Payal
I sat on a single sofa in the living room, while Akash sat a little away on another sofa on my right. I fiddled with the end of my white dupatta and carefully looked around from the corners of my eyes for Khushi. Where are you? I need you h...
"Payal..." He whispered my name so slowly and so softly... that it made me look up at his face. He was already looking at me with something similar to loneliness in his eyes. But there was no remorse. No regret or guilt... And I felt a deep tug somewhere inside me. Maybe... If.. if I look harder, I'll find it. Maybe I'll find it if.. I wait a little more. I think I will fi...
"I want to apologize to you. I never meant to hurt you like I did. It was never my intention." He said this before he reached out and took my right hand in his. "Please give me another chance. I.. promise, I'll fix everything. I'll never hurt you again. I'll always support you."
I looked down at my other hand resting on my lap and swallowed dryly to get rid of the growing lump in my throat. It's not about supporting me. It's not about choosing me. It's...
"Payal... You know that I love you." I closed my eyes while taking a small breath through my trembling lips. "I'll do anything. I promise, I'll do anything you ask me to do. Just... tell me what you want me to do, and I'll..."
"..do anything... Right?" I opened my eyes as I heard Khushi's voice taunting, and I looked up. Following my gaze, Akash also looked over his shoulder, where she stood near the dining table with a hand on a chair, with Anjali Ji standing behind her and Arnav Ji coming out of the kitchen with Manoj right behind.
She walked up to us and stood right opposite me with the center table between us and stared down, where Akash held my hand, then up at him and walked around the table to us and pulled my hand free from his and gently pulled me with her to stand back to her former place near the center table before letting go of my hand.
"Khushi..." Akash stood and looked at Khushi with a little hint of irritation in his voice. "I was talking to her."
"And what were you saying that couldn't be said in front of me or the family?" Khushi asked, quietly and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Not everything can be said in front of you and the family!" Akash replied irritatedly.
"Then I can't let you talk to her when..." Khushi remarked calmly.
"You can't." He repeated this as he let out a laugh before she could finish and pointed at her with his finger. "You can't let us talk or even stay in the same room when this is entirely our business and has nothing..."
"Akash.." Anjali Ji warned him softly and came to stand beside him, with Arnav Ji behind her.
But he avoided her warning and continued while raising his voice slightly. "I was an idiot for not believing Di... She was actually right about you. You were trying to keep me and Payal apart. You..."
"Well, forgive me for trying to keep my sister away from a guy who can't even stand up for himself, let alone choose her over his brother's or mother's words and..." Khushi replied as she took a step towards him while her voice rose.
"How dare you?" Arnav Ji interrupted loudly as he started towards us, while Akash and Anjali Ji started at Khushi with wide eyes.
"Khushi.." I hurriedly grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back. "Stop. Okay?" I looked into her eyes and saw her eyes slowly watering as she breathed heavily with a hard look on her face and clenched her jaws for a brief moment before she looked into my eyes, and soon her eyes grew softer and all her anger vanished from her face before she slowly nodded her head.
I turned to them before saying, "It's quite late now. You should go back to your rooms and sleep. You all must be tired. And.."
"Payal, I need to talk to you." Akash interrupted me, looking completely devastated. "I can't live my life like this anymore. Please. I beg you. If you actually love me like you claim, then you'll..."
"If?.." I looked at him with my lower lip trembling and my brows scrunched. "If I actually love you?... Seriously, Akash?" I paused as I let go of Khushi's arm. "..like I claim?" His expression changed soon into guilt with his Adam's apple wobbling.
"Payal, I didn't mean it that way. You know me. You know..." And everything starts from I know. Akash shook his head slowly as he took steps towards me, but Khushi put her arm in front of me from my left, like she was trying to protect me from some danger. Akash halted as soon as she did that, and his pleading expression changed into anger when she spoke.
"Don't come near her. Talk from where you ar..."
"Why can't you just mind your own business, Khushi? Why?" His voice rose as he looked at her. "And for god's sake, stop behaving like I'm going to hurt her... You're not the only one who cares about her. I also do."
When she didn't move, Arnav Ji, with a little shake of his head in disbelief, said, "Why can't you just stop meddling?"
