Evie, Harvey, and I are bursting with laughter as we make our way out of Gullie's for the night. My eyes can barely keep up with Evie who's skipping back and forth in the moonlit alleyway.
"You're going to bust your arse," Harvey reprimands with a cackle. "Quit skipping!"
"Never!" Evie cries out, throwing her hands high into the night air. "I'll die before I let a man tell me what to do!"
Harvey just cocks a hip and stares at her, still adorned head to toe in his drag attire. He bats his heavily coated eyelashes, purses his rosy pink lips, and smooths his hands down his cinched waist and skin-tight skirt. "I beg your pardon? I am the furthest thing from a man right now, thank you very much."
"She'll die before she lets anyone tell her what to do," I whisper to Harvey.
"She's a walking, talking rebellion," he chuckles.
In comedic timing, our bright-haired friend falls right onto her ass. She groans as soon as her bottom hits the concrete and despite her refusal to listen to him, Harvey happily helps her to her feet.
"What did I say?" he sighs.
The jangle of keys conjures my attention back to Theo, who's closing up the bar for the night. I sneak up behind him as he locks the door, frightening him as I snake my arms around his waist.
His breath hitches and he turns on his heel so quickly I'm nearly knocked to the ground. I'm nothing but a slightly inebriated giggling mess as he grabs me tightly and keeps me from falling.
"Shite Nora! When is your arse going to learn to quit sneaking up on me, huh?"
"I like keeping you on your toes!"
"You like scaring the shite out of me," he retorts, shaking his head with a handsome smile. "Fucking hell."
We join Evie and Harvey up ahead and my eyes are met with the blinding lights of the city as soon as we turn out of the dim alley. The passing taxis and cars cruising along the busy road create a chilly breeze that sends goosebumps trailing up my spine. I tuck my hands into the sleeves of my rib-knit sweater, trying to find some warmth and silently reprimand myself for forgetting to bring a jacket with me tonight.
Theo's shifting out of the corner of my eyes, but it isn't until I look over that I'm aware of what he's doing. Without saying a word, he starts to pull off his black hoodie. I savor up the sight peek-a-boo I get of his naturally toned abdomen until he's only left with the short-sleeve t-shirt underneath. His inked arms are bare now and his pale skin already courses with goosebumps but he doesn't complain.
Instead, he pulls me toward him and slides it over my head. Twisting me to face him, he adjusts the hoodie so that it's pulled over my head.
"You're gonna freeze," I say, already feeling my limbs warm—my chest warm. "Now I've got two layers and you barely have one."
"Shhh," he hushes. It practically swallows me whole but he looks me over with the biggest grin on his face. So satisfied. "It's a shame you don't wear my clothes more often."
There's no hiding my blush, and I'm so smitten by what he just said that all I can think to say is, "Thank you."
He shifts me to his side so that he's closest to the road and wraps an arm around me, drawing me close as we continue walking home.
The distant booming of drums, the warm tone of a saxophone, and the strumming of a guitar draw all four of our attention to a crowd gathered on the sidewalk up ahead. Beyond the assembly of bodies, a three-man street band performs. Their reggae-rock music reverberates along the avenue, filling the streets with an upbeat melody that could convince any person's hips to sway. As we pass, we each find ourselves stopping to appreciate their mesmerizing performance and enthralling sound.
"Dance with me!" Evie exclaims, grabbing Harvey by the arm and pulling him through the crowd.
So naturally the two find themselves lost in the music, twirling and swaying in perfect rhythm as if nobody else in the world besides them even existed. They dance their hearts out, cutting expectant glances toward Theo and me upon every spin they make. Challenging us to join.
A spark of excitement has my heart racing, accompanied by an enticing rush of thrill in my veins. One begging me to make the moment a lasting memory. I want my time here in London to be full of unforgettable moments.
I look up to Theo beside me, who's biting back a smile as he watches Evie and Harvey dance. He shakes his head in disapproval, but I notice the hint of admiration in his eyes. Like he'd join right in if he would just let himself.
Acting on impulse, I pivot on my heel and start to move my body to the music, crooking a finger for him to join me.
"Absolutely fucking not," he chuckles, though there's a light in his eyes as he watches my hips move.
"Oh, come on," I whine.
"You're mental."
