After Michigan comes off the ice, Ivy, Levi, and I head towards the hallway where the team comes out. While we wait for our guys to come out, we chat about the plans they have at the bar, and if Holland and I are going to make an appearance. “I don’t know. I don’t know what he has planned, I don’t know where the conversation will lead us, and I don’t know if we’ll be friends after the conversation.” I tell them, and their faces drop.
“You are stupid if you think you two won’t be friends, and you are extra stupid if you think that you two will have a conversation that will probably end with you in his bed, and the probability of you two getting back together is like ninety-nine out of a hundred.” Levi voices, Ivy nods in agreement, and my eyes automatically roll.
An arm wraps around me, “Levi has a point. We all know that you and Holland are end game. Even if you want to deny it, or you only want to be friends. Holland has already decided that if you and him don’t end up together, then he’ll be single for the rest of his life.” When I look to see whose arm is around me, I see Kane. He gives me his little innocent smile, and kisses my hair.
I sigh, “You guys are delusional. We’ll talk about what we need to talk about, we’ll spend some time together, and maybe we’ll show up at the bar together. If we don't, then I’m at Ivy’s dorm, and wherever he ends up going,” I pause, letting that set in, “Holland and I will still be friends unless he tells me he can’t do it. Does it suck that we aren’t together? Yes. Does it suck that we probably won’t ever be together? A little. But, we’ll end up where we’re supposed to.” I end my argument, giving them a look so they also drop it.
They finally do, and move on to how Kane definitely didn’t take the time to take a good shower. His defense is that the ladies love his musk when they get down and dirty. We let him believe whatever he wants too because we know the girls he hookups with have no issue with his musk.
Twenty minutes pass, and the rest of our boys start coming out. They all give us a hug and fall into the conversation about whatever it is we’re talking about. I zoned out, wondering how mine and Holland’s conversation will end, and what will happen after the conversation. There are so many ways it can go, and my mind keeps going to the fact that we’ll end up together tonight. Maybe just for the night, or maybe for however long life wants us to be together.
Holland comes out, and I give him a big smile because his intermission performance was spectacular. “Hey Land, that was a pretty dress you wore, and the moves were a ten out of ten.” I tease, causing him to laugh.
“It was all for you, mon amore,” he winks, “hopefully you liked it. It took a lot of dance hours and a lot of memorizing. But it was worth the smile on your face.” He tells me. I swoon, and I hate that I swoon because that means whatever we talk about will either make or break my heart, and I’m not ready if it breaks it. “Come on. We have somewhere to be.” He says lowly, and I nod.
We excuse ourselves from the group, and make our way to his car. When we get to his truck, he opens the door like he always does, waits for me to get in, and closes the door once I’m in. As he makes his way around the hood, my phone connects to the bluetooth like normal. Which confuses me because his truck isn’t on yet.
Holland can see the confusion on my face, he explains, “I got a remote start a while because it’s getting cold and I know how much you hate it.” If he keeps this up, my heart might just explode. “It hasn’t been cold enough for me to show it off, but tonight it’s pretty chilly, and I’ve been dying to show it to you.” I laugh at his confession, he’s like one of those people who buy you a gift and immediately wants to give it to you.
“It’s nice. It’ll come in handy when it starts to snow.” I mentally slap myself. Is that kind of implying that we’ll be together or is that a simple statement? I don’t know. Holland makes my mind fuzzy, my heart goes pitter patter, and my lady parts turn into a river. TMI? Maybe, but it’s the truth.
Holland puts the car into drive, and starts heading down a street I’ve never been down. “Did you ever think about the question I asked you?” He questions, and I freeze. I did think about it, for the whole game, but I don’t have an answer.
Words trip me up, “I- um- n- I thought about it, but I don’t know. We aren’t together, and I don’t know how this conversation is going to end for us.” I explain eventually. Words are hard for me apparently. I hope that it doesn’t bother Holland that I don’t have a straight answer, but I don’t think anyone would.
Either I’m delusional from being around Ivy and Levi all the time, or Holland is trying to grovel. And if that is the case, then I feel like the date should already be planned. With him, there is no telling until after you’re in the moment, and that’s something I love about being around him. Another part of me, that part here now, hates it. Because I know if he does have a date planned, and if he says the right things that I’ll have no issue forgiving him.
Maybe I should just forgive. I was the one who fucked up.
