─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
word count: 13.4k
content warnings: descriptions of blood; explicit content
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
eren's hoodie is unsurprisingly giant on me. i slip it over my body, scrunching any remaining water out of my hair with a towel after. he has one of the nicest showers i've ever used. the space for it is so big, there's a bench built into one side of it. right next the waterfall faucet, because of course there's a waterfall faucet. i've been admiring his apartment, that i now realize is closer to a penthouse, but the dots are just starting to click. he's just a college student? i can't name a single person i know who lives like he does. not even jean. the token spoiled rich boy.
the rest of the bathroom is freakishly clean. in fact, the entire house is. i bet the drawers are too- i can't help but take just one peek. "eenie meenie minie moe," i mutter as my finger lands on the first drawer. just as soon as it extends out, i slam it shut. condoms. the deepest part of me can't help but hope they're just old and have been discarded there.
the pang of jealousy that follows is unavoidable. condoms in the first drawer of his bathroom and he couldn't lean into me just a bit further. i must be so fucking disgusting to him.
deep breath in and out, i push that thought far into the back of my mind. with the self-deprecating thoughts gone, curiosity is left behind. i half close my eyes, extending the drawer out one more time, slowly. just enough for me to see the bottom of the box before slamming it shut again. extra large.
focusing my attention on the rest of the clothes he gave me, i pick up the next item. "oh.. god," as if my face wasn't red before, it's worse now. his boxers. i mean it makes sense. why would i change clothes and rewear a dirty thong? the logical thought didn't help me. looking at the boxers, all i see is extra large. "fuck, y/n" i press my hands over my face, "stop being a perv," i mutter to myself.
swallowing my pride, i slide them over my legs. they're big, as expected, but they don't fall off. his basketball shorts are next as i take a look in the mirror. i look ridiculous; his clothes are closer to enormous than oversized. but they're his clothes and i feel the familiar flutter of butterflies, not realizing how much i missed their familiar flutter over the course of just a few days.
running the towel through my hair one more time i open the door. turning the corner, i almost run straight into eren, "you ready to go?" his tone is bored, but it scares the shit out of me anyway.
i jump in my skin, "fuck!" i practically yell, trying to catch my breath. eren's unamused, continuing to stand there. looking up to his eyes, he's staring down at me with his typical blank eyes. extra large runs through my mind, and i retract my head to the floor, hiding the red i know spread across. "yeah, ready," i finally answer, in an attempt to leave here as soon as possible.
"jean!" i call, running over to the tall boy as soon as i spot him. his face lights up as i wrap my arms around him. i extend my heels to stand on my tiptoes so my chin can rest on his shoulder. his own arms glide around my waist before he quickly pushes me back, scanning me over.
his hands lie on both sides of my ribs, holding me in place with a light grip. "i'm glad you're ok," his voice is low. a visible frown forms as he scans me too closely, realizing the clothes i'm wearing are eren's.
"yeah, i know you're so concerned, mom," i scold, ready to get past the fawning. i'm not looking forward to seeing everyone else, knowing they'll do the same. it's too much attention on something i don't want to think about.
eren interrupts us, "later, lovebirds." turning to him, he's already walking back to his apartment. my body sinks at the sight; disappointed. in both the fact that i have to leave, and at the meek goodbye he spares. jean deflates for a different reason, letting out a big sigh, "wait in the car, yeah?" although, he doesn't mean it as a question.
jean pushes past me as i make my way to the passenger seat. it's weird knowing i'm going to his lakehouse with my bag full of textbooks. it's unsettling, but it's not like i could have done much to prepare, anyway.
looking out his window, i see him talking to an increasingly grumpy eren. jean's annoyed about something, continuing to press into him. trying to make out their lips, i can't read anything. sighing aggravatingly, i push my back against his seat as i use the controls to lower it into a more comfortable position.
the driver's door opens as jean gets himself settled. he starts up his car, "hot or cold," he asks, already messing with the air conditioning. "hot," i reply quickly.
