(MENTION OF SENSITIVE SUBJECTS SUCH AS, DRUG USE, ALCOHOL USE, ETC.)
I check my phone. Arrival- 5:37 PM, 3 minutes away. The rest of the friend group is already at the cabin. I sigh. I'm dreading this camping trip because of what's going on with me and Eren, but I don't want to let that ruin this trip. I take a sip out of my redbull that I bought on the way. The cabins about 2 hours away from Paradis, so I bought snacks for the road.
I pull into the driveway of the cabin. The only spot left is next to Eren's car. I groan, turning off my car. I get out, closing my car door and opening the backseat door. I grab the suitcase I packed out and the bag of snacks I threw back there while driving. I knock on the cabin door before opening it, making it known I'm here.
As I walk in, everyone looks at me and greets me. Sasha runs up to me first. "Hi! Hi! Hi! Hiii!" She says, hugging me.
I laugh. "Hi Sash."
Jean is behind her, waiting for her to let me go. Once she does, he hugs me. "Hi gorgeous." He says, pulling away.
"Hi." I say smiling.
Connie waves from the couch. Him and Marco are playing a game on the tv. "Come to the kitchen, that's where everyone is." Jean says. I nod, leaving my suitcase at the doorway.
I walk into the kitchen and immediately lock eyes with Eren. He rolls his eyes, turning his head toward Armin and continuing their conversation.
"Hello, welcome!" Nick says, side hugging me.
"Hi!" I say back, smiling.
Armin looks at me and smiles. I smile back. Mikasa and Annie are sitting at the island. They look at me and wave. I wave back.
Hitch comes out the bathroom. "Oh my god, I was waiting for you! Hi!" She says, immediately running towards me and hugging me.
"Hi, my love." I say, hugging her back.
"Me and Hitch will show you to your room, come on!" Sasha says, grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the kitchen. I look behind me at Hitch and smile. She just shrugs and smiles.
Sasha opens my room door and the first thing I see is a beautifully made bed. "Oh my.." I say, taking in how beautiful the room is.
"I know! I wanted you to have this one because I knew you'd like it." Sasha says, basically cheesing. Hitch is astound by the room too.
"Thank you Sasha." I say, smiling.
"We'll leave you to unpack." Hitch says, closing the door.
She must've grabbed my suitcase when Sasha was dragging me up here. I take my suitcase and put it on the bed, unzipping it. I take out all my pajamas, putting them in one drawer. I take my undergarments, putting them into their own drawer and so on.
Once I'm done unpacking, I plop on the bed. I stare at the ceiling. I hear the friend group moving and talking in the hallway. Suddenly, I hear his voice. "Jean, Armin, come here!" He shouts down the hall. He sounds awfully close. I get up and open my room door.
I peek outside into the hallway and I watch Jean and Armin walk into the room next to mine. I walk down the hallway, taking a look into the room as I walk by. "Nah, Eren I think you got the best room." Jean says.
I walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. How lovely. Just as I was going to try to ignore him the best I could. I sigh deeply before leaving the bathroom and going back into my room.
__________
As I'm laying down on my bed, I hear a knock. "Come in." I say, sitting up.
Sasha opens the door. "Put on your swimsuit, we're going into the hot tub." She says with a smile.
I nod as she closes my door. I groan before getting up. I go over to my dresser and open the swimsuit drawer. "Red or black?" I ask myself. I debate for a minute. "Definitely black." I decide, taking the black bathing suit out of the drawer.
I slip off my clothes and put the bathing suit on. Once I got the bathing suit on, I leave my room. The cabin is quiet. I walk into the kitchen, where the sliding door leading into the backyard is. The sliding door is open and you can hear everyone talking and laughing. I walk out into the backyard and Hitch screams.
"Damn!" She exclaims.
I laugh. "What?" I ask.
"Body!" Sasha says, stretching the y. I laugh.
