"Danielle, let go of my arm. He's crying and I need to be there with him." Hanni whispered rather sternly as she's trying to pull her arm out of Danielle's tight grip. "...you don't want to do this."
"Hanni, I'm sorry but I had to do this, just listen to me okay? Please just let him be for now." Danielle had to keep her voice down as Hanni just sighed. "I can't just let him be, something's bothering him and I want to know what it is."
"And you will. Sooner or later, you will and trust me when I say this, you have to prepare yourself for it when it comes." Danielle slowly loosening her grip on Hanni's arm as Hanni's expression clouded some confusion. "I-I don't understand. What you do you mean I have to prepare myself?"
"Come on. We'll just talk at the back." Gently Danielle held Hanni's hand as she guided Hanni to the back area before finding seats for them to sit on.
"He was okay since that night at the café, I swear I could feel that he's coming back into his old self. Everything's going back to the way it was since last few weeks but..." Hanni had to lower her head as she buried it in the palms of her hands, sighing endlessly. "...why am I hurting so much just by looking at him back then."
"He's probably feeling a bit emotional, he'd be like that some times. You know that right?" Danielle tried to lie, in hopes that Hanni's buying her reason. "...Yongjae's just a ball of emotional rollercoaster when it comes to these poetry talks. He takes it really seriously. Maybe his emotions got the best of him. That's all"
"No you don't understand Danielle. I know what Yongjae is as a person and that's more than just a poem he delivered. I felt like he's talking to me, I felt that letter was meant for me." Hanni couldn't let her eyes off the stage in front of them as the images of you on stage remained lingering in her mind.
"That's a question only he can answer I'm afraid. But can I be honest with you?" Danielle placed her palm on Hanni's knee as she looked over to curly haired woman. "...whatever is happening between you and Yongjae right now, it's affecting him. I feel like I should let that out of the bush."
"Ever since the start of this new semester, he's not the guy I know few months back. I know I've only known him for about three months and you know him way longer than I do, but even I can see that he's not the same Yongjae that I know, that we know." Danielle continued her reason as Hanni's just listening carefully.
"The obvious one, he doesn't write in his little notebook as of now. I've never seen him writing a single word in his usual book and that's worrying me for a little bit so I had no choice but to observe him and probably hoped that I can be of some sort of support for him as he's a friend of mine as well." Hanni was quiet surprised by that statement.
"Then you should probably know that he's been giving me a cold shoulder and silent treatments ever since the start of the new semester right?" Hanni asked and Danielle just nodded the truth. "...it's all my fault. I never should have agreed in the first place." Hanni whispered in actual regret of her decision regarding the whole one-month thing with Jun.
Yes, Hanni didn't want to admit it, but deep hidden inside her heart, mixed feelings of guiltiness and regrets were present throughout midway of the month she's been spending with Jun. Hanni's been keeping this to herself, but she had once hoped during the night she told you about Jun... that you somehow tell her that you did not want her to be with Jun and somehow fight for their friendship between you and her...
...hoped that you would somehow showed her that she meant more to you than just a friend.
"Danielle..." Hanni finally broke her silence after a couple of minutes as Danielle just gave her a light hum. "I want to apologize to you." Hanni whispered as the other woman was a bit in confusion. "...ever since last semester, whenever I saw you and Yongjae together, I sometimes felt a bit jealous at times even though I have no right to be in the first place."
"It's okay. Hanni you don't have to apologize, Yongjae already told me about it and I understand." Danielle clarified things with Hanni as Hanni nodded with a short sigh. "...then can I ask for a favour?" Hanni had her palm on Danielle's lap as she leaned her body closer towards Hanni.
"As of now, if you tell me that you have feelings of affection for Yongjae, I will be relieved and if you do, can I ask of you to take great care of him." Hanni whispered with a head clouded with so many things that she couldn't think things thoroughly and let her emotions took over.
Danielle could only give Hanni a smile, so bitter even Hanni could see it. "I'm sorry but I can't help you with that Hanni... Yongjae's a great person but he's no more than just a friend I cherish a lot..." Danielle gave her honest feelings as Hanni could only nod her head while looking down. "...the one who can do that for you, is yourself and yourself only Hanni."
"Me...?" Hanni asked as Danielle patted Hanni's shoulder. "No one else. It's only you who can do it for Yongjae."
