It was the next day, and I had spent all morning laying in bed.
"KitKat?" Sam's head pops in from behind my door, I think the only time she's come in without slamming against my door first. "Do you want me to grab you some lunch."
My head is still resting on my tear-stained pillow as I peer up at her. I shake my head softly, pulling my blanket up to my eyes. "I'm not hungry."
Sam walks in, closing the door behind me before sitting on my bed next to me, like a scene you would see in a cliche coming of age film. "KitKat, when was the last time you ate?"
I shrug, my shoulders moving from underneath my blanket. "I just don't have the appetite to stomach anything."
"I know Olive garde- Oliver meant a lot to you, but you have to put yourself first. The last time I saw you eat was dinner two days ag-"
"No, fuck Oliver, I don't give a shit about him anymore. If he hadn't been on my mind, I would have done better in the semi's, I can't- I won't let myself get distracted by another boy again." I say, glaring at my white tulips, my dead tulips.
Sam sighs. "Don't blame yourself, it had to get past all of us before it reached you."
"I was so good at it, I- how can I be labelled a prodigy when I can't do shit!" My voice cracked. "It was all because I got distracted."
Sam rubs my shoulder, truly like a mother would. "Just- just don't let Oliver be the reason why you won't get into another relationship. When you were with him-" I shoot her a glare. "when you were spending time together, you were playing the best matches you've had since you've been here. It's alright to like someone, you just have to learn how to separate that side of yourself from your football side. Everyone on the team has had to learn how to."
My peer up at Sam, who looks back down on me with a soft smile. I sit up, maybe the first time that I have since I got back from the game. I throw my arms around Sam's waist, startling Sam for a moment.
She reacts by wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Hey, it's ok, I got you. No one's mad at you, I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you." She says as she pats my head.
I look up from her shoulder, seeing those haunting tulips as if they're mocking me. I'm going to fucking burn those tulips us, I fucking hate tulips.
***
I skipped out on dinner again, still not feeling it. I've not actually seen any of the girls since the game, since I've locked myself in my room. Today was recovery day, so we didn't have training. They're currently having dinner right now, whilst I'm heading out with my- the tulips. I made sure to stay away from trees and grass, I'm smarter than that.
The match lights up as I strike it, dropping it onto the tulips that I had so dearly loved for so long. The flowers catch fire immediately, the dried, shrewd up state being perfect to burn. I watch them as they burn to ashes on the pavement, watching them burn. I'm burning the memories, burning the flowers that made me love him.
My phone rings, and I'm ready to ignore it if it was any of the Tillies, not having the energy to eat at the moment. It's Leah.
"Hello?"
"Hey Kat! We're having a party at Jorden's and we were wondering if you wanted to come over? I know you and Oliver just ended and we have tons of drinks, we only have like fifteen people over."
I check the time, 8pm. "Yeah, I'll be there in 10." I hang up, before stomping on the ashes of the flowers, putting out the fire. Still, I can see the memories of his septum piercing, and his freckles, all burnt into the ashes. "Burns in hell." I growl at the ashes, as if it would do anything.
***
"There's our girl!" Bella yells past the loud music as I stepped through the door. "Damn you look hot." She adds once she gets a look of me.
I was in a denim skirt, Ollie's damn jacket still on me - I haven't taken it off since we lost the game. "Thanks. I need to get drunk and forget everything."
"Oliver?"
I shake my head, "The semi's". I corrected.
Bella's mouth formed an 'oh', nodding in understanding. "Hey, let's get this girl a drink!" She yells.
"Of course, anything for our winner!" Leah pops up with a can of beer.
I shake my head as I take the can. "Nope, I'm a loser." I wink at her as I take a sip, my face scrunching up in disgust. "I hate beer, but this'll have to do."
Jorden pops up, her curly hair tied up into a thick low ponytail, two strands of curly hair left out to frame her face. "Hey, glad you could make it." She pulls me into a hug, my face buried into the shoulder of her navy hoodie, a clean scent of after-rain filling my nose.
I hug her back, "yeah of course." Quickly, I chug the rest of my beer. "Come on, I need something stronger!"
***
"Alright, that's enough for tonight." Leah says, watching me mix some gin and vodka once again.
I ignore her, continuing to throw the mixture into the back of my throat. The cup is suddenly taken from me, a little of the drink spilling onto the dark grey of Oliver's jacket.
"Enough, Kataroo." Jorden says, putting the cup she had just stolen from me down, and grabbing some tissues to wipe it down the drink that spilt onto my chin. She sighs, "Leah, you go get her some water, I need to throw this in the bin."
