Saddiq doesn't want much. Privacy. For his feelings. And perhaps, anonymity. And also not wake from sleep and find himself hugging Aisha quite possessively with her head resting quite comfortably on his chest as if it were perfectly made for this specific purpose. Not that he could understand how she had left the comforts of his bed and ended up cuddling with him or how he had let her—he has insomnia and during those rare moments he does sleep, he is a light sleeper. But not today it would seem.
What was happening to him? Saddiq wasn't sure he wanted to find out just yet especially after how badly his meeting with his father had ended. He was supposed to be his last hope. And he'd lost that too.
Saddiq Ibrahim Musa (or formerly Saddiq Makama) is the youngest son of Alhaji Ibrahim Makama; the youngest speaker of the house of representatives in the history of the country and currently serving his second tenure as the President of the Federal republic of Nigeria. He has two older brothers; Junaid and Jaafar. Both are senators and happily married with kids.
He was born into a third generation political family. His great grandfather, Alhaji Musa Garba Makama was amongst the most influential political figures of the 1950s who had helped shaped the country's political future. He worked with renowned politicians and freedom fighters like Sir Nnamdi Azikiwe, Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, Sir Obafemi Awolowo, the Sardauna of Sokoto and many others who had fought hard for the freedom of the country and his grandfather, Alhaji Bukar Makama, is one of the three most influential political figures of the twenty-first century popularly known as the kingmakers.
Few know of this fact and even fewer know that the young techpreneur Saddiq Ibrahim Musa was related to such an illustrious family; it wasn't hard considering he bears no resemblance to the close knit famous family whom, even more famous for their political acumen and absurdly good looks, was their intermarriages—people make jokes about how uncanny they all look that it was impossible not to recognise a Makama. But he was different. Not always. But everything had changed eight years ago when Saddiq Makama was involved in a car accident.
It had been a rather ghastly accident. Saddiq doesn't remember much about the accident itself but he had been behind the wheels, driving, and had crashed while trying to avoid an oil tanker whose driver had unexpectedly lost control of the wheels. It was later revealed the driver had an heart attack while driving. They were three in the car but he alone had survived. People say it was a miracle. All passengers had been burnt beyond recognition.
Dealing with the aftermath under people's invasive gaze almost ruined him. There was no place to hide. There was no moment of comfort. There was no solitude for grief. There was just voices, and opinions, and a hollow. And because of this unwanted attention, strictly because of the attention, Saddiq was allowed privacy for the first time in his life and that's why sometimes, sometimes, he finds himself grateful for the accident despite what it had cost him.
It doesn't make him insensitive or ungrateful; the accident had cost him two of his most favorite people, and if there was a chance, no matter how little, of getting them back, there was no doubt that he would give up everything he has in a heartbeat. It is just that sometimes, just sometimes, he couldn't help but feel that way. However, there should be no doubt about his love and how much he misses Sameer and Sayeed. They were his people. They had the world to choose from and they had chosen him as much as he had chosen them. They met when they were five and they had been inseparable ever since. But he had lost them. On the same day. They had burnt to death. And it was his fault;
He should have been more prepared. He should have tried harder. He should have realized the danger sooner. He has loads of regret and there hasn't been a day ever since the accident where he doesn't blame himself for their death. It was his fault. They were dead and he was alive. How can it not be? He was the one driving. But God! He misses them today more than yesterday and he was certain, it would be less than tomorrow. He has everyday for eight years now. And it feels unlikely he would ever stop. There was simply no stopping.
Would he have made that choice to meet Aisha if it wasn't on that day? Would he have made the same choice? Even he knew it was most unlikely. If it hadn't been on that day. . .if only
They would have been thirty-three that Friday he met and married Aisha. Was that a mere coincidence? Saddiq wasn't entirely sure. Perhaps they were meant to meet. Perhaps they were suppose to meet. It was the hardest day in a year for him. His pain has always been especially hard every year on that day. But not this year. This year he met Aisha and somehow, she had made it bearable.
They were twins, Sameer and Sayeed, identical twins and the only children of their parents. Funny, smart, and jovial, they were the kindest people he know even if second to none in mischief, and their death had not only ruined him but it had left their parents in ruins—in the aftermath, blames had been shared and guilt tossed around so hard that their parents had became estranged and eventually separated. And that's why he always feels worse on that day every year. His fault had ruined a lot of lives.
Perhaps that was why he had found it difficult to ignore her. She had felt like a gift. It had felt like God had sent her his way. Perhaps if he helped her he might find absolution. Perhaps if he helped her, he might find peace. Perhaps. . .
