---
"Hai utna hi khoobsurat meri kahani mein tera aana,
Banaras k ghat se jitna ganga ka takrana!!"
---
"How- how are you still smiling? How are you still holding onto yourself Nandini?"
Manik's words were a mere whisper, but the silent night made it audible for the person sitting beside him. His voice was shaky, absolutely not because of the cold wind, but because of the coldness that has surrounded him from inside.
Nandini looked at him and Manik saw the hurricane of emotions in her deep eyes. He could see her vulnerability, her eyes were floating her raw emotions. And he realised that sometimes everything cries in you, except your eyes, he realised that just because she didn't cried it off, doesn't mean that it's not hurting.
So he did, what he felt he could do at that moment. He just entwined their fingers, filling the gaps between her fingers with his, giving her a silent message that the way his fingers filled the gap between her fingers, he will also fill any void in her heart. He won't back out, now today, not tomorrow, not until he is breathing.
And maybe because Nandini has learnt it a hard way that words can be deceptive, one can say something and won't mean them, but actions can. Because she has experienced it, silence screaming more than the mouth could and saw the actions revealing more than the words know. So, she has always try to fathom a person through his actions. And hence, she understood his actions too, which filled her body with warmth and peace.
"Let it out Nandini. Let it all out, and remember, to not hold your tears back when you will be telling me, that how cruel this world was to that pure soul, who didn't did any wrong. I want to know what and how that fifteen year old Nandini felt when her own family didn't trusted her. I want to know how much hurt the once upon a time Princess had to endure to survive in the world where bad oversights the good. And then, I want to see all the parts of you that you feel are not worthy of love, so I know where to begin. Show me, show me your thorns and I'll show you my hands teady to bleed."
By the end, Nandini was already in tears. Tears, because she felt loved, she felt wanted. And at that moment she craved nothing, but to let it all out as he said, and then cry in his arms. Crying while telling him that how very slowly and painfully this world had killed that fifteen year old. And most importantly, how her own family did the first attack and managed to bruise her soul.
"I- You know Manik, what hurted me most was- was that, I- I got thousand of scars on my heart and- and none was from the enemy. Each- each of them came from the person I- I had loved or trusted. I was fighting with my own family for the trust that should've come without asking for it."
Manik just clutched Nandini's hand as she went down the memory lane of how her own family broke her fragile heart, the memories which were still fresh in her heart, which still made her shudder.
.
Flashback
.
Nandini woke up holding her head which was throbbing with pain. She winced due to the sudden light as she opened her eyes. And after her eyes adjusted with the lights she opened them only to frown more as she found herself in an unknown place. Still holding her head due to the extreme pain, Nandini sat on the bed and looked around and only thing she saw were white walls, some hospital equipments and one bed beside hers. And she realised that she was in a hospital.
She pressed her head to remember how she came here and her mind processed faster than she realised and she was already crying when the memories which was like a nightmare filmed in her mind. She gasped as she realised what had happened with her.
Her heart was still not ready to beleive her brain. Everything felt like a nightmare to her, a scary nightmare. She was terrified. Looking around the room she found herself alone. And suddenly her breaths turned harsh. She hugged her knees to her chest and she started sobbing as the reality of the nightmare felt real to her.
Nandini palmed her ears with her both hands, shaking her head vigrously, closing her eyes tightly, all the while tears flowing out of her eyes and sobs erupting in the otherwise silent room.
She felt that her breaths were getting heavy. Her heart was thudding in her chest. She was scared. She tried breathing, but it became difficult as she gasped for the air. Nandini clutched the bedsheet tightly in her fist.
She felt as if the walls were coming closer to her, and she will be squeezed between them. Her body felt numb as she just cried and cried and gasped for oxygen.
"Mumma!!" She whispered in between her gasps and her head was throbbing, walls were coming more closer. She felt that she was going to die. Her vision blurred due to the tears.
Nandini again palmed her ears as Moksh's words rang in them. And at that moment giving up felt like the last option to her. And as if God was even listening to her, as she felt walls just inches away to squeeze her in, her breath turned harsher and she closed her eyes to welcome the darkness, whispering just one word before finally closing her eyes.
"Home!"
As Nandini lied there, a man entered in the room followed by the head doctor. He looked at the unconscious girl with a bored expression and then at the doctor.
"What her reports will say?"
"That- that she was drunk and was brought to hospital in a drunken state only. And obviously there are no instances of forced sex, but yes she was sexually active."
The man smirked and patted the doctor's shoulder which made the doctor smile too.
"But what about the boy who brought her here?" The man again asked as he went towards Nandini's bed.
"He was not a resident of here. He went back to his home. Inspector Aashish will handle all of that." The man nodded and caressed Nandini's head.
"Poor girl. Going to suffer a lot. Wish, I could help her. Sorry Kiddo."
The doctor looked at the man with a disbelief look. He himself is the one who is destroying her life to save his son and here he is seeking fake apologies. He genuinely felt bad for the young girl, but he stayed silent, because his own life matters to him. And Ashok Jindal won't take a second to kill him or his family if he tried to deceive him, and no-one will even question him because apparently he is the chief Minister of Delhi.