"Please, Teddy," I pout. I take a step backward toward my two friends, increasing the speed of my movements as the tempo and music begin to crescendo. "You owe me, you know?"
"Like hell I do!"
"You do!" I holler over the band. "Have you forgotten about 'The Star Flyer', buddy?"
"You're not playing fair at all right now."
"I think I'm playing very fair," I retort with a saccharine smile. "You owe me."
"You fucking loved that ride, don't even."
"Are you implying that you won't love dancing with me, Teddy?" I challenge. "That's rude."
He gives me a blank stare like he can't believe I'm pulling this shit right now.
"Fine," I pout some more. He'll cave, I just know it. "Then don't dance with me."
He sighs. "Dammit, Nora."
Theo grabs me by the hand and pulls me with him beside Evie and Harvey. I'm giggling with delight as he yanks me in and draws my body close. He's as stiff as a board as he starts moving along to the music, but I appreciate his effort nonetheless.
"You're despicable," he grumbles.
I lace my arms around his tense shoulders and enjoy the feel of his hands against my waist as we rock and sway to the lively melody. I pull myself up on the tips of my toes, draw his ear to my lips, and whisper, "Stop being so shy."
"Everyone's staring."
"Where's that'Fuck what they think' attitude tonight, huh?" He lets out a snort at that but remains timid. I force him to look me in the eye and say, "We're just having fun. Pretend it's just us."
Theo's gaze skims my face considerately, and he finally grants me that boyish grin of his that he was hiding.
"Just us," he hushes back.
The taut muscles of his shoulders go lax beneath my hands. Then he releases a breath and swings me around as if what I said was the only reminder he needed to let himself enjoy the moment. So easily we become carried away by the music, letting it guide the movement of our bodies as we move as one underneath the starry night sky. The chill night wind blows the hoodie right off of the top of my head as he twirls me around, setting my unruly, brown hair free again. It whips behind me as he spins us, round and round, until I'm too dizzy to stand straight anymore.
His deep laughter settles over me like warm honey as he steadies my stumbling feet. As soon as I've regained my balance, he sets us in motion again, swiveling us around Evie and Harvey as they dance alongside us.
Harvey laughs. "I didn't know you were such a skilled dancer, Theo!"
"We need to start calling him twinkle toes," Evie taunts as Harvey whirls her around.
Theo groans. "Piss off!"
His grumpy response has us all laughing as the band plays the final lick of their song. For our grand finale, Theo dips me with graceful ease. I quietly swoon over the strength of his arms as he swoops me up and draws me close again. The closing chord echoes through the street and the people around us clap cheerfully.
Harvey, Evie, and I applaud the musicians as Theo pulls a few pounds out of his pocket and tosses them into the guitarist's hat lying on the ground. Each of the three performers nods their appreciation toward us before the drummer leads them off into another song.
Breathless and exhausted from dancing, the four of us break through the barricade of city-goers gathered around and continue our journey home. I'm not exactly sure what hour of the night we've reached but judging by the heaviness settling in my limbs, I guarantee we've made it past three in the morning. I'm more than relieved to know that our apartment is only a block away.
Theo laces his fingers with mine as we walk. I can't fight the urge to taunt, "Thank you for the dance, Twinkle Toes."
Harvey and Evie explode with laughter ahead, and Theo shakes his head disapprovingly.
"You better watch your smart-arse mouth."
"You won't do anything," I challenge.
"Bet," he smirks. "Say it again. I dare you."
"Please do," Harvey begs. Evie nods her head eagerly in approval.
"Do you not like it when I call you that?"
"Nora."
"Theo." I do my best to bite back my smile. "Tell you what, pretty boy...You let me see you move those hips again, and I'll stop saying it."
"You think you're so fucking funny, don't you?"
"She is," Evie and Harvey say in unison.
"Do it and I'll stop," I bargain.
"Not doing it. You're playing a dangerous game, Nora."
"Is that a threat," I quip, drawing my hand from his as I prepare myself to run, "Twinkle Toes?"
"Get your arse over here," he growls.
I take off in a sprint down the street before I even get the pleasure of seeing the look on his face. As I run, his footsteps pound dangerously close behind me. I don't even make it a meter before his arms squeeze around my waist and yank me back towards him.
I squeal as he spins me around to face him. He hoists me up into his arms and throws me right over his shoulder, giving my ass a hearty smack.
