When you miss someone it wants to make you cry, whine and hurl things at his pictures. I have been to all three stages in three days. My husband just didn't leave alone, he took everything that makes me better, with him. Shea with him. What was left was, snappy, sarcastic and rude Ahaana. The amount of stink eyes I have thrown at my team and Joey, has been insane.
Missing someone doesn't mean you constantly thought of them. No, it's so much more than that. I missed my husband when Adv called me to have lunch—daily it would be my husband's call or his entire presence that came to take me with him so we have lunch with our siblings. I missed my husband when I was in pain and wanted to curse someone—my husband. I yearned for him when I spotted peonies on a flower shop— if he was here, he'd definitely get me those just because I'm on my periods and the flowers looked too 'Shea-beautiful' and beautiful Shea got to have those.
I longed for him when I was around million of people, and I longed for him more when I was in closed walls of our house, our bedroom alone. I missed him even though we were constantly in touch, but I missed his sneaky winks. His teasing smiles. His gentle, flirty touches. His throaty laugh. His eye rolls. His tired sighs. I missed him breathing in my hairs. These three days has been pure hell for me and I'd make sure my husband doesn't step an inch away for me for coming two weeks, to make up for these three days.
"Bhabhi, we're here." I blink my eyes a few times, focusing my gaze on Hood's face and then out of the car window. We are parked outside the tower. I collect my bag, water bottle and phone. "Thankyou, Robin. Would you like to come up for a coffee?" I ask him, he generally agrees.
"I would but Sahil would probably kick my ass." Robin replies making me look at him confusion. "Why would he? You had coffee and dinner even with me yesterday and day before yesterday." I keep the car door locked.
"Because your husband asked me." Of course he did, fluffer. I shake head at him and my husband, sliding down the car seat.
"Whatever. You want that coffee or not?" I repeat my question, he keeps smiling crazily and shakes in negative. "I have a date." I mentally roll eyes at his response.
He means one night stand, Sahil told me all about his after work life. But I don't blame the guy, he was badly hurt by the love of his life and since then he only looks for physical satisfaction from his dates. He also makes that extremely clear with the woman he gets involved with, but some just doesn't want to acknowledge that after he's slept with them. Hood proudly says it's because of his outstanding performance in the bed. Yikes to the image!
"Fine. Suit yourself. Drive safely. Bye." He nods to my instructions and waves in return. I know he won't leave till I'm safely in the elevator, so I head inside the tower and to the elevator. He turns the engine on when the door starts sliding close, I wave at him. He grins driving away.
It's so late, my husband will have a freak out session when I tell him I just reached home. I turn my wrist to look at the watch, 11:34pm. I just hope he didn't go to bed, he doesn't without speaking— listening me rant about anyfreakingthing—to me but I'm just too late tonight. I unlock my phone to check if he saw my last message— I know you miss me but please stop, I can't stop hiccuping. My teams making fun of me🥺
He hasn't. I click a mirror selfie in the elevator mirror making funny faces and pouts, and send it to him. The elevator dings and I step out of it, and unlock the main door with my fingerprint. The second that I shut the door behind me, I feel the change in the air. I'm not alone.
I step into the house, now standing in the midst of the living room. My eyes gliding across whatever I can see, behind the couch, the curtains, the kitchen door. Finding nothing, I unlock my phone and go straight to the camera app. We have camera installed in the house for the both our and Coco-Oreo's safety. They are in every room, every nook except our bedroom. The live video shows me in the living room. I change the setting and go to the prior recordings and play from after 9pm—after the house helps leave. From 9pm to now, nothing. No one has entered the house. I swap the screen to WhatsApp and quickly type a message to my brother— I just reached home and feel like I'm not alone.
Quickly moving back to the camera feed, I change the setting now looking at the recording from 6pm to 9pm. The video plays in 1.75x. My finger quickly taps the pause button. The panic going down and excitement rushing through my veins to my fluffing toes. Joy rushes in. My lips stretch into the biggest, the freaking biggest smile since he left. The chef walks to open the door in the recording. He steps aside and my husband walks through the door.
