Tobias POV
"Beautiful flowers." I hear a voice I've known all my life, and for most of it feared. I'm at my mother's grave, after my dream last night I wanted to visit it again. Tris understands, since I do this so much already, and she said she wanted to have a day out with Luca. Which I thought was sweet.
I turn my head to see Marcus walking towards me. It's grey out, a wet muggy fog encasing the cemetery. "What are you doing here?" I ask, really upset that I have to see him again,Twice in one week.
"I thought about what you said, about not showing up. So I wanted to see her now." He explains and I scoff.
"You think you can just show up here, after the whole funeral, and everything's just fine now?!" I ask.
"Tob-" "No. You lost the privilege to call me that, after saying that name then beating me with a belt." I tell him. He looks around making sure no one's listening nor watching.
"Oh no one here." I tell him. "But if there were someone, they'd finally know the truth." I say. "You never loved me. And you never loved my mother." I say.
"You know that's not true." He tell me. "Do I? Do I know that??" I ask, my voice rising.
"I loved your mother." He said and now that she's gone, I can't stand hearing him talk of her.
"You didn't. But know that I think of it.. maybe you did. Because beating her, abusing her in ways I don't want to think about, and leaving scars on her that'll never go away.. well that shows some very deep love right." I yell at him.
He's silent, can't even look at me. "You know what, go ahead. Pay your respects, leave your pity flower, because I don't give a damn anymore." I say and start to walk away from him.
"I'm still your father Tobias." I hear Marcus shout and those words stop me in my tracks.
I turn on my heel to see him just standing, waiting for my forgiveness. "You're not. Never were, never will be." I say. "My father died when the boy in here.." I say pointing to my heart. "Died too.." I add and walk away, not looking back again.
It's true what I said. The first beating he ever gave me, that was the day I died inside and it took my father with it. I knew that day that I'd never have a father again.
****
I don't head straight home after my encounter with Marcus, instead I head to abnegation. I know it's not really like me to go there, much less visit my childhood home, but I do. I open the door to the house filled with silence. Everything is in the same exact place as it was two days ago, and even eighteen years ago.
I walk to the small living room we had, every abnegation household has a small gathering room. Nothing big or extravagant though.
The chair I'd always find my father sitting in when I came home from school, still sits there. The couch for any company that came over is there as well.
We never had much company, or at least I wasn't allowed to there when there was. I do remember my father going over to Tris's parents house once or twice, I always had to stay home. My mother would go with him, not willingly but because of force.
I walk into the kitchen, remembering the nights I would make dinners for my father. How the fear would be tingling through me as I chopped, the nervousness of messing something up circling through my veins.
I move on, trying to loose the feeling the memories bring. I head up the stairs, the rickety old stairs I'd climbed a thousand times as a child.
In some world, in some other faction, there might be picture frames filled with pictures lining the wall on the way to the upstairs. But not here, not this faction, and definitely not this family.
Sometimes I wish that we had pictures, frames that stood on nightstands and bookshelves.
I especially wish I had one of my mother, a photograph capturing her. One that I could have, because sooner or later the image of her that in my mind.. It'll fade.
I get to my old room and slowly open the door. I step in and am suddenly hit with emotions, the remembrance of being in this room most my life. Everything in here is plain, and almost colorless. Because a splash of red would be too much for the abnegation community.
The closet where I was put is still there, the same as I left it- like everything else. I walk out and into Marcus's bedroom, the one he shared with my mother when she lived with us. It's just as plain and simple as mine, but just a bit larger. The walls are bare and the drawers are almost empty except for the very few clothes he has.
The recollection of memories from this room is almost more powerful than my own room.
So I leave, I've seen my childhood one last time. Seen all that I needed to, walked where my mother walked, been in all rooms my scars were created. And now, it's the end. No more coming back, no more pain of this place.
A part of me is now free.
******
I'm sitting with Tris on our bed. Luca's out with Marlene and Uriah, they got April maybe a month back. I have to admit that she is cute.
Blond pigtails, and she's always bouncing with energy- as if she really came from Uriah. They became fast friends, and it's nice that Luca found himself a friend his age to play with.
