Arnav
It's been 3 days since we came here, but I still couldn't talk to her apart from the argument that night. She's... I don't know how to say it without using the word, changed... She has changed. A lot. And I thought she wanted Akash and Payal to be together. But after that night, I'm not very sure about what she wants anymore. But one thing I know about her is that she won't want anything bad for anyone. Ever. But then again, her actions are saying something very differ... Chum...
I should talk to her. And I want to talk to her. But she's avoiding me like a disease. She hasn't even looked at me in the eyes ever since that night, and when I tried to thank her for helping Di... She just walked past me with no acknowledgement on her face of my expressing gratitude, like I was nothing but merely a piece of furniture she could avoid.
I groaned slowly while rubbing my hands over my face as I leaned back against the headboard with my laptop on my lap. God, I felt tired. I should've tried to get some sleep last night, but instead I decided to work and have been working till now... I looked up at the open window right opposite the bed as I heard a laugh. I know it's her... and I want to see her; I want to see her laugh and be happy, but I shouldn't... because whenever I think of her, I can't help but remember the way she behaved with Akash and the way she talked to him. I just... I don't know what I want to do or what I should do when it concerns her. Also, she's the reason behind the current situation about Akash and Payal, about Di, about me... and lastly... my feelings for her, which seem to be growing with every breath I take.
I placed my laptop on the bed before dropping on my feet and walking up to the open window.
"Payaliya, come here, right now!" I heard Bua Ji shout, followed by some murmuring voices, but I couldn't see anyone from up here.
I sighed as I stood there and looked straight ahead at the main gate, where two people were working. They're changing the gate, I think... I wonder how they are managing all this. It must not be easy for a middle-class family to manage such a big house as this. Also, if they already had this house, then why were they living with Bua Ji all this time? I'm sure they would have been offered really good money for this hou...
A knock sounded on my door.
"Lunch is ready." Manoj said with a tray in his hand as soon as I opened the door and left in a hurry.
I freshened up a little before going downstairs and found my entire family sitting in the living room, including Mami, with Aunty and Bua Ji.
I went to sit next to Di, who was eating something brown-looking from a bowl.
"What are you eating?" I asked quietly, with a frown on my face, as I saw a jar sitting right next to her.
"Achar." She answered and smiled at me before she ate another bite using her fingers and looked ahead. "Bua Ji said I could take this home."
I followed her gaze and looked at Nani, who sat next to Bua Ji while making garlands. Why does Nani look awfully close to Gupta's? especially Bua Ji.
"Jiji and I finished making all the sweets and snacks, and Manoj got the woods ready. It's on the back." Khushi announced loudly from the kitchen before peering through one of the windows of the kitchen and adding, "Can we have lunch now?"
"Make sure it's just us for the Holi Ka Dahan. But you can invite anyone for Holi tomorrow." Bua Ji replied back.
"Okay." An excited reply came from the kitchen again.
"Hello-Hi-Bye-Bye, Madhumati Ji, I didn't think you celebrated Holi Ka Dahan since it's quite expensive for the general public, you know. But where did you get so much money to do all this?" The whole family stared at her shockingly. Is she serious right now? We came here to fix our relationship with the Guptas, not ruin it.
"Manorama..." Nani started, but Bua Ji stopped her with a hand on her arm and turned to look at Mami. They're close enough to stop each other like that?
"By the blessings of Nandkishore, we were always able to celebrate Holi Ka Dahan, Manorama Ji. And trust me, it's not that expensive. You'll know if you had to host it with your personal expenses." Bua Ji answered like Mami hadn't just insulted her.
"We always host Holi Ka Dahan at Shantivaan. And that is one of the best celebrations in all of Delhi." Mami replied.
"Arre, Manorama Ji, you didn't understand me. What I meant was for you to host it. Alone. All by yourself. Without Shantivaan." Bua Ji replied after she slightly shook her head. "Then only you can understand if it's expensive or not."
"Hello-Hi-Bye-Bye! Who do you think you are to insult me? All I said was that Shantivaan hosts the best Holi Ka Dahan. I was just talking in general." Mami said, looking completely offended.
Bua Ji released a sigh dramatically while rolling her eyes before saying, "Then say that na Nandkishore. I thought you were insulting us. That's why I also started to return the favor."
I pressed the back of my fingers over my lips as I felt my brows rise with amusement while Mami stared at her dumbfounded.
"Lunch is ready." Payal announced from behind, breaking the awkward silence, and everyone got up on their feet as soon as possible and took their seats at the dining table to avoid any further conversations like this.
*
I had planned to talk with Nani, Di, and Akash about what they wanted to do next, but Nani and Di both said they'd talk about it after Holi, to which Akash agreed obediently. When I tried to object, Nani said, "I talked with Garima; she also said that we'd talk about this the day after Holi. Okay?" When I didn't answer, with a sigh, she added, "Now get ready for the Dahan and be on the front porch by 6:00."
"Nani, you know, I don't..."
"You are coming. And I don't want any more unnecessary discussions on something like this. We are guests here. So, be on your best behavior. Even if you had to pretend." She then looked over her shoulders, where Mami stood, hiding behind the pillar. What is she doing? "All of you." And she went back to the kitchen.
I make one mistake, and she takes away all my rights to even decide for myself. Fan-tastic.
It was exactly 6 in the evening when I stood with my hand in my pockets and leaning by my shoulders against one of the wooden pillars of the open hallway in the front of the house and stared at the porch where Manoj was adding finishing touches to the wood ready for the bonfire, with Bua Ji instructing him, and my whole family except Di sat on chairs on the right, near the three-step stair that leads down on the porch for the house.
