Although our lips meet suddenly and without warning, there's no explosion or sense of urgency. It's a slow and slightly hesitant kiss. There's a familiarity in how he tastes and how his mouth moves with mine, yet it's also different in ways I can't quite explain, but it intrigues me. My arms are winding around his neck, pulling him closer in a desire to know more. He encircles his arms around me, pulling me flush against him as he deepens the kiss.
"Um, I think we two better head on out now."
The receptionist's voice rings through the air like a fire alarm, and we leap away from each other as if our lips were the fire it was warning us from.
His eyes are wild and stunned, and he's slowly shaking his head from side to side.
The words, what the hell just happened, are written across his face, and I'm just as stunned.
"I.. shit ..." he glances at the receptionist and then back at me, and then his eyes dart to the ground. "Sorry."
I'm not sure if he's apologizing to her or me, but he turns and starts for the door, and I follow numbly.
It's dark already; it must be past nine by now. He's walking towards the work van he drove here but stops in front of it. I'm relieved as fuck that we drove separately right now. It was a last-minute idea in case Oliver had to leave while I was being questioned.
As he turns, he runs a hand through his dark blonde locks and looks as conflicted as I feel. I know him even if it has been fifteen years. I know his face. He didn't intend for that to happen, and I don't think he's happy it did.
"I'm..."
"Sorry?" I finish for him, and he blanches slightly at it.
"I mean.... We got caught up in a moment with everything and then the relief of Julian confessing, and it just..." he trails off.
"Right," I agree as I gulp back emotions I can't even begin to describe. "It's been an emotional night."
Caught in a moment...
"Yeah.." his eyes are shadowed as he darts his gaze away.
My phone starts ringing, and it's so damn loud in the empty lot we both jump from it.
"Hunter, I'm assuming," Oliver said in a tense tone, and I didn't have to answer him as I gazed at the screen.
"Go ahead, take it. I'll see you tomorrow." Oliver says as he clicks his fob to unlock his work van.
"But.."
He gets in and shuts the door, cutting me off.
Fuck.
My phone still rings, and I answer as I watch Oliver drive away. "Hey, Hunter."
"Hey, Darlin. You have been there a long time, is everything okay? You need me to call someone or what do I do? Should I head up there?"
His voice is full of concern, and the guilt I feel nearly knocks me over. My face feels hot and flushed, like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
"I'm okay," I assure him." It took a long time, but Julian told them it wasn't me. They let me go."
"Oh, thank fuck!" The relief in his voice only adds to the immense amount of guilt I'm feeling.
"Well, come on home, and we'll have a drink to celebrate."
Oh shit... I can't look at him right now! He'll take one look at my face and know in a second.
"Actually, some stuff came up the other night about Wade. I really ought to go check in on Brandi."
...And I should, at least this isn't a total lie.
"Shit Wade. How'd that come up? She alright?"
"Says she is, but they're letting him out, so no, she's not."
"What?"
"I know...look, I'll probably be home late. Tell my folks not to wait up, will ya?"
"You'll call me if you get drinking too much wine and need a ride home?"
"Don't you be sitting 'round waiting for my call. I won't drink much; we got a big day tomorrow."
"Alright then, Darlin. You take care of Brandi."
"Night," I hang up and then let out a frustrated groan as I look at my face in the mirror.
"The hell am I doing?"
Hunter is a good man who's been by my side for the better part of twenty years. He's telling me he loves me, and I'm making out with the guy that nearly destroyed me?
Hunter said he's here while I work this out however I need to, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty. And I know I'm single, and we're all single, but it doesn't seem to matter to my gut, which is tied up into a thousand knots right now.
I was a scared mess before Oliver arrived, and now I'm a scared and confused mess.
"It's all a moot point, Kinz," I'm talking out loud as I unlock my mama's van. "He regretted the kiss the second it happened."
I saw it in his eyes, his tense body, and how he couldn't get away from me fast enough. Hunter was wrong with what he alluded to. Oliver didn't come here to get me back. But... even still there's something there between us. I knew it already, and now, after that kiss, as brief as it was, I know it for sure, in all the unresolved there's something lingering there. Something that we can't ignore forever.
The worst part of it? I want to drive right home to Hunter and have that drink because it's been one hell of a night, and his shoulder is where I want to rest my head after a day like today. I don't want to lead him on, but I do want to explore what this thing is that's been here all this time untouched. I want to know what it could be as bad as he does.
"Fuck, " I groan out loud as I peel out of the parking lot.
I don't know how my mama thinks the answer is in my heart already because I sure as hell can't find it.
****
Since Brandi normally has Monday nights off, I drive right over to her house and park in the driveway. I don't see her car, though she could be parked in the garage.