Jean looks me up and down as I get into the hot tub. Him, Connie, Eren, and Armin are sitting out of the hot tub, rolling up. "There's going to be two on rotation, okay?" Jean says.
"Yes sir!" Sasha says laughing, obviously tipsy. She almost spills the drink in her hand when Nick catches it.
"Y/n, drink?" I hear someone behind me say. I turn and see Levi holding a bottle.
"Sure."
He pops the cap off and hands it to me. I take a sip. It's fruity with a slight hint of alcohol.
"Who wants to start this?" Jean says, walking over to the hot tub, blunt in hand.
None of the girls volunteer so I do. "I will." I say, taking the blunt from him. He nods. I put the blunt up to my mouth. He looks at me as he holds the lighter to the blunt.
"Alright, stop flirting." Connie snickers, lighting his own blunt.
I ghost it before laughing. I hand the blunt to Hitch.
Jean gets into the hot tub, sitting next to me. I watch as the rest of the boys get in too. Armin sits next to Annie, putting his arm around her. Levi sits in between Eren and Mikasa. Connie sits next to Sasha and Nick.
Jean takes the blunt from Marco, hitting it and then offering it to me. I take it from him, hitting it until it burns the back of my throat. I ghost the smoke before passing it off to Levi. I watch Sasha take the other blunt and handing it to Mikasa. I take a sip out of my bottle that Levi gave me earlier. I feel it slightly kicking in.
"Why don't we play some music?" Sasha suggests. The whole group agrees.
"I'll put it on." Eren says, getting out.
I roll my eyes and look at Jean. He was already looking at me. "I like your bathing suit." He says to me, eyes hanging low.
"Thanks." I say smiling.
I feel someone literally staring into my soul. I look over at Eren. He's literally death glaring me and Jean. Armin motions for him to take the blunt. That's when he breaks eye contact, taking it and inhaling it as he types on his phone, shaking his head at me. He slightly laughs to himself. I roll my eyes. He passes the blunt off before getting back in the hot tub. A beat starts picking up on the speaker. He put on Chase Atlantic.
"Want to finish this one?" Marco says, holding the blunt towards me.
"Yeah." I say, taking the blunt while getting out of the hot tub. I also grab my drink. "I'm going to take a walk." I add, before walking away.
They all nod or say "Okay."
Apparently if you walk more in the backyard, there's a pond and I need to clear my head. As I'm walking, I'm taking hits off the blunt.
"This shit is weak." I say to myself.
I remember when I used to smoke, it used to be so much stronger. Maybe it was just what my dealer would sell.
Everything in the backyard is lit with string lights or the yard lights. I continue walking until I see the pond. It's more like a small lake. It has a tiny dock that looks newly built. I walk and sit at the end, criss-cross applesauce. I watch the fish swim as I finish the blunt. I put the blunt out and lay the roach down. I look around. There's trees everywhere, they swing back and forth with the breeze. It's kind of chilly but I rather be here than there and have Eren death glaring me. I take a sip out of my drink.
As I'm taking in my surroundings, I hear leaves crunching. I turn and look towards the cabin. I see Levi walking down towards the pond. He comes over and sits next to me.
As he sits down, he picks up the roach. I can tell he's questioning himself about it. Probably how I finished it so fast since it was a decent size. He puts it down. He starts looking at the trees. We sit in silence until he speaks up.
"You came over here for a break?" He asks.
I nod. "Yeah, I needed a minute to think." I say, looking at him.
He nods his head. He's admiring the surroundings.
"If you don't mind me asking, why are you over here?" I ask. Maybe he needs a break too?
He looks at me. "Checking on you." He responds.
I nod, looking away. I pick up my drink, taking a sip out of it.
"I think this is the most I've seen you smoke." He states.
I look at him and laugh, knowing this isn't even the worst of it. "Yeah." I respond. I hear birds chirping.
"What's wrong, like actually?" He asks, turning towards me.
