I ignored the other questions. I put my headphones back on. I'm so tired but my body just won't let me sleep. I was simply stuck being awake.
I feel like shit.
This is worse than High school!
I look at Charlie who turns to me.
"You look like shit."
"I feel like Satan pissed in my mouth," I said standing up. From the corner of my eyes, I see the four looking at me. "God truly has abandoned me," I grumble.
"Dramatic much?" Soap asks in a mean teasing way, still bitter. I stared at him debating if I was going to pick a fight or not.
"Lay off Johnny," Ghost spoke up to the absolute surprise of everyone. I look over to see Charlie and all the sergeants staring at him as if he removed his mask.
"Huh?" Gaz, Soap, and Charlie said at once.
"I said lay off."
"Oh, so I heard you right," I said quietly, "Ghost, Lieutenant, Simon, What the fuck?" I shout to which they all agree.
"Pendejo who are you?" Charlie asks. Soap and Gaz moved closer to him poking him like he was an alien. They needed to make sure this was Ghost... Their Ghost. Soap rolled up his sleeves making sure his sleeve tattoo was there. Soap turned him around lifted up his mask and lowered it.
"Is it him?" I ask.
"Yeah!"
"What is going on here?" I look over to see Laswell looking into the plane.
"I think Ghost is broken, he's being kind to me, which is a red flag!" Next to me Gaz and Soap nods. Laswell looked between the three of us before sighing.
"Hurry up we have a debriefing in 10." She said walking away.
"Why are you acting like this is a big deal—"
"Nuh-uh, you don't get to "no big deal" your way out of this. What changed?" I ask him. This felt like whiplash.
"You."
"Corny," I mumble as I gather my stuff. He stared at me; they all did. I gazed at everyone, why are they looking at me like that? Like I'm a weird humanoid monster... I grabbed my things and walked off the plane. I continue to speed walk away from the small group behind me.
"Do you feel alright, corporal?" I turn to see König looking down at me.
"Him too?" I hear Charlie right behind me.
"What the fuck is going on?" I hear Gaz mumbles.
"Don't be kind to me," I point to him as I slowly walk around him, "It feels wrong!"
"C'mon here kid," I froze and slowly turned to Price.
"Am I hearing this right?" I hear Soap asks Gaz.
"Mate I think we're dreaming," Gaz replied quietly.
I stared at him. At all three of them, why were they so... polite? since when? I turn to the right to see König gazing down at me with this strange gaze. Was it pity? was its sadness? courage? I couldn't tell. Behind me, I could feel Ghost's gaze.
"What now?" I ask with a groan.
"About Tri—"
"Ah ah ah ah!" speed walked up to him covering his mouth, "Nuh-uh you ain't, you ain't gonna speak of that in front of a crowd. If I want them to know they will know on my term." I tell him concisely.
"Let's go, Laswell is waiting for us," I said walking down. My body felt like shit. I felt like shit. Everything felt like shit.
Everyone took a seat and we prepared for the briefing. Theirs an air of unease around me. This awkwardness was suffocating. I look down at my hands, my fingernails still coated with blood. I should probably tell Charlie. I let out a sigh I wish I was awkwardness blind!
"As you all know the world is reeling from the attack on Moscow." Laswell begins, I frown and look down at my hands. I felt nothing... I know this is not me. If I wasn't like this, I be bawling my eyes out the guilt eating me alive.
"Russia's internal investigation has linked it back to the US—"
"How did you get this information?" I interrupt curiosity eating away at me.
"An old friend." it sounded like a CIA informant, Cold War shit if you ask me.
"They are preparing a message—"
"What's the United States' next move? Are we going to throw Urzikstan under the bus?" I ask again.
"We are not," Laswell sighed, "we made a deal with Shepard he will go in front of Congress and clear things up—"
"That sounds sketchy—"
"Stop interrupting," Soap said a little annoyed.
"Hey like my brother said better ask ridiculous questions than think those stupid assumptions are for certain." I shrug, and Laswell nods seemingly understanding me.
"Oh, by the by, am I going to be in trouble for failing to get the last missile?" I ask, anxiety gripping my heart.
"No," Price spoke up, "that missile was tampered with to be impossible to hijack." the others nodded, it be ridiculous to blame one corporal for this entire shit show.
I pull a sour face. I felt something in my very gut— a simple fear. If— don't fucking think about that! I knew I would be blamed... it's simply a matter of time.
"Our main goal is to obtain Makarov and stop any further mayhem—"
"It's not that simple Laswell," I interrupt her once again. Soap lets out a loud audible groan. "One missile is still missing, and we are on the verge of war, what happens if our governments recall us?" Charlie slightly nods.
"I have thought of that," Laswell spoke up not a hint of annoyance or frustration. She had more patience with my questions and interruptions. "They have agreed to not pull the people here; however, Charlie can be pulled back." I felt myself frowning. Charlie kicked under the table.
"I have told them you would like him to stay on the team, but he isn't an official member."
"Neither am I," I spoke up.
"Actually, you are," Laswell said.
"Uh, since when?" I said sassily, "When did my temporary ass become permanent?" I ask.
"A few months ago."
"NO!" I shout in genuine pain; this is not what I wanted! It's only for like two years! Now I'm going to be here for the rest of my service! "Killing myself seems mighty fine right now."
"Dramatic much?"
"Look I am a raging home body I can't be moving across the world for like 5 more years. I'll actually murder one of you!" I look over to Soap. I squinted at him.
"What?" He asks.
"... I should consider committing a crime, going to military jail, and dishonorable discharge to avoid you motherfuckers," I mumble.
"You're actually considering this?" Gaz practically shouted.
"I am miserable here," I spoke honestly. "It's either I kill you, go to fucking jail, or off myself," I count on my fingers.
"Flaca..."
"Look, I'm being truthful the only thing keeping me going is the deadline!"
"Of course," Charlie mutters.
"What about the journey?" Gaz asks sarcastically.
"Fuck the journey do I look like Sun Wukong? Do I look like Journey to The West? Bitch I ain't here for the friends along the way! I'm here for the paycheck, for the deadline, honestly to die!" I snap and slide down my chair.
Everyone fell silent. Gaz and Soap turned to Charlie and Charlie stared at me. He shrugs and looks back to Laswell, she looks tired, like a mom. Price clears his throat, and everything calms down again.
Laswell continue to speak; they were going to see if my weird ass idea is true. I blink around tired out of my ass. I yawn, maybe soon I can nap but know these pricks we're moving again, and I'll just suffer some more.
Boom!
I jolt up and turn to the door wide-eyed. A man in a uniform slams the door open startling a few of us. He looked frazzled out of his mind, "Turn on the news!"