Right after you left the café, eyes drenched with tears as you're wiping them dry while walking your way away from the café area. Obviously the conversation between Hanni and you were so hurtful that you just had to walk away from it before you would do something irrational and further jeopardize your friendship with her.
You just want to get back to your car and go straight home so you're walking past people, past shops and stalls before you felt someone held onto your arm. You turned your head over and to your surprise, it was Danielle who you thought was already on her way back home, her eyes looking at yours with a not so usual bright expression on her face.
"If you need someone to talk to, I am here Yongjae." She slowly let your arm go. "I'm fine. You should go home Danielle." You tried sounding calm and okay but she didn't buy it. "The redness in your eyes says otherwise. Come on, let's find a bench to sit on and I'll listen to you."
"Danielle I'm fin-"
"No you're not!" Her voice came out stern as it quietly surprised you by this side of her you've never even seen before. "I don't want to pretend that you're doing fine, not when I've been with you these past weeks just for me to ignore it. I'm not going to ignore you and your problems. I told you that already."
In the end she held onto your arm back as you've been dragged away from the crowds and until you two found a bench to sit on. And immediately after she sat down and you unwantedly had to sit down as well, there's only silence between you two while the night breeze's dancing on your feet with your head dropped down, eyes remained fixed on the rubbly concrete.
"What's been bothering you Yongjae? You can tell me and no, I won't even judge you even for a second but instead... I'll listen to you." Danielle asked after a short silence between you and her. Instead of answering, you just heaved a sigh as you had your eyes closed with your head remained dropped.
"I can't just talk about it, there's too much going on inside my head right now." Your sigh was as clear as the tears that she saw running down your cheeks for a few seconds before you quickly wiped them away.
"It's about Hanni isn't it? I've noticed it too the past few weeks." She said before you glanced over at her. "What did you notice?" You asked while trying to remain calm with the mention of Hanni's name. "The silent treatment you've been giving her. How every time we ran into her in University, you'd just walk past her and the guy she's with... I noticed it too okay. I'm not a very observant person but I tend to notice things too."
"Even back at the café, you've been silent most the time, not even wanting to look back at the counter where Hanni was and you're trying hard to finish the work quickly. What happened between you two?" She asked rather calmly and you couldn't be annoyed with what she said as it's all true. "...I could've sworn that you and her are inseparable as I've been noticing since last semester."
"Let's just say that our lives are complicated as of now as well as my friendship with her." You answered as Danielle just remained silent while listening diligently. "...and right now it's really hard for me to stay close to her because.... because...." You heaved out a sigh as you shook your head.
"I...really shouldn't bring you into this mess Danielle..." You were hesitant to tell her as Danielle just shook her head. "It's okay, if there's anything I can do to help is by listening to you. It's okay Yongjae, you can tell me."
"Before I tell you, I just want to apologize to you first. I lied to you." You answered as you looked away from a confused Danielle Marsh. "I don't quiet follow. Why are you apologizing for?"
"I've said to you before that every poem I've written and every piece that I've said on the poetry stage was all just a part of my imagination and sometimes I made it in heart. I lied. There's no way I could've write all those poems without having someone in my mind that made me create those pieces." You confessed to her.
"I know." Was her only answer as you looked over to her, confused. "What do you mean you know?" You asked as she sighed silently. "I've tried doing what you told me before and no it doesn't work. You can't simply create situations in your head without having someone that leads you into creating those situations."
"In the end, I had to think about that person who is important to me and then my pen started writing. But I don't blame you, I understand, it's not something simple to explain. And I guess Hanni played a big part in your poems right?" Her question left you in silence but it screamed that she's right.
"Truth is..." You sighed for the nth time that night. "...I wish that we were more than friends. Yeah I finally said it..." You confessed to Danielle about your feelings for Hanni as she just patted your back to comfort you. "I wish I lose sleep talking to her all night..."
"...I wish my phone died a bit quicker because I was texting her throughout the whole day. I wish my life was a little bit more unstable because I spend too much time with her." Your voice trembled as you're holding in the tears far too many times already yet failed nonetheless.
