"Then, why not support her financial needs?"
Nagulat ako sa galit na tono ng boses ni dad. He stood up, removed his table napkin from his lap, and walked out. Ni hindi man lang siya tumingin sa akin.
Ganoon din ang ginawa ni mom at Joth. Umalis sila nang bigla. Mabuti pa si Roxsielle na hindi ko kapamilya ay nagpaalam sa akin nang maayos. Nagpasalamat pa siya.
Doon lang nag-sink in sa akin ang sinabi ni dad. Ibig sabihin ba niya ay hindi niya na ako bibigyan ng allowance? Ganoon din ba si mom? After I tried my best to get in here even if I didn't want to?
Napayuko ako. They are really pushing me to the limit. How can they talk like that as if I am not a member of this family? Hindi ba nila alam na ako ang pinaka nag-suffer nang maghiwalay silang dalawa? Ako ang naging magulang kay Joth. Ako ang tumayong ina, ama at kapatid, pero kahit siya'y hindi nagkaroon ng utang na loob sa akin. Nakakainis dahil hindi ako makalaban kahit na alam ko sa sarili kong lumalaban ako.
And now they are telling me to let my professor support my financial needs? Anong klase sila para iasa sa iba ang obligasyon nila? Hindi ba talaga nila ako tinuturing na pamilya? Kahit man lang bilang tao ay hindi nila ako nirespeto. They all talk shit, about me in front of my salad, and I'm losing my appetite even though I know this might be my last expensive meal in my life.
"Miss Alvandra..." Naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa kamay kong kanina pa pala nakakuyom sa galit.
Nilingon ko siya ngunit pagkakita ko palang sa kaniya ay kusang tumulo na ang luha ko. Mabilis ko iyong pinunasan. "Sorry, you witnessed this."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Miss Alvandra. Shit happens every time, and most of the time it happens when you're with your family."
He caressed my hand, trying to comfort me and make me calm, but as long as I get to remember what just happened a while ago, I can't help but feel really mad. Abot langit ang galit ko sa kanilang lahat.
"I thought I would be happy seeing them complete, but I guess a complete family is not for me," saad ko. "Buo sila when throwing rocks at me, Ismael. They're joining forces. Pero kapag kailangan ko sila, isa-isa silang nawawala unlike kapag sila ang may kailangan sa akin. I don't know what I have done to them that makes them hate me so much. To push them humiliate me in front of you. They even tried to disgrace you. My family doesn't deserve to be called a family," I ranted. Nanginginig ang mga labi kong parang batang nagsusumbong sa kaniya.
Ismael touched my cheek and moved his hand to my shoulder before he caressed it with his thumb. He's not talking but just listening and watching me while taking my time to calm down and breathe fine.
Kung hindi pa siguro dumating ang service attendant to ask if we're finished, ay hindi ako hihinto sa pag-iyak. Why do I always choose to cry in public? This is so not me. Bakit ba parang hindi gumagana ang utak ko kapag kasama ko si Ismael? Bakit umiiyak ako palagi kapag narito siya as if my emotions are all set up front, na konting sagi ay lalabas.
"Your bill, sir."
Nawala ang pagngawa ko nang marinig iyon. The hell? Hindi ba consumable ang reservation ni dad? This is fucking embarrassing.
"Do you accept cards?" tanong ni Ismael. "Yes, sir."
"No, no, no. What are you doing?" pagpipigil ko sa pagkuha ni Ismael sa wallet niya from his coat. "You are not obliged to do this. My father should pay for this. He's the one who made this reservation."
"I apologized, Madam, but Mr. Alvandra had no deposit when he made the reservation, and he also left." Bumaling ang tingin ko sa service attendant. Fuck. What kind of father is he? Iwanan kami ng kasama ko para pagbayarin? At talagang pinili pa nila sa ganito kasosyal na restaurant? Did they plan for this?
"It's okay, Miss Alvandra. I don't mind." Kinuha ni Ismael ang wallet niya to pay using his card. Napansin kong may nahulog mula roon habang kausap niya ang service attendant.
Isang puting papel. Pinulot ko iyon at halos mapanganga ako nang makitang isa 'yong resibo—resibo sa hospital na pinagdalhan ni Roxsielle noong dinugo siya. This is the bill. And I can see how much Ismael paid for it. It is worth eighty thousand.
Napakagat ako sa labi ko, habang hinihintay na tagpuin ni Ismael ang mata ko. How can he lie about this to me? He told me it was fifty thousand. He even told me, hindi niya nakuha ang resibo, pero ano 'to?
"Thank you, sir," sambit ng service attendant bago iniabot muli ang card ni Ismael. Mabilis kong tinago ang resibong nakuha ko tsaka ko pinilit na ngumiti kahit mamatay-matay na ako sa pagpigil ng mga luha. How can he be so kind to me? And he even paid for dinner.
