I walked out of Cedric's home without making a sound. I couldn't face him, instead I left a note on the bed informing him I was no longer his responsibility and he was free.
I was a coward and ran like a rat into the night. I'm sure he heard my car's engine start, but by the time he came outside, if he even bothered to, I was already gone.
I know him, and I will eventually have to discuss it out and come to an understanding if we have any hope of being friends after this, but I can't just yet.
I'm now standing on Ana's front porch, knocking soft and crying as I wait for my best friend to open up her door.
I didn't want to pull Ana into Cedric and my relationship problems, but I didn't have anywhere else I could go at the moment.
“Avery?” Ana asked as she opened the door and rubbed her right eyes. “It's so early. Did something happen? Come inside, it's chilly”
“Oh Ana, I hate to ask you this, but can I stay with you for a few days?” I asked her softly as I closed the door behind me. “Just until I can figure everything out,” I added. I would rather not end up being a responsibility to her, too.
“Wait, Avery, slow down. First, of course, you are always welcome to stay with me, but my question is, secondly, why do you need to? Did something happen between you and my brother? What did he do?”
“I don't know, Ana. Everything is so messed up now. God, we were so happy together until this happened to me,” I cried and pointed at my throat. “I overheard him on the phone this morning and I know I shouldn't have been listening in on his conversation but the things I heard him say,” I broke off, sadness tightening up my chest and squeezing my heart as my mind replays those words.
“Are you sure this wasn't just a misunderstanding? I mean, Ave's, it's Cedric, my brother, who is hopelessly in love with you. What could he have said that has you crying like this?” Ana asked me as she walked me into her living room and forced me to sit down on the couch.
“He was talking to Conor this morning when I went down to make him breakfast. He said that I was his responsibility, and it was his fault this happened to me. He said he needed to do something but couldn't because I wasn't ready. I still wasn't healed. He called me his responsibility-”
“Avery honey, that's just my brother. you know how he is. He loves you. That crazy man took you from under my brother's nose, and you know the type of man Cedric is. Of course his going to blame himself,” Ana whispered and rubbed my back as I cried.
“It's not just the words that made me believe what I believe, Ana. It's his actions. The past few months for us have been wrong. I felt something in our relationship changing, and it's because we are not having sex. He won't touch me like that. He holds me during the night, but that's only for him to make sure I'm safe in his arms. I don't feel like his attracted to me like he once was. Before this happened, Ana he couldn't keep his hands off me, and now I barely feel them. So, hearing that conversation this morning and what I know from his actions, I can't help but think it's best that I release him from his responsibility,”
“My what?”
Both Ana and I twisted around, heads raised over the back of the couch, seen Cedric standing in the hallway and looking very pissed off.
Dang it.
I figured he would know where I went, but I was hoping he would just let me have tonight before he broke up with me.
“Um-” Ana said something once the shock wore off, but she looked at me speechless and tried again. “Avery feels-”
“I'm not talking to you,” he barked at her and kept his eyes on me. “My what Avery?” He asked me, tone going dangerously cold as he locked his eyes on mine.
“Your responsibility,” I whispered, feeling embarrassed that he had just heard my entire sad rant about him not touching me anymore. God, how much more pathetic can I get?
“I'm going to fucking need you to elaborate on what exactly do you think my responsibility is, and then you are going to fucking tell me what the hell you think you are releasing me from baby,” he growled and stepped into the living room, and every step he took towards me caused my heart to skip a beat.
“I um-” I tried to explain what happened, but the words wouldn't come out. My hands were starting to shake, and I felt like I was going to break down crying again any minute. “I overheard your phone conversation this morning. I didn't mean to. I had wanted to make you breakfast, and when I got near the kitchen, I heard what you said,” I whimpered softly, causing Ana to wrap her arms around me in comfort and support.
“You heard what I said?” Cedric asked.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
Now we can just get this dreadful conversation over with, and maybe hopefully we can remain friends afterward even if it will take me some time to be okay with all of this.
“You heard my conversation?” He repeated.
“Um yes, I'm sorry, I was not trying to ease drop on your conversation Cedric, really I wasn't, and it's okay, I understand,”
“You understand what exactly?” Cedric asked and took another step closer to me.
“I understand why you said those things,” I mumbled, those betraying tears falling out of my eyes and onto my cheeks.
“You didn't answer my questions, baby. What do you think is my responsibility? What the fuck do you think you are releasing me from?”
“You said you couldn't do it anymore and that it was your responsibility to take care of me. You said it was too soon because I wasn't healed, and you couldn't do it,”
“What the hell do you think I was talking about, Avery?” He growled and finally stepped next to me, I felt his hand wrap around my arm gently, he pulled me up, out of Ana's arms, and made me stand in front of him.
“You want to break up,” I cried and quickly added. “It's okay Cedric, I understand. I know my throat is ugly, and it bothers you-”
“What the fuck, Avery? Are you actually serious right now, baby? You actually think I was talking about wanting to end our relationship?” He laughed and shook his head.
“This isn't fucking funny, bro, look at her. How could you be so heartless?” Ana shouted.
“It's okay,” I whispered, not wanting Ana and Cedric to fight with each other because of me.
I'd never wish to come in between their sibling bond.
“No, you are right Ana. My girl standing in front of me crying is definitely not fucking funny, and it is pissing me off,” he growled, brought his fingers to my chin and forced my head up. "You didn't hear what you thought you heard, Avery."
"I heard enough," I sniffled and quickly slid the back of my hand across my face to wipe away the tears.
"No-"
"You have not been the same since I was attacked," I whispered brokenly. "You don't touch me like you used to Cedric. You are too worried about me that you have completely stopped treating me like your girlfriend. I feel like you are treating me like I'm made of glass, and that is not the type of relationship I want for us."
"Baby, what you want through is something. I'm having a hard time getting out of my head."
"But it happened to me, Cedric, and I'm doing fine now. I don't have nightmares. You kept those away, but you're not letting me enjoy my life. Yes, I could have died that night, but I didn't. I'm alive and I want to live my life and have fun with my friends."
"Let's just go home and we can talk more about this-"
"No," I pulled my body out of his hold and stepped back. "I'm staying here tonight. You need to either decide if you want me as your woman or do you want to keep thinking of me as your responsibility. I'm not trying to fight and I don't even want to break up with you but I need you to start treating me like the woman you love instead of the woman you are scared to touch."
"You want me to prove that I still see you as the most sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on?"
"Yes," I sighed.
That is exactly what I need from him.
"Fine," he whispered, kissed me on the cheek and walked out of the room.
Anna and I stood in silence before heading her front door slam shut, making up both jump.
What did he mean exactly by the word fine?