"I know it's probably for the better that she doesn't know about this and be happy with someone else... with him... but I'd still be dreaming every hour, every minute and every second of every day till the moment me and her can be together comes. Because that way..." You breathed in before exhaling while wiping the tears away from your swollen eyes. "...I'm still spending every day, thinking of her."
"God I really am pathetic..." You whispered to yourself. "...I couldn't even be brave enough to tell her how I feels for years until it's all too late." All of the sudden, the memory of that night she told you about Jun began swarming inside your head and didn't make anything much less better.
"You can't take all the blames to yourself you know." Danielle countered rather seriously as you just let out a silent scoff. "Why can't I? It's the truth." Even you know that the only person to blame here was yourself and yourself only, for not being brave enough until everything's too late.
"Don't say it as if she had rejected you okay? Have you ever heard of the phrase 'right person, wrong time'? I apologize but I have to be real to you. You're torturing yourself and I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this to you and I won't be the last." Danielle's character made a complete turnaround as you've never seen her this stern and serious.
"Sure, you're probably don't know how to explain what you're feeling right now about her and all you could say that it hurts. Your heart feels so heavy that all you wanted to do is cry your heart out and I believe you. Cry your heart out but don't lose yourself in the process." Danielle gently wipe the tears off your face with her sleeve. "Right person, wrong timing. I don't think this is being spoken about enough. The chemistry between you and her, matched in every single way. You really enjoy each other's company. But you know that it is impossible for the two of you to be together right now..."
"Why are you saying all of this to me? Why are you doing all these just for me who only known you since a few months back?" You asked her rather seriously as she just gave you a light smile. "Few months doesn't make you any less special of being my friend. Truth be told, your friendship with Hanni reminded me a lot like someone I knew in the past... And right now I'm just trying to protect that friendship as if it was my own."
"Did your story turned out the same way as mine?" You asked as she shook her head slightly. "Different storyline but in the end my goal was to be with him all the time yet I couldn't. I bet it's the same as your story with Hanni now does it?"
"Yeah..." You heaved out before breathing out slowly. "...circumstances just don't allow it but every now and then, I'm still in denial. I still hold out hope. Every single night when my head hits the pillow, I lay there alone, put all my trust in the universe to maybe..." You closed your eyes as the image of a smiling Hanni began clouding your mind.
"...maybe the universe could just one day bring her back into my life. Which is why I decided to leave for Australia. I know I couldn't stay here for longer; I need to go away just so..." All those images were interrupted with an image of Hanni and Jun laughing that you somehow saw at some point. "...I won't end up hurting myself more and more."
"I see. You know Hanni won't take this well right? You suddenly leaving her. Can you give this a few more thoughts Yongjae?" Danielle asked worriedly as you breathing out a long one before shaking your head. "I gave it a few hurtful days of thoughts and this is the only way I can go on and heal myself. I'm sure the guy will take great care of her, regardless if I'm here or far away from her."
"I respect your decision. I know I'm not the first person who you would want to hear this from..." Danielle patted your hand with a light smile. "...but I pray that the universe will somehow draw you and Hanni together eventually. I wish I could say this to her as I myself knew how she would sometimes feel jealous if I'm being with you. Am I right?"
"Yeah..." You chuckled bitterly. "...she sometimes felt that way. I am sorry for that as well Danielle. You're a great friend who I now feel lucky to have. I wish Hanni could see that as well someday..."
"Come on, bring it in..." Danielle pulled you in calmly into a gentle hug as she patted your back, calming you down. "...don't hurt yourself. Healing doesn't happen overnight, it'll take time." She whispered as you nodded. "Thanks again Danielle..."
"Anytime." She smiled as she let you off her arms before standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow." She waved at you before she left your sight.
"Don't hurt yourself no more..." You whispered to yourself as you remained silent for a while before you glanced over at your watch to see the time. You heaved out a sharp breath before you got up and rushed over to your car and immediately drive away.
Reaching a certain destination, you got off your car and head over to the nearest convenience store and bought packets of breads, Hanni's favourite ones before you walked over to the night food market nearby the area and went over to a familiar stall.