She neither moved nor spoke. She just stared at Akash with clenched jaws.
"Let's talk in the morning like Payal said. Let's go na, Akash? Chote?" Anjali Ji spoke and walked to her brothers sides while looking at them, then looked at me.
I sighed slowly through my nose before opening my mouth to answer. But Akash spoke up.
"Payal, can we please talk?.. Alone?"
Khushi turned to look at me and tiled her head a little, as soon as he finished. Swallowing, I turned to meet her eyes and blinked once. She bit on the side of her lips before removing her arm and taking two steps backward.
I licked my lips, turned my head, but didn't look up at him as I nodded, and walked to the back of the house with him following closely behind.
I stopped a step away from the three-step stair leading down to the backyard from the house, then leaned on my shoulder on a pillar to my left, with my arms crossed over my chest, and waited for Akash while looking at the newly added lights. Is it just me, or is it really bright here?
"You know na, I'm really sorry for talking to Khushi like that." He said this after he stood quietly for a second beside me while looking at me. Of course, I... know.
I nodded and stared ahead at a specific light on a pillar that stood tall near the house.
"I knew you would understand, like always." I felt a smile on his words. And I tried to return it, but... I felt... tired. I don't know why. But I felt like that. And all I wanted to do was lay down on my bed and sleep. But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew I would once again stare at the old white ceiling. Because it's been quite some time since I first felt this way. But at least now, among all the things I felt, I could name this specific urge as tiredness.
"...back. I promise, I'll stand with you. I'll always support you. I'll..." I heard Akash speaking... Had I just forgotten that he was here?
I blinked a few times and tried to pay attention to his words. But I felt myself drifting away... It's not that I wasn't interested in listening to him. It's just that I already know what he's going to say. Because he's been repeating his words again and again... and again. And I want to cover my ears, but I can't. I want to tell him to stop... but I can't. Because I know he loves me. I know he wants to fix everything. But he's not ready to listen to me. He interrupts everything I try to say and says the same thing: He'll always choose me and support me. But I don't want him to always choose or support me. All I want is for him to be sure about me. About us. About the love... we share.
"Payal?.." I looked at him with slightly wide and unsure eyes. "Are you listening?" He asked as he looked down at me with his brows high in question.
I nodded and forced a small smile.
He stared at me for a few heartbeats before saying, "So?"
"So what?" I asked in confusion.
"So, will you give me and our relationship another chance?" He answered as if it were the most obvious thing right now. "And let me complete the promises I made to always support you."
I stared at him for a second while biting the inside of my cheek and said, "Can I take a day?"
It was now his turn to look confused. So I added, "It's just that I... I'm..."
"I understand." He said this when I stammered. And I felt buried hope rising from deep within me. I looked into his eyes, which were full of understanding. And I felt myself smiling at him. The first genuine one that anyone could ever bring out of me other than Khushi these days. I felt happy from inside that he might be late, but he understands... He understands without me saying that I only want him to be sure about me and us and to make choices according to his own wishes and feelings. And not because of some pressure or circumstances, or... some older brother's orders.
I felt my eyes watering with happiness, and without thinking twice, I hugged. I hugged him tight while my heart felt heavy with happiness as he also followed suit and wrapped his arms around me. He understands... This thought alone was enough to fill myself and my heart with unbound joy and...
"Di was right. You would agree if I promised to always support you." His voice came from above me, where his chin rested on top of my head.
I stilled and felt myself going completely blank.
I unwrapped my arms from his back without stepping back and tiled my head back to look up at him.
He was smiling at me. Brightly.
"What.. do you mean by that?" I asked as I felt my heart banging on my ribcage.
"About what?" He asked softly while continuing to smile.
"That Di was right."
"Oh, it was her idea. She told me, If I tell you this, then you'll give me another chance." He explained.
I felt his words hitting me like a slap.
"You said this because I'll say yes." I asked as my eyes watered. "Because Di told you to?" Please say no. Please. Please. Ple...
"Yes." He nodded as he looked deep into my eyes with a smile.
A tear fell, sliding down from the corner of my eyes as I stared at him unblinking. His brows started to tug in the middle as he brushed the falling tear with his thumb and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Because you broke my heart, Akash.
You broke it.
Again.