"Ow!" I cry out. He's got me dangling over his shoulder like a ragdoll and I'm giggling so hard I can barely breathe. "Put me down!"
"Not a fucking chance," he chuckles.
"You're gonna make all the blood rush to that poor girl's head," Harvey says.
"I warned her!"
We finally reach our street and as we turn the corner something—or someone–catches my eye. I jerk my head toward the dark silhouette on the other side of the street and feel a sense of dread creep in. The person is hard to make out between the passing taxis and cars traveling along the road, but it only takes me a short moment to discern exactly who it is.
Exactly who's watching the four of us.
Fear seizes every inch of me, stealing the smile right off of my face. "Put me down," I order.
Theo laughs, totally unaware that I'm not playing anymore. Completely oblivious to how gravely serious I am.
"Theo, seriously," I plead through choppy breaths. My voice comes out so weak that I don't think he can sense my alarm. "Let me down."
"I told you already, not a fucking ch–"
"Now Theo!" I command, pounding on his back to convey my urgency. "Let me down, now!"
He sets me to my feet immediately, inspecting me thoroughly. His expression grows full of worry, so I force my gaze away, ashamed. I don't want him to see me like this. So frightened that my hands and legs are shaking fiercely.
"What's wrong?"
I try to speak but I can't.
Harvey asks, "Ellie, you alright?"
I'm the farthest thing from alright but I can't find it in me to admit it out loud. My heart is racing inside my chest, and my breathing suddenly grows labored. Tendrils of anxiety cloud my mind, consuming every thought running through my head as I peer across the street to see if he's still standing there, watching.
But he's gone, no longer lingering anywhere in sight.
I can't decipher whether I should feel comforted by that or completely terrified.
Theo takes a gentle step towards me."What's going on? Are you alright?"
"I—I'm f-fine," I lie, forcing my unsteady legs to move toward the apartment.
"Nora, wait," he calls after me. "Nora!"
I bolt past Evie, unable to spare her even a glance. I don't know what I need right now but I know I don't want to be outside anymore. I don't want to be anywhere where John could see me.
My skin crawls at that thought alone.
I reach the entrance to our apartment and somehow find the strength in my shaky fingers to enter the passcode into the keypad. I hurry inside and charge up the stairs, taking two at a time. I unlock and open the door swiftly and bolt toward my bedroom, seeking security. Safety.
As soon as I make it through my doorway, my legs turn weak. I press my back against my bedroom wall and slink down onto the floor. My heart is beating so violently that I can hear it pounding in my ears. I clench my eyes shut and try to focus on calming myself down. Focus on anything but my rapid pulse and the way his eyes were watching me–watching all of us. A wave of nausea rolls through me
Footsteps echo down the hallway. "I've got her."
My door clicks shut and I feel someone approach me. I know it's Theo as soon as the warmth of his hand settles on my leg. I try concentrating on the place where our two bodies meet to settle my racing, chaotic thoughts.
"You're alright. Breathe," he instructs softly. "Just breathe and look at me, Nora." I do. "Tell me three things you can see right now."
I stare at him for a few seconds, unsure of what the hell he's getting at, but I feel so desperate for relief that I answer him. "Pillow. Umm–Nightstand. Record player."
"Now, three things you hear."
I exhale a shaky, weighted breath and listen. "My heartbeat. Footsteps." Everything grows quiet for a long beat but I continue listening. "Your breathing."
The corners of his lips twitch and he gives me a reassuring nod. "Move three body parts."
I nod my head, trusting him fully, and then wiggle my fingers and toes. Just like that, my pulse begins to slow and the tightness in my chest releases a little. There's still a tremble in my hands but it's nothing compared to how badly it was just seconds ago.
Theo sits with me for the next several moments–not saying a word–offering me his comforting presence in silence while I slowly pull myself out of my fearful thoughts.
"I–I'm sorry," I say weakly.
He shakes his head at my apology and admits, "Harvey taught me that. To help pull me out of my panic attacks. Ever since my Dad passed," he pauses for a long, long beat. "I umm–I started having them and he helped me learn how to get control of them. Showed me that method."
"I–I've never had one before. I didn't know they felt like that."
Like a neverending spiral of dread. An all-consuming fear that takes over your body and mind.
Every nerve inside of me is still on edge but he brings his hand to my cheek and caresses my skin. I feel a little lighter.