"Send her home. Time to reveal her family about the deeds their daughter has been doing." Ashok said and left the room after giving a last glance to Nandini, feeling no pity for her.
And Next time Nandini opened her eyes, she found herself in her room. Frowning she looked around and again the previous incidents flashed through her mind. And in no time, again her cheeks felt the warm tears .
She took deep breaths and hurriedly moved out of her bed. With feet bare, eyes filled with tears, and in her messy state, Nandini ran downstairs to find her family. At this moment, she only needed to be in her father's protective arms. She just wanted to cry in her mother's lap. She just wanted to feel safe and someone to tell her that, it was just a nightmare.
Reaching on the last stair, her lips wobbled as she saw her father standing in the living room with her mother sitting on the couch. Her father's face was stoic, while her mother was crying. They must be worried for her, she thought. And without a second thought, Nandini ran straight into her father's arms and hugged him. And finally she let out the pain inside her by crying out aloud.
In her own pain, she never realised that her father didn't hugged her back. She just cried and cried hicupping and calling out for her Papa. But feeling no warmth, which was so unusual, Nandini broke the hug and looked at her father.
And Suraj Goenka's look had scared Nandini like never before. His gaze was hard, his hands were fisted and his jaw tight, as if he was controlling himself from punching anyone.
In fear, Nandini took two steps back with frowns on her face. Her eyes still had tears, she opened her mouth to say something but words were lost even before they could come on her lips. She was already feeling extreme pain and not being able to voice it out was weakening her more.
She looked at her mother who was also looking at her with tears, but what surprised Nandini was, that her mother didn't took a single step towards her. She was not able to understand anything. Instead she saw disbelief in her mother's eyes.
And when she thought to just embrace herself in her mother's arms, her gaze fell on her grandfather, who was accompanied by a man of her father's age. Her vision was blurry and she blinked her eyes to see properly but suddenly her breath hitched, as she saw the boy coming from behind the man.
And again that happened. The night which was still feeling like a nightmare to her flashed through her mind. Her breaths turned heavy as she saw her walking nightmare moving towards her with an evil smirk on his face.
And suddenly her home itself was not a safe place for her.
She clutched her top in her fist and took steps backward. Her fearful gaze roamed to her parents where her father was standing with a blank face while her mother was frowning. Then again her eyes settled on the devil disguised in the face of a human. Her breaths were heavy and she kept taking steps back until she was tripped due to the stair and fell down on the stair resulting in spraining her ankle, but the physical pain didn't mattered to her at this moment.
As Anita saw her daughter falling she took a step in her direction but halted as she felt her husband's hard stare on her. And unwillingly she looked sideways.
Nandini palmed her ears and closed her eyes shut as again and again her the reality of nightmare would hit him. It was getting hard for her to breathe. She thought that she was again going to slip into the darkness, but then a tiny voice in her head rang in her ears.
A voice, that told her that she isn't weak. Why was she getting afraid? She isn't wrong. And moreover, she is in her own house, with her family. She is not alone. She is not alone.
And with the new found courage she stood up and limped towards Moksh who was standing on his place with a cool expression, as if he didn't did anything wrong. As if, he didn't ruined a life. As if nothing even happened.
And now her eyes were spitting rage and reaching near him Nandini slapped Moksh om his face and started punching on his chest.
"Why? *punch* Why did you do this? *punch* What, what was my mistake? *punch* You- you ruined my life *punch* Why?"
By the end Nandini's punches had no effects on him but her actions were put on a break when a hand held her wrist. She had to blink her eyes due to the blurry vision to see the person who was none other that her grandfather.
"Stop it. Stop creating drama." For a moment Nandini thought that she actually heard something wrong, but when her grandfather's face remained rigid and his glare firm, Nandini stumbled on her own steps. She then looked at her parents who were standing with no reactions. Her already messed up mind was not able to comprehend anything. But her heart was thumping loudly in her chest with fear.
"Dadu!!"
"Don't. Don't call me that. And after whatever you did, you still have the courage to do so?" Nandini shivered on her place listening her ever so loving grandfather's stern voice. And his words were just out of her mind's reach. What is he saying? What does he mean? She couldn't understand anything.
"Oh dear child", Nandini looked at the man standing beside Moksh, who she knew was his father, "Don't be harsh on her Mr. Goenka. She is a teenager, such age is tender. You should talk with her calmly."
"We will see what we have to do Mr. Jindal. You can leave please." Suraj's voice was same as his father as he asked Ashok Jindal to leave, who shrugged and nodded at his son who followed his father after giving a last glance to Nandini who shuddered at her own place, in her own home.
"Papa..."
"Explain this first." Nandini frowned as his father forwarded a file to her which she took with shaking hands. She wasn't getting good vibes from anything now. With shaky breath she opened the file and tried to understand the contents in them, but her blurry vision wasn't helping her. She looked at her father and grandfather who were standing with stoic face and her mother who was not even looking at her. She was feeling her heart in her mouth. It was painful.
