with me." It feels like the entire room falls silent. I stare at her, not understanding how I would be able to join her in LA. "I'm going to be interning at my uncle's company in Los Angelos for the next three years, and there's two rooms in my apartment. The rent is already paid so there's no paperwork to sign, meaning you can leave at any time."
I gape, the proposition nothing like I ever expected. I could leave my family behind without becoming homeless. Yes, I have a lot of money saved from the years of mistrust my parents bred, but that won't amount to anything without a consistent job and a reliable room to live in. If I wanted to escape them for good, I would need somewhere to stay while I figured out a plan.
"Rome," she says more softly this time, placing her hands on the table between us and leaning forward. "You can't stay with Lucas's family forever. LA will have more options and paths for you, in a city where you don't have to fear running into you parents every time you step outside."
"Seriously? This is about trying to keep me away from Lucas still?" I scoff. "Leaving him behind so that the distance can break us up, I can't believe you're using my situation against me to get your way."
Has our entire friendship meant nothing if she so easily wants me to leave everything I love?
"No, no, that's not what I'm saying." I grab my things and stand to leave, prepared to shut Chloe out of my life for good. "He can come with us!"
I freeze by the door. "He can't afford rent in Los Angelos, Chloe. You can't just give him permission and expect it to happen. Not everyone gets every opportunity only because they want it."
"Dorms don't charge workers rent." She watches my confused face, choosing her words carefully in anticipation of me running away from her. "My uncle's compay works with the research branch of UCLA. I'll be a part of the buisness aspect of the company to strengthen my marketing experience, but they also need help in the biology labs. I sent the head of research for the program Lucas's academic history and a statement from his AP Biology teacher, and she was impressed."
I'm stunned, disbelief and amazement choking me up. "Why would you do all this?"
"Because I love you Rome. You and Autumn are my best friends, you're all I have. I messed up, really bad, and I need you to know that's not who I am. I do support you and your dreams, and you deserve for me to at least try and make each one of them possible." She takes a shaky breath. "The offer is there for Lucas even if you don't forgive me."
My hands are shaking as I hug Chloe, her small frame encompassed by mine. She's motionless until I feel her arms slowly wrap around me and squeeze me closer, the sound of her quiet cries matching my own.
Once we calm down Chloe explains what the research position would mean for Lucas. He wouldn't be a student at the college, but there are advanced lessons intended for those working in research that he would need to keep up with. The paid internship provids a room on campus for an entire year, but Chloe says it's common for lab assistants to reapply for higher positions once they have more proof of their successful work.
The cities are about an two hour and a half drive apart, meaning that Lucas would be able to drive home as often as he needs to help his family, which is going to be the most important part to him, anyways. The opportunity strips him from the chance of attending college, at least anytime soon, but I doubt he'll mind now that he has the offer to study in a real laboratory without having to pay an unaffordable tuition.
"You really did all of this for me?" I mumble, imagining our lives painted out together.
"Of course I did, I should have done it a long time ago. You deserve to be happy, Rome. Your parents not approving of him says enough about how perfect he is, how pure and good his heart must be. You need someone like that, not a trust fund boy who's been spoiled his whole life. Lucas loves you, unconditionally, and I do too. I understand if you don't believe me but I love you so much."
We hug again, refusing to let go until it feels like my arms holding her are as stiff as the ache in my chest.
"Clo, what happened? Who hurt you so bad that you were worried about me?"
She blows out a shaky breath, thinking through the events of last week before answering. "I did. I cost myself one of the best things in my life, and it felt like the pain of it would kill me. I conviced myself it was because of who we were, rather than my own faults. I thought that if I could hurt that bad losing Adrien, yours would be even worse because of how much you care about Lucas."
"I'm not going to say it's okay, what you did caused a lot of damage, but I understand," I hold her hand, letting her know that I am here for her despite everyting we have been through. "You need to talk to Adrien." I push her gently, knowing the only way to heal everything would be for them to talk honestly.
"I'm going to ask him to be my boyfriend," Chloe responds so quickly it surprises her, a startled laugh falling from her lips.
"Oh my god! You've never asked out a boy you liked before," I grin, watching the girl in front of me open herself up a little more.
"I want to show you that I've changed, that I can be better for you. And that starts by wearing my emotions rather than hiding them. He deserves an apology, and if he forgives me, I will show him who I can be instead of who I've let myself become." I can see the young women we are going to become already, two people who aren't scared to tell people how they feel or what they want.
There's a long way to go before we become who we are meant to be, but this was one step closer to teaching us who we are.
Lucas is quick to comfort me when I return to his home, checking my mood for tears or anger in case the conversation went wrong. But I don't scream or cry, and he's caught of guard when I start laughing, placing kisses all over his face. His cheeks are covered in my lipstick before he stops chuckling and pulls me away from him, asking what has me in such a good mood.
I explain everything to him. The settled hope between Chloe and I, the tentative plan that could house me while I decide on my future, and the opportunity for him to be a part of a research program at UCLA.
He lifts me by my waist, spinning me round and round in joy. It's not until he sets me back on the floor that I realize he's crying, shoulders shaking in relief.
"We're going to be together," he says, a blindingly bright smile flashing me his teeth. "With a bright future and a life with each other.
"Always. No matter what happens or how life changes, we will be together." I repeat, matching his smile.