"how did eren treat you?" he phrases it like a taunt, but the concern laced in his voice tells me he isn't a fan of eren's presence around me.
kicking my shoes off, i prop my legs up on his seat. "like he was housing a great royal," i tease back.
"ha ha," he fake laughs, "how did he really?" any sarcastic tone he had before is gone now.. letting his worries break through his voice. it made me feel less confident in my heart's decision to trust eren. jean's clearly holding something against him.. enough to be considerably worried. something i see on him very occasionally. my stomach turns at the thought.
"not bad. definitely not bad," i answer him honestly, "even made me breakfast, one could call him hospitable."
jean's brows furrow as he stares into my eyes, trying to read them. "i still hate him," he decides with a sigh as he taps his fingers against the wheel.
"keep telling yourself that and you might believe it," i joke as i realize he still hasn't made any move to reverse out of the parking spot, "aren't you going to start the car?"
"eren still has to get his shit," he complains with a huff.
"huh?" my mouth falls open in surprise, ".. he's coming with?" i have a hard time hiding my excitement behind my tone. "yep," he sighs, having a hard time covering his discontent. my tumultuous feelings completely evaporate with the idea of eren coming to the lakehouse. i wish i had more control over my emotions.. it's humiliating that the simple thought of eren's presence next to me brings so much bliss.
"oh? it didn't seem that way this morning," i probe, knowing eren really didn't phrase it like he would be tagging along.
"well, yeah, he tried to slither out of it like the snake he is," he laughs lightly at his own joke, "mikasa threatened my life if i didn't get him to come, so i chose one torture over the other." laughing at the genuine fear crossing his face, "ah, smart decision," i rip into him, although i couldn't blame him. it'd be stupid to put yourself on mikasa's bad side.
jean raises his hand to lightly poke my shoulder, "oh," he blurts, changing the conversation, "sash and i have been getting everything straightened out with the dorm. i'm sure she'll tell you all about it, so i won't bother."
"hah, it is expected of her," my joke comes out weakly. one thing i definitely can't cover is my apprehension about the break in. i'm acutely brought back to reality; harshly reminded why we're even taking this trip.
the backdoor opens, thudding of the door pulling my from my thoughts. eren's bag hits the seat, but i don't bother to look back to him. "c'mon cupcake. get driving," he smacks jean's cheek, resulting in a very unhappy expression covering his face.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
the drive to the lake went about just how i would've expected. four hours of two men with high strung attitudes. the music rested at a high volume, intentionally dissuading conversation. if anyone tried to make conversation, jean and eren would scoff or groan at the sound of the other's voice. it was like riding with children. it wasn't shocking, but i had a hard time believing how long they were dragging it out.
as soon as jean pulls up in the long driveway, i get out. resting my head on the hood of his low car, i admire the lakehouse. it looked different, but i couldn't quite place it. "parents renovated it," jean answers, spotting where my gaze is drawn too.
"it looks nice. i would never know connie lit that part on fire," i laugh as jean glares at me. the story is funny now; to everyone but jean who got shit for connie's antics for a while. none of us have been allowed back since december. honestly, i can't believe his parents are letting us stay here now.
eren gets out of the car last, taking initiative into the house with his bag. "it's really not a good memory for me," jean continues, a bitter tone very apparent.
"yeah, for you," my laugh keeps bubbling out. in real time, watching connie zap the mosquitoes with hairspray and a lighter was terrifying. watching as part of the house engulfed in flames. now.. i would pay hard earned money to watch him flail around, throwing cups of water at it, screaming.
then, the man himself walks out of the house, "ayyy, finally!" he yells. the sound echoes into the expanse of trees around us.
eren slips off the side of the car, trying to avoid connie. it doesn't work as his arms flail open in a big hug, "ere-bear, i missed you!" his arms clasp around eren, holding his arms from moving in the process. his grip is tight, veins popping out of his forearms at the pressure of keeping eren in the hug. "all is forgiven, connie," jean mutters, a big smile on his face at the expense of eren's suffering.
eren's expression melts into anger, quickly dropping his bag to shove connie off. it has a lot of force behind it; sending him stumbling a few feet back. it doesn't deter him.
