Rose had been back home nearly a week , she at least was over jet lag and also thanks to her mum biscuits the morning sickness seemed to be slightly better, she now constantly carried a pack where ever she went.
That's not to say it was gone but English food seemed to sit happier in her tummy , less spices probably her mum said.
She'd recieved a call offering her an NHS midwife but her mum had suggested hiring a private one in the end because, well she could afford it thanks to her tea sets , and because if she still had to travel and wasn't feeling great she could take her with her in a caregivers capacity also.
She had her first meeting this afternoon and she was looking forward to it. She'd also booked a private scan at the same private facility .
The NHS was great but she was impatient to see her baby.
Currently, whilst waiting for her bath to run Rose was sat in her room crying her eyes out.
Her sister was sat on the bed next to her..
" I don't even know why I'm crying!" Rose said blowing her nose on a tissue
" oh I don't know " lily replied " might have something to do with your hormones , or the fact your heart is breaking!?"
" well hormones need to sod off " she said frustratedly ,"and my heart needs to toughen up "
She straightened her back as though this pep talk was going to work, then crumpled . It took another 10 minutes to stop crying .
Lily sat there holding her hand and waited . There was nothing she or any one could say except be there for her.
As Rose quietened down lily said tentatively " have you thought any more about telling the baby's father ?" She asked
" I want to " said Rose " but no matter how I look at it I can't see a future with us and wouldn't him knowing just make it worse.?"
" do you think he'd try and take the baby ? Keep it in Korea?"
Rose sighed, " no..not really , when I first found out I wasn't exactly thinking straight and that thought did briefly cross my mind, but hes not like that "
" what is he like ?" Lily asked
Rose's eyes went to the poster on her wall " He's amazing , so clever, kind , courteous, considerate , talented " lily interrupted
" tell me about him with you, I don't want his credentials.."
" you'll make me start crying again if I think too much " Rose said , she felt a lump in her throat again , she put her hand to her chest, even swallowing was hard " if I think of him when he was mine .." her voice was strained with the effort to talk " when he was mine ...he made me feel like the most precious, most cherished person in the world , but truth is he wasn't really mine, was he ..., he was just temporary, we didn't even have long together "
lily squeezed her hand " I'm glad you got to experience that at least once though"
She hugged Rose and then said " come on your bath is ready and you have appointments in a couple of hours .Rose nodded and set off for the bathroom.
She hated how emotional she was being.. this wasn't like her at all.
Before getting in the bath she stood naked in front of the long mirror on the back of the door , she caressed her abdomen...of course she wasn't showing yet , but she pushed her tummy out as much as possible and cradled herself. "How can I love you so much already, ?" She asked her unborn baby " I'm sorry " she said as yet again a tear ran down her cheek, " I'm sorry your daddy's not here "
She wept silently in her bath until her tears were no more then she got out , got dressed and readied herself mentally for the day.
She had to be strong, she had to stop letting her emotions get the better of her.
She went down stairs and nibbled on a biscuit and waited for her sister.
They had just over an hour to get to the private medical facility she was booked in to and despite her emotional morning she was really excited to meet her baby. And nervous , thoughts of something being wrong invaded her.
" stop worrying " said her mum , as always able to read her like a book " your baby will be fine and so will you "
An hour later Rose and lily stood in the reception of the private hospital in awe..." it looks like a spa or hotel lobby " said Rose in a hushed voice , lily nodded and squeezed her hand.
A lovely young nurse came and showed them to a room where Rose could discuss her needs , choose a midwife , caregiver and birthing package , some scary tests were discussed and dismissed at this stage and then she was whisked away to meet her baby.
The sonographer had to do an internal scan as she was so newly pregnant and much to Rose's dissapointment there really wasn't anything to see except a small dark hole in amongst grey looking static , how ever everything looked normal and was were it should be said the expert and that relieved some of Rose's worries.
She'd fully expected to cry with happiness at least but she just felt strangely calm , and lost...Rm should be here , she thought , she almost felt like she couldn't be that happy when he wasn't able to ....
With brochures in her hands and a little black a white fuzzy picture that if she was honest didn't really make any sense to her , her and her sister left to go home.
Rose was quiet most of the journey and lily left her to it .
Once home she went through the motions of showing her mum and letting her mum chatter on about something or another , but she couldn't wait to escape to her room.
' what's wrong with me ?!' She asked the empty room.
'First nonstop crying, then I was excited to have the scan , and now I just feel numb. '
Talk about an emotional roller coaster.! She put the little scan picture next to her bed and opened her phone , she'd ignored pretty much everything this last week and that wasn't fair to her clients. Admittedly she hadn't left any outstanding orders , still she needed to check her website business page and answer any emails.
Forcing herself to focus she logged in and saw several messages in her in box , she scanned them quickly , recognised Ms Songs email , one from the estate agents and one from..bigmonster7. ? Who calls themselves tha......oh shit .