The night after that incident by the Literature club hall, you spent the rest of the day, locking yourself in your room with. Obviously seeing Hanni there knowing that she'd probably heard everything you said on that stage left a huge heavy burden on your shoulders.
What happened back then was not even in the script and could somehow impact the way that you're about to leave the country to Australia so now you're doing it again, giving her the silent treatment. It was imminent that she somehow texted you, asking about everything that happened earlier but you couldn't even manage a courage to open her texts let alone answering the two to three calls she gave you.
You were going through your closet as you're picking up some clothes for you to bring to Australia, packing them up in your luggage but one thing that kept happening was that you couldn't even try to stop the tears from running down your eyes. The tears was not that elegant kind that glistens in the moonlight, but the messy, uncontrollable kind that stains the soul deep inside.
At this point, you're just tired. But not that kind of tired where you have no energy left in you. You're tired because of the way your heart still trying to reach for someone it can't hold. You're tired because every laugh and every glance you shared with her feels like a bittersweet melody, like a song that ends too soon.
You're tired because right now, even in the quiet moments, you still found yourself whispering wishes into the void, hoping against hope for a miracle but the mind knows the truth yet the heart refuses to listen and it drained you out from your soul because the world just keeps on spinning, yet you're stuck in a moment that never truly belonged to you.
"What if I let you go and you don't even come back..." You whispered as you leaned back against your closet. It's like you're holding onto a piece of string that's connected to nothing. Letting go feels more like you're losing a big part of yourself, but holding on feels even heavier. Each day passing was a reminder that you messed up everything and now it's still all too late.
She's with him and she's happy with him and although it still pain you to just think about it, you know you needed to move on, even though there's still parts of you that waits for her. It's a scary thought, wondering if you're making the right choice.
But for now, all you need to do is to be okay on your own, heal yourself but even so, you couldn't help but wonder, what if one day Hanni realize what you and her had with each other and it's too late...
You know how your heart's tired but amidst all of this, you needed to find strength, you needed to look after your own well-being, you need to find focus on things that would heal you and bring you joy, even without her in it.
Yongbok was carrying his luggage and bags slowly downstairs as the day had finally arrived. Today's the day Yongbok and his family would be going back to Australia and it's been a busy sunrise for the Lee Family.
"Yongbok, come eat some breakfast first honey?" His mother called out to her son from the kitchen as Yongbok's arranging the family's luggage and bags for convenience moving into the van soon. "Okay mom, in a bit."
As Yongbok's getting to the last bit of arranging, the doorbell rang and echoed into the house. "Is that the airport van? Yongbok can you go check it out son." His father's voice echoed from the kitchen as Yongbok walked his way calmly to the front door.
"Hey bro." Yongbok was surprised to see you first thing in the morning the moment he swung the front door opened. Without saying anything you reached out to Yongbok for a tight brotherly hug. No words being said as Yongbok's patting your back while your caressing his back.
"You okay?" He asked as you and Yongbok let each other off the embrace while you just nodded. "I mean it's still early, we're not going to the airport until about five more hours."
"I know. That's why I'm here..." You replied. "...I won't be able to make it to the airport later today. I'm sorry Yongbok. That's why I'm here to see you off. I hope you understand why."
"Of course..." Yongbok widened the door open. "Come on, we'll chat inside." Nodding your head, you entered Yongbok's house as he brought you to the living room of an already empty house yet filled with many memories between you, Yongbok and the others.
"Actually, there's something I wanted to tell you and I know you're the only one I can tell about this." You said as you two settled down on the sofa. "On October 6th, I'll be departing for Australia as well."
Yongbok was not expecting that, as shown by how wide his eyes were and the shocked expression in his face. "What do you mean Australia? What's going on?"
"I made this decision almost months ago. I'll be studying in Australia as a part of a student's exchange programme. The ticket's prepared, my stuffs are also packed up and I'll be going the day after tomorrow." You explained yet Yongbok's face plastered with worries.
"You sure you want to do this?" Yongbok's question left you in silence before he just sighed silently. "...you sure Hanni would take this news well?"
"She has him Yongbok, she doesn't have to worry about me that much no more. Besides, I needed this..." You heaved out. "...I can't keep living here at the moment. I need to get away, let my heart heals."
"Does Minji knows about this?" He asked as you just shook your head. "...she'll never let me go, I'm sure of that. The reason I'm telling you this is because I know that you would understand my decision and not seeing it from just one side of the story."