"no need to be so grumpy," connie complains, moving closer to poke him in the cheek. before he can make contact, his hand is slapped away; creating a large thwack sound. "get away from me baldy," eren's patience is thin, being in a car with jean for four hours probably wore him out.
this time, connie heeds his warning, focusing on me and jean. "i can't wait for the sun to go down!" he cheers, "wait 'till you see the big ass bonfire i'v-"
"no way, shitbrain!" jean scolds, grabbing his own bag from the trunk of the car. using his free hand, he points it in connies face; like a parent scolding a child, "you do not touch any fire, gasoline, spark. zilch."
his arms lift up to slap against his body in distress, "c'mon man, you can't still be mad about that. i was protecting the ladies from the bugs," he motions towards me in an attempt to persuade jean.
"no!" he yells, already walking off to the house in eren's footsteps.
with everyone else gone, connie turns the brunt of his attention toward me. "hey girly!" he exclaims, raising his tone to the highest pitch, sounding girlier than any actual girl i know.
"hi con," i keep my tone flat in the hopes of not encouraging his antics. it works, as he takes my backpack from my hands, carrying it inside.
"sasha's in the kitchen," he directs, something of a sincere smile on his face. i tend to underestimate connie; forgetting that he picks up on everything through his wild exterior. his soft side isn't one i get to see often, but i smile at the thought. thankful he doesn't bring up anything pertaining to a certain incident.
he leaves my side, waking up the stairs; where sasha and i usually stay. making my way into the kitchen, i spot sasha immediately. her face looks more hollow, bags under her eyes telling me she didn't sleep well last night. i couldn't blame her; i'm surprised i got as much sleep as i did.
her tone gives away nothing about how she feels, squealing as soon as she sees me, "y/n!" hopping off the sool, she quite literally jumps into my arms, crushing me ribs as she hugs me. the pressure makes it hard to breath, but i just wrap my own arms around her.
"i've missed you, sash," my heart tugs as i realize i haven't seen her since before it happened. i feel like a bad friend; cuddling up on eren's couch instead of being there for her. i know she was with jean; but maybe texting her constantly wasn't enough. i should've had the strength to just leave his apartment, and i hug her tighter at the reminder that i didn't.
jean's voice interrupts us, "no pda in my house. you guys see each other almost everyday, anyway." our grip around each other goes slack as we glare at him as he's already opening a beer on the edge of the kitchen counter.
"actually, it's mommy's house," i mock him; knowing how much he hates his rich family being brought up.
my comment sets sasha off, triggering the memory that began the jean-boy nickname. she clenches her stomach with laughter, "mommy's little jean-boy!" she yells. jean's face turns bright red, immediately tilting his head so we can no longer see his face.
"you guys need to forget that seriously," the previous humor was gone from his voice, embarrassment shining through instead.
"how could we ever forget such a special mother-son bonding experience?" i giggle, reaching over to clasp his cheek between my thumb and pointer; like i remember his mom doing.
his hand grips around my wrist, forcefully peeling my hand back. "you are evil," he emphasizes each word with a straight face, only causing my laughter to intensify.
leaving him alone, i open the fridge, spotting a strawberry mike's hard lemonade. "sash, did you do the shopping?" i look at her with glowing eyes, expressing my thanks. she chuckles, "yes, but connie picked those out. he knows they're your fav."
popping open the can, i take a few chugs before wiping the bottom of my mouth and responding, "that's really sweet, actually." with everything calmed down, the house seems empty. usually, there's more of a commotion; always some loud bang or yell. i also make note of a few bodies i haven't even seen yet, "mikasa and armin?"
sasha grabs a beer for herself, clinking it with my already half-empty drink. "they'll be here. i think they just left sina a bit later,".