Nandini blinked her eyes again and again to get clarity of the words and read the contents in the file. And as she comprehended the words, the file fell from her eyes and she was rooted at her place. She looked at her father shaking her head in no and moved closer to him, but as she was about to hold his arm, he backed away. And Nandini felt her world shattering down right in front of her eyes.
"When did my daughter stooped so low?" Suraj's words were harsh for the fifteen year old girl, who was always her father's princess.
"Papa this, this is, this is..." Nandini sniffed and looked down not being able to look at her father's face which was nowhere near her loving father's face.
"People can lie, not the reports." Nandini looked at her grandfather as he uttered those words. And she realised that he is trusting some papers more than he trust on his upbringing?
All Nandini could do at that time was stare at her parents and grandfather's faces which were deprived of any affection. And when she thought that she had feel safe at home, the home suddenly felt cold to her.
She could just stand at stare.
.
.
The silence in the night prevailed as both Manik and Nandini sat there. Nandini didn't dared to wipe the continuous flow of tears from her eyes, the same way she let them flow four years ago. She just kept staring at the front with no other emotion.
While Manik had his hands fisted and eyes wet. He didn't cried though. There was only one thought running in his mind, and that was, that how can the people who were a family didn't trusted their own blood but some reports? This seems so bulshit to him.
Manik looked at Nandini and with shaky breath and trembling hands he smoothly ran his hand through her hairs lovingly making her look at him through her blurry vision. And a humourless chuckle escaped through her and she wiped those tears.
"It doesn't even hurt now. So many time I've hurted myself remembering this that, now, it feels insensitive to me."
And although her words were saying something, Manik was not blind. He know that she was breaking from inside, still the same way how four years ago the fifteen year old Nandini would have. And without any words he pulled her in a hug by pulling her in his lap sideways. There was no movement from Nandini four ten seconds and Manik just tightened the hold and soon he felt her hands clutching the side of his t-shirt at his waist and he could feel warmness of her tears on his neck. And soon those silent tears turned into sobs, sniffs and loud wailing. And she finally let it out.
She cried, cried, wailed loudly and more loudly, as if feeling all the pain again. She cried and hugged him tighter remembering the pain she felt when Moksh gave her the unbearable pain of the lifetime. She cried remembering the time when she wanted to get the comfort from her parents but got some false allegations instead. She cried for all the four years where she had to act strong and couldn't seek comfort from anyone. Her nails dug in Manik's skin at his waist but he didn't winced even.
He cried with her all the time rubbing her back. He let her cry. He didn't ask her to stop, because he knew that it's that fifteen year old girl who had lost her everything in that one night. He silently sat there four straight two hours and let her cry until her tears were drained out and her throat got hoarse, until she couldn't cry any more. She just clutched him tightly and stayed in the same position.
After what felt like eternity Nandini finally pushed her face from his neck and looked into his eyes which were so full of affection as he stared into her deep ones. He gave her a small smile and caressed her cheeks with gentle hands, the same way he ran his hands over her past - lingering over the dents and worn edges of her heart. And when she thought he'd run away like the others had-- he told her that she was a warrior, and that she'd never fight another battle alone.
And in the gentleness of that moment, She was trying not to tell him how she feel for him, and tried to choke down the feelings, and she was trembling, but he reached over and touched her, like a prayer for which no words exist. Her heart was taking root in her body as she discovered something familiar she even had no name for.
She didn't averted her eyes when Manik picked her up in his arms in bridal style and took her to her room and gently laid her down on bed near a sleeping Anahita. He gave her a smile when she kept looking at him, and sat down ok floor on his knees and kept his warm hand on her eyes.
"Sleep Sunshine, I'll fight the bad dreams off of they come to get you."
And removing his hand from her eyes he started caressing her hair while sh clutched his another hand in her one hand and through her other hand she held Anahita's hand making Manik smile. Soon he could feel her even breaths and he smiled and kept gazing at her. He still felt goosebumps on his body and his heart ached remembering the way she cried and the things she has suffered to come so far.
"You have endured enough Love, you've run enough, now time to come back and burn that place to ground."
And with a different determination in his eyes and gently removed his hand from her hold and saw her snuggling with Anahita, making him smile. He bend down and gave a feather kiss on forehead of both mother and daughter before standing up straight and moving out of the house silently.
Time for some actions!!
.
.
.
Yes, pretty much alive I'm lol:)
Sorry for not replying to any of your messages, wasn't feeling quite myself for a month or two now. Have tried many things to divert myself but nothing was actually working. Thought to go to my reading self and end up reading my own book, so could feel a little connected and hence came up with the update.
Wasn't written in my best state of mind, so can be less than average but it is what it is!!!
Thank you for your support till now and being patient enough with me, greatful to have you guys literally:) But I feel I always fail to give equal contribution in any of my relationship.
Hah! Anyway, hope you liked it and still have this story in your libraries.
Thank You again:)
3500 words!
~A ♡