"Chote, let's go." Di's voice came from my left before she slightly touched my arm. She had a tray of something in her hand as she gave me a smile and went down the stairs to the table on the left, which was already full of things that I didn't know about.
I sighed. I could've done so much work if only I had my laptop. And I would have already gone upstairs if I didn't want to talk to Khushi, whom I haven't seen the whole day except for lunch, where she was awfully quiet.
I felt a little something like guilt inside as I thought of her. I... didn't do right with her. Or, Payal. Or, Akash. They.. all deserved a lot better. I should have never trusted Shyam. I should have talked to Khushi. I should have asked her to explain instead of forcing marriage on her or... blackmailing her with Payal. I felt my throat dry as I remembered that night. How had I dragged her with me? How terrified did she look? ... how the softness of her eyes had turned wide with terror. How I... Chum... I closed my eyes and licked my lips as I heard it again. I felt my head slowly tilt toward the sound. Why do I keep hearing it? Why is this sound always there in the back of my mind?.. And somehow I know that it's Khushi's anklet that sounds like this, and I should try to find a way to stop hearing this... But I can't find myself doing it. I know I should, but then again, I also don't want to. because somehow I feel calm when I hear it. I feel like... Chum-chum-chum... I opened my eyes as I felt the sound nearing. Chum-chum-chum... I know I won't find it if I look back or if I try to fin... Chum-chum-chum... I turned my head right to look over my shoulder just when Khushi passed by me, leaving mere inches between us but not close enough for our bodies to touch. I felt my breath get caught in my throat as she walked down the stairs and... Chum-chum-chum... How did I not realize this before?... I mean, I knew it was hers, but all together, I also didn't... If that makes any sense. But things stopped making sense ever since I admitted... or more realized that I have feelings for her.
I looked at her as she placed a tray on the table, then she walked up to Bua Ji and said something that made Bua Ji look at her with her mouth open, while Khushi laughed at her reaction and walked away just as Bua Ji was about to hit her. I want her in my life. I want to be with her... I... I want to be with her. I have to talk to her. I have to clear up the misunderstanding between us and tell her about my feelings. I... I'll even apologize for everything if that means she'll be with me. I'll do anythi...
"Chote, are you also going to perform the puja?" Di's voice reached me directly through my train of thoughts. I blinked twice before looking at her, then looked around me. What am I doing next to her?.. I was standing near the pillar; how did I get down near the table?...
I saw something blue move from the corner of my eye. Khushi... I turned to look at her while she arranged something on the table. And I suddenly remembered the thoughts I was having. I stared at her with my mouth slightly open as I realized... I was in love with her.
*
"I want to talk." My voice was unsure. Why do I sound like this?
Her hand stopped moving as I finished, and she looked up at me. Then she took a tray from next to her and placed it loudly on the table before resuming her work. Why is she angry?... Is there something behind me?
I looked around the empty porch around us with my hand in my pockets and again looked at her.
"Khushi?.. can we talk?" I said as I took a step forward and stopped near the table as she gathered the remaining flowers in one tray.
"What do you want to talk about? Aren't you still finished with threatening and blackmailing?" She didn't look up.
I clenched my jaws for a moment before replying, "I want to clear up the misunderstanding that.."
She looked up at me with a frown on her face before interrupting, "Whatever happened, it happened in front of everyone. And.."
"Can you please let me speak?" My voice came louder as I took a step towards her but stopped when I noticed her stepping back while eyeing me cautiously.
I wet my lips before taking a step back and standing on the other side of the table from her. After a few seconds, she returned to her former place and resumed her work again.
I stood quietly watching her as she, without looking at me even for a moment, did her work like I wasn't standing there.
"What did you want to say?" She asked without looking up as she transferred the sweets into a container one by one.
"That night, I... shouldn't have believed what Shyam..." She looked up at me as soon as his name left my mouth. "...said. I should have asked you too... What I did was entirely for Di, but I... understand that it was irrational."
She looked down and again resumed her work.
"I didn't have any idea about what he did with you or your family. I only came to know the whole truth when shya...he... confessed." I tried to understand through her body language what she was feeling or thinking since I couldn't see her face, but she was completely normal... Or tried to show that.
"I regret doing what I did." I continued as she closed the lid of the container and looked at me for a moment.
"Do you?"
I looked at my shoes and swallowed dryly before answering, "Yes."
After a moment, she casually said, "Okay." I looked up at her with furrowed brows. Okay?.. That's all she has to say?... She.. Chum-chum-chum...
I looked at the way the sound came from and saw her walking towards the stairs to the hallway. I jogged behind her and halted near the steps before asking loudly, "That's all you have to say?"
She stopped on her track on the third and last step before turning around and looking down at me.
"What else do you want me to say?" She asked as she tilted her head a little to the left.
I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. So I closed it as I stared at her for another second, but when she was about to turn around, I said, "I have something else to say."
She again turned to face me and waited without saying anything. I took a deep breath before saying, "I love you."
Her eyes widened at that as she stared down at me while standing completely silent at her place.
"Don't cross your limits just because I'm not saying anything." She replied as her voice shook and started for the door again.
"I know you feel the same for me. But you're just not admitting it because of our situation right now." She stopped as soon as I started and, after a minute, turned around and walked straight at me before stopping on the third and last step and standing there a little over a few inches away.
"What I feel for you is complete hate. nothing but that. So..." She stared into my eyes.
"But your eyes say something entirely different." I cut as I held her eyes, and my heartbeat quickened, but soon she looked away and sighed before turning to look at me again.
"Sometimes.. hate alone is enough to change every love around us." She said this as she looked at me, then turned and left.