Alex was in the same place when morning struck.
ㅤThe hurricane had passed, leaving a serene and mocking calm in its trail, the destruction strewn around in a mess. It was a scene only Alex would see.
ㅤEven now, as he sat in a reverie, his mind remained practical, already trying to think of solutions, planning new schemes. It cast no consideration or sympathy to his tired heart. Survive, survive, survive; that was all it thought. It was in spite of his will.
ㅤFletcher pushed open the door, yawning, eyes puffy from sleep. "Good morning," he mumbled.
ㅤAlex forced a small smile. "Morning."
ㅤ"Could you tie my hair for me?"
ㅤAlex sacrificed his chair for Fletcher and stood behind it, his muscles feeling cramped from setting in one position for so long. He used the brush Fletcher had given him to pass it through his hair. It was a task Alex became engrossed in, providing him with a distraction so he didn't have to listen to more futile plans. None of them would work anyway.
ㅤ"How do you want it?" he asked.
ㅤ"Top half up."
ㅤAlex didn't have a lot of experience helping people with their hair, others never tended to get this friendly with him. But, they weren't in a rush, so he wasn't worried. He had time to learn.
ㅤ"James said he'd grown his hair out once." Alex wasn't sure why he said it.
ㅤ"That's surprisingly not hard to imagine," Fletcher mused. "His hair is a beautiful colour, like woven gold."
ㅤIt was indeed beautiful. It was as if James had been designed to be a great treasure himself, superfluously blessed with bounty by Adeia Herself, carved addictively. It possessed people to want to follow him, like he could grant such affluence onto others.
ㅤAlex didn't think much of the Gods but, if they did exist, it was obvious they had favourites. Alex could imagine his own creation had been neglected for James' sake.
ㅤ"Have you ever grown yours?" Fletcher asked curiously.
ㅤ"No," Alex replied. "But, it wouldn't suit me anyway."
ㅤPerhaps Fletcher was shrewder than Alex gave him credit for, because he sat silently in thought for a few sharp beats.
ㅤ"It will," Fletcher promised.
ㅤAlex was more comfortable feigning ignorance to its meaning.
➵ ➵ ➵ ➵
Breakfast was an awkward affair, even if Riley, in particular, seemed immune. Riley had Thomas in a headlock when he and Fletcher entered the dining room. Thomas was trying to fight him off without hurting him.
ㅤ"Get off me, you brute!"
ㅤRiley laughed, leaning over to push Thomas' head down and disturb his balance. It was a blatantly disrespectful display to subject Duke Straton to, but the duke sat at the table with a grim twist to his mouth, not challenging them. It didn't seem like Riley held much respect for his uncle at this time anyway.
ㅤRiley looked different. It was obvious why.
ㅤ"You cut your hair!" Fletcher realised, pointing. He didn't seem phased by their roughhousing, it must've been a common occurrence when Alex wasn't present.
ㅤFletcher was right, though. Riley still had a short length swept either side of his forehead but that hideous and tired plait had been chopped off, his head closely cropped at the back. Somehow, he looked healthier, his vitality stronger. Alex couldn't imagine it was just the new style that made him seem that way. No doubt Llwyd's life had a big part to play in that.
ㅤRiley grinned. "We're going to war soon. This creature, here, did it for me."
ㅤThomas growled, trying to buck Riley off, but his stability and footing was awkward and weak. "This is how the bastard repays me."
ㅤ"You're good at it," Fletcher complimented.
ㅤThomas huffed, giving in to his impulses, and elbowed Riley in the stomach, hard. It was enough to wrestle himself free and he straightened himself to his full height. He fixed his clothes, in short curt movements, glaring at his colleague.
ㅤ"I do my daughter's," Thomas explained. "She had a phase where she wanted a man's cut."
ㅤ"It's that southerner blood," Riley sniped with an evil smile, toeing away in preparation for another strike.
ㅤAlex watched the excitement with a detached gaze, unable to muster any humour. He sat at the table, chewing on flavourless bread. Yufus was his kindred spirit, who appeared just as out of place as Alex felt.
ㅤThe bickering suddenly became silent and footsteps pierced the air, a woman with tanned skin and long dark hair entering. Her robes were almost a clear white, shimmering with an intricate gold embroidery.
ㅤThe duke stood up suddenly, the table clattering. His eyes were wide and fearful.
ㅤ"Mererid, I told you not to come downstairs."
ㅤThe duke's daughter rolled her eyes and strolled straight up to Riley who scowled at her existence. She reached up and smacked the back of his head, hard.
ㅤ"You bitch," Riley snarled, rubbing the sore spot.