The old yellow house is weathered but familiar and full of good and bad memories like so many other places. I walk up the step and knock softly, it jerks open so fast that I nearly fall backward. As I regain my composure, my eyes fall on Stephanie.
She's dressed in a big baggy tee-shirt an old one of Billy's and baggy black joggers. Her red hair is pulled into a messy bun, and her face is pale even more than usual. She usually has a vacant and bored look in her eyes, and they look shocked and panicked right now.
"Damn it. I thought you were Sara," she breathes out, and then she wanders back in, and I follow.
Johnny is sitting on the couch looking unbothered as Stephanie is picking up her phone from the table.
"Damn, what's taking her so long!"
"Stephanie, what's going on?" I ask, closing the door behind me as I step inside. "Where is Sara?"
"Some lady called Brandi said they saw Sara walking down the beach towards the docks with a boy, thought Brandi should know," Johnny says. "It's probably just Jake."
"What?" I glance at the clock, seeing it's nearing ten. "She's only twelve, right?"
"Thirteen but just," Stephanie mumbles, her eyes full of fear. "What is that girl thinking? What's taking Brandi so long?"
Even though I have known Stephanie since high school, I hardly know her. When I see her, she usually offers a polite hello and then disappears into her room. Brandi says she spends eighty percent of her time on her computer with headphones blocking the world out.
Sad when she was supposed to take over the world with her brilliant mind. The change came suddenly, nearly overnight, and no one knew why until... we did.
The last time Stephanie was the bright, colorful girl she once was, was right here in this kitchen before we all took off for Junior prom.
**
"Come on, Stephie, just come with us," Billy begs. "Look how well I clean up."
She giggles as he spins around in his black tux; I have to admit he does look nice, and his deciding to go with us to support Brandi was a big of him, too. He doesn't actually know what happened. No one but Olly and I do, but he knows she's hurting, and has been really great. Zoe, Olly, Billy, Brandi, and I gathered in our dress clothes at Billy and Brandi's for a short party before we went to prom together.
"You're all about your high school experiences, right?" Brandi bargains. "What more high school than prom?
"When it's time for prom," Stephanie says with a simple shrug as she ties her bouncy red hair up in a high ponytail. "I might do a senior year."
"What do you mean when it's time for prom?" Zoe asks.
"Don't get her started," Brandi warns, but it's too late; the bubbly girl sits up straighter as Billy starts mixing' us all some pregame drinks.
"I can be overly focused on school and getting into Yale. My mom started getting it in her head that I needed to dial back on stuff," Stephanie says slowly. "I can't do that and get into Yale! But her big thing is she thinks I'm going miss out on the basic teenager things, like games, dances, and whatever."
She pauses to take a gulp from her can of coke and then continues. "So, I came up with a list of all the stuff teens do, like little rites of passages. Every time I check off an experience, I write about it. Then, I will put it all together to submit with my Yale application. I haven't come up with a name for it quite yet."
"So, to your mom, you're doing all the teen stuff, but it's actually a school project you intend to work on for four years?" Olly asks.
"Yup, exactly," Stephanie smiles proudly.
"That is brilliant," Olly says with wide impressed eyes.
"It is," Zoe says as I also nod in agreement.
"Thanks! I thought so, too," she chirps. "Tonight, I check off party!"
"Stephanie," Billy sighs. "Can't you wait for me for that one?"
"No, I can't. It's got to be with the girls; it won't be the same if you're there."
"Why so you can flirt with guys?" He asks irritably, and Olly makes a tsk sound and gives Billy a warning look.
"No," Stephanie says harshly. "Come on, Billy. You know I don't flirt with other guys. I meant so I can have fun with my friends."
"I'm sorry I just worry 'bout you," he mumbles.
"I'll be fine," she assures him. "I'm only going to have one drink."
***
"I'm going to go out after them..." Stephanie is fretting as she's reaching for keys, and I'm assuming she's stoned because she always is.
"Just give her a second," I say gently as I take the keys away. "Chances are it's all very innocent, Stephanie. When I was thirteen, I was always out and about with Hunter and Olly, and none of us were even thinking 'bout anything."
"At ten a clock at night?!"
"Sometimes, yeah... kids like bending the rules."
The door busts open, and Brandi, with an irritated Sara, come walking in.
"You're so embarrassing! We weren't doing anything!" The tiny but feisty redhead shouts.
Sara, I do know well. She's not shy like her brother, Johnny; and always chats with me whenever I'm in town and stop over. I've also had her over to my house in Eastland Heights, a time or two when Brandi came to visit and brought her along. She reminds me a lot of Brandi with her sparkly little attitude.
