SEOUL, SK
KOOK & CHAE
—
It was at the local grocery store when Kim Jisoo finally crossed paths with Park Jinyoung again.
She was buying groceries for their apartment as they all realized their lack thereof once the news that Chaeyoung was able to be discharged from the hospital was announced. They opened their fridge and their pantry to find stale foods and half eaten snacks.
The main singer had spent another night there before the doctor allowed her to go home. She still needed to continue resting so Jisoo took initiative to get everything she needed while she was recovering. She knew she could have just asked one of their managers to complete the task, but she needed a reason to leave their stuffy apartment that had been experiencing an awkward tension since Chaeyoung's hospitalization.
The topic of their dreadfully nearing comeback day had become taboo as the unspoken presumption of her being unfit to perform hung over everyone's head. And while a complete show with all members would be ideal, they were not going to force Chaeyoung.
She must have been so lost in thought that her cart full of items had accidentally rammed into the GOT7 member's body once she turned a corner and didn't see him.
She recognized him almost immediately as he let out a sharp shriek of pain.
For a second, Jisoo contemplated a quick getaway to avoid an uncomfortable encounter, but it was too late and the grocery store was not a place to do a hit and run.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized nervously, trying to hide deeper behind her mask and hat, praying to God he lets this one go.
He faced her and his gaze softened.
Jinyoung looked the same as she last saw him. But more importantly, Jinyoung looked at her the same as she last saw him.
And she couldn't decipher if that was a good or bad thing.
"It's okay," he replied with a tone suggesting that he knew it was her. "It was my fault."
Jisoo laughed anxiously, realizing any attempts at continuing to hide her identity were useless, "It was nice seeing you."
That was a lie. It was in fact not.
The last time she did see him was not nice at all. She was seated a few feet away from him, watching him with glossy eyes, sharing a meal with an unknown woman.
The image of them eating and chatting had lingered in her mind since then. She had resolved to confronting him about, well, everything, in order to gain some closure. But any efforts to send a message were halted by her member's sudden admission into the hospital.
And now, at a public grocery store during the middle of the day, was not the time to get her closure.
She gave him a soft bow before starting to turn her cart around.
"Soo, wait," he called.
Jisoo stopped in her tracks, being compelled by the sudden use of an intimate nickname. She locked eyes with him as she waited for him to continue.
"I heard about Chaeyoung-ssi," he said. "Is she alright?"
She cleared her throat, silently calculating what she should and shouldn't reveal. She didn't question the Jinyoung's genuineness, as he always proved to be a sincere man—well, most of the time.
"She's back home now and recovering," Jisoo responded.
He smiled, one that showed off his dimples, "That's good to hear."
Jisoo wanted to punch him in the face.
She thought of the best excuse to end the conversation there, but he had beat her to it with another question.
"And you?" he asked, "How are you?"
The Blackpink member blinked a few times, trying to process what he said. Damn you and your gentleman ways, she thought.
No one has asked her that in a while. And frankly, in light of recent events, she had not gotten time to think about herself.
"A bit shaken up, but you know, I'm the eldest so..." she replied earnestly, which surprised her. "And we have our comeback soon so we're just all preparing for that."
Jinyoung gave her a soft nod.
"If you ever need to lean on someone," he said. "I'm still here, Soo."
Jisoo felt her breath hitch as the kind words enveloped her in a feeling she had all too missed.
All at once, their time together played in her mind like a broken record. Glimpses of his arms encircled around her bare body as they awoke from one of their nights, his lingering gaze on her morning state that always seemed to express a deeper emotion that she never allowed herself to question. The man in front of her was supposed to be a stranger now, but she still remembered how he traced the curve of her hip or the way he delicately kissed the top of her head.
It made her forget that they were awkwardly standing in the middle of the snack aisle.
It gave her a glimmer of hope. But she immediately squashed it down, convincing herself that she was being delusional and that he only meant them in a friendly manner, and the very real possibility that he had a new girlfriend now.
"Thanks... you know, I have been meaning to talk to you," she admitted, using the very little courage she had built up.