I sigh. I think before speaking. "Have you ever seen someone so perfect looking, but they're actions aren't as perfect as their words or their physical appearance? That's what's wrong." I state, leaving the most information I can.
"So you're getting fucked up over a guy? Nice." He states.
"No, I'm not even closed to fucked up and I'm not getting fucked up over him, I'm getting fucked up because I can't stop thinking about it." I say before taking a sip out of my drink.
"You can't stop thinking about it because of him. So therefore, you're getting fucked up over a guy. I'm not judging, just saying." He states, looking at me.
"I can't win with you." I say, putting my knees up to my chest and burying my head.
He scoffs. "What's going on with you and Jean?" He asks randomly.
I turn my head to him. "Nothing, why?" I question.
"He was insanely flirty with you earlier. I didn't know if something was going on or not." He states, looking at the pond.
"Oh, no. That was really random of him." I state. I have no clue on why Jean was flirting with me. It was totally out of the blue.
I watch Levi as he nods and pays attention to the fish in the pond. I bury my head again, listening to the sounds. The leaves are flowing, trees shaking, birds chirping and you can hear the slight breeze.
I hear Levi get up. "I'm going back, let me know if you need anything." He states before walking away.
"Mhm." I hum.
I pick my head up and pick up my drink. I only have so much left. I finish it and pick up the roach, putting it in the bottle. I get up, walking off the dock. I start making my way back to the cabin.
Once I get back to the backyard, I can see them all still in the hot tub. I see them all laughing and talking. As I inch closer, I see Eren with his arm around Mikasa and she's holding one of his hands. I laugh to myself. He turns his head and sees me. I look at Hitch, she's looking at me about to laugh too. I just shake my head and walk into the cabin. I throw out my bottle and go into my room.
I go look in the mirror. My eyes are slightly red and low. "Oh shit." I say to myself. I laugh. Maybe it's stronger than I thought.
I go over to my dresser, taking out sweatpants and a crop top. I grab everything else I need for a quick shower. I leave my room, going into the bathroom and locking the door. I turn on the shower and take off my bathing suit. My hair didn't get wet and it's clean, so I clip it up. I get into the shower. I grab my loofa I brought, lathering soap on it. I scrub my body. I start hearing people making their way into the cabin. I hurry up and finish my shower.
Once I dry off, I put on the crop top and sweatpants I grabbed. I look in the mirror of the bathroom. My eyes are still red and things are getting slightly loopy. This reminds me of the first time I smoked. I sigh as I take my hair down. I debate keeping the long sleeve white crop top on or changing into the matching hoodie I brought for the grey sweatpants I have on.
"This'll do." I say to myself.
I grab all my stuff, unlocking the bathroom door and walking out of the bathroom. As I'm walking out, I bump into Eren. I look up at him. "Watch where you're going." I hiss.
He just looks at me shocked as I walk away. I go back into my room, closing the door behind me.
I put everything away neatly before crawling into my bed. I check the time on my phone. 9:18. Perfect. I can sleep everything that happened tonight off. I curl up, getting comfortable. I immediately fall asleep.
____________
I wake up to my phone buzzing. I check the time. 12:08 AM. I look at my notifications.
2 Missed calls from E - 10:16 PM
E: Alr, you can stop ignoring me now - 10:34 PM
E: We need to talk - 10:34
E: bro you d.a went to bed at 9? - 11:02
E: You're a snoozer wtf - 2 Mins ago
I groan. I love how he can get mad at me, tell me to get out of his face, do what he wants with Mikasa, but as soon as I have a reaction to it, he wants to make up. I roll my eyes before responding.
Y/n: What do you want
E: to talk to you
Y/n: There's nothing to talk about.
E: yes there is
E: yk there is
E: Y/n please
Y/n: Ok, talk
E: 🤦🏻
E: bro in person
Y/n: There's nothing important to talk about in person.
E: fs
E: So you're either going to get your ass out of your room and come talk to me on the deck or I'll go into your room. Your choice.