"What the hell are you wearing!?" In a heartbeat, Stephanie is right in front of the teen, and Sara looks shocked at her mom's harsh tone. She's got on a pair of skintight high-waisted leggings with a crop top that's not any bigger than a bra.
"Steph..." Brandi starts, but Stephanie cuts her off.
"You have no business being out there at this time of night dressed like that! What were you doing on the beach? With a boy! Huh! Answer me!?"
Sara's freckly face goes from stunned to angry as Stephanie finishes.
"I didn't do anything wrong!" Sara yells, "It's not even that late anyway, and so what if I was with a boy? I can do what I want. You never care anyway."
"Of course, I care," Stephanie says tersely. "And no. No, Sara, you can't do whatever you want. Because you're a girl, and that means you don't get to be out at night, especially wearing clothes like that. You don't get to go to parties, go out at night, or walk alone with boys. You don't get to do those things."
"What!?" Sara gasps.
"You don't get to do anything and still be safe because life is unfair. Now go to your room, and don't come back out until you have some clothes on!"
"No, I won't!" Sara thunders back. "All you ever do is smoke weed. You never care what we do. So, I don't have to listen to you."
"Yes, you do need to listen to your mother, Sara. That's enough of this," Brandi says.
"Why!? Why should I?" Sara yells angrily, then turns back to Stephanie. "You only ever care when you're yelling at me. All you want is for me to be as sad and pathetic as you are. Well, no thanks. I don't want to be anything like you. I wish it was you in jail instead of Dad."
"Sara, stop it..." Brandi begs.
"Well, I do! It's not fair. He went to jail for you, Mom and you don't even do anything!"
"I... I'm..." Stephanie is starting to whimper, and my heart aches for her.
"I hate you!" Sara adds, and with that, Stephanie lets out a muffled sob and rubs from the room.
"Damn it," Brandi mutters as she takes off after her.
"I don't feel bad," Sara says, and I give her a look. "I don't! Why should I? Didn't you hear what she said? She's not going to let me do anything. She ignored me my whole life, and now I have a bunch of unfair rules!?"
"Honey, she didn't mean that all literally," I say with a sigh, "would you sit down here a second?"
"Fine," Sara grumbles as she sulks down in a chair. I glance over at Johnny and see he's watching the television, but I'm guessing he heard all that, too.
I lean close and speak quietly, "When your mom was a teenager, just a few years older than you are now, something really terrible happened to her."
"I know something did. Aunt Brandi always tells me to go easy, but it's not fair, Kinsey."
"I know it ain't fair, but what happened to her isn't either."
"Something with a guy?" Sara asks curiously.
"I'm not the one that should tell you this."
"Well, she won't. She only talks to me when she's mad, like tonight."
"She wasn't mad. She was freaked out," Brandi says as she walks back into the room. "And now she's a sobbing mess, so way to go."
"I don't care," Sara sulks. "Whatever it is, it is no excuse for her to always ignore us."
"She was set for Yale. Did you know that?" Brandi asks.
"Really?" Sara asks, and I sense her curiosity beginning to overtake her anger.
Brandi's eyes grow pained as she continues. "Your mom was a literal genius. Until she went to a party. Her first party. She only went to write about it for some passion project that she was doing. She had one drink. Just one. She wanted to write about how it made her feel, but..."
Brandi looks at Johnny, "Hey, Kiddo, can you check in with your mom? You're good at getting to her cheer up."
"I guess," Johnny mumbles; he stands and heads down the hall to go after Stephanie.
Brandi looks back at Sara with a pensive expression; she's thirteen, and I wonder if she's old enough to hear this, but based on what just happened, I'd guess it's the only way she'll ever understand her mom.
"But what?"
"But there was a really bad guy at that party. My ex-boyfriend, Wade. He was nineteen then and had no business being at a high school party, but that was Wade. He'd lost me and was looking for a new young girl to groom."
"He groomed you?" Sara asks.
"You know what that means?" Brandi asks.
"Sort of... it's when an older guy dates a younger girl and gets her to do stuff before she wants to, right?"
"That's part of it, yes," Brandi says. "But anyone can be groomed it's not always someone older, it's when someone slowly manipulates you into accepting what becomes abusive and toxic control over you in time. You and I will talk a lot about this and red flags when you're a little older, okay?"
"Okay," Sara nods. "Wade hurt you?
"In some very bad ways," Brandi says softly.
The young girl bites her trembling lip, and I can see she's as sharp as her mom was and she knows what Brandi means.
"I'm so sorry," Sara says and then throws her arms around her aunt and brand embraces her for a long moment as we all sit quietly.