“It’s okay, Oak, there’s no hard feelings about it. However, we are going to eat because I am starving, and if I had to bet, you haven’t been eating enough.” He states, matter of factly. Which I can’t argue with because he is right, and that also means that he either knows me really well or Ivy is having trouble keeping her mouth shut.
Don’t get me wrong, I do eat. Just enough to not pass out and just enough to survive. But the whole heart break thing is a bitch, and half the time I don’t have an appetite. That’s not unknown to anyone though, they saw how I was when Nana died. I’d barely eat, unless Holland or Mom reminded me to. “Sounds good to me.” I say, coolly. He gives me a nod, and turns up the radio. My phone still connected, playing the playlist I made for us.
Don’t judge me. When nights get unbearable, I’ll turn it on, and replay the memories each song holds for us. And there is a lot. From the time we met to the night we broke up. Every memory has a song.
Holland turns left on to a deserted road, and then pulls into an even more deserted parking lot. Before we get out, he examines the building, and I do the same. It’s an old warehouse. The roof metal, along with the rest of the building. Rust coats most of the walls, and graffiti covers the two large doors. The place is at least fifty years old, if not older. It’d be a pretty place, if it were up to date.
“This is where I would come when I need to let off steam, be alone with our thoughts, any reason I’d need to be alone really. No one knows about this place. I’ve been saving it for special moments, and believe me, this isn’t how I wanted to show you this place,” he lets out a small chuckle, “I planned to bring you here as an official date.” He explains, and I nod. His eyes find mine, and his little smile disappears, “This is the place I want to make a home. It’ll take a lot of renovations, but I think it’d be a pretty home. I think I told you about that.” He says with certainty, and I nod again.
He did tell me he had a place he wanted to renovate into a home. He’d leave the original structure, replace the metal, section off different parts of the house, and make a huge front yard. The night we talked about it, I mapped it out for him. The front and back yards, the huge driveway, the garage, and the inside of the house.
I still have the paper I used. It sits in my room, titled ‘Holland and Oaklynn’s future home,’ he picked out the name. I forgot I had that until just now actually. “It’d make a beautiful home.” I tell him, with a smile.
“We’ll let’s go in. I want you to see the inside.” He tells me, cutting off the engine.
We get out of his truck, and I round the hood waiting for him. He gets into the backseat, looking for something, so I look around the land. There are tall fences on either side of the building, tall weeds wrapping around the posts, and two huge trees that appear dead on the sides of the building. I look back at the building, inspecting every inch of the exterior, when I notice there’s a huge lock on the door.
When Holland makes his way towards me, I point it out, “You do know there’s a lock on the door right?” I question, and he nods. I give him a confused look, which he brushes off. He makes his way towards the building, brushing off my confusion, and leaving me no choice but to also brush it off.
When he gets to the large doors, he sets down the bags he was carrying, and pulls out keys that aren’t connected to his key ring. He sticks one into the lock, turns the key, and the lock clicks. “I bought this place.” He says, nonchalantly, as he pushes one of the doors open.
I wait for him to go in first, which takes a few seconds as he picks up the bags from the ground. I would have picked them up, but last time I tried, he threatened to cut off my hands. “What do you mean you bought this place?” It’s a dumb question I know, but I have to ask it.
Holland makes his way inside, turning slightly to the right. There’s a quiet flick, and then the room lights up. It’s empty, recently swept, and there’s a few lawn chairs. “I bought it with some money my dad had put up for me. I want to have a place right after I graduate. The guys and I are going to renovate it when we can, during the summer, and whatever we aren’t able to do, I’ll hire someone to finish.” He explains, and my jaw rests on the floor.
“You are going to renovate this place on your own, and have it done by next may?” He nods. “That’s incredible Land!” I praise, and his cheeks turn slightly pink. He has no reason to be embarrassed, this is truly amazing, and he deserves nothing less than a million people praising him for it.
As my eyes take in the full palace, he walks to the chairs, setting down the bags. The inside is at least 25,000 square feet. The walls already have insulation, and there are beams for what I’m assuming will be other walls. There are a bunch of power tools scattered around the big room, jackets are slung over a few of the beams, and there is a mini fridge near the chair.
