This chapter is very heavy. Please read the following warning. It contains extremely heavy family/sibling angst along with the scene of Brady smashing his knee. Needless to say, it's a dark scene. PLEASE skip if you need to. It also contains a father struggling with a gambling addiction. I'll add a summary at the end for anyone who chooses to opt out of this chapter.
But that being said, this is one of my favorite chapters. I wrote this throughout writing the rest of the book. If there's one thing I'll do, is write sibling angst. Let me know what you think!
Highly recommend listening to Castles Crumbling by Taylor Swift during this chapter. Hope you enjoy and remember to comment and vote.
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Brady Parker was many things.
Talented.
Hardworking.
Arrogant.
Maybe a bit outspoken at times.
But forgiving was not one of those things.
He never had a knack for "forgive and forget". If someone wronged him, he didn't want to just forget that.
When he found out his brother was sick, he decided then and there that he hated the universe. Every last bit of it. Maybe it was juvenile, but who else could he blame? Something had to be at fault. He had to have something to channel his anger towards. And so, the universe got the brunt of it.
All he wanted was to somehow keep his siblings safe.
He just wanted to be a good brother to them.
And if Brady was being honest, he knew he was a good brother.
He knew because there were three, distinct times in his life that he put his siblings first. Even when it hurt him.
The first time Brady Parker realized he was a good brother was when he decided he would find a way to turn hockey into a means of funding his brother's medical bills.
Well, his plan was a bit flawed, but he was only sixteen or seventeen at the time.
Brady knew that he could make a lot of money playing hockey one day. If he went to the right school, played for the right team... he could make it so every team would be fighting for him. He knew he was good enough for it. If Brady got drafted to the best team he could, he would make enough money to pay his brother's medical bills.
It seemed like sound logic for someone who just got their license.
But it became a mantra for him. A way of living. The only way of living.
Especially with his father gambling away every cent they ever had. His Dad was trying to make the money for Jamie, he really was. He was so sure that he would win big time eventually and they would be set for whatever Jamie needed. But the more he bet, the less restraint he showed. If he won a hundred, why not go for two hundred? And two hundred is nice, sure. But may as well go for double that.
But the house would always win.
And they eventually lost too much.
So, it was up to Brady. He would do what had to be done.
He remembered the game where things changed for him.
Brady remembered his family cheering for him in the stands. Kinsley was holding Jamie up so he could see properly, the two of them jumping up and down after Brady scored another point. He loved having his family in the audience. His Dad didn't always make his games, but his siblings did. Kinsley and Jamie always cheered the loudest and Brady could always find them in the audience. They'd bring signs that they'd spend hours on. At first, the signs embarrassed him. But he grew to love them as time went on. Having them there motivated him in a way he needed, especially if he was going to play the way he would have to play.
And so, Brady scored another.
And another.
And another.
Brady pushed himself as hard as he could, taking every hit and using it to fuel him. His coach had an increased interest in him after that. He had some contacts with college-level coaches. Once he saw potential in Brady, he put all of his resources into him. Brady was incredibly grateful for the help. He had the idea with no plan on how to execute it. His talent increased tenfold when he dedicated himself entirely to the game.
Coaches from teams all over the country were interested in him. He considered the possibility of entering the professional draft as soon as he could, but his high school coach advised against it. Since he started to turn a corner later in his career than other players, his stats weren't as favorable to coaches who would just take a first pass at his numbers. His stats had a trajectory that were promising, though. College coaches liked that. They wanted him to play for them— to have a player who could be the future of hockey.
So, Brady looked at his offers.
And then he found one that was close to home and had one of the best college team's in the state.
And, it didn't hurt that Brady always liked falcons.
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The second time Brady Parker realized he was a good brother was when he drove his sister away from his family.
It was killing her.
It was going to kill her.
Brady made his decision when their father gambled the money she had stowed away for college. He lost every single penny that she had saved for tuition. All of it.
He could see her start to wither away. The gleam in her eyes that he had grown so accustomed to as a child was fading with each passing day. She was just starting to care less. About everything. The two of them were going to the same college next year. He had gotten a full ride with hockey and wouldn't need to pay any tuition, but that wasn't the case for Kinsley. She worked incredibly hard to save money for college. She actually did a decent job too— she was resourceful. But when their Dad stole it, she had nothing. Kinsley started looking into loans in order for her to be able to attend Holloway University still, but it seemed like she was caring less and less.