"Really?" he asked, his eyes wide with surprise.
Jisoo pursed her lips, "Does tomorrow night sound okay?"
"It's perfect," Jinyoung responded.
☾･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The air inside of the restaurant's kitchen was cold as all the members gathered to finally record the Run BTS episode they weren't able to film.
It was difficult to reschedule the shoot as they were all busy with their personal endeavours and the restaurant was always booked. But now, with the upcoming preparations for their next album, everything aligned.
The premise of this episode was to split them into two teams and have them cook their own dishes. It seemed easy enough, if it weren't for their worst luck that Jungkook and Taehyung ended up on the same team.
The rest of the members knew they were in for a shit show.
A few of them had a secret conversation before the cameras started rolling, discussing if they should ask the producers to make an executive decision and change the teams, but then that would have to entail them explaining why they needed to do that, as to which they would not have a proper answer to. So, they settled for the fact and prayed to God nothing bad happens.
Besides the two of them, Jin was also on their team, which Jungkook was thankful for on several different reasons. But if you asked the eldest, he was less than pleased about this result.
"Can you pass the carrots?" Taehyung asked the younger man with a condescending attitude once they settled into their stations and began making the food.
Jungkook turned around and maintained eye contact, being in a state of disbelief that he was acting immature in front of the camera.
He hesitated before breathing deeply and without a word, handing him the vegetables.
Taehyung snatched them away forcefully and Jungkook swears he saw him subtly roll his eyes.
Frustratingly, his tone and demeanour stayed like this for the rest of the shoot. Jungkook did his best to control himself and not stoop down to his level. One, because they were in front of prying eyes and this was all being uploaded online (and no matter how good their editors are, he knew it would be difficult to modify if anything were to escalate). And two, frankly, he had no energy to. He was running on absolutely no hours of sleep as he had stayed at Chaeyoung's bedside for the past two days that she was at the hospital. And while he tried to doze off, he only had restless nights as he worried for her condition.
Some of his members knew, mainly his eldest hyungs, as they kept messaging him about his whereabouts and they also were the closest to Chaeyoung. They visited her at the hospital and shared some light conversation. Jin even brought her some soup.
They expressed their concern about his condition as well before they went to the restaurant, telling him it would be okay if he sat this one out. But he persisted on going.
Much to everyone's relief, the two managed to survive the whole show without turning their knives on one another, but their celebration came too soon as all hell broke loose once they retreated into a private room of the restaurant that they turned into a makeshift dressing room, which coincidentally was the same place they were in when the news of Jungkook's secret affair was reported.
Taehyung had bumped into him from behind, and there was enough force behind the action to tell that it was not an accident.
The 'be the bigger person' mantra from Yoongi that he had been reciting in his head the whole day was thrown out the window.
Jungkook had enough of this.
"What did I do wrong?!" he shouted at Taehyung amongst all of the ruckus, shoving his chest. The older man had no response as he just took the hit.
Everyone went silent and froze at the sudden boom of the youngest's voice.
"Ever since almost three months ago you wouldn't talk to me or be alone with me!" he continued.
Namjoon felt the tension in the air rise up and gestured politely to their stylists to leave the room to not witness this. Thank goodness their manager was not there as they surely would have gotten in a lot of trouble. The other members looked at each other with a nervous gaze, silently asking if one of them should put a stop to this.
"I know this isn't how I should be going about this but it's been too fucking long," Jungkook groaned, feeling all the stress and frustration that he had been repressing, rise to the surface. "What could I have possibly done to deserve this treatment?"
"Jungkook, stop this," their eldest member intervened with a warning tone, stepping in between the two.
They were all curious as to why he was acting like this, but for Jungkook to confront him now, in this work setting, in such an abrasive manner, was completely inappropriate.
"No, you guys don't understand," the youngest argued, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It was completely out of nowhere! I've tried millions of times trying to talk to him maturely and he would walk out every time!"
Taehyung scoffed. "Don't talk about me as if I'm not here," he finally spoke up, sneering at the maknae.