The two of them leave me alone, as the alcohol finally begins to set in after all the drinks I had tonight. I feel kind of nauseous, putting my forehead on my arm resting against the table to soothe my mind.
There's a whistle from behind me that makes my head shoot up. There's an asshole who owns an almost black head of fluffy hair. He also has a septum piercing just like him. I don't know if it's my mind playing tricks on me, but he almost also looks like he has freckles, just like him.
"Oi, fuck off asshole!" I yell, the loud noise hurting my head.
"Hey, you're the one sticking out your arse in that skirt-"
"Hey! You fuck right the hell off buddy!" Leah's voice come to save the day. Everything felt so blurry.
The guy raises his arms as to surrender, "Hey I'm just saying, it's almost like she's a s-"
He doesn't get to finish his sentence before Noah, who I haven't seen all night, throws a punch into his jaw. Noah? Quiet, sweet Noah? As in Bella's golden retriever boyfriend Noah?
"Yeah! That's my man!" Bella cheers, which only makes my head throb more.
The jackass pull back before he jabs his fist into Noah's stomach. Immediately, Noah hunches over, almost gagging, and I knew exactly how he felt in that moment. I knew because I had felt it before.
"Hey, get off him asshat!" I screech at him, ignoring the pounding headache I have. I felt my fist collide into his nose, hearing and feeling a nasty crack.
The jerk holds his now bleeding nose, "You bitch!" He screams back at me, before he decks me onto the ground. Fuck my ribs.
"You disappoint me." Dad pushes me back, causing me to trip on my own feet. My shoulder crashes into the corner of the wall, making me push myself backwards to grab a hold of my aching shoulder. Then, my back hits stair banister, the force pushing me forward again. Only this time, the only thing I crashed into was air.
Air, and then stairs. My body rolled down the steps like a heavy log, my ribs crashing and burning against the hard edges of each step, before I finally reached flat ground. I pull my body into a fetal position, feeling tears burn in my eyes. Tears from the pain, and tears from my dad.
When I look up, my dad isn't there anymore. He left whilst I was tumbling down the stairs.
"Oh my goodness, oh my baby." My mum rushes towards me from where she had stood in stone for the past hour whilst my dad yelled at me. She caresses my head as if it would unburden the pain, as if it would do anything. "You know you're father didn't mean to do that. He does love you, even though you disappointed him, he just doesn't know how to show it."
"...I know."
"He really does love you, I love you, ok?" She murmurs like a mantra.
My ribs hurt so much, and I immediately knew it was another fracture. The pain shooting through my torso.
I've disappointed my entire team, and yet they still love me. Is that even true? What mum said certainly wasn't, how should I knew she was telling the truth?
I groan, still on the floor, pain sprouting from my entire body. Surely the bruise from the semi's game has turned into a fracture, I can feel it, I can tell. Looking up, I see that Noah goes in for another punch, this time, the asshole is finally knocked out.
A hand pulls me up, supporting me on their shoulder. "Hey, you ok?" I softly hum into her sleeve, my head still fuzzy. "We should get you home. Did Sam drive you here?"
"No, I don't want to." I mumble against her shoulder.
She doesn't speak for a moment. "Sam doesn't know you're here does she."
I giggle against her hoodie, she sounds funny.
"Come on, I'll grab us an Uber." She says as she drags me out towards the road, to wait for the Uber.
My head is pounding in pain. I just know that Ollie's scent on his jacket is officially obliterated by the alcohol and sweat and blood from tonight. I smell and feel disgusting.
Unzipping Ollie's jacket, I peel the thing off me, leaving me in a tight tank top.
"Hey, what are you doing? You're already drunk and beaten up, don't get sick or Sam will kill me." She panics as I drop the jacket onto the ground, and begin stepping into it.
I dig my heel into the jacket, making sure to get dirt stained into the very essence of the jacket. "I'm making sure Ollie never gets his jacket back. I would have rather watched it burn, but, oh well. I hope he burns in hell."
She laughs at me, the softness of her laughs don't hurt my head at all. She begins to take off her navy hoodie, revealing a thick, black t-shirt underneath. "Alright, do what you gotta do to get back at Oliver, just put this on so you don't get sick." She helps me put it on, pulling the hoodie over my head just as the Uber arrives.
We both get into the back of the Uber, the warmth inside the car hugging me. In addition to this, her hoodie smells perfectly of after-rain, lulling me into sleep.