There was one main concern on Brady's mind if Kinsley stayed another second with their family. If Kinsley got the loans, he was terrified that either his Dad would somehow get his hands on the money, or Kinsley would just give it to Jamie. Of course, Brady wanted his brother to be healthy. But he couldn't let his sister throw away her future for it. Not when she worked this hard.
Brady was terrified that she was going to end up just staying at home entirely. He could see her hedging to not attend college at all. He couldn't let that happen. He knew that Kinsley had started to talk to her Mom more and that she lived nearby. It wouldn't be ideal, but it would be better than staying with their Dad.
They always talked about getting out.
They always talked about making something of themselves.
Brady knew Kinsley could do it.
She just needed to get the hell out of that house.
So, Brady picked a fight.
One where winning meant cutting out half of himself.
Were his methods sound?
Probably not, but Brady knew that Kinsley wouldn't leave if he didn't make her. And she had to get out of there. One of them had to get out.
He did it when they were cleaning the kitchen one day. It was after yet another uncomfortable family dinner. Jamie had went off to his room by this point and their Dad was out doing god knows what. Brady was silent during dinner, his stomach in knots. He felt sick as he prepared himself for what he was about to do. He kept telling himself that he was doing this for Kinsley. It would be awful for the both of them, but she would bounce back. She was always stronger than he was. He had to get her out of there.
Brady was so close to talking himself out of it.
But then he saw the papers about the loan in the trash, and he knew what he had to do.
"You know, you could at least try putting on a happy face for Jamie's sake," Brady told her, the words feeling wrong as soon as they left his mouth. His sister froze, turning to face him slowly.
"A happy face?" Kinsley repeated in disbelief, bitterness soaking her tone. "Brady, can you seriously blame me?"
"I get you're upset, but think about Jamie."
She paused like she was trying to figure out if this was a real conversation or not. "Dad gambled every single bit of money I had saved for college. All of it! It's gone. I have nothing."
He clenched his jaw tightly. "You have your family, is that not enough?"
Her eyes widened with hurt. "Are you joking? Everything I've ever done is for this family."
"Could've had me fooled," Brady told her roughly. "You had that money, could've put it towards Jamie's bills."
"Are you being serious right now?" Kinsley questioned, crossing her arms over her chest. "I... I need something for myself, Brady. I can't just... I've helped in every way I could. But I needed that money for me."
He shrugged, a sour look on his face which was really because he felt like he was going to throw up. "Sounds pretty selfish to me."
"Says the one who's going to college instead of entering the draft," Kinsley reminded him with a scoff.
"I need better stats first and a degree wouldn't exactly hurt," Brady told her firmly. "Besides, don't make this about me. I got a full ride to Holloway. Any money I have goes to Jamie."
She clapped slowly, a mocking look on her face. "Well, congrats, Brady. You're the better sibling. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"No, I want to hear that you'll at least try to be helpful here," he suggested loudly, throwing his arms out.
"God, I don't need this," Kinsley told him furiously as she shook her head. "I could actually be making something of myself! But instead, I have to fix everything here every fucking day!"
"You have to fix everything?" Brady repeated in an incredulous voice, eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. "I'm the one who's stepped up here."
She let out a mirthless laugh. "You're playing hockey, Brady! Not saving lives!"
"Better than what you're doing," he argued. "Are you even going to college?"
Her voice contorted. "That's low, Brady. That's really fucking low."
"Then prove me wrong!" Brady shouted, reaching into the trash and pulling out the papers about the loan. If he was going to push her away, he had to at least push her in the right direction. He had to make sure she was going to work this out and go to college. "Go to college!"
"I can't leave, Brady!" Kinsley finally exclaimed, her voice cracking in a way that felt like a punch to the gut.
Brady's heart stopped at her words, confirming his worst fears.
She wasn't planning on leaving this house.
But she had to.
"So, you're just gonna sit around here? You serious?" Brady questioned in disbelief. "Didn't think you were the type to just give up."
"I'm not—"
"You're just gonna sit on your ass?"
"Stop it!"
"What? Realize you couldn't make it out there?"
"I could leave if I wanted to!"