I smile to myself.
Y/n: Fine. I'll be out there in a second.
E: thought so
I leave him on read as I get up. I grab a hoodie and throw it on over my crop top. I quietly open my room door and make my way to the kitchen. I quietly open the sliding door. I look at the chairs outside and he's sitting there. I close the sliding door before sitting down.
I look at him. "Talk." I say, pulling my sleeves over my hands. It's a lot colder out now than it was before.
He puts a finger over his mouth, indicating for me to keep my voice down. "Jean, really?" He questions me.
I make a face at him. That's really the first thing he wants to talk about? "What're you talking about?" I ask, whispering.
"We have an argument and you start flirting with Jean?" He asks lowly.
I laugh at him. "That 'argument' was you ending what you started. Therefore, I can do what I want but because you're so concerned, I'm just as confused as you are. Jean randomly started flirting with me today." I state, glaring at him.
He looks at me. He sighs. "You know damn well, I wasn't going to stay away from you despite what I said." He whispers.
"How would I know? You were already touching up on Mikasa today." I state.
"Oh my god." He runs a hand over his face. "That's funny because I knew you were going to say that. It's a misunderstanding, I had my arm on the hot tub, then she switched seats when Levi left to check on you. Which I made him do by the way. She took my arm and put it around her. You can ask anyone there." He says, explaining himself.
I nod. "I don't know how much of that I can trust. You were still doing whatever you wanted with Mikasa before." I whisper, shrugging.
He makes a face. "No, you don't get to do that. Yeah, me and you had and do have chemistry but we weren't anything. We didn't talk about what we were. In fact, you set boundaries to stay FRIENDS." He whisper yells at me as he throws his arms up.
"But you said I make couple things 'worth it' and she doesn't." I argue, giving him a dirty look.
"I did, you're right. But were we talking? Were we together? No. I was just as single as you were when you were hanging out with Armin during the day and then sneaking around with me at night. This isn't double standard. And for the record, you literally had no problem doing couple things either while you were entertaining Armin. Let's also not forget why those boundaries were set in the first place." He argues back, whispering as he leans on the edge of his chair.
"Those boundaries were set because we BOTH couldn't stay just FRIENDS, so don't pin that on just me. And as for me and Armin? That's different. Armin liked the idea of me, Mikasa's literally in love with you! Yes, I did sneak around with you while entertaining Armin but you're just as wrong for it. Not only because you were entertaining Mikasa, but because Armin's your 'best friend' but yet, you were sneaking around with me." I whisper, throwing my hands up.
"Woah, but who went willingly? You. You could've said no but you didn't. Also, I don't give a fuck if Mikasa's in love with me just how you didn't give a fuck if she was either, or how you didn't give a fuck how Armin felt despite being in love with Annie. Let's face it, we're both fucked." He whispers as he leans back in his chair.
I look at him while he looks at me. I throw my hand over my mouth as I hold in my laugh. He tries holding his laugh in too. We both give up and laugh as quietly as we can. We definitely shouldn't be laughing about it but it's kind of funny how we're arguing but in one way or another, we're both wrong.
Once we stop laughing, I speak up. "You sent Levi to check on me?" I ask. Maybe he really does care like he says he does.
"Well, kind of. I told Levi someone should probably check on you in a couple minutes and he did." He says, playing with his phone case. I watch as he pops it off then back on, over and over again.
We sit in silence until I break it. "Is that all?" I ask, seeing if he wants to talk about anything else.
"Yeah." He states.
I nod. I get up, quietly opening the sliding door. I turn and look at him. He's still playing with his phone case. "Are you coming?" I whisper.
His face shoots up. I smile at him, holding my hand out. He smiles back at me, putting his phone in his sweatpants pocket. He quickly gets up and takes my hand.