You got a portion of her favourite tteokbokki before rushing back to your car and drive off while giving your watch a few glances on the way until you've arrived at a boba café and you got a cup of her favourite milk tea.
Placing all the foods you bought into one plastic, you looked at your watch and immediately rushed over back to the area where Hanni's working and parked a bit farther from the café. With your hoodie covering your face you got over to the parking area and found Hanni's car.
"This will be the last time... I hope that he can do this to you much better than I always did for you... and I hope that he'll keep on buying you all your favorite things to eat more frequently than I did..." Breathing out, catching your breath, you hang the plastic filled with foods and drink on the side mirror before quickly walked away from the area and went back to the car.
Leaning back against the seat, you're catching your breath, a bit of regret shadowed your emotions but most of it were covered with the longing to not make Hanni's night worse than it probably already has so you did what your heart told you to without even thinking too much about it.
As you're getting your car engine on, you caught a glimpse of Hanni from a far with Jun as they're walking their way towards the parking lot. Although the sight of her with Jun always brought you distraught and pain, at that moment you just hope that Hanni finds what you bought for her and she could eat all the foods you got her as you of all people knew how she's always hungry right after work.
After they were out from your sight, you immediately drive away from the area rather slowly yet your heart remained calm but also felt like in a storm at the same time. As your eyes were already getting heavier and all you want to do was get home and went to bed, you suddenly heard your phone rang.
You glanced over at the phone on the passenger's seat and you noticed that Hanni's calling you. You heart's immediately racing as you're just sitting there while remained hesitant for a short before you calmed yourself down and slowly answered.
"Hey" You whispered softly and all you could hear was the sound of her sniffing and sobbing that made you immediately worried. "...you okay?" You pulled your car at the side of the road. "Hanni...?"
"I'm okay..." She answered while she's still sniffing her tears. "...thanks for the foods. I'll eat them well." She continued before chuckled slightly. "I wish that you're here to eat these with me but I guess that's just out of my reach at the moment..."
Breathed out a sigh in relief. "Don't scare me like that." You leaned your head back, eyes closed with your lips slowly formed a light smile. "...you're welcome. Eat well and get some good rest okay?" You said with tears were building up on your eyes yet again.
"I will. Are you driving right now?" She asked. "I am but I pulled over the side of the road right now." You answered. "Drive safely okay? Good night Yongjae..." You got your palm covering your mouth as you're choking on your tears, lumping in behind your throat. "Good night." You said with a cracked voice before hanging your phone up.
"I kind of want ice creams with waffles right now..." Hanni pursed her lips slightly as she answered Jun's question just after they got into his car. "You sure... I mean sun's already down and you in the mood for ice creams?" Jun was quite surprised by Hanni's interests in ice cream not equivalent to the appropriate weather.
"Don't underestimate the power of ice creams on waffles okay? Besides it's been a while since I had one..." She whined rather softly spoken. "Okay, where do you have in mind?" Jun got his car ready as Hanni's smile eventually widened. "Just over the area where I work. My friend has an ice cream shop there."
So eventually both Hanni and Jun found their way back to the familiar neighborhood. As Jun somehow parked a bit far from Minji's ice cream shop, Hanni and him then getting their way towards their destination by feet.
"Oh, is that Haerin and Yongbok?" Hanni at the far distance whispered to herself as she saw two familiar figures who just entered Minji's ice cream shop but the guy with the blonde hair somehow confirmed her that it has to be them.
Eventually, Hanni and Jun reached the ice cream shop and she was indeed right, Haerin and Yongbok were sitting by near the counter with Minji. "Kim Minji~" Hanni greeted her friends as she walked over to them.
"I thought that it was you back then Pham Pham..." Haerin greeted her back as somehow Haerin also noticed Hanni back then. "You're here alone?" Minji asked as Hanni took a seat next to Minji. "Uhh no actually, I'm here with..." Hanni glanced over behind her as she saw Jun remained outside, looked like he's talking on his phone.