"They're fucking shite, aren't they?" He gives me a sympathetic smile. "You're safe now, alright? Everything is okay."
I shake my head at the last part of what he said because I'm not so sure everything is okay anymore. I think I've been convincing myself that all of this would turn out okay, but after catching John watching us tonight, I'm not so sure that's true.
"It's not," I choke out. "It's bad. It's getting really bad."
He tries to bite back his worried expression but I see the look of concern lingering in his eyes. "What's bad? What's going on?"
My eyes are welling up with tears and my voice wavers as I request, "Don't be mad at me."
"Nora, tell me what the hell is going on."
"I–It's John," I cry.
"John? What do you mean?"
"H–he's here, Theo."
"Here?"
"In London."
He cocks his head back in disbelief. "What do you mean he's in London? Are you having him visit or–"
"No," I interrupt, shaking my head adamantly. "No, he's here because he got accepted to Gildenhill."
"You're joking me." I shake my head and he swallows. "Are you planning on working things out with him? Is that why you're so upset?"
"No, Theo," I affirm, sobbing into my hands. If I could, I'd never see my ex again. "God, no."
"Come here," he sighs, plopping down beside me and pulling me into his arms. I cry harder as he embraces me. I'm an emotional mess. "Nora, please just tell me what the fuck is going on. You're worrying the shite out of me."
"I don't want you to be mad at me."
He draws my chin up so that I'm looking him in the eye. "Talk to me."
There's not a single morsel of me that wants to tell Theo the truth. Not about this. The thought of even bringing him into my mess has me torn up. I don't want to burden him with this.
"Nora, please."
He brushes my tears away with the pad of his thumb and reluctantly, I confess, "It was him that night. He was the one at the train station."
Theo's jaw tenses tight. "You said it was nobody."
"I know I did. I'm sorry."
"Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to drag you into it. And I didn't want him to even know about you because I don't want to risk you getting hurt. I don't know what he's capable of, Theo."
"I'm the last thing you need to be worrying about. What the hell do you mean by capable of?" His gaze darkens and a chill slithers up my spine. "Did he fucking hurt you?"
"I–I'm okay."
"You're not," he counters angrily. "You're not okay." He stares up at the ceiling in deep thought. "You saw him tonight?"
"Yes," I mutter, for some reason feeling so incredibly ashamed. "He was watching us."
He lets out an exasperated breath. "How many times has this happened?"
"I've run into him two times before tonight."
"Nora."
There's so much disappointment in his voice. I swallow back the sudden lump in my throat.
"I went to the police, Theo, I swear I did. They couldn't do anything."
"Do Evie and Harvey know?" I nod and his jaw tenses again.
"Don't be mad at them," I sniffle. "They wanted me to tell you but I just–I've been so scared but I didn't want you to have to worry about it. You're already dealing with so much and I–"
"I don't ever want you keeping something like this from me again," he interrupts, cupping my face into his hands. He places the sweetest, most gentle kiss against my lips. "It doesn't matter what I'm sorting through. What you're dealing with matters to me, Nora. Way fucking more than any of my own shite. You understand?"
That confession softens every single muscle in my body.
"I understand."
"He's not going to hurt you, Nora. I won't fucking let him." He holds me tightly against his chest, stroking my hair. "I don't want you going out alone or by yourself. Please promise me that you won't do that. Harvey, Evie, or I can go with you places. Or that bloody friend of yours," he grumbles, making me chuckle. The air around us feels lighter despite how heavy tonight has been. "We'll figure something out."
I don't want to be dependent on any one of them for that but I understand his concern, so I nod and say, "Okay."
"Promise me."
"I promise you," I tell him, really meaning it. "But what about you, Theo? He's seen us together. He probably knows where you work now. What if he tries hurting you?"
"Don't worry about me. I'm a big fucking boy, Nora," he chuckles. "I think I can handle his pathetic arse just fine."
My eyes feel puffy and sore from crying but that manages to get another laugh out of me. He tilts my face up so he can see.
"There's that pretty smile," he croons and my whole entire body liquifies.
He holds me and kisses the top of my head and tells me, "You're safe with me, Nora."
I nuzzle into his chest, savoring his warmth and tranquility. I breathe in his musky scent and listen to the steady thrum of his heart.
"I know."