Rm pressed send on the keyboard and sat back.
He'd finally done it , he'd messaged Rose . This last week had been hell but some how he'd stayed proffesional and got through everything with out too many mishaps.
The day after it had all happened he had not only done an interview for weverse magazine , but he'd officially put in an offer to buy Rose's house . The estate agents, not knowing he knew the owner had explained that the person was abroad and he would email the offer and get back to him .
He'd spent that evening alternating between despair, and anger, even though he knew logically that he had no right to either emotion.
It had taken a long talk with Tae of all people , for him to admit to himself that he loved Rose and it wasn't infatuation, or a crush . It was enough to want to fight for her . What he didn't know though was if she felt the same.
He'd tried to remember all their interactions impartially , but he couldn't , every time he pictured her beautiful face and sparkling blue eyes he got a pain in his heart , every remembered touch awoke his body bringing about dissapointment and loss. So trying to remember her and work out how she felt was impossible as his own thoughts and memories warped everything.
Tae had made him face his feelings and he was grateful for that. Every night he sat at his computer, thought about what he would say, what he could say to bring her back to him but every night he failed.
If for no other reason , his contract, the one with hybe , the one all his brothers signed said no dating...Tae and Jk had had to be exceptions because they were found out , but could he publicly date some one.. an English some one at that. What would his parents say , they were still quite traditional in their outlook at life, Rm could do all this singing stuff now but he was fully expected to marry a nice Korean girl one day , possibly even expect their new daughter in law to help keep house and look after them .. although probably not that extreme as he no longer lived with his parents..but still English !?
On the 4th day Suga had come to see him. He'd felt like Suga had been avoiding him since the weekend but was happy to see him. Suga had handed him 2 creased up bits of paper, when he'd asked what they were Suga had shrugged and said see for yourself and left.. Suga was definitely avoiding him , he'd thought.
The first of the two bits of paper was a copy almost of his letter from Rose, only... were they tear stains on the paper?
The second had made his heart sing literally ...Rose loved him !? She didn't say it but she'd nearly said it and that's why she had left
.
He'd been so happy , he'd hopped on v live and did some karaoke with Army's and talked to them. He hadn't even got too frustrated at the mind numbing questions that some Armys had been repeating now for years, he'd just laughed at them and told them get more creative.
He'd nearly emailed her then and there but had chickened out , he still didn't know what he could offer her yet , but had had the best night's sleep that night .
Day 5 and 6 had been busy shooting a music video on location, it had taken all day and most of the first night to complete and he'd been exhausted, but that evening after 6 days he'd made up his mind ...6 days since Rose had gone and although he still didn't have answers he couldn't wait any longer to talk to her , maybe answers would come later.
He wished her phone number still worked , he wished he could ring her or even instant message her but he had email which was better than nothing.
He also had to make a new email account , and he'd struggled coming up with a name that wasn't completely recognisable as his , but also just recognisable enough that she wouldn't over look it and disregard..
Bigmonster7 is what he came up with and he wondered if Rose would smile at the name, he had done it as big for big hit, monster because he used to be rap monster and 7 well obviously the boys , but after a couple of beers...Dutch courage ..he'd started to think more rudly and wondered if as some couples do would she name his cock bigmonster, he'd laughed outloud at that . He opened his 3rd beer and wrote a couple rough drafts to her..the more beer he drank the more creative his email got until happily merry he wrote her a love poem because, well why not ...
Pleased with what he'd written he pressed send and proud as punch sat back and waited .
*******************************
Rose's heart was beating so fast she actually held her chest. He'd messaged her and she was scared to open it. According to the time stamp it hadn't even been sent that long ago.. a few hours at most .God she missed him..
She nibbled a ginger nut to settle her tummy and then made her self click open .
She glanced at it through half closed eyes and then puzzled she read it through properly , then once again to be sure ..
My dearest Rose I'm supposed to be the clever one,
I'm supposed to be smart ,
but you saw right through me right from the start.
I was supposed to keep a distance from you .
I was supposed to see the three months through.
but you changed all the rules that day,
the day I couldn't find you.
You left the biggest hole in me the day you made us part
the hole is in my chest now for you took my heart.
Rose .....
I'm so sorry I tried to keep my distance from you .
I don't have answers for the future yet either, but Rose I love you.
I wish I could tell you to your face. I miss you every single day and I hope you can find in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance... no contract no rules just trust.
I should have been there for you when you needed me , I should have been there for you to come and talk to me. If I knew what had made you leave I might have been able to help you.
I know the poetry might be a bit much but I've never told someone I loved them before and well me and the 3 beers wanted to mark the occasion.
I hope with all my heart you reply to this email, I hope you'll say you'll give us a chance, or at least a maybe .
I'll be hoping
Sincerely and with love
Kim Namjoon .