I throw whatever I have in my hands on the floor and make a run for our bedroom. "Jaanaaa!" I yell at the top of my lungs, throwing the bedroom door open. I'm heaving, like I ran not steps, but miles. My husband already has his eyes on me. His back leaned against the bed headboard, legs stretched out and crossed at the angles. But when I find his eyes void of any happiness, any emotion. I let my feet hover in the air and then take it back, not jumping in his arms like I was going to.
The surroundings dawns on me. My eyes go to where I left everything this morning and then back at him. The plastic folder sits on his thighs. Our eyes meet again. "I—" Words are caught in my throat. I look down to where he fists the diary in his other hand and then back to his face. "You're here." I mumble taking a step in the room. "Why?" He raises an eyebrow at my 'why', his lips stretches in a smirk, bad kinda smirk and not the sexy one. Like it's all amusing to him. My reaction to this situation is amusing to him. He's back to his arrogant self.
Fluffer! I named him Lucifer Sahdev for a reason.
"I don't know Ahaana, maybe because it's my house as well? Just because it's named to you, doesn't mean I have to ask for your permission to come here." Ahaana. Not Shea. Not baby. Not meri jaan. Ahaana. He calls me Ahaana only when we are doing 'it' or when he's pissed at me.
"I didn't say you have to take my permission. I asked why are you here early." I throw the door close, it bangs loudly. The mood worsened, happiness faded away. I quickly steal a glance at my watch— 11:46pm. Motherfathers! This is the day we end up having that fight I oh-so-desperately wanted? Minutes before his birthday begins? Way to go, Waheguruji. Way to go.
Aapka naam bhi dhoka rakh doon?
Walking the distance between us, I stop at the bed's side. His head tilts up to look at me. My hands itch to snatch the cards and diary from him, but I don't. He lowers down his eyes to the folder and diary, huffing out a tired sigh, he slides the diary in with the cards and puts the plastic folder on the bedside table.
Our eyes meets again, he fists the ends of his vest and pulls it over his head. Throwing it at my feet, he slides away from the edge to the middle of bed. "Come here." He says patting the mattress. Removing the sneakers, I climb the bed. He unbutton the pants and inserts his fingertips in the waist bands of my underwear, his eyes snaps up to meet mine. "Are you still bleeding?" The fluffer's looking for smex? Without talking about— he's checking off my angry smex dream.
Without even waiting for my answer, he keeps his palm on my vee vee over the clothes. Trying to feel if I have the pad on. "Cup? Tampon?" I shrug to both his question. His eyebrows squints. "You scared of little blood?" I taunt my already pissed husband. "It's your fourth day, you barely bleed on third." He murmurs more to himself than me. Fluffer needs to stop coming to my gynaecologist visits and stop making me go to those as well, while we are at it.
"You're not even in the mood. Stop it, let's talk it out." I stop his hand when he starts to yank on the pants. He shrugs off my hand, gets on his knees facing me. Our eyes meet before his moves to my chest. Before I can see it coming, he has already tugged down one side of tshirt and bra making the breast spill out.
"Remember when we were at the hideout, you asked—you went down on your knees to almost beg that we leave our past behind and not speak of it anymore.." I nod my head agreeing to whatever he said. "You have never begged me for anything, especially not how you almost did that day." I remember it well and clear, I was on the floor going to join my hands in front of him but he stopped me and lifted me up in his lap.
"I gave that to you. Told you we'd never speak of our past anymore. This is me, keeping my promise and letting things be." With that he yanks down my pants and underwear, leaving me bare down there. I want to say so much, yet nothing. I don't know how to pull him back to me. How to make him speak. How to bring my Shai back because I don't like this 'I gave you my word, and I'm keeping it' Sahil Sahdev.