The group was all surprised at both of their members' irregular attitude. They had never seen the two of them like this before.
"Oh, you're here?!" he replied back sarcastically as to which Taehyung rolled his eyes.
The air in that room was suffocating. Their members would have fights, but this was something else. It felt like the problem was rooted in something way bigger than they could possibly fathom.
"Tell me hyung," Jungkook pleaded in a much calmer manner now. This was his whole point at the end of the day. He was never mad at him, he was just frustrated at how he kept things hidden instead of dealing of confronting him about it. "So I can fix this."
A stark silence fell upon all of them again as everyone curiously waited for Taehyung's explanation.
What could have been the reason? Jungkook asked himself this question every time he noticed the older man avoid him or when he'd be alone with his thoughts. He had arguments with him before but it would never lead to the silent treatment and they would always forgive each other the same day. And so, this past few months had been eating him away inside.
"You knew I liked her," Taehyung uttered but was clear enough for everyone in the room to hear.
Jungkook felt cotton in his mouth as a sinking feeling grew in the pit of his stomach.
"What? Who's her?" he asked, feigning innocence.
"Chaeyoung."
Everyone froze at the mention of her name.
A few seconds go by, letting the revelation settle in, before the other men gave sympathetic glances around the room, as if this made all the sense in the world with all the pieces falling into place. It didn't justify Taehyung's actions, but of course it was about her all this time.
"I've liked her for years and you knew that, and then all of a sudden, you go from hating her to kissing her?" Taehyung explained, not holding anything back. "How does that make sense? And sure, your relationship is fake, but I still can't help feeling jealous when you..."
Jungkook did not know what to say.
"I..I.." he stuttered. "I never you thought you were serious."
It was probably the wrong thing to say, but it was the truth. Of course Jungkook would hear him gush about Chaeyoung all the time, but he assumed that was simply just admiration. Like Namjoon would always talk about how attracted he was to Irene of Red Velvet, but it is not like he actually wanted something to transpire between them.
It was only when he dropped her off at their date and she wore his embroidered scarf that he first figured out that his hyung had some sort of real and genuine crush on Chaeyoung. He had a fleeting thought that his problem towards him could have been about her, but dismissed it, assuming it was impossible. But here they were, fighting about a girl that continues to change his world.
Taehyung shook his head and let out a sad chuckle. "Yeah, because you were so engulfed in how much you hated her you couldn't fathom it," he grunted.
Maybe he was right.
He was so distracted by how much he did not like her that every compliment he heard about her, he would think was a joke. But maybe Jungkook never truly understood and empathized his feelings.
Reflecting on everything now, he too would feel betrayed if the situation was turned around. Even if their relationship was all based on a contract, he too would feel jealous every time he saw them together.
"I'm sorry hyung," he said, defeated.
"Do you like her?" Taehyung asked, almost immediately after his apology, as if that wasn't what he cared about.
Jungkook was put on the spot. His mind was screaming at him to say something but his body wouldn't follow.
He knew he should tell the truth. He had just come to terms with his feelings and Chaeyoung deserved a man who wasn't ashamed. But he also did not want to hurt his best friend, his older brother. He was hesitating and he wanted to beat himself up for it.
His mouth opened, but nothing came out.
Taehyung walked away.
☾･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Park Chaeyoung felt utterly useless.
While she was more than grateful after everything that everyone did for her at the hospital, she started to hate being babied and treated like she was some fragile thing, waiting to break at any moment.
Which is why she was so relieved to finally get a second to herself. Her members had left to do their own errands and they managed to pry Jungkook off of her side and go back to his responsibilities. The man was always around and refused to leave even when she gave signs of being okay. It was sweet, but she felt overwhelmed.
These were things that a genuine boyfriend would do for his girlfriend, which reality check, both of them were not—even if he did somewhat confess to wanting something like that a few days prior. But Chaeyoung was not going to dwell on that anymore. Her doctor told her to minimize the amount of stress and she was going to do exactly that.