We quietly walk into my room. I shut the door. He takes my hand, wrapping my arms around his neck. He puts his hands on my waist. He looks at me. It's different then the last few times he's looked at me today. His expression is soft, he looks happy. Then he leans in, he kisses me softly. It's passionate and slow. One of his hands move up my back. My hand moves up into his hair and then the side of his face.
He pulls away. "I've wanted to kiss you all day." He says. I smile.
He goes in for another kiss. It's quick. "Oh my god, especially when Jean was flirting with you. I could've killed him." He says, clearly jealous.
I immediately remember the death glare he gave us as I laugh to myself. "Jealous?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. He glares at me. I laugh quietly before kissing him again.
He smiles as he kisses me. His hands travel down to my legs, picking me up. He continues to kiss me as he sits on the end of the bed. My hands move up back into his hair as his hands travel back to my waist. He pulls away to catch his breath. I put more weight on him, causing him to lay back on the bed. He smiles before kissing me. I kiss him before I start kissing his neck. He sighs. His hands remain on my waist. I continue kissing his neck before he flips me over as soon as I pull away.
He starts kissing me. His kissing is starting to get messy. He starts kissing down my neck. His hands move up my sweatshirt, pulling it over my head. He continues kissing the same spot on my neck. "Eren, not too much, you're going to leave a mark." I say, quietly.
He pulls away. He laughs to himself before kissing me again. His hands move from my waist to my sweatpants band. He pulls them off. My hands move from his hair to his sweatshirt. He helps me pull it off before kissing me again. His kissing gets sloppy again. My hands move under his shirt, I feel his muscles as I do so. I pull his shirt off as his hands move down to my lower back. He starts playing with my underwear. I pull away from him, catching my breath. His forehead is touching mine. He's breathing heavy.
I put my hand on his. "Eren. Not tonight." I say, my breath ragged. I don't want to rush into things and I don't want to risk someone hearing.
"Okay." He says softly. He quickly understood.
He removes his hands from me, falling on the bed on his back. I look up at the ceiling, still catching my breath.
He gets up and grabs my sweatpants he practically ripped off of me. I sit up. He hands them to me. He sits next to me as I put them back on. Once I do, I lay my head on his shoulder. The dresser mirror is right in front of us. He's looking at us in the mirror.
"You're so pretty." He says, staring at me.
I smile. "Thank you." I thank him. I feel my face get hot. He smiles to himself as he watches me blush.
"Are you staying in here tonight?" I ask.
He looks down at me. "I can. I just have to leave before everyone wakes up." He says.
I nod.
"Do you want me to?" He asks.
"Yeah." I respond.
"Okay. Go lay down." He says under his breath. I smile as I get up and go lay down in my spot.
I watch as he stands up, walking to the other side of the bed. He moves the blanket back, getting into the bed. He pulls me close to him so now our faces are inches apart. He starts playing with my hair, moving hair out of my face. As he does so, he speaks up. "I'm sorry for not letting you speak. I took it the wrong way and got angry. So, I'm sorry." He says, trying his best to apologize.
"I know. It's okay." I mumble as I'm slowly falling asleep.
"Why did you smoke so much today?" He asks. I open my eyes, looking at him. "Was it because of me?" He questions.
I clear my throat. "In a way, yes. I wasn't necessarily smoking because I was upset, I was smoking because I wanted to forget it. Because I'm not going to lie, I thought the other night was it." I answer.
"You really think I could leave you alone that easy? I tried so hard to stay away from you when you were with Armin. Now look at where we are, you're stuck with me." He says softly.
I laugh to myself. He lets out a small laugh too. Being stuck with him doesn't sound too bad.
He pulls me closer to him. I bury my head in his chest. His fingers are running through my hair while his other hand is rubbing my back. Laying here with him makes me feel so comfortable. Safe even. He makes me feel things others did not. How others failed to make me feel. He's gentle with me, he's kind, and surprisingly mindful at times. Not that it isn't obvious but, I'm definitely catching feelings for Eren Jaeger.