He hasn't even hugged me yet. Let me into his arms.
His phone buzzes beside me, both our eyes snap to it. 'Mehrotra'. I answer the phone without picking the device and put it on speaker. "Aahu messaged someone sneaked into the house." My brother chuckles from the other side. "You done teasing her?"
My husband clears throat. "Yeah, she's here." He ends the call without even listening to my brother's response. Beetle headed human! My eyes stay on the time on screen for a second too long—11:52pm.
"So rude." I mumble meeting his eyes. "Past rude." He retorts back with that same vicious smile. Fluff you in the ear, husband!
Huffing out a loud breath, I get rid of the tee. Before I can reach for the hook, he beats me to it. "So desperate." He mutters, his warm breath fanning my lips. I wanted us to talk first but since it's just minutes to his birthday, I'd take however I can get his closeness. I keep my mouth shut, not giving him a snarky response like he expects me to. Suckz to be you, Sahdev! You mess with Shea, you get ignored.
I take the bra out of arms, my husband takes it to his nose and sniffs looking into my eyes. Fluffer has weird habit of sniffing me. I always wondered where Coco and Oreo got that habit of sniffing me from.
My heart thumps in desperation. Just come to me yaar bub! I mentally wail, throwing my legs around in the air. He's still in his shorts while I sit stark naked on the bed. He turns sideways to tug on the covers while I reach to turn the lights off, keeping the smallest one on. Darkness engulfs the room. My husband moves back to let me lay down on the bed. I spread my legs apart and he finally, fluffing finally comes on top of me. His head joins with my forehead, I wrap my arms around his shoulder and then pull him down on me completely. A sound escapes him, not seeing the jerk coming. With his weight over me fully, I find it hard to breathe but tighten my hold on his back.
I cup his face and direct his mouth to my breasts first. "Not in the mood for foreplay." He pinches on the cookie, hard. "I am." I say, driving my nails in his skin. He hisses, taking the nub in mouth, sucking on it. I lift my wrist up, my eyes snap to the watch—11:58pm. While he continues sucking and playing with my breasts, I start to tug down his shorts and underpants. He helps me get rid of it, his mouth working on my breast and neck, getting my vee vee wet with those licks on my cookies.
11:59pm. The clock reads. I spread my legs wider and put the tip of it at the entrance, he slowly starts to drive in. So fluffing slow, it's almost torturous. 12pm. I yank his hips down with my legs wrapped around his waist. "Happy birthday, baby." I whisper pulling his face away from my chest. He joins our heads. "Best birthday ever." My husband growls pulling out of me and then gently pushing in.
He's holding back because of it being my fourth day. My husband has started taking from me the way he wants, but he's back to his gentle loving self during my periods.
He's still not happy. I know he's not present in this moment with me, he's in his head. Probably with the contents of that plastic folder still floating in his head. He hasn't kissed me yet. He kisses me so much during our love making time, I have to stop him just so I can breathe.
"I love you." I try initiating a conversation since we both never stay mum during this time. He hums back in response hiding his face in my neck and pillow. Huffing out a tired breath, I let him get done with it. I don't feel those flutters and pulsing today. It feels dry. Almost forced. Even he's not enjoying himself. It's soft, gentle but not intense, intimate and breath taking. It feel dry and has started to burn on the insides of my vee vee. "If you think you can hurt me with this, you're mistaken." I fist his hairs and make him face me, he keeps his eyes closed.
"You're not enjoying." His eyes still closed. "Neither are you." I retort back. He slams into me with a hard thrust, my body moves forward on the mattress. "I am." He peels his eyes open. With our eyes locked, he pulls all the way out of me and then shoves back in. The eye contact does something to me, we—I finally start to feel somewhat closer to him. He suddenly seizes his movements. His head turns to the door. I focus my eyes and ears the same way. We see shadow peeping under the door.