“Wanna walk around and see what I have planned?” Holland asks, and I nod excitedly. “Come here then.” He holds out his hand, and I take it without hesitation. We walk through a partly finished arch way, and stop in the middle of the new room. “This is going to be the kitchen and dining room,” he points over to a large area, “that'll be the sink and over. FIgured they should be near each other because it can get messy while cooking,” he points over to another part of the room, “that’ll be a drink area. There’ll be a coffee machine, sparkling water machine, and we’re trying to figure out if we should put in a soda fountain. Like at the stores, you know?” He asks, and I nod. He turns to another part, “That’ll be where a huge fridge and freezer will go,” he points to the only window back here, “that’ll be a huge sliding door, it’ll lead into the backyard.”
I take in what he’s saying, and picture everything he’s saying. After a few seconds of silence, I look at him, and nod. It’ll look amazing. “Do you have in put? Anything that’ll make it look good?” He asks, and I take everything in again.
“A window above the sink would be good. You’d have extra light, and you’d have a good semi view of the little playground.” I voice, and he nods. “Also, loads of big cabinets, here,” I point to the space next to the oven and stove. “And, last thing in here, I promise. Add a walk in pantry,” I pause, looking around the room, “there. It’d take up the little space that’s left in here, but you’d save for a ton of cabinet spaces.” He nods, and a small smile takes place on my lips.
Holland pulls out his phone, opens an app, and starts typing. When he’s done, he looks over to where he said the dining room is going to be. “So I’m thinking since we’ll have two or three kids, and we’d have to add Wren, Kane, Ivy, Dustin, Bryce, and Levi and their kids to the bunch, we’ll have a big table, and we’ll add a smaller table for the kids when they’re older. I’m still figuring out where.” He tells me, and I nod.
“That’ll look good.” I praise. “Where to next?” He holds out his hand, and again, I take it. He leads me out of the kitchen, and down what seems to be a hallway. “What’s this?” I ask.
He stops, “This’ll be one of the bathrooms I think. I’m not entirely sure yet,” he shrugs, “but this is what I want to show you.” He points to a different area. “This is going to be a game room.”
We walk into the room, and the first thing I notice is a whole bunch of different colors of construction paper. They each have a different word on them, three say fifty-five inch TV, two say PlayStation, two say Xbox, another says pool table slash cup pong slash poker, one says projector, and the last one says canvas sheet. “Is this going to be a game and movie room?” I question, and he nods.
“I’m thinking we’ll have a large sectional to fit everyone, a couple game systems for the kids and of course us guys, a huge canvas sheet and projector for movie nights, a pool table because our kids are going to know how to play every type of game there is to know. What do you think?” He asks me, after telling me his big plans.
Again, I take the time to look around picturing all of it. “I think it’ll look good. Might want to move the wall back a little bit because a big sectional and three big tables are going to need more room.” I tell him. Maybe that’s already his plan, maybe he needed another option for it. Once again, he takes out his phone, types something, and puts it away.
“Noted. We have three more rooms down here, and four or five upstairs.” Holland tells me. “Depending on what you think, I might add rooms or take some away.” He explains as we walk out of the game room, and turn into another archway that’ll be the room right next to the game room.
I take in the room, the construction papers words, and the size. “Is this going to be a guest room?” I question when my eyes land on the paper that says 'bed.' Holland nods, and I take in the room better, picturing how it’ll look. “It’ll look good.”
He opens his mouth to probably ask if I have any suggestions, but his stomach cuts him off with a loud growl. His face flushes, and I giggle, “How about we eat, finish the tour, and talk?” He asks, and I nod. I’m pretty sure if he doesn’t eat now, his stomach will be yelling at us until there is food in it. “Come on. I have some of our favorites.” He tells me, leading me out of the room we were in, and back to where the chairs are.
When we sit down, he opens the bags, and spreads out multiple bowls into the unoccupied chairs. “You made all of this?” I question, making note of the spaghetti, a chef salad, a brownie with powdered sugar over the top, sugar cookies, and a few other things we both love. Things that we’ve had on an actual date, things that hold memories we’ve made together.
“Yeah. I mean, I had help from the guys and Ivy, but it was mainly me. I never realized how much we ate out until you left the house,” he pulls out two paper plates, “it honestly sucks not having actual cooked food.” I let out a laugh, knowing what he means.
His confession makes me want to throw out the ‘make him beg’ part, and just go back for me, for him, and the others. But I hold strong, I refuse to be one of those girls who forgives their man because he gives them a sad story, and does a few nice things for them. If he actually wants us to happen again, he’ll need to get on his knees and beg.
Maybe I read too many romance books, but that is all I will accept. If he doesn’t get on his knees or grovel hard core, then he might as well give up.