"Then fucking leave!" Brady finally spat viciously. The look on his sister's face was stricken, like he had just struck her across the face. He was sure that he had never seen Kinsley so utterly devastated.
He wanted to take it back.
God, there wasn't anything he wanted more.
That was his sister.
But Brady had to get her out of here.
And Kinsley would never leave on her own.
"I hate you," Kinsley whispered spitefully, a tear falling from her eye. Her words felt like consuming a vial of poison.
And then she turned around.
And then she was gone.
Brady stood there staring at where she stood for what felt like ages.
This was what he wanted. Right?
This was what was best.
Right?
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The third time Brady Parker realized he was a good brother was when he smashed his own knee in with a baseball bat to prevent his father from committing a crime.
Kinsley had been gone for about a year by this point. She was staying with her Mom. The two hadn't ever been particularly close, but it seemed to be a better deal than what they had with their Dad.
And she had gone to college. She didn't give up. She must have gotten the loan. She did it.
Seeing her on campus... seeing her really live.
It was the only comfort he had whenever he regretted that night.
She had a friend who seemed to give her support. Tatum Hartley. Brady had seen her around and god, he couldn't help but stare. One time she had yelled at him when he was in her way at the hockey rink and Brady swore he heard wedding bells. He stared at her the entire time as she tried to walk across the ice. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. There was just something about the way she took no prisoners. She was a spitfire. He could see why his sister liked her.
Brady never didn't notice her after that.
He always noticed her when she was around. When she was studying in the library. When she was at the hockey games. He was pretty sure Tatum had no idea who he was when she yelled at him that first time. It made it even better. But that was as far as things could go. He had to keep his distance.
She was Kinsley's. He couldn't do that to her. Not after everything. Brady wasn't the kind of person who could have things for himself. He ruined everything he touched. He couldn't ruin something else for Kinsley.
That fact rang true when Kinsley came to him the day of the final playoff game. It was the first time they had spoke in months.
What she told him was the catalyst for everything that followed.
"What? But he can't bet on the game," Brady questioned in confusion. The league had banned immediate family members from betting on the games due to conflict of interest. It was a new regulation, but they were enforcing it heavily. The fine for the crime was more money than Brady could even conceive of having.
Not only was his father betting on the game, but he was going to try and rig it so that he would make more. Apparently, he was going to bet so that Brady would score a certain amount of points. He couldn't even wrap his head around that. What the hell was his Dad thinking? This could ruin everything. They could lose everything.
Kinsley shrugged. "It's just what I heard. Thought you should know."
His eyes narrowed. "How do you even know this?"
"I called to ask about Jamie," Kinsley admitted after a moment. "He told me we had nothing to worry about anymore. That after the game, we'd be fine. I asked why... and he told me."
It took a while for Brady to move into action after Kinsley left. He had no idea what to do. He knew his father had a problem. Anyone could see his father had a problem. But this was something different. His problem had never crossed the line into committing a crime. He didn't know how to handle this.
A horrible thought passed through his mind. But Brady pushed it to the side as soon as he had it. He couldn't do that. He wasn't going to be able to make himself do that. He still had time. Brady could talk his Dad out of it. All he had to do was talk him out of it. He could do that.
"Hello?" his father said as he answered the phone.
"Dad, please, don't do this," Brady pleaded, feeling a horrible sense of nausea growing inside of him. "We... we're so close to what we need for Jamie. We'll get it another way. Don't do this."
There was silence on the other end of it. "All you have to do is play. Don't worry, okay? I'll take care of everything else."
The knot in his stomach only worsened. "Dad, I don't... I don't know if we're gonna win."
More silence. "It's more than just winning. You need to score twice, all right? No more, no less. I'm placing more on that."
"Jesus," Brady breathed out, bending over as his stomach lurched. "You can't do this. It's fucking illegal, Dad. You could go to jail. I could lose my entire career if I go through with this."
"Brady, I don't know what else to do," his father admitted in exhaustion. "I've tried everything else. We're... we're running out of time. You know that."
He squeezed his eyes shut. "I know."
"Then you know that I have to do what needs to be done."
Brady paused for a moment, feeling a sense of dread come over him. One that he had never felt before. The only time he had felt something similar was when he started that fight with Kinsley. He felt just as nauseous as he did that day. This wasn't something his Dad could be talked out of. His Dad couldn't stop himself. There were no words that could be said to make his father change his mind.
