Once I had the things I needed packed up and after Lucas bagged up the black pair of stained panties to take down to the police station to get tested, we headed back to Cedric's house in silence.
I was so freaked out that the nerves swarming around inside my belly didn't allow me to say anything. Instead, I felt helpless and started to bite my nails, a bad habit I started when I was young when my parents died.
I only do it when I'm extremely stressed and right now, they way I'm feeling is even over the line of extremely stressed.
Cedric was pissed the entire way back. He didn't say a word to me, just kept calling people at the station, demanding they push a rush in for the DNA off my panties.
We are now sitting down at the kitchen table. The first thing I did when I walked inside was head straight for the kitchen and towards my new coffee pot. I wouldn't be sleeping much tonight anyway, and coffee really doesn't keep me awake.
“Babe, coffee at night?” Cedric asks me as I prepared the machine to make a full pot of coffee.
“Yes.” I mumbled, watching the brown water drip into my cup, not being able to get the sight of those panties out of my head.
“We need to talk,” Cedric informed me as he sat down on a stool against the kitchen island.
“We don't.” I whispered, thinking that I couldn't handle anything else today.
Even about that kiss.
God.
It felt so good, he felt so good, but we have enough problems right now and that doesn't need to be another one.
“Babe we do.” Cedric growled.
I ignored him, grabbed my cup of coffee, and went to sit beside him. I need more silence. I just want to sit here, enjoy my new coffee maker, and not think about anything.
“Avery. We need to talk about what's between us.” Cedric sighed and turned his body to face me.
“We don't need to talk about anything.” I mumbled. “I get it. You're helping me, and we let our emotions get to us. You're off the hook.”
“What the fuck?” Cedric snarled, sounding pissed off once more.
Great.
I don't need this right now.
“You think that kiss was because of what we were dealing with? Because our emotions got to be too much?” He asked, his tone turning harder with each word he spoke.
“It's fine Cedric. You said it yourself. You're helping me because I'm Anna's friend. I expect nothing else from you.” I explained, before taking a sip of coffee.
“No. Fuck no.” I heard him snarl before my mug of coffee was snatched out of my hand and the mug slammed down onto the counter.
“Cedric!” I shouted, annoyed.
“We are definitely talking about it now. You're twisting everything inside that head of yours and I don't like it.” He declared and twisted my bar stool to face him.
“Cedric, just stop-” I said, wanting to explain to him that I understand our situation.
We maybe fake being in a relationship so nobody we care about gets involved, but that doesn't mean I expect it to turn real.
“You are going to shut up and listen to me. I'm not helping you because you're my sister's friend. I am helping you because you need help because I see a woman scared to be in her own home-” His words died as I tried to jump off the bar stool.
I already know why his doing this because despite how much I bitch about him being an annoying ticket - happy cop, his still a good one and a great guy.
Of course, he would want to help a woman in need.
He doesn't need to tell me. This is why I wanted to avoid having this conversation.
He grabbed my waist and gently held me down, not letting me jump off and walk away like I wanted to do, and continued.
“I'm helping you because from the first moment I saw you, I wanted you. I don't know how to explain it, it's just what I felt. I looked at you and the word mine kept shouting inside my head. I wanted you then and I want you now. So you're damn right I'm going to fucking help you, and it's not for Anna. It's for you. Hell, it's even for me because I don't want anything to happen to you, I can't let anything happen to you and I promise I will protect you. I promise you're safe here with me. I kissed you because I had been wanting to and I needed you to understand my feelings for you.” Cedric growled before pulling me closer to him, our faces inches apart. “Do you understand me, Avery?”
Do I?
He wants me?
He wanted me since the first time he saw me.
“Um-” I whispered, not knowing exactly what to say or put my feelings into words. Tonight's been rough. I didn't want to have to think about anything else serious tonight.
I can't.
I'm mentally exhausted.
“I only need you to say that you understand me, babe, that's all I'm asking for tonight.” He whispered and kissed the top of my head, and as soon as I felt his lips on me, I broke down.
I was fighting it, I had been fighting my attraction to Cedric, I felt safe with him. I knew he would do whatever he could to keep me safe from the creep that's been targeting me.
“Yes. I understand you.” I sighed, wrapped my arms around him, laid my head on his shoulder and just wept.
“That's right baby. Give it all to me. I'll take it.” Cedric whispered and held me tighter.
He let me cry on his shoulder, for I don't even know how long. I cried all my fear out, I cried all my frustration out, and I cried because for the first time in a long time, I actually felt wanted.
I pulled back from him a little while later once my tears had all dried up, and looked into his eyes.
He needed to know that I feel the same, that I feel this pull towards him, this attraction, and I'm tired of fighting it and pretending it doesn't exist.
“I feel the same way.” I whispered, low, scared to confess my feelings even though he just laid his out for me.
“I know you do. I was just giving you time to come to terms with you belonging to me.” Cedric smiled, and I can tell his trying to make me laugh.