"Sahil!" A voice I know so well comes through followed by a loud bang. Falak. I meet my husband's eyes. His face morphs into pissed off pro max.
"I told you to not give them keys." He murmurs in my ears. I shake head at him, my hand reaches out towards the bra on the empty side of bed. Instead of rolling down like I expected him to, he starts to fluff me. Pushing in and out of me like we don't have one of our friend right outside the bedroom door. Even the doors unlocked from inside.
"Are you mad? Stop it." I keep my palm on his chest, he holds my wrists and pins them beside my head on the pillow. His hips continues moving his length in and out of me. "Sahdev! Come out." My brothers voice comes next and I instantly start thrashing under him. A sister's biggest fear— being caught romanticising her husband. Here I'm getting fluffed by said husband who's also my brothers bestfriend.
"Sahil!" I keep my legs on his waist and try to shove him away. It does nothing to the elephantine body of his. "You've got to be kidding me!" I snap at my husband. He continues pumping in and out of me. The second that his hold loosens on my wrist—I... slap him.
We both even stop breathing after my palm hits his cheek. His jaw clenches. My first reaction is wrapping my arms and legs around him so he can't leave. He still manages to. I sit up holding his arms. He tries to shrug my hand off. "Sahil. I didn't mean to. I don't know—"
"Little Shea." Yug's voice comes through. "We know it's your first birthday together but he hasn't celebrated with us either all these years. Your flight leaves at 6am, we don't love the fucker enough to disturb our sleep for him." While Yug continues speaking, I watch my husband put on his clothes. He never looks my way. I turn the lights on and instantly want to cry. The guilt pierces my heart bit by bit as I take in the redness flaring on one side of his face.
Climbing down the bed, I kneel down at his feet. "I can—You can finish in my mou—"
"Fuck. You." My husband meets my eyes momentarily with more fury than I ever seen on his face, before walking away. He heads into the closet. I sit in the same position, too shook to move or even cover my nakedness. A second later, he returns with my night robe and throws it at my body on the floor. Never looking at me. When he opens the door, he makes sure to keep me hidden and slams it shut before anyone can get a glimpse of me.
I blink back the tears welling in my eyes. Fisting my hairs, I tug on the roots. The worry in my heart, the misery, the guilt and the fear of ruining our relationship yet again, claws at my skin. It feels like being burned with hot liquid. The feeling is terrifying. The cold and the burning feeling, the heart beats racing and the heavy breathing... it all churns my stomach. Curls my toes and shakes my limbs in fear.
"Ahaana!" Suhana's loud voice brings me out my head and away from the crying session I was about to begin. I gulp the lump in my throat before picking up the water sipper from the nightstand. Taking a few gulps, I pick up my undergarments and put those on before wrapping the night robe carefully.
It feels heavy to walk. My body feels heavy. So heavy I can barely stand. It takes so much strength to drag myself to the door, force a smile on my face and pull open the door.
I hear the voices of our friends in the living room. My eyes instantly go to my husband who's being hugged by Falak now. "Why are you so cold?" Falak says breaking the hug and holding his hands, worry etched on her face. He keeps his eyes averted from me.
"Can I go back to sleeping? I am tired." He says taking away his hand from Falak's hold. "The cakes hereee." Suhana sings coming out of the kitchen with the cake. Yug throws hand over my shoulder and takes me to where they round around the dining table. My husband doesn't pick up the knife and neither does he looks at me. Our friends look between us before it finally dawns upon them.
"You two have the worst timings." Advik tsks tugging on my wrist and shoving me at my husband. Sahil keeps a hand over my waist, stopping me from going down. I look up to his face, he keeps his eyes on the cake as if it's the most fascinating thing in the universe. "I'm sorry." I whisper but I know they heard it. He says nothing and places something in my palm, my eyes lower down to the table.
We slice the cake while our friends claps around us, their mood dampened as well. I step back and they feed him tiny bits. "Ask Chitra to cancel the flight." With those being his last words, he leaves.