There was nothing that Brady could say to talk him out of this.
But there was something he could do.
What needs to be done, his Dad had said. Those words pounded against his skull.
"I know what needs to be done," Brady told him, his voice grave and hallow.
"I'm glad you understand," his father said in relief.
And then the phone call ended.
Brady knew what needed to be done.
He had to do it in the locker room.
He had to make it believable.
He fell after practice, that was all.
It was late. No one else would be there. Everyone should be at the dinner that Coach Mercer was hosting for the team.
He was getting in some extra practice before the game and he was nervous. Less careful. He didn't even notice his foot get caught in the bottom of the bench. That was all. He could make people believe that.
Brady sat on the bench in between the lockers, hunched over as he tried to calm his breaths. His grip on the bat was so tight that his knuckles turned white. He felt dizzy as he tried to wrap his head around what he was about to do. This was fucking insane.
A tear hit his hand.
Fuck. He didn't want to do this.
God, he really didn't want to do this.
But he had to do this.
Brady's mind wandered as he tried to wrap his head around how he got to this point. He could hardly make sense of it. There was really only one thing he could think of as he sat with his fingers clenched around the wooden baseball bat. Growing up, Brady was never one for academics. But he liked mythology. He didn't really understand most of it, to be honest. But there was one story he always was drawn to.
Icarus.
Suppose now, he knew why.
Maybe it was the way Icarus and his father tried to work together. They tried to escape the prison they were in. His father, Daedalus, made a plan that he was sure would work, but they just couldn't fly too close to the sun. Their wings were made of wax, after all. The sun would melt them. But Icarus didn't listen. He soared through the sky, ignoring his father's council. He flew too close to the sun and his wings melted. Having disregarded his father's warning, he fell to the sea and drowned.
Brady wasn't sure who he was in this story. Maybe he was Daedalus. Maybe his father was Icarus. Maybe both their hubris got the best of them.
After all, Brady was the one whose wings were on fire right now. He tried to do it all himself. He was so sure he could fix everything himself.
Brady flew too close to the sun.
Maybe that was the cycle he was fated for. A horrible cycle of repeating generational mistakes. His father flew too close to the sun, and now Brady had done the same.
Like father, like son... Brady supposed.
He didn't understand every detail of how this tale played out in his life.
But he knew the moral of the story.
Brady didn't know the moral of his story.
Maybe there wasn't one.
Brady raised the bat up over his head, every bit of his body trembling. He huffed out roughly as he stretched his right leg out, his eyes turning glassy. His arms were shaking so much that he was worried he would drop the bat. His fingers tightened around the bottom of the bat, closing his eyes.
He was doing this for Jamie.
He had to do this.
Brady braced himself, allowing one last moment of peace.
Well, maybe there was one lesson to all of this.
Don't fly to the sun.
And then he brought the bat down as hard as he could.
The pain was like nothing he had ever felt before.
As the baseball bat made contact with his knee, an excruciating surge of pain radiated through his leg. It felt like a searing, white-hot bolt of agony, as if his entire world had narrowed down to that one point of impact. His muscles clenched and spasmed in protest, and he couldn't help but let out a strangled cry of anguish. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his breath came in sharp, ragged gasps as he struggled to make sense of the overwhelming pain.
Brady stumbled, face pressing against the nearest locker to ground himself. His eyes screwed shut as his mouth fell open in a silent scream. He couldn't scream. Not yet. He couldn't be found yet. The bat nearly fell from his hands, but he held on tight. The sound of it hitting the ground would be too loud. His breaths had grown short as the reality of the situation crashed down on him.
He could only remember the first hit.
He didn't remember the second one. But he had to do it twice. He had to make sure he couldn't play. All Brady could remember was a searing pain and the sound of bone crushing.
Brady didn't even hear the footsteps running towards him. He could only remember falling to the ground in utter agony, his hands grabbing at his knee as he felt the need to throw up creep up in him again.
"What the fuck?"
His eyes opened.
Theo.
The boy stood there with horror painted all over his features. The confusion in his eyes slowly faded as he realized what happened here. After all, the bat was still in Brady's hands. Theo ripped the bat from his hands, holding it in with shaking hands. He put it down away from Brady, taking a brief step back.