“Cockiness doesn't look good on you cop.” I informed him, annoyed, but also a little excited to see what's going to happen next for us and hoping that the creepy man leaves me alone.
“You know what would look good on me?” He asked and smirked while trying to stop his laughter.
“Do I even want to ask?” I sighed, reached over and pulled my coffee cup back towards me.
“You.” He growled playfully, leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“Behave.” I scolded him, but I couldn't stop the small smile that was forming on my lips.
“Finish your coffee and let's go lay down and watch a movie.” Cedric laughed and hopped off the bar stool.
Wait.
“Lay down?” I asked him. His couch really isn't that big enough for us to both comfortably lay down on it.
“Yeah babe. Lay down. In bed.” He said and watched me closely for my reaction.
“Your bed?" I breathed, nerves once again clawed up my chest.
I don't think I'm ready for this. It's too much too fast. It's been too much today. I started rambling inside my head, and I'm sure I looked a complete mess to the man standing in front of me.
“Babe. Your mine yeah?” He asked, looking assumed.
“Maybe we still need to talk-” I started to say we need to have a deeper conversation about that. We haven't known each other that long.
“We don't. It's just going to end the same way. You in bed with me. You're mine. You know it, I know it. We are going to go lay down and watch a movie. That's it.” He whispered before his phone rang.
“Yeah?” Cedric answered the phone and kept his eyes on me, but I could tell something was wrong.
The longer he was silent and listening to whoever was on the other line, the anger he was getting.
“I want this motherfucker found. Do you hear me? Comb over that house. I'm on my way.” He growled into the phone before hanging it up and shoving it into his back pocket.
“What's wrong?” I asked, worried because of his reaction. I don't know much about him yet, but I know his, not a man who gets worked up so easily.
“Babe, I need you to remain calm and remember everything I just told you.” He said, walked towards me and pulled me against his chest.
“What happened?” I asked, worried, that crippling fear returning.
“Promise me first baby.” He whispered, his features showing nothing but anger and worry.
“I promise. Just tell me.” I begged. I just needed to know.
Did something else happen?
“They found the missing woman. Her hair was a match for the DNA we found in the box that was left at your house-” He explained, but I cut him off with excitement.
Oh, thank goodness. She is okay.
“That's great. She's been found. Is she okay? Did she tell the cops who was doing this?” I asked, questions flying out of my mouth.
“Babe. No. Listen. We found her at another missing woman's house. She is dead.” He informed me as his grip on my shoulder tightened just as my body swayed.
“Oh, no-” I whined, sad for a woman that I don't even know. “What happened?”
“You don't need to know, baby, trust me. You don't want to.” He told me while shaking his head and pleading with me to drop it.
“Tell me. I deserve to know. Don't keep secrets from me, Cedric. Not about this.” I snapped, needing him to tell me what happened to the woman who looked like me.
I get it, cops are not supposed to talk about their cases, but this one involves me and I deserve to know I don't deserve to be kept in the dark, not when I maybe in danger.
Cedric sighed loudly, and I could see the war raging inside of him, wanting to protect me but also understanding my need to know what's going on.
“She was murdered. He raped her and cut off her hair.” He told me and held me tighter, took a deep breath, and said, “they found her at another woman's house. That woman is now missing and babe. She looks just like you too. I didn't want to tell you this, but you may hear about it from someone else, and it's something you need to hear from me in case you need me. We also found pictures of you left around the woman's body.” He growled the last sentence.
“What?” I asked, stocked, my legs giving out from under me, causing Cedric to pick me up and hold me against his body. “Is this my fault? Did I do something to make this man mad? Why is he doing this to them and me?” I rambled, fear causing my body to shake.
“Baby I'm right here, okay? I told you he will not get near you. I promised you, and I'm going to always keep those promises I make to you. It's not your responsibility, the man is a sick son of a bitch that ill take pleasure in throwing him in jail to rot, and that's only if I can lock myself down and not kill him myself.” He snarled before kissing my lips and touching our foreheads together. “I need to head to the crime scene. I'm going to drop you off at my parents' house-”
“No it's okay, I don't want to put them in danger. I'll just stay here.” I told him. That man could be watching me, and he could follow me to Cedric's parents' home.
“I can't leave you here, Avery. I won't be able to do my job if I'm worried about you.” He said and let me back down onto my feet.
“Cedric, it's late at night. They are probably still sleeping. I don't want to wake them up and drag them into my mess.” I sighed.
I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened to them.
“Babe. It's almost five in the morning. We have been up all night. Remember? I had wanted to stay until the forensic team left?" He reminded me.
“Sorry, I forgot, I'm just tired. Tonight's been so much, and I'm scared.” I told him and yawned.
“It's okay, baby. Let me get dressed, and I'll call dad. He is usually awake around this time, anyway.” He told me before heading to get changed.