It was late into the afternoon when she finally peeled herself off her bed. She felt almost sickly, the kind when you've sweat into your clothes after a deep sleep, but it couldn't have been worse than her state before she fainted.
She couldn't even explain what happened well enough to the professionals. She had to rely on Jennie to recount the events. All she remembered was feeling lightheaded and weak, and she was there until she wasn't. What she could explain though were the days leading up to the incident, and sharing that in detail and out loud was an experience of its own.
But the sound of silence and the familiar hum of their refrigerator were music to her ears.
She couldn't wait for everything to go back to normal, whatever that entailed.
As she washed opened their pantry, to be reminded that they had no food and Jisoo went out to buy some, her phone started ringing.
Their CEO was calling, probably wanting to check up on her.
"Chaeyoung-ah! How are you?" he asked as soon as their call was connected. "I'm so sorry I couldn't visit you at the hospital. Things have been so hectic here and I was trying my best to keep your hospitalization out of the news."
She had wondered why there weren't any reporters waiting outside of the hospital during her discharge or an outpour of posts online wishing for her recovery. But she was glad for that. The last thing she wanted was for her to go viral in the news circuit once again, especially right after her collaboration released and right before their comeback. Plus, health is always a sensitive subject. She didn't want it to be a just another headline for journalists or haters to scrutinize for.
She had enough trauma from that.
"No, it's okay. Thank you so much for doing that," she replied.
"I trust you are feeling better?"
"Yes, I could perform on stage right now," she joked.
"I love the optimism Chaeyoung, but that does remind me of certain topics I'd like to discuss," Sihyuk responded. "I'm sure it's not a conversation over the phone and you need as much rest as possible, but given the timeframe, I'd like to meet you at my office tomorrow if you're able."
"Of course, I understand," Chaeyoung replied with a nod she knew he wouldn't see.
She didn't know specifics, but she could infer that he wanted to speak to her about the events causing her sudden collapse, as well as what she was going to do moving forward with their upcoming tour.
Sihyuk always prioritized their well-being over everything. When they needed a break from the industry, they received one.
Even before he needed to ask, she already knew her answer. There was no way she was going to omit herself from this comeback. She had already done so much, given so much, to give up now. She had disappointed herself enough.
"Good. Well, that was all from me," he said. "Please get sleep and indulge in lots of food. Send my regards to the other girls."
They said their goodbyes before Chaeyoung plopped down on the sofa, grunting as she realized that she had just moved from one spot to another to lie down.
Maybe that was another reason as to why she felt relieved to be alone. The girls. Even Jungkook. She dreaded speaking to them.
Their conversations had been brief so far. During the second day, when she was conscious, they were all just focused on making sure she was okay. And when they came back to the apartment, she assured them she would be fine being alone, and they all separated.
She could tell they had things to say and questions to ask her, but were keeping it to themselves for her own sake. Frankly, she wouldn't even know how to respond. It was a bad moment and she felt sorry for worrying everyone.
But she really was okay. Every doubt she felt, every insecurity she faced, before she fainted, it all simmered down. Maybe it was all the medication speaking, but she was okay and she was going to be okay, especially knowing that she had them.
☾･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Jungkook received a severe talking to once they arrived back at their apartment.
Taehyung was still nowhere to be found and not answering their calls ever since he left the recording.
It was mostly Yoongi who spoke, who seemed to have more of a grasp or understanding of the situation compared to the rest. He rambled on about Jungkook's immaturity and how he never listens to what he says. Jin would also chime in from time to time, saying this wasn't what he meant by finally confronting Taehyung.
Hoseok and Jimin simply stood off to the side, keeping to themselves as they felt like they didn't know enough to give their opinions on the matter. They knew of this internalized struggle between the two, but they had been so preoccupied with their endeavours to tease Jungkook and Chaeyoung to fully see the severity of the feud.
Namjoon had his own secret agenda.
"You mind going for a walk with me?" he asked Jungkook before he retreated to his own room or plans like the rest
"Oh, to be honest—" he started to respond as he was feeling a bit tired and just wanted to wallow in his bed.