"I—"
"Jaa tu, we'll clean this up and leave." Falak says before I can try and find correct words. I nod at her in gratitude before running behind my husband.
When I lock the bedroom door behind me, he has his back turned this way. Covering his body, he gets comfortable, on the side of bed which has been barely used in three months of our marriage.
Rounding the bed, I kneel down beside him and nuzzle in his neck. "I'm sorry, jaana."
"I had a long day. Let me sleep." With hands on my shoulders, he gently pushes me away from himself. I want to yell, but nothing comes out of my throat. I want to shake him to fluffing listen to me, but it takes all of my strength to even lift my hand let alone shout or manhandle him. I find nothing else to say or do. I don't want this fight to break us in anyway but this day has been extremely draining both emotionally and physically. I'm so angry at myself for not one but many reasons. This is my punishment. The distance between us is my punishment. My damnation.
I try to stand up and then give up when I can't move myself. Huffing out a tired breath, I slide down on the floor and curl up into myself. My eyes stay on his face. Tears starts running down the corner of my eyes. I stop myself from sobbing hard and disturbing his sleep.
With his eyes closed, he rolls on his back from his side. Then slowly he moves his head to the other side and peeks with one eye. The second he notices none on the bed, his body jolts awake. "Shea!" His voice roars so loud, it pierces my healed heart to pieces. My throats clogged up with emotions and tears, before I can call his name out, he's already jumped down the bed and heading for door. It pushes open from outside. "Sahil." I call my husband, trying my best to stand up but whatever that has gone down in the last half hour, makes it impossible. He doesn't hear my voice.
My brother stops him from running out of the bedroom. Yug and Advik pushes him back, taking him to the bed. "She-- Shea left. Sh--she--aa left." He's breathless, his words broken, like he can burst into tears any moment. Getting on the bed, I crawl to where he sits on the bed's edge—ready to run the second Yug and Advik leaves him. He's thrashing in their hold wanting to chase me.
"Sahil. Calm down. She's right here." Yug shakes him by his shoulder. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I make him face me. Yug and Advik helps me do it. My husband blinks, his eyes glossy. "I'm here. I didn't go anywhere. I was right there." I point to the floor. He follows my finger.
It finally gets to him, Advik and Yug take their hands back. He turns sideways and leaps into my arms. His hold so tight, I feel like he's crushing my ribs. He breathes long and deep into my neck.
"Whe...where did you go?" His body relaxes in my arms, his voice barely a murmur.
"No where. I was right there beside you, Shai." I rub my hands over his back, trying to soothe him. He doesn't say anything and just squeezes my body, making it hard for me to breathe. From the corner of my eyes, I see Suhana gesturing at the other three to leave.
Once they are out and the doors closed, I let myself go down on the bed with him over me. Widening my legs, I let his body get comfortable. I nudge his chin with my index finger, his eyes meets mine. "Nahi soye na aap waha bhi?" He shakes his head in negative, keeping his head over the left side of my chest, listening to my heartbeats. This calms him down. "If you want to hit me again, do it. But don't leave me, again. Iss baar wait nahi kar paunga main." His tone gives away the tiredness his body and mind are in. The helplessness.
"You were so furious when I hit you the first time, do you think I'll ever do it again? I'm never going away. Not for a day, not for a fluffing second. Only I know how I spent the last 63 hours without you." Cupping his face, I bring it up to make him look at me properly, his eyes narrows at me. "You think I was furious at you for the slap?" I move my head down as a bob to his question.
"In three months of our marriage, you have slapped, punched me infinite time. You and your two sidekicks should be behind bars for what y'll do to me. You think I would get angry for that?" The wetness in his eyes fades away. He's slowly coming back to his normal self. By sidekicks he means Coco and Oreo. And that's how we three show love, he thinks we torture him? Rude.
