Disclaimer: The following includes sexual assault. Might be disturbing to some readers.
They touch my body without warning,
without consent.
When I look them in their eyes,
they look at me as though that wasn't their intent.
I see them scorning
while my self esteem is mourning.
On being confronted,
they behave as though it wasn't their fault.
They say, it's my body and not them.
Which is why they have a tough time keeping their hands to themselves, it seems.
Little do they know,
that they touch me for those few seconds,
and I become numb for a few minutes after the incident.
But they leave scars that don't leave for years.
These scars persist in the form of
Being uncomfortable of touch,
Being scared of men,
Not being able to visit the location where the assault took place,
Being anxious in crowded places,
And losing memory of the dark incidents.
I want these scars to fade away,
but they get deeper with every man gazing at me.
I wish I could wash them off.
But now, I have self harm marks
that reminds me of how broken, helpless, and alone I'd felt in that moment.
I guess, I am stronger now?
Or, have I just become numb?