"It'll only be a few minutes, I swear," Namjoon reassured.
Jungkook could never say no to his leader.
He gave a quick nod before the two of them made their way out the door.
"How are you feeling?" Namjoon asked as the cool air hit their face and they started to trudge along the street beside their building.
At this point, Jungkook was feeling a lot of things, but he was never one to have a full comprehension of his emotions.
"I'm okay, overall," the youngest replied. "Like everyone's been saying, I got myself into this situation, I should be the one to fix it."
And he knew that sentiment was meant for several aspects of his life, not just his strained friendship with Taehyung.
"I hope you know that we're not trying to put all the blame on you," Namjoon said. "We're equally if not more angry at Taehyung. He just wasn't there to hear it."
"I guess that is a little comforting to hear," Jungkook responded with a shrug. "But his feelings are valid."
In many ways, despite Yoongi's claims, Jungkook had matured from his childish thinking, even just a little bit.
He wasn't going to confine himself to his own perceptions about a situation anymore. That kind of ignorance had done enough damage in his life. So, even though some part of the way Taehyung treated him was unfair, Jungkook knew he was just letting his feelings for Chaeyoung lead his actions. He too would go crazy for her, maybe he already has.
"But still... Taehyung-ah is a grown adult. If he had a problem with you, he should've said it outright instead of going through petty means to show it," the main rapper concluded. "It's not like we're mind readers."
Jungkook simply nodded in response.
"How about Chaeyoung-ah?" he asked, effectively changing the topic. "How is she?"
He remembered when she first opened her eyes in the hospital room. He was turned around, throwing out the food the nurse had left the night before because she still hadn't awoken, when he heard a disgruntled voice. He immediately rushed to her side and greeted her a good morning in the softest voice he could manage.
After that, she seemed to have regained most of her energy. She was properly sat up the rest of the day, chatting with her members and eating her food. Jungkook was hell-bent on taking care of her, such as helping her up to go the bathroom, but she assured him that she was fine. But she was still confined another night as they still had to run some diagnostic tests on her and the results were taking a little longer to return.
He was also there to help her get settled back into her apartment, and if if wasn't for four angry women, pressuring and yelling at him to go to work, he might've actually not gone to the shoot.
"She seems to be alright, she's recovering now," he responded, trying to resist a growing smile on his lips at the thought of her. "She's busy, and I'm proud of her for trying her best."
The two of them found an empty bench to sit on once they reached the secluded park in their neighbourhood.
With the events of the past few days, everything seemed to have been suffocating him, but the breath of fresh air felt nice and refreshing.
"If you don't mind me asking, what happened? Namjoon asked.
Jungkook furrowed his brows, confused at the question as he was there at the hospital when Chaeyoung explained herself.
He began, "Well, she had overexerted—"
"No, I know that," Namjoon chuckled. "I'm referring to Madrid."
The youngest paled and retreated into the little corner in his mind, not expecting this topic to be brought into conversation.
He hadn't thought about that place in a while.
"Chaeng and I agreed not to talk about it," Jungkook murmured.
"Maybe it will help," he suggested. "I know you Kook, there's something you've been keeping from us. And while I don't want to force you, I don't want to you to continue getting eaten up by it."
A few minutes of silence go by as Namjoon awaited for his answer.
Jungkook pondered on it, if he should allow himself to finally speak the events into existence. For the longest time, he locked the things that happened between Chaeyoung and him into a small box at the very bottom of his consciousness. He had suppressed those memories so much that sometimes he questioned if they were real or just dreams.
But no, every accidental touch, every tender kiss, every tear shed, felt too real to be just a dream.
He gave a deep sigh before speaking, "There was something between us there, and I fucked up."
There they were. The words that he had been biting his tongue on, finally out in the world. Jungkook felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped on him.
Jungkook kept his eyes straight ahead so he couldn't see his hyung's expression. But knowing him, he probably had his calculating face on, both trying to understand what he said and choosing his next words carefully.
"I don't know Chaeyoung-ah very well, but she seems like a very kind woman," he finally responded. "She'll forgive you."