"...I'm with Jun. He's still outside." Hanni said as Minji immediately glanced over at Jun outside. "Ah~" Somehow Minji's tone's not as excited as she intended it to be. "Looks like everyone's here." Hanni then heard a male voice from the counter and she was surprised to see Minji's brother, Mingyu, behind the counter.
"Hi~ Long time no see. I didn't know that you're back again?" Hanni turned her attention to Minji's brother as she got to the counter. "I came just a week ago. Looks like I'm starting to enjoy being here nowadays. So what can I get for you?" Mingyu slide the menu closer towards Hanni.
"It's great seeing you and Minji together again. Right I think I'll get..." Hanni looked over the menu despite already decided what she wanted to have and at that time, Jun finally got to her. "Sorry. Just had a call from a friend."
"That's okay. What do you want to eat here?" Hanni looked over to him as she gave him some space so that he could see the menu by the counter top. "I just have whatever you're having." Jun replied rather slightly lazy and Mingyu had his eyebrows raised.
Jun glanced his eyes over to Mingyu and immediately looked away while gulping at how big Mingyu actually is. "I'll find us a seat." Jun whispered to Hanni as she nodded before he went over and found a table for them.
After seated themselves down and their foods being served after a short moments, Hanni couldn't control her light squeals as she's finally got to eat her favorite waffles with mint-chocolate ice cream.
"The chocolate syrup's finished..." Jun who wanted to add chocolate syrup, couldn't squeeze anymore of it from the bottle. "Is it? It's okay, I'll get another one for you." Hanni then took the syrup bottle from him as she went over to Minji who's still talking with both Haerin and Yongbok.
"We're out of choco syrup..." Hanni pouted her lips at Minji. "...I'll just take another one from the kitchen okay?" Hanni was about to make her way to the back room before Minji eventually stopped her. "No, no, no. You don't want to go back there... It's ummm. It's a bit of a mess back in the kitchen and I'll be embarrassed if I let you see it."
"You stay put, I'll get you your syrup." Minji took the syrup bottle from Hanni with an innocent smile as she quickly made her way to the back room. As Minji quietly made her way to the fridge to get a new bottle of syrup, a clear sound of sigh echoed in her ears suddenly.
"Is Hanni still there..." Minji turned her head to her side where you're seating by the table. "Yeah... I'm sorry that this happened. I was so happy that you wanted to hang out with us again after a while but..."
"It's okay..." You heaved out before breathing out a long one. "Please just don't let her come in here okay? Just let them enjoy their time." Even those words felt too heavy to even come out of your mouth let alone trying to peek at them from the door.
"What about you?" Minji asked as she got over and sit down next to you. "...I know that this is torturing you but I can't help but feeling guilty over myself. I should've just agreed to hang out with you and the others back in your house like before."
"It's hard Minji..." She could hear the exhaustion in your voice. "...trying to live my life like it was while the thought of her and him still upsets me." Minji upon hearing that, immediately shook hear head while patting your lap. "I greeted her... with a fake smile while he's next to her... I texted her like we used to before knowing that she has someone else's texts to look forward to."
"Yongjae dont..." Minji whispered calmly. "...I don't want you to torture yourself with this. It's okay to keep your distance. It's okay..." Minji's words could only make you smiled bitterly as the thought of you leaving for Australia somehow felt more like the right thing to do.
But as of now, none of your friends knew about it, especially Minji.
"Can I... Can I ask you something?" You looked over to her as Minji just nodded. "How do you get over someone who was never yours to begin with..." You asked her with a cracked voice and eyes full of tears. "Yongjae please don't think like tha-"
"Who do you have to blame when you've broken your own heart Minji..." You cried out as the pain struck you again and it's more painful than ever.
To be honest, I didn't quite like how I've written the last part of this chapter... but oh well... anyway how's life nowadays? Mine's been treating me... I think the picture at the bottom is self explanatory...
Also I've noticed that the last two chapters I kind of went overboard with how long the chapters were. So... probably next chapter's going to be a bit shorter than the last two chapters including this one... Apologies beforehand...
Also here's the picture I mentioned.