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
the prickle of the hot sun against my skin was something i missed. the constant rain over sina always provided comfort to me. looking up at the sky to be met with dark gray clouds was the best feeling to me. but i can't love it all the time, and right now i was happy to get a normal august in trost.
it also appealed to me more now because everything about sina was unappealing at the moment. the more i thought about it, the more all of sina seemed to be violated by one break in. still having no clue who might've done it was eating me away by the second. i'm sure at some point, the feeling would spread to trost like a parasite.
even with my sunglasses on, i kept my eyes closed. i bring my focus back to my surroundings instead of things i have no control over. the light humidity in the air, causing my skin to stick to the layout chair beneath me. sasha's hand that's interlocked with mine. we laid out side by side, just soaking in the other's company. moments like this were rare, even though we spent most of our time with each other.
"anyway, the admin said we can switch dorms, if we really wanted to," sasha continues the conversation; bringing up the topic i wanted to avoid the most.
i mumble a distaste for the idea, "if you want to. but it doesn't really change anything. it could always happen again and wouldn't if feel shittier if we repacked and unpacked all our stuff again?"
"fair point. so the next option: gun," she deadpans.
my torso lifts itself with laughter. opening one eye halfway, i spot a smile she tried to hold back, "it has to be pink. and i want a nosescope."
her smile frowns at the corners, "i don't think that's the best option for dorm-defense.."
"fair point yourself."
"did i tell you the police checked it out?" her expression turns once again. she's just as conflicted as i am. not willing to completely ignore what happened, and ending up just vomiting up thoughts and theories. i shake my head, "no." i'm not entirely sure i want to know if they even found anything. it would just lead to more confusing paths. right?
"yeah. didn't find anything. but jean was there, and ohmygod he was giving them such a hard time," she giggles.
"aw, he finally got his revenge for getting detained?" my memory flashes to one of the first times i ever hung out with the crazy trio. sasha, connie, jean and i all hotboxing in jean's car. the cops pulled up; jean immediately went frantic at the thought of what his parents would do if he got arrested. instead of getting caught in a car full of weed, he opted to ditch the cops. i'm honestly not sure how he even got the charges dropped, but at least we can all laugh about it now.
sasha belly laughs, "yup!" she's quick to deter the subject of the break-in, "i bet you had a better night than i did." of course the next thing she brings up is something i want to talk about even less; not having enough time to sort my feelings out alone.
"not much," i'm quick to downplay. was there even anything to downplay? or am i making everything up in my head; in the hopes there might be something there?
"oh yeah?" she pokes my arm incessantly, "you seemed really occupied at eren's.."
i nod my head with conviction, "yes. very busy, sleeping and such."
"sleeping with him?" a quick glance over shows me the smirk growing slowly on her face.
"no!" my nose scrunches; hiding my real emotions from the insinuation, "i really don't think he even sees me like that. it's so odd, sash. his actions are completely different from what he actually says to me, y'know?" i decide to open up, something i don't like doing often. a trait i blame on historia; though i know it goes back further than that.
"how so? you gotta give me the details," the desperation to pry is strong in her voice.
"i dunno," i admit, taking a second to form thoughts i haven't yet, "he was in a shit mood this morning, but still bothered to make me breakfast?" i question myself outloud, "maybe he was just raised with good guest accommodation skills." i might be talking to sasha, but i'm trying to balance everything logically to myself as well.
"i mean, you were also wearing his clothes here. that.. he doesn't do often, and you have how many articles of his clothing?" she challenges. my stubborn personality makes it hard to accept her words, but how couldn't i? she has a completely different perspective. feelings don't cloud her vision, and she knows eren better than i do. if she sees something.. maybe it's not just me?
sighing, i downplay her for the moment, "whatever." it'll be easier to sort out when i can't sleep in the middle of the night. "does he, like, get around?" i can't help the question from blurting from my mouth. out of everything, my mind keeps running back to the extra large condoms. the fact that he has some is a no brainer.. but i wish i never snooped in the first place.
"you mean have sex? duh," her eyebrows furrow lightly.
i glare at her, "bitch."
her eyes roll, realizing i'm going to make her take this seriously. "before he