ㅤ"You look ugly," she said.
ㅤ"Yet, prettier than you. You dark-haired horse-face."
ㅤThomas shifted awkwardly and followed Fletcher's example by taking a seat at the table, openly watching the cousins interact with piqued interest.
ㅤThe duke glanced around erratically, fearful. "Mererid, I'm not joking. I told you not to come down for breakfast."
ㅤThey all knew why the duke was scared and it dampened their mood. The blood had been cleaned up since they'd last been in that room but Alex swore he could still see the smudge her body had left as she'd been dragged across the floor. Alex was the only one who knew that the object of the duke's fear was no longer present.
ㅤ"I did wonder why you said that," Mererid said, grinning. "But I deserve to bully this disloyal idiot, too. I can't believe you went and joined the Drykas guard. My poor sister."
ㅤRiley snorted. "I know you two celebrated the news. I bet you went on a bender and got passed around like whores."
ㅤ"Yeah, and do you still take it up the arse?"
ㅤ"Do you?"
ㅤ"Mererid!" the duke barked, shocking her.
ㅤHer cheer faltered. She scrutinised her father, surprised by his tone of voice. "Sorry..." she said, a little less confident. "I didn't realise it would be that big of a deal." She scanned the table, taking note of the others. "I've been vulgar in front of your guests..."
ㅤRiley nudged her. "You're fine. Uncle is just a little stressed today. These are my colleagues."
ㅤHer gaze snagged on Alex in particular.
ㅤ"Is that your slave?" she asked, confused, changing language. "Why is he sitting at the dinner table?"
ㅤRiley winced severely. "That's my superior," he quickly clarified. "Lord Alexander Chamberlain."
ㅤMererid covered her mouth and had the decency to look mortified, realising Alex would've understood. "I'm so sorry," she gushed. "We don't employ slaves along the coast, I have no idea about this whole thing. I was so rude."
ㅤAlex forced a smile. A sincere apology was rare, but he despised that he was only afforded basic respect if people believed he wasn't a slave. He was the same person regardless.
ㅤ"I don't take it personally," Alex lied for her sake. "It's lovely to meet you."
ㅤHer shoulders untensed. "The honour is mine. But... where is the other guest? The servants told me there were six."
ㅤThe duke flinched at the mention of James and quickly strolled up to his daughter, taking her by the arm. "Come here." She let herself get dragged out of the room, unworried but annoyed. She waved goodbye from behind.
ㅤAfter their abrupt departure, Riley sat down with the rest of them, loading up his plate with sliced meats and bread. His gaze lingered at the door before fixing onto Alex curiously.
ㅤ"Where is he? Now that she mentions it."
ㅤ"Why are you asking me?" Alex asked blandly.
ㅤ"You two are quite literally joined at the hip."
ㅤAlex didn't appreciate the joke. Thomas stifled a snigger.
ㅤ"Your women are quite beautiful and very happy," Yufus commented, letting Alex off the hook. "I notice every time I come here."
ㅤThomas snorted. "That's because we don't force them to cover up."
ㅤFletcher's explanation was a little more diplomatic. "We respect women's adversaries of childbirth. They are equal to us, they just fight a different sort of battle. So, they can do what they want, wear what they want, and say what they want. They've earned it."
ㅤ"Even though they sleep with lots of men?"
ㅤ"What do we care? They marry us and we sleep around way more than they do."
ㅤ"So strange," Yufus murmured, deep in thought.
ㅤUnfortunately for Alex, Riley wasn't done pressing the issue. He'd stopped eating and appeared more serious, less sarcastic.
ㅤ"Seriously, where is he?"
ㅤ"Go find him yourself," Alex grumbled, tearing his bread up into chunks he had no plans to eat.
ㅤRiley blinked, his brows lowering. He seemed doubtful. "Did he go?"
ㅤAlex stiffened.
ㅤRiley blew out a low breath, leaning back into his seat. "That was quick," he mused. "He really didn't stick around, huh?"
ㅤJames had mentioned Riley the night before and Alex hadn't thought too deeply about it. But it was true, Riley had already known what James had planned to do beforehand and hadn't told a single of them about it. It stung more than Alex expected.
ㅤ"You knew he would run?"
ㅤRiley presented a coy smile on his face which Alex didn't believe for a second. As if reading that Alex wouldn't tolerate such a display, Riley dropped the act immediately. But his humour persisted.
ㅤ"I have to say," Riley hummed. "James really went and betrayed my expectations. I was almost certain he'd take you with him. The fact you're still here means he probably didn't tell you, eh?"
ㅤAlex said nothing, crushing a piece of bread between his fingers.
ㅤRiley nodded and sighed. "That's cold. Even for him."
ㅤ"I let him go."
ㅤRiley's brows climbed upward, stunned, rendered momentarily speechless by the admission. It did well in slapping away that annoying amused twist he constantly had pulling his lips.
ㅤ"He asked... and you let him go?" Riley voiced slowly, seeking clarification.
ㅤAlex nodded, leaning his head against his propped up hand. The others had seemed to take an interest in their conversation after witnessing Riley's reaction. But Alex had no idea what he would tell them— if he would tell them.
ㅤRiley blinked, slowly, then blinked again, processing what he'd learned. "Wow," he stated. "You two continued to surprise me, even to the end."
ㅤThe end. That was right. It was the end.
ㅤ"You know," Riley continued. "If you didn't agree to go with him, I thought you'd both forcibly try to drag the other in your respective directions, no matter who won that battle. I really thought you two would remain a pair, no matter where that was. I didn't anticipate that you would both surrender like that."
ㅤ"James didn't surrender anything," Alex gritted out. "He got what he wanted."
ㅤ"Did he?"
ㅤAlex rubbed his forehead, trying to ease off an impending migraine. Alex was just a garnish to the main dish, he knew that. James had got his version of freedom back, and that was what was most important. James could be upset all he wanted, but he still got his meal. Alex didn't.
ㅤ"What are you going to tell the others?" Riley prompted.
ㅤ"Oh, shut up," Alex snapped. Alex couldn't handle any more of this interrogation. Riley should be quiet and be thankful Alex wasn't beating him blue for keeping such huge secrets from their team. Alex still hadn't fully thought through the near past, let alone thought about what to do next. He could only handle so much at a time.
ㅤ"Woah, hey," Thomas tried, wishing to calm the situation. "What's going on?"
ㅤ"The answer depends on Alex," Riley replied. "What are you going to say?"
ㅤAlex covered his eyes, rubbing them. "I don't fucking know."
ㅤ"Since you're here, you're our direct superior," Riley so helpfully reminded him. "You're the one making the decisions. 'I don't know' isn't a decision."
ㅤAlex fell silent, barely holding himself together. He couldn't stand to look at their faces. They'd have sympathy for him, no doubt, but they wouldn't truly understand that it wasn't just a lover he'd lost, but his safety.
ㅤ"Why are you two so agitated?" Thomas asked. "I heard James' name. Did he do something?"
ㅤ"Did he do something?" Riley echoed to Alex.
ㅤAlex could hardly breathe, his throat felt swollen. He couldn't bear to see their eyes of judgement boring into him, dissecting him, piercing right through him. How could he make a decision like this?
ㅤA hand delicately laid on Alex's shoulder and he looked at Fletcher, whose face was creased in concern. It wasn't confrontational like the others, he was relaxed, gentle, caring. There was nothing threatening behind the act.
ㅤ"Are you okay?" Fletcher asked softly.
ㅤThe question was sincere, non-judgemental. It was a hard thing to admit, but keeping James' escape to himself wouldn't undo the event. It had already happened, it was established. The rest of them deserved to know, the alternative was lying until they found out regardless.
ㅤAlex released a shaky breath and nodded, lifting his head to face their judgement head-on.
ㅤ"James is gone," he stated, his tone stronger than he felt.
ㅤThomas jerked, bewildered by admission. "Gone?" he said. "Gone, where?"
ㅤ"What do you think the word 'gone' means, idiot?" Riley said, crossing his arms.
ㅤ"Well, is he coming back?" Fletcher asked.
ㅤEyes turned back to Alex and he slowly shook his head. "No. He's gone for good."
ㅤThomas was upset, that much was clear. He struggled to string some words together, stopping and starting. "Well, didn't you try and stop him?" was what eventually came out.
ㅤAlex didn't reply, staring stoically, refusing to let any emotion show.
ㅤThomas heard the silence, loud and clear. He scoffed. "You... didn't? You didn't even try? If you saw him leave, you should've dragged him back here, unconscious if you had to!"
ㅤ"Calm down, Thomas," Riley hushed in a patient tone.
ㅤ"No! No, I won't calm down! I fucking warned you, Alex. I warned you. James played you easily, getting exactly what he wanted. And, now? We're fucked! We've lost our most important bargaining chip."
ㅤ"He didn't 'play' me," Alex felt compelled to say.
ㅤ"Even now, you're still defending him. He really got inside your head, didn't he?"
ㅤ"Stop being so dramatic," Riley huffed. "We have plenty of evidence without him. King Fabian has loads of distant relatives. You don't seriously think James would be the best candidate we'd have? He's unhinged."
ㅤThomas slammed his fist on the table, pointing his finger right into Riley's face. "The position was rightfully his! It always has been."
ㅤRiley was unintimidated by the outburst. He took a sip of his drink, offering no reaction.
ㅤAlex chose his next words carefully. "James' departure, whilst unfortunate, does not dismantle what we've worked for. Everything will still go to plan. But, we should not mention this to Duke Straton—
ㅤ"You sound like a bloody politician," Thomas scoffed disdainfully. After a tense moment, he stood. "I'm going to go look for him," he announced.
ㅤRiley groaned. "Aw, come on. Leave the poor man alone."
ㅤ"One more word from you, and I'll set you on fire."
ㅤThe threat sounded a little too real. Riley frowned. "Alright, well, good luck. He wasn't found for fifteen years until Alex accidently stumbled upon him. I can't imagine some little guard will achieve the same within a day. May Adeia and Moira watch over you and whatnot, all that bollocks."
ㅤThomas shoved Riley's chair, but it hardly budged, and he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
ㅤ"I probably should not be hearing all of this," Yufus remarked.
ㅤRiley nodded, pointing. "No, you shouldn't. Say one word and you're dead."
ㅤ"The trial is only a few days away," Fletcher was quick to disarm the threat. "Yufus can't do anything detrimental in that time, even if he tried."
ㅤ"Don't make a challenge of it, Fletch."
ㅤFletcher pursed his lips, dropping his bread to his plate. "I just can't believe he left."
ㅤNo one had any words of consolation to offer him. Riley resumed eating his meal, shovelling food into his face, entirely unbothered.
ㅤ"I mean," Fletcher continued. "Did we mean nothing to him, in the end? Were we not even a consideration?"
ㅤ"I thought you were scared of him," Riley commented with his mouth full.
ㅤFletcher frowned. "I still liked him, though. He was nice to me. He's the reason I came along with you guys still. I kind of thought we were friends..."
ㅤRiley stifled a derisive snort.
ㅤ"Was there a specific reason he went?" Fletcher asked. "Do we know why?"
ㅤAlex sighed, nudging his plate away. He didn't feel hungry.
ㅤ"He wanted freedom." That was precisely why Alex had stupidly let him go. Alex related so deeply that he could feel the walls of the cage James was being trapped in so solidly, as if he could reach out and hold onto those bars himself.
ㅤHe couldn't curse that fate upon a man he nearly loved and be able to live with himself.
ㅤ"I'm not convinced," Riley muttered.
ㅤIt was an odd comment. Alex regarded him. Riley knew about James' plan to run away before the rest of them, perhaps he knew even more. "What do you mean?"
ㅤIt seemed Riley hadn't expected his comment to be paid attention to. He quickly recovered. "Well, freedom is nice, yes. But, maybe what James wants the most is also what he fears the most. What do you reckon he's most scared of?"
ㅤNot pain, not death, not even something mundane like heights. Alex couldn't recall ever witnessing James truly being scared; anxious, yes, but never scared.
ㅤ"What makes you think James is scared of anything?"
ㅤRiley narrowed his eyes. "Why does it feel like I know him better than you do?"
ㅤAlex's reply was snarky. "Because you're so similar?"
ㅤRiley paused. "Maybe, a little," he allowed, bemused by his own admission. "I suppose, in a way."
ㅤAlex tried to relax his jaw, growing impatient. "Then, what is he scared of?"
ㅤRiley smiled, a performative display, and shrugged. "What does it matter now? It's no longer our business."
ㅤAlex was quickly reminded of how irritating Riley could be when he put effort in. At the very least, it gave Alex a different target to direct his negative emotion. He wasn't feeling generous enough to believe that was Riley's aim, however.
ㅤFletcher squinted in thought. "Maybe he's scared of being trapped?"
ㅤRiley chuckled. "That's probably true. But, there's definitely something he fears more."
ㅤ"Do you have any plans to enlighten us?" Alex asked, straight up.
ㅤ"None at all."
ㅤAlex nodded and stood, refusing to play this game any longer. "That's all I needed to know."
ㅤ"Spoilsport."
ㅤ"Go fuck your other cousin since she's here," Alex snapped.
ㅤRiley's eyes widened in surprise and then he laughed, loudly. The sound chased after Alex as he walked away, his chest desperate for air, for space.
ㅤ"Oh my word. Seems like James really rubbed off on you, eh?" Riley called after him. "In more ways than are just the obvious!"
ㅤAlex ignored the provocation, knowing he only had a little time left until they had to attend the horse shows. He went upstairs to tend to his wounds in private.