His hands went to his pockets as his eyes stayed locked onto Brady. It was clear he had no idea what to do. Brady couldn't exactly blame him either. Honestly, Theo was one of the last people that Brady would want here right now. Theo pulled his phone from his pants, punching something in before holding the phone up to his ears. The room was so silent that Brady could hear the phone ringing like it was playing on a speaker.
"You need to get to the locker rooms. Now. It's Brady."
And then Kinsley was there.
She was crying.
Brady couldn't remember the time in between the phone call and his sister arriving. All he could remember was her immediately collapsing next to him, terrified and confused.
"What did you do? What did you do?" Kinsley whispered as tears fell from her eyes, hands on Brady's arm. Her eyes darted up and down to his injury, at a loss for what to do.
"I'm sorry," Brady murmured, feeling his consciousness slipping.
"Why did you..." Kinsley trailed off, shaking her head.
Brady swallowed, doing his best to ignore the pain. "I couldn't let him lose everything again."
Kinsley let out a horrible groan, one of her hands going to clutch her stomach. "Okay, okay. We need to get rid of the bat."
"How the fuck do we do that?" Theo asked incredulously.
"Bring it out to my car, I'll meet you there," Kinsley told him, doing her best to gather herself despite the circumstances. "I need to call an ambulance and I'll meet you out there. Neither of us can be here right now."
Theo jumped into action, grabbing the bat and running out of the room. His sister turned her attention back to him. She grabbed his hand while using the other to grab his phone from the bench. She paused for a moment, looking down at him with more guilt on her face than Brady had ever seen. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault. He tried, too. But he could hardly make out words at the moment.
"You're such an idiot," Kinsley gritted out, tears continuing down her face.
He did his best to say, "I had to. You gotta get out of here."
And then she was dialing for an ambulance with his phone.
"I'll see you at the hospital, okay?" Kinsley whispered before shoving the phone into his hands.
And then she was gone.
The ringing of the phone filled the air again.
He laid on the floor with a vacant expression on his face. He felt nothing. The pain was hardly even registering at this point. Everything was... numb. This was what his life had led to. This was the hand the universe gave him, and there was never any chance that Brady could win with those cards. This was what he had. He had to accept that. He just felt numb.
Brady felt nothing.
"911, what's your emergency?"
Brady closed his eyes.
"Please... help."
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Forgiving was not Brady's forte.
As it turned out, it was all for nothing.
His father lost it all anyway.
Not on the game, but he didn't handle Brady's accident well. He wasn't a strong man. Coping wasn't something he knew how to do. The only coping mechanism he knew was when he fell back into old habits. Unfortunately for his family, that meant losing any money they had.
When Brady found out... it nearly ripped him to shreds. He was so angry. And so hurt. Did his father really care so little for him? The lengths Brady went to stop his father nearly ruined his life. And it was all for nothing.
The house would always win.
Forgiving was not Brady's forte.
He couldn't forgive the universe.
He couldn't forgive his father...
And Brady couldn't forgive himself.
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A summary for anyone who chooses to opt out of reading this chapter:
The chapter is broken into three parts. The first section highlights how Brady wanted to go pro in hockey to save Jamie and how he feels responsible for his brother.
The second section shows what happened between Brady and Kinsley. Basically, after their father gambles away all of Kinsley's money, Brady knew he needs to get her out of the house. He was worried she wouldn't ever leave the house and would constantly be taking care of their father and Brady wanted her to truly live and enjoy life. Basically, he picked a fight where he sort of just got them to argue so bad that he shouted at her to leave. And then she does. His methods weren't the best but his intentions were good.
It's very Sirius Black and Regulus Black inspired for anyone who is familiar with the Marauders.
The third section shows Kinsley telling Brady that their father is gambling all their money on Brady's game and he has to score a certain number of times to get the money, which is illegal if Brady did that. So, to prevent the bet, Brady takes himself out of the game by smashing his knee in the locker room. Theo finds him and calls Kinsley who comes to the locker room. She gets rid of the bat and calls the police. Unfortunately, their Dad bet the money anyway on something else and they still lost all of the money.
Also side note, in that third section, Brady says how he had seen Tatum and they talked once and he was basically just head over heels instantly cause she yelled at them. They're perfect.