Chapter 10
I didn't answer any of Severus' letters. He wrote to me, asking me to please return his owls so he'd know I was okay. I didn't know what to say to him.
I scribbled a letter that said "Please stop writing to me."
I moved forward to attach it to the Owls leg but changed my mind at the last moment, throwing it in the bin.
I was enjoying my new job, trying to put Severus out of my mind, I spoke to new men. I slept with a colleague, one night when we'd all gone to a bar to celebrate something the entire department had achieved.
It hadn't been very good, I had kept thinking of Severus. He hadn't made me cum either, he dumped a load in me and then fell asleep beside me in a hotel room. I sighed, his arm over my hips. I moved it off me and got up, getting dressed and going home. Ezra was with a girl who lived down the road.
She had been looking to make some extra cash so I let her babysit him. She was surprised when I came home, I wasn't due to be back until much later.
I smiled at her "I'll still pay you in full, thank you"
I gave her, her money, she smiled and left. I knew Ezra wouldn't be up for hours, it was only 10pm. I went upstairs and started wrapping his christmas presents, hiding them under my bed. I got him as much as I could for christmas, I didn't normally get myself anything.
It was the christmas holidays at his school so he was here everyday, getting more and more excited.
It was the 22nd of December, I was sitting upstairs doing my hair. I had a date. The doorbell rang and I yelled down to Ezra to get the door. I assumed it was the babysitter.
I heard him shriek with excitement, which was odd. I reached back and zipped my dress up. It was red and incredibly boob-y. It wasn't something I was really comfortable in but I just wanted to get laid.
I went downstairs and looked at Ezra who was hugging Severus. I stared at him and he looked back at me, his eyes flicking down to my chest. My expression was stony.
Severus looked like he wanted to sink into the carpet, "You said I could come for Christmas"
I shook my head at him "That was before, Severus. That was before i found out about you and what you are."
He shook his head "Just let me explain."
Ezra shook his head "She's going out with Evan tonight! I like Evan"
Severus looked at him before looking at me, raising his eyebrows. "You have a date?"
I nodded "Yes. Yes I do. I have a date, with a man who doesn't lie to me"
Severus looked slightly crestfallen "Go upstairs, Ezra" Ezra nodded and ran off upstairs, humming along to a song.
I looked at Severus and he sighed "I'm sorry Esme. I should have told you. I've changed, I promise I've changed. I'm a double agent"
I just stared at him, shaking my head "I don't know if you're lying or not, Sev. I really like you but you've got that mark..I know what you had to do to get that mark. Or maybe you consider it as earning the mark"
Severus shook his head, I could tell by the expression on his face that he was getting upset. I didn't want to upset him, I just needed him to understand how I felt.
"Esme I did awful things, I regret them everyday. I promise."
I shook my head and looked at my feet, feeling very self conscious in this tight, low cut dress. l didn't know what to say to him. I desperately wanted to believe him but I didn't know if I could.
Severus nodded slowly, he understood my silence "I'll be at home, if you need anything. I'll come round on christmas day to bring you your present."
I had gotten him a new record player, it'd been wrapped and under my bed since the summer. I just turned away and let him leave. I didn't go on the date, I watched a movie with Ezra instead.
I saw Severus several times before Christmas, he looked miserable as he yanked weeds. Ezra kept asking to go and play with him and I felt awful saying no but i didn't know if I could trust him around my little brother anymore.
Ezra got up ridiculously early on Christmas morning and we sat in the living room, opening his presents. I only had gotten myself some chocolates and some socks so Ezra wouldn't get upset that Santa had missed me out.
I made a lot of Christmas dinner, there was enough for Severus too. For some reason I wanted him to come. I didn't know why, I should hate him. I didn't though, I still loved him.
He did come, he came and brought me my present, it was a beautiful book, one I'd been looking for for a long time. I said thank you to him quietly and handed him his present. He smiled as he looked at it "Thank you Esme..I'll use it all the time"
The was a dense silence as we looked at eachother before I stood on tip toe and gently kissed him. "If you want to make it up to me, then you have to tell me everything. Do not miss anything out. I can't promise I'll still like you when you're finished though."
Severus nodded and did what I asked. He told me everything, telling me about Lily Evans and other parts of his childhood. I held his hand while he told me about his father, the shouting, the beatings. I could imagine a young Severus, cowering in the corner.
I kissed his cheek once he'd finished, I believed him. I knew he regretted what he had done, I'd never seen him this vulnerable. I kissed him gently, wrapping my arms around his neck, Severus kissed me back with a sense of relief.
My hips pushed against his and he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up so my legs were around his waist. Ezra had stayed in his bedroom playing with his presents, thank god, otherwise he might have some questions.
He dropped me down on my bed, getting on top of me. I slung my arms around his neck as we undressed eachother, he took his shirt off for the first time and I adored seeing his chest and abdomen. My hand slipped into his boxers.
I wrapped my hand around his semi-hard cock, pumping it back and forth as I squeezed his tip. Severus was kissing my neck, moaning softly. I pulled away from him, pushing him to lean against the headboard.
I'd given blowjobs before, but never to Severus. I didn't know if I'd manage to take all of his cock into my mouth.
I pulled his boxers down, rubbing his abdomen as I slowly swirled my tongue over his tip, feeling the ridges. Severus' hand gripped my hair, pulling it back to keep it out of my face.
I took more of him into my mouth, gently grazing my teeth against him. He grunted, tightening his grip on my hair, I moaned at the sensation; sending strong vibrations up his cock.
I could feel his breathing quickening as my head bobbed up and down, I raised my eyes and looked at his pleasure stricken face. I nearly had an orgasm on the spot from his expression.
He groaned loudly as we made eye contact, cum shooting out of his tip and into my mouth. I nearly choked on the sheer amount of it, some of it dribbled down my chin and onto my books, I swallowed the rest of it.
Severus panted, pushing his hair back out of his face as he looked down at me. I moved up to kiss him, my hand on his cheek, he kissed me back with enthusiasm.
Within a minute, I was flipped over, my legs spread as Severus' head moved between my legs.
If I was being honest with myself, I didn't think that he'd be very good at this. He'd surprised me with his actual sex skills, but there was only so far that could get you.
However when I felt his tongue glide over my clit, I knew I was proven wrong. I pulled his hair, pushing my hips up into his face as he started to suck on my clit.
"Oh god Severus-" I pressed my hand over my mouth, leaning my head back, I didn't need to be too loud and throw him off.
His tongue started to flick back and forth against my clit, his fingers teasing my entrance. "Severus..please" I whispered, I practically felt his smirk against my body.
His fingers slipped inside of me, curling up against my G-spot. My hips bucked up into his face, my eyes rolling back in my head.
"Severus- Oh god Severus-"
I came, my cunt squeezing his fingers as my orgasm rocked my body. All the muscles inside of me tensed and then relaxed in one heavy breath.
Severus slowly pulled away from me, looking up at me with a smug expression. I pulled him up by his hair and kissed him again "I love you"
He nodded, mumbling in between kisses "I love you too, Esme, love"
I put my pyjamas back on, Severus tugging his boxers back up. I went into Ezra's bedroom, tucking him into bed and kissing his forehead. He might be getting older, but I still couldn't bear not to tuck him into bed.
The leftover Christmas dinner I'd made for him was long forgotten as I lay down on his chest, pulling the duvet over us.
We fell asleep like that, it was nice to be sleeping in a bed with him again. I felt comforted by his strong arms, his soft breathing and the steady thumping of his heart.