Jungkook wanted to snort, not because he disagreed, but because it was wrong.
"No she won't, she can't—she shouldnt," he said one after the other, knowing he probably wasn't making any sense. "You don't understand hyung. I can't even forgive myself."
This was what he was most scared of happening. That once he opened that locked box, even just by a crack, everything would come bursting out and there was no going back.
"What exactly did you do Jeon Jungkook?" Namjoon questioned, his tone slightly changing as he looked at him pointedly.
Jungkook buried his face in his hands before he ran them through his hair. Might as well finish what he began.
"I was a coward hyung, I played with her feelings," he cried. "I flirted with her, kissed her, did all of these things, only to take it all back out of nowhere. Before we left, I told her none of it meant anything to me and that we have to go back to how things were normally."
Jungkook felt his whole body warm up as tears threatened to fall out of his eyes. Having to hear these memories out loud caused an overwhelming reaction over his soul. But he couldn't even begin to imagine how Chaeyoung felt, having to actually be on the receiving end of it all.
He stared at his arm of tattoos, fixating on them one by one as a means to comfort himself and ground himself to reality.
"And why did you do that?" Namjoon asked quietly.
If he had asked him almost three months ago, the version of him who just returned from the trip, he would've spewed some nonsense about some twisted form of revenge or turned it around and ask why he should care.
But he wasn't that man anymore. Or at least. He was trying.
"I spent all these years hating her that I couldn't admit my true feelings for her. I couldn't admit that I had already fallen for her," Jungkook confessed. "Which is why a part of me feels guilty, that everything happening now is all wrong and selfish."
He allowed himself to face his leader.
Then Jungkook asked, "How could I deserve her after everything I've done?"
Namjoon wrapped an arm around his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, as if to tell him that he was still there for him.
"If only you told her why you held such a grudge against her in the first place," he responded before letting out a deep breath. "I know you're a good person, I raised you after all. We get lost sometimes and our judgment gets clouded, I'm not saying what you did was right, but we all make mistakes. It's just time to start being honest Kook. You can become someone who does deserve her."
Jungkook never felt more grateful to have Namjoon in his life.
"I know," he sighed. "I want to be with her but I can't even begin to think about having a real relationship with her because I know I need to repair the trust that I broke first."
"But do you? Love her?" Namjoon asked which took Jungkook by surprise.
Love.
He wondered how any of what he said or did would lead his hyung to conclude that.
It was only recently that he finally accepted that he liked her, but love? He had only felt what he thought was love once before.
He bought Yeri a bracelet in her favourite colour because he thought she would like it. He stayed up all night talking to her over the phone just so he could learn more about her. He felt like he could burn the whole world after she told him she couldn't return his intentions.
But Jungkook thought about the past two days.
The blood rushing out of his fingers as he listened to Jennie's call. The life flush out of his eyes when he first caught sight of her on the hospital bed. The rapid beating of his heart as he sat beside her, waiting for her to wake up. He knew he never wanted to feel that way again.
But even before all of that, the signs were there. He was just too scared to admit it.
The protectiveness he felt when he watched her be touched by another man at that club in Madrid. The way she looked and sang like an angel under the raw Spanish moonlight. The softness of her lips and the feeling of her body against his when they shared their first kiss. The absolute dread when he told her none of it meant anything to him, when it actually all meant absolutely everything.
Hell, he could even go back to the very beginning when he randomly felt compelled to approach her at that party for her number and then subconsciously enjoying their friendship, even if it was rooted in him getting her best friend.
Somewhere between their reluctant friendship, petty feud, coincidental overseas trip, and fake dating scheme, something had changed and the lines had blurred, leaving him wondering where he ended and she began.
"Yes hyung," he said. "More than I ever thought I was capable of."
—
author's note: this is completely unedited as i just wanted to publish something for u all! it feels like years since the last madrid chapter but i promise the next one is so stay tuned ahhh. sorry for the long wait in between updates, i am in university but i will try my best <3
i hope u all enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it :)