Yongbok and you went silent for minutes before Yongbok just nodded his head rather weakly. "I understand, it's your choice which means you've prepared yourself for this and I already said that I will support you no matter what happened between you and Hanni."
"Thank you. Also the reason I'm here is because..." As you're opening a file you brought, Yongbok's parents then came to the living room. "Yongjae? You're here early dear boy. Everything okay here?"
"...yeah everything's fine. Actually, there's something I want to ask all of you as a family." You said as Yongbok's parents sat down across of where you and Yongbok were seated before you briefed them regarding your situation.
"So if it's not an inconvenience to you guys as a family..." You then took out a few papers from the file that you brought. "...I would like to stay with you in Australia as part of my homestay family."
"We would love to boy, you're like a son to us anyway." Yongbok's mother agreed as well as both Yongbok and his father as relief washed over you. "Thank you..." You whispered with a smile.
Hanni was all dressed up as today's quiet an important day for her because Yongbok's departing for Australia and she must be there at the airport to see them off. Right now she's having her late breakfast with her parents while waiting for certain someone.
Moon Junhui.
As the minutes passing by, she finished her breakfast before sitting by the dinner table with her parents as she's on her phone. "Is Yongjae coming to pick you up?" Hanni's father asked as he's reading a newspaper while her mother was watching something on her phone next to her husband.
And immediately Hanni had her mind cramped with the thoughts of you as the cold treatment happened yet again and it didn't help with her panic attacks that kept on crawling up to her on most nights. Yet Hanni didn't have to courage to tell anyone that she's been suffering, not even her parents
"Umm, no... someone else's picking me up later." Hanni answered hesitantly. "Is it the new boy you've been spending time with? When will he come see us here?" Her father calmly asked as Hanni just bit her lower lip while being hesitant.
"I'm not sure, I'm not ready to let him see you two for now..." Hanni answered rather timidly as her father lowered the newspaper and looked over at his daughter. "What did he do to you?" The question came out stern as Hanni just shook her head while waving her hands in front of her dad.
"Dad he didn't do anything okay? If he ever did try something, I'll be leaving him instantly." Hanni nervously clarified. "You better." His father went back to his newspaper. "...I don't want anything bad happening to my daughter. Which is why I have so much trust for Lee's boy."
"Something's bothering you honey?" Her mother noticed the less cheerful mood of her daughter as Hanni just remained silent while not wanting to look at her mother in the eyes. "I haven't seen Yongjae for a while actually mommy..."
"Ever since Jun came... things have been hard between me and Yongjae and I hate it..." Hanni opened up to her parents. "...also one of the reason I'm not keen on letting Jun meet you two is because, I'm still unsure of my own feelings."
"If you're unsure then mommy only have this to say to you... listen carefully okay." Hanni quickly went over to the other side as she sat down next to her mother who embraced her daughter while Hanni comfortably resting her head on her mother's shoulder.
"My Hanni bunny, in life there are two kinds of men you'll meet. The first one will give you the life you want..." Her mother was caressing Hanni's head as Hanni's eyes closed while she's listening peacefully. "...the second one will give you the love you desire..."
"If you're one of the lucky few, you will find both in one person but..." Her mother lifted Hanni's head up gently as she looked at Hanni in the eyes. "...if you ever find yourself having to choose between the two, then always choose love."
"That's a really meaningful saying mommy..." Hanni rested her head back onto her mother's shoulder. "Well it's one of those tiktok videos that's showing quotes and stuffs. Doesn't matter if it wasn't from me, the point is, whoever it is that your heart will choose in the future, I want him to be the reason for your smile and not your tears. This one's originally from mommy."
"Thank you, mommy..." Hanni wrapped her arms around her mother as the affection of a mother always calms Hanni down whenever she feels restless. Her eyes were closed as she's thinking of the things that always make her smile and happy, then instantly it's your image that always popped up in her mind.
Never once when she thought of something that's meaningful to her and Jun's the one that appears in her mind but instead, the memories that you shared with her that kept on floating up and as guilty she might feel, those memories were the one that made her happy. You're the one that made her happy since the begining.
Always been you.
So leave a vote and comments(?) maybe, I would love to read your comments. It'll motivates me to write more, it really does.
Loves lot ❤