"Phir kyu nahi pass aane dia mujhe?" My lips curls in a pout on their own, he joins our heads together.
"Because you said you can help with your mouth. How many times have I asked you to 'help' me with your fucking mouth?" Never. I went down on my knees for him two times and both times I initiated. "If you continue insulting our love like this, I swear to god Shea, I will never involve physically with you ever again. If only those friends of yours didn't disturb us, I was going to make you talk to me on your own about those cards and letter. I just didn't want to ask, I wanted you to start ranting, which you certainly do extremely well when I don't let you orgasm." On cue, we hear noises from somewhere outside. He looks at the closed door, I continue looking at him. We hear something fall down and make really annoying, loud noise. I huff out a tired exhale, he takes his hands away from my body and gets up.
Lagta hai tum sab ki shaamat aai h— Shut. Thefluffup!
Making sure I'm properly covered, I follow my husband's wide and long steps. "What the fuck are you still doing here?" At my husband's voice all four of them turns around. Their mouths full of the cake we just cut. I shake head at the dum dums.
"E-tin." Advik says, his mouth full. I cover my mouth, dry heaving. Disgusting fluffer!
"Leave." Sahil says in a calm and fifty shades of threatening tone. I hide my face in his back, circling my arms around his stomach. One of their phones shrieks, Samyak Paa's voice fills the air. "Tell me you're with Advik or Yug. Tell me you're not alone at this hour, Suhana Samyak Sahdev!" Sahil and his father's voice sounds so alike on phone.
"Daddaaa. Bhai's throwing me out." Suhana wails, then smirks thinking Paa's going to yell at him. "Bhai? Sahil? You're with Sahil?"
"Yes."
"Why? Have you lost your stupid head, Suhana? Why and I can't ask this in a more gentle manner, why the fuck are you disturbing him on the first birthday he's celebrating with his wife?" He doesn't ask in a gentle tone, he shouts. He never shouts. He never gets angry. My husband gone on his dad, they both are 'kill them with your silence' types where as my father's more of 'where's my fluffing gun? Let me make twenty four holes in you' types. Since Advik's adopted he's like no one. He's more of 'let me disgust the fluff out of you or make you question why I came into your life or vice versa' types.
"Dadda!" Suhana looks flabbergasted at her father's reaction. I snort making her head snap at me with deadly eyes. My husband shields me with his body, telling his sister to look away and not try to scare the little wittle gorgeous me.
"Suhana. I didn't let your mother call him because I wanted him to have this time with Ahaana. If you're there, that means the other three are there as well." Papa doesn't ask, he makes a statement, that he's damn sure they all are here. "Yeah." Suhana agrees face palming.
"Five minutes. I need you four here in five minutes. You guys need to be enrolled in 'how to let Sahil spend some quality time with his wife on his birthday' class. The lecturer is Rudra." Papa ends the call without hearing them all whine. "Not Rudra Paaaa!" Suhana starts her tantrum without even noticing that Papa already cut the call. She finally does and pouts at her brother, who in return just smiles at her cruelly.
"Snap. Snap people. Y'all got a class to attend." My husband says walking to the main door and holding it wide open. I catch the time— 12:48am. Our friends drags themselves to the door and leaves, not without giving sad pathetic looks to my husband who gives absolutely no fluffs and slams the door in their faces.
We both look at each other and then the table where they all made a mess with the cake. We clean the table in silence. Turning the lights off, we both walk into our bedroom.
I stop at the threshold. He's almost in the bed but turns around standing straight when I say, "Please don't cancel our trip."
He moves his head sideways, gesturing at the bed. "Coax me." I smile, running into his arms. He lets us both fall on the bed, laughing with me. "Havasi aurat." I swat his bicep at the teasing words.
"You didn't sleep at all in the last two nights?" I whisper over his lips, he gives a slight shake. "What if I woke up and don't find you around? I'd have a panic attack." I hug him tighter.