Saddiq still wonders, however, what his like would have become if it wasn't for the accident. Boring? Sad? Lonely? Or perhaps all three? But he doesn't think he would have minded much if Sayeed and Sameer were with him. But they are gone, forever. And despite not planning for it, the accident had helped shaped his life, and if he were to be honest, for the better. Because for the first time, in his twenty five years of life, he had been allowed to take the reins for his life. Because for the first time, he had been allowed to choose and his choice had been final. He doesn't want to live as a person affiliated with the famous Makama family, at least publicly.
Perhaps it might seem childish or at the most, foolish. But it wasn't an easy choice. No matter how simple. It wasn't a choice he made easily.
Growing up in his world hadn't been necessarily hard for him but it hadn't been necessarily easy either. There were expectations and as the youngest of three boys, Saddiq had known quite early how impossibly hard it was do anything or be anything impressive in such an impressive family. Good grades? Good manners? Good looks? There was nothing lacking in the great Makama family. He was quick to realise he was nothing special. How can he be? There were a dozen a dime like him in their impossibly large extended family. However what he had hated the most wasn't his ordinariness, it was his lack of anonymity.
Saddiq absolutely hated that people who know nothing about him act as if they know him. He hated listening to other people's opinion about his life. He hated their sense of entitlement in what he can or should do. He hated how his life had felt like a perfectly written script; it made him feel like he was just a mere box to be tick. Private school, check. Political scientist, check. Intermarriage, check. He hated how people just assume he was living a charmed life. And he especially hated how it just kept getting worse as the years rolled by
It might be surprising but he wasn't always happy and complaining shouldn't make him a spoilt brat as he had been famously dubbed before the accident. He didn't drop out of school in a whim. He doesn't drink or smoke because he liked going out to clubs with friends. He isn't reckless because he loved power bikes. He isn't a snub because he prefers solitude. Spending money on power bikes and horses doesn't make him careless. And rebelling against his powerful family doesn't make him ungrateful.
What else was he to do when he was suffocating? The world want to fit him inside a mold but the more he tried, the more he realizes how unfit it was. And it killed him that despite knowing, there was nothing he could do about it. During those years before the accident, he hadn't known the person he wanted to be, but he had always known the kind of person he didn't want to be. He doesn't want to be just a legacy. Not that it had changed anything, it hadn't. How can you become someone when the entire world is set on making you become someone else?
The accident changed everything. The face he didn't want. The choices he wanted to make. The life he didn't want to live. It became easier for him even if people who know him found his choices beyond insane. They couldn't understand why anyone would want to discard such an impressive background just to try to make it on their own. It seemed foolish even. But he didn't mind. It was something he had wanted to do all his life—test his own skills and capabilities.
Some people might think he began his tech company with help from his family but they were wrong. He had received nothing. It was one of the conditions of his grandfather. He forbade everyone from helping. If he was going to do it, he was going to do it right, the ancient one had dismissed when his parents had shown concern. The seed money for the company was a grant he had received from winning an international start-up competition and he had worked even harder ever since to make his company what it is today; one of the best tech companies in the country.
Aisha was an uncalculated variable. She wasn't supposed to happen. His marriage was the only concession he had made when he chose his new life plan. His grandfather would have never allowed him anyway and as many before him had learnt, it was best not to make the ancient one an enemy. So why did he make such a choice? Why would he risk everything he had worked hard for a woman he doesn't particularly like even if he doesn't particularly hate her?
It was no secret that his shotgun marriage would make his grandfather furious. He had expected it. What he hadn't expected was how much that fury was going to cost him. His parents were mad at him. He had expected that as well. But he hadn't expected being disowned and shunned by the entire Makama family no doubt on the behest of the ancient one. His family had always felt like a shackle, he was first to admit, but having everyone ignore him was never something he had imagined. And now that it was happening, he is quick to admit how unbearably lonely it was making him.
Yet strangely, he couldn't abide by his grandfather's condition. He couldn't divorce Aisha. How can he? It was merely a week in their yearlong agreement. And he couldn't marry his cousin, Zainab, either. His parents' choice.
"If you want our forgiveness then you must divorce that stranger and marry Zainab or find another parents. It's your choice, Saddiq." his father had deadpanned when he'd begged for his forgiveness for marrying without their knowledge or consent.
It wasn't much of a choice. He know. He should marry Zainab. He can marry Zainab. It was the most reasonable choice. But strangely, he was reluctant. Aisha is nobody to him. Aisha was not his problem. He can divorce her this instant and nothing would happen.Their deal doesn't prevent him from marrying someone else within the timeframe of their agreement. He owed her nothing. Yet he finds himself hesitant. Why? Saddiq has absolutely no idea.
He was on the verge of losing his parents. He was about to make an enemy of a very powerful man whom everyone knew was as unforgiving as he was ruthless. He could lose everything. Yet he was hesitant. And that was what scares him the most; the fact that he doesn't really know her but he seemed willing to give up everything for her.