I go upstairs get showered and then look for my parents. I go to their room and my heart drops. Dad is tear stained and looking out the window. I look at mom who looks very pale, but upon seeing me she smiles and I instantly walk to her side.
"Mama what's wrong? How was the doctors visit." I stroked her cold hand gently and prepared myself for the news that would probably break at my heart. "Don't worry Cara Mia, I love you so much." I swallowed the lump in my throat knowing she's dying faster than I expected.
I looked at dad who turned away and walked out. My mother sighed and patted the spot next to her. I climbed carefully onto the bed and looked at her scared of what she was going to confirm.
She had tears in her eyes and I immediately began crying."Cynthia baby please don't... I have a few weeks left with both of you." She whispered quietly and my heart completely shattered. A few weeks.
"I want you to know that I'll never completely leave you, I'm in your heart forever. And your dad be patient with him, he's going through it as well." I nodded and wiped at my tears. "I don't think me and dad can bare being in a world without you, you're my mom I... I still need you." She pulls me to her chest and I let my tears soak her shirt.
"I know Cara.... But You guys are strong, don't stop living your life because I'm gone. You especially I know you'll make it without me Cynthia. Trust me you have people who will burn the world along side you." I laugh at that last statement and she pinches my arm.
"Ow what was that for" I rub my arm sitting up and narrow my eyes at her. "You think I don't know you like burning things down. I'm your mother Cynthia." I smile and looked at my mom who had tears in her eyes.
"What if dad moves on?" She rolls her eyes and looks away, "you set that bitch on fire. I don't care how selfish I am he can't move on from me." At her statement I burst out laughing and my dad walks in laughing as well.
"You heard dad? Mom will haunt you if you move on." He shakes his head and sits on the bed right next to me. "I would never move on, you two are the only girls allowed in my life." I smiled at his words and took in shaky breath knowing these were the last moments I will have as a whole family.
Soon it will be me dad and a lonely house. "I want to wear a sage green dress for my funeral, and lay me down by the willow tree you proposed to me Dario."
I squeezed my eyes shut not wanting to think about my mom six feet under. "Grace... please." Dad said with a shaky voice "I'll be fine, you guys have to let me go." Her voice cracked and she finally broke down crying. My mother is afraid I can see it, "I don't want to leave you guys yet. But I'm in so much pain." She manages to say on shaky breaths.
My dad gently picks her up and hugs her to her chest, we're all crying. My family won't be the same ever and we all know it. We stayed like this for hours until I finally got up and placed a blanket over my parents who were asleep in each others embrace.
I retreated to my room, and put my earphones on and grabbed my journal.
I knew everything would come crashing down. Her being energetic was the last thing her body gave. She's leaving me. My mom.
Why God? I can't seem to wrap my mind around this. There's many cruel people in this world and you're taking one who deserves more time. I'm not ready to lose my mother, I can't.
I think the day she finally leaves, a part of me goes with her.
- Cynthia R.
I throw my journal across the room and burst out crying again. Life is not fair. She won't be here for my special moments in my life. My prom, my graduation, my birthdays, my wedding, when I have kids. She won't be here and that's what hurts the most, that I have to continue living without her.
I cry for the little girl who was always by her moms side, for the man who's losing his childhood sweetheart, I cry for my mom who deserves more time.
Alek: hey pretty girl, everything okay?
I see his message but don't reply. I this moment I dont want to do anything. I lay in bed staring numbly at my wall when I feel my phone vibrate.
Olivia. I let it go straight to voicemail. I get up and go to my parents room again to get Luna, my mothers cat and bring her into my room. I lay back down in bed and Luna snuggles against the crook of my neck. I eventually fell asleep and woke up to my phone vibrating.
It was alek and some messages from Olivia. I ignored them not being in the right mindset to talk to anyone, I just want to be with my mother. These are my last days with her.
:Sunday:
I stayed in my my moms room helping her get to the restroom and bringing her food. She talked to me about the future and I couldn't stand hearing her speak to me about it. How is someone ready to let go of their parent, to never see them again?
"Cara how's Aleksandr? Can you bring him over today and Dimitri as well I need to have a chat with them." I shook my head not wanting her to exhaust her self even more, she sighed and picked up her phone.
My eyebrows snapped together in confusion who is she calling. She sat up slowly and after a few rings I heard his voice. "Grace? Is everything alright." No everything is not fine, my heart is on the verge of shattering.
"Aleksandr I'm inviting you and Dimitri over today Cynthia and I need cheering up. I need to discuss with you something important." The line was quiet and then I can practically hear his smile. "I'd love to we'll be over in 20 minutes. Cynthia, answer my messages."
I got shivers hearing his voice how the hell does he know I'm here. My mother laughed and then pulled me to her chest and I relaxed in her arms soaking up her hugs for the last time.
Aleksandr arrived and I shut myself in my room. I'm not in the mood for visitors. I could hear his laughter around the house and I hate him for it. How can he be so happy when my world is crumbling down. There's a soft knock on my door and I get up to answer it, Dimitri is staring at me intently and I let him in.
"Your mother is dying isn't she." My eyes immediately water and he takes me by surprise when he hugs me, his hug felt safe but nothing compared to my Aleksandrs hug. "I'm sorry Cynthia." He rubbed my back and I heard a throat clear making me step back. Aleksandr was looking at both of us a strange look in his eye.
"Why are you crying?" I shook my head and walked over to my bed pulling my blanket over me but it got yanked away from me, my eyebrows snapped together and I looked at Aleksandr angrily.
"Get out of my room my mother invited you here, not me. I don't want to see or hear from you so do me a favor and get out." Hurt flashed in his eyes and I wanted to cry until I had no tears left.
"Dimitri why are we here? Let's go home." He looked at his brother and I breathed in a shaky breath. "My mom needs to talk to you both I don't know for what at least stay for her. Please" my voice cracked at the end and I hated how weak I sounded.
My face was cupped in his hands and I looked into his eyes that were full of worry.
"Cynthia what's wrong? What aren't you telling me." Some tears escaped my eyes and he wiped each one of them gently and then kissed me softly.
I hugged him tightly and his hug felt like he was shielding me from the world. " I just want to be left alone please." He nodded and left my room leaving me in silence.
I lay in bed curled up with Luna, when Aleksandr comes in with Dimitri. He looks sad and his eyes look red. "Cynthia I'm so sorry." I gave him a simple nod and resumed to pet Luna.
He sighs and turns my face towards him. " you won't shut me out Cynthia, I won't allow it. You and me? We can't be done before we even started. And I'm not leaving you ever." I nodded not believing him, eventually he'd get tired and leave.
Everyone leaves me it's only a matter of time. I rather save myself the heartbreak and push them away first. "I'm tired Aleksandr." He sighs but kisses my cheek and pulls the blanket over me. "I'll come back tomorrow, promise." They left and I broke down, he's too good for me.