Holland hands me a plate, and starts loading spaghetti onto it. “I’m just going to jump into the conversation, okay?” He asks, and I give a curt nod. “Okay, first off, I am sorry for blowing up the other night. You had every right to defend your family, to defend us, and to defend Levi. Secondly, everyone jumped on my ass when we got to the house and you weren’t there.” He pauses, taking a drink of water. “Lastly, I had no right to break us because of something you felt the need to do. We promised each other to better ourselves, and stay away from anything that’ll weaken us. We also said the only exception is if we feel the need to.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right now, and I know you’ll make me work for us to happen again, but I do want to try. Whatever you want me to do, consider it done. However much time you want, you’ve got it. There is no limit to anything.” Holland promises.
My heartbeat speeds up, and I drop my head. There’s nothing I have to say right now. What do you even say when the person you love tells you they are willing to do anything and are willing to wait however long. “Okay, I’ll have to make a list then.” I joke, because that’s what I do. “I don’t know what you’ll have to do yet, or how much time I’ll need. But one day, we’ll both have an answer. One day, we’ll be able to move on from this.” He gives me a nod.
We eat the rest of our plates in silence, when Holland’s is empty, he breaks it, “Can I be like totally and completely honest with you about something, and you not get mad at anyone but me?” I give him a half nod. “I bought this place as you know, but both of our names are on the deed.” He pauses, letting it sink in.
When what he says finally registers in my mind, the plate I was holding slips out of my hands. “You bought this for us? You and me? We own this place? Together?” I ask a million questions, and he nods as I spit each one of them out. “Yo- I- wha- um, I don’t have any words right now.” I finally push out. “That’s a big gesture, Land. We don’t know what’s going to happen.”
He’s silent for a moment. You can tell there are a million thoughts going through his mind right now. “Do you think there is a chance for us? Again, I mean.” My mind is now going through a million thoughts.
Of course I want it to happen, but it doesn’t make it right. I learned that from a long time ago. Not every decision you make will be a good one. This decision however could put my heart back together now, or it could end up breaking it more later on.
“I do think there could be a chance for us, but that doesn’t mean it should happen. How do I know that you won’t break up with me again over something small?” I question him, and his lips screw up. “I just don’t know that I can fully trust you. I want to, and believe me, I really do want to try again. But how do I know I can trust you? How are you going to prove to me that you won’t break us the moment something goes wrong? Because it will. One of us will break a promise, one of us will hurt the other's feelings. It’s part of relationships.”
“I know that, and I know fucked up. Believe me, I have plans, loads of them, to make it right. I already know you, so anyone is stupid to think I won’t have a plan. This isn’t just a now thing either. It’s you and me forever. When I win you back, be today or tomorrow, I will, this shit is going to be a daily thing.” He promises, and I nod.
I believe his words. I believe that he isn’t going to want this to be an easy thing for him. But- but I don’t know. When it comes to him, I never know what to expect, it’s not a bad thing but I have yet to figure out if it’s a good one. “I’ll have to think about it.”
Holland nods, getting another brownie, “Let’s finish the tour,” he gets up, holding out his hand for me. I take it graciously, and he leads me to a ladder. “We’re building the stairs some time this week.” He explains, and I give him a nod. “Go first, I’ll be behind you.”
“Is this an excuse for you to look at my ass?” I joke, causing him to grin. I playfully roll my eyes, “Of course you are. It’s a great ass.” Before he can say anything, I’m already stepping on the ladder.
When I get to the top step, I look around the space. There are more archways, more power tools, and more paper with objects on them. “Is this going to be like downstairs?” I question. Holland comes up behind me, and examines the room as I did.
“Kind of. There’ll be a lounge area, our kids rooms, a bathroom, and our room. Which will have a huge closet, and a bathroom in it.” He answers, and I nod how I have been.
It’s not lost on me that he keeps saying ‘our.’ I’m just choosing not to say anything on the matter. Mainly because we both know what my answer is to him, just like we both know the only reason I haven’t said yes is so he is forced to grovel a little bit. “I think it’ll look good. It also seems like there’ll be a lot of space.” I tell him, having no clue what I am talking about, but it sounds right.
We continue going through the new house that we both own- which is crazy to me- and he tells me his plans and asks for my input. If today wasn’t a little proof that he’s serious about us, then I don’t know what is.
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Hello loves! How are you?
NEXT UPDATE: 12/2/23
Sorry for the late update :( been busy! Chaper 29 will be published tomorrow or on the second!