"And he, hurt my mom at a party?" Sara picks up on the next part.
"I think you should talk to her about that," Brandi says softly. "Like Kinsey said that is her story to tell not mine. I will tell you more of mine when you're older, but what I will say is that if I'd said something sooner, about what happened to me, things would have been different for her. Just, please don't you go blaming your mom for how she handles the demons in her head, okay?"
"How come you're not like her?" Sara asks.
"Everyone handles things differently," Brandi says with a shrug. "I was like her for a while, wearing only baggy clothes, withdrawn, sad, and angry. I was lucky to have some good friends to help me past it all."
She pats my hand at that statement.
"For your mom, it just really... " Brandi sighs as the pain deepens in her eyes. "She had her whole life planned out, so when something traumatic happened, it threw her, you know? She does love you, Baby. More than she can show you, but you're going to have to be patient with her as you grow up."
Sara sniffles as she wipes her tears back. "I didn't mean to say I hate her."
"I know, but she doesn't," Brandi says. "Now you go on and tell her that and say you're sorry for saying all those things."
"Yes, ma'am," Sara says softly as she stands up.
"Good god, the last damn thing I need right now." Brandi groans.
"You handled it well," I assure her. "You are really good with her."
"She wasn't doing anything on the beach; they were just walking along, holding hands," Brandi says. "I still went off on her, though; it's dark, and that thing she's wearing that she calls a shirt, good lord."
I let out a short laugh. "Coming from a girl that used to cut her daisy-dukes into little cheekies."
Brandi cracks up. "Hey, that was never my fault, totally. The sides wouldn't be even, so I'd have to keep cutting them shorter."
We both laugh as she gets up and pours us each a glass of wine.
"You alright?" I ask after a moment of silence.
"No," Brandi admits. "But I'm doing better than Stephanie is."
"You told her about Wade getting out?"
"Yeah, this morning, so of all days for Sara to act out..."
"Jesus," I sigh.
"Was it alright for to tell her that? I mean I know she's young but..." Brandi trails off.
"I think it's better they know sooner to be more careful about stuff. Seems like... they already know more than we did," I comment.
"I don't know if that's good or bad," Brandi agrees.
"I guess it's good that they're more aware but fucked up that they have to be," I offer.
"Ain't that the truth."
I sigh sadly, "at least she'll understand her mom a little better now."
"Oliver was right," Brandi says. "Those kids need Billy, and so does Stephanie. I won't stand in the way if Oliver wants to get him out."
"They really do," I agree.
"Listen, Kinz, I got to ask you a favor, and you ain't going to like it, but I'm begging you here..."
"What?" I ask as I arch an eyebrow.
"Someone has to run Wade out of town, and if you ask Hunter, I know he'd do it."
"Brandi, I can't!" I cut her off. "He's got a kid to think about. He can't be risking going to jail or -"
"Oh. Come on. It ain't like Wade will call the cops. He'll take one look at Hunter and run the other direction as fast as he can go."
"We don't know that," I argue. "He's been in prison for the past sixteen years. There's no telling what he's like now. Wade could be violent, dangerous even. Hunter could get hurt."
"That isn't his style. He'll cower from Hunter. I know he will. Worst case is he does call the cops or something," Brandi continues, "But it's not like they'd side with him over Hunter."
"Brandi, you know I want to help you, but you're downplaying the risks here," I tell her. "You even told Oliver it was too risky."
"Because he has all these people who work for him and stuff."
"So does Hunter! Maybe not as many as Oliver, but I'd argue that Hunter's crew counts on him even more than Oliver's does."
"You didn't get all worried about Oliver when he offered," Brandi huffs.
"Don't do that! I didn't say anything to him because you did before I needed to," I reply. "Or I would've!"
"Kinsey, I take care of everything, and I don't ask for shit from anyone, and I'm asking now..." Brandi pleads. "Please, will you ask Hunter to run him out of town?"
Shit... I pause as I consider this. Hunter won't say no; he'll do it in a heartbeat, but what if he ends up in jail? What if he gets hurt?
"No." Stephanie's voice stuns us. Neither of us heard her come in, and we look up as she walks over to the table.
"No one is running that monster out of town."
"What? Why?" Brandi asks.
"Because if he goes somewhere new, no one knows him," Stephanie says. "But everyone knows him here and everyone knows what he did. No one is going to let their girls anywhere near him."
"Shit, I didn't think about that," Brandi mutters.
"Better to keep the devil in plain sight than let him run off," Stephanie says gravely.
"She's right," I say as I glance at Brandi. "This town will watch him like a godman hawk."
"You're right, Stephanie," Brandi sighs.
"Now, what's all this about Billy getting out?" Stephanie asks.