"Shall we?" tanong ni Ismael nang lingunin niya ako. Inilahad niya ang kamay niyang hindi tinanggap ni dad. Dad missed the opportunity to hold the hand of a good man. Well, maybe because he might be burned. But for me, I would gladly hold this forever. How can this man waste his money on me?
Magkahawak-kamay kaming lumabas sa Black Gourmet. Agad na dumating ang kotse ni Ismael that was taken care of by a valet. Pinagbuksan ako ni Ismael ng pinto na siyang palagi niyang ginagawa bago siya pumasok sa kabila. He is indeed taking care of me and giving me a princess treatment; no, he's treating me like a queen. I don't know why he's doing this.
"Ismael..." pagtawag ko sa kaniya habang abala siya sa pagmamaneho.
"Hmm?" Sumulyap siya saglit sa akin bago muling ibinalik sa daan ang tingin.
"Why are you so kind to me?" I asked, trying to suppress my heart by calling his name.
"Because no one is trying to be kind towards you, Miss Alvandra. You need at least one kind person to survive in this world," he stated, but yet he can't make me understand. "If you need financial support, you can apply for a scholarship."
"I'm graduating already, Ismael."
"We're not sure about that," biro niya na alam kong ginagawa niya para subukang pagaanin ang loob ko. "Oh, I remember, your section is exempt in my finals exams so I guess your statement to your brother earlier is gonna be true."
"How can you have such energy, Ismael? After what you witnessed with my family?" seryosong tanong ko habang hindi pinuputol ang pagtingin ko sa kaniya.
"Well, my family is worse than yours."
Muli kong naalala ang binanggit ni Mrs. Estanislao sa akin noon—ang tungkol sa pamilya ni Ismael.
"We're the same, Miss Alvandra. My parents got divorced when I was a child, and since then, hindi ko na sila nakita o nakasama. Alam ko lang ay nag-asawa silang muli ng iba."
Hindi niya siguro alam na alam ko na ang bagay na iyon.
"Paano mo nalamang pareho tayo?" I asked out of curiosity.
Ngumiti siya. "Because I am your professor, Miss Alvandra. I know everything about you. And even about where you got your bad attitude, I think I know now."
Right. After he saw my family and I bickering with each other, of course he would know. "But you're tolerable, Miss Alvandra. I can still handle you. You still have a good heart."
Hindi ko inaasahang sasabihin niya, 'yon. "Just like you," I mumbled between my breaths.
Muli siyang sumulyap sa akin at ngumiti. "Speaking of a good heart, how's the cat?" Kumunot ang noo ko at natawa. Anong koneksyon ng good heart sa pusa?
"He's fine."
"Pinapakain at inaalagaan mo naman ba?" pang-uusisa pa niya.
"Of course, he likes to eat my cereal and do his business whenever he likes. Minsan naiinis na ako kasi ang hirap hanapin kung saan siya dumudumi," may kasamang reklamong pagpapaliwanag ko sa kaniya.
"Wait, did I hear it right? You're giving him cereal instead of cat food?" Inosente akong tumango na naging dahilan ng pagtapak niya sa break. "What in the world, Miss Alvandra?"
Minaneobra niya ang kotse niya, and the next thing I know is that we're in the same pet shop that we visited last time. Mabuti na lang at bukas pa kahit almost 9 p.m. na.
Tatanungin ko pa sana kung anong ginagawa namin sa pet shop nang makita ko ang mga sako ng cat food na parang ayuda na pang-isang taon sa sobrang dami. May mga vitamins din siyang binili. Pati na rin 'yong cat litter na hindi ko alam na nag-eexist. May binili pa siyang bed para sa pusa. Is he trying to waste his money? Ganito ba talaga siya kayaman at para lang papel sa kaniya ang mga ginagastos niya? Hays, naalala ko na naman ang problema kong pinansyal next month. Sana lang ay may dumating na biyaya sa akin.
"Miss Alvandra," pagtawag sa akin ni Ismael na siyang tumapos sa pagdarasal ko. Buhat niya ang mga pinamili niya. "Let's go now."
Tumango ako at sinundan siya. I was about to help him when he prohibited me. He said he didn't need the hand of a murderer. What the eff? Hindi ko naman pinatay ang pusa niya!
Pinaandar niya nang muli ang sasakyan, at hindi naman nagtagal ay nakarating na kami sa bahay ko.
"Baka gusto mo akong papasukin," wika niya. Aapela pa sana ako, kaso mukhang kailangan niya talagang pumasok para dalhin sa loob 'yong mga pagkain para sa pusa. Well, mabuti na ngang siya ang mag-ayos sa loob ng bahay ko dahil hindi ko naman alam ang mga pinamili niya.
"Fine, come here inside."