"How about a date night?" Tris says after a while of silence. I had told her about my day and that's why we're snuggling, and she agreed with me about a part of me feeling good about letting it go.
"What?" I say looking down at her. She holds one of my hands in hers, playing with it.
"A date night. Just the two of us." She says.
I ponder the idea for a moment, to really think about, Tris and I haven't had a lot of romantic time to ourselves. Not with everything that's happened to us.
"That actually sounds nice." I say and she smiles. "Really?"
"Yeah, we haven't really had a date in quite some time." I say, thinking back to the last time.
"Well to be fair, we've been going through a lot and the last date was pretty big and special." She says and now she's looking not at our entwined hands but her ring.
"It was wasn't it." I say in a soft voice. I kiss the top of her head, bringing her closer to me.
"Let's get ready." I say and she nods getting up.
**********
I'm dressed in black jeans-nicer ones at that, and a button down dark purple shirt. I've rolled up the sleeves a bit, so they're at my elbows.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Tris opens the door and walks out of the bedroom. She's wearing a stunning red and black lace dress, black heels and her hair is curled and pinned up.
"Wow." I say and she smiles. Red lipstick covers her lips but it doesn't make them any less kissable.
"You look handsome." She says hugging my waist. "Me? What about you gorgeous?" I say and she blushes, and giggles lightly.
"Come on." I say and pull her along. Luckily I'm taking her somewhere here in dauntless so we don't have to catch a train.
"Where are we going?" She asks and I knew she was going to ask at some point.
"You've always been a curious person." I tell her, "Even in abnegation I'm sure." I add.
"I was. And am." She tells me and I smile.
"Here we are." I say and open a door for her. The room is dark with lights sparkling here and there.
"What is this place?" She asks and takes my hand.
"We, my dear Tris, are going dancing." I say and she stops walking.
"What?" I ask worried. "You're taking me dancing?" She asks and a smile lights up on her face.
"Yes I am." I say and she smiles wider running to me.
"I'm going to twist an ankle in these. "She says, as we make our way to the balcony overlooking the dance floor where there are tables, that you can sit and eat at.
"If you do, I'll carry you all the way home." I say, "Of course you would." She says.
******
After eating and drinking a bubbly beverage that's actually good, and dauntless made. I decide that it's time to dance. I get up and hold my hand out to Tris, which she automatically takes. We walk down the steps and join the other couples on the dance floor.
"Do you know how to dance? Tris asks as I wrap my arms around her waist, and hers go around my neck.
"No." I admit. She laughs, "So we're a couple made up of two people who know nothing about dancing." She says.
"I guess we are." I tell her and lean in to brush my lips against her, soon enough we're kissing full on. Almost forgetting where we are, and who's around us. Only us, only the two of us here and now. That's what matters.
We dance for hours, and soon our feet begin to hurt, but we keep going. Tris eventually had to take her shoes off, and now she's dancing barefoot. And to be totally honest, it's a turn on.
"Last song." I whisper in her ear, and she nods. I requested this song while she had went up to put her shoes with her purse.. So I want this to be special.
I hold her close to me and she rests her head on my chest. The music starts and the lights flicker everywhere, sending bursts of blue and white everywhere, which mixes with the black of the room.
"If I was the Sun way up there, I'd go with love most everywhere, I'll be the moon when the sun goes down, Just to let you know that I'm still around." I start to sing and Tris lifts her head.
"Did you pick this?" She asks and I nod. She looks at me for a moment and tear begin to cloud her eyes. "I thought we could use a song, a song for us." I tell her and a single tear falls down her cheek, but I wipe it off.
"I love you." Tris says. "I love you too." I say and she rests her head back on my chest.
"I'll be the weeping willow, drowning in my tears,you can go swimming when you are here, I'll be the rainbow, after the tears are gone, Wrap you in my colors and keep you warm."
" That's how strong my love is, That's how strong my love is darling, That's how strong my love is, That's how strong my love is."
(A/N: Long chapter! I think it turned out really well so hope you like it. I would also recommend watching/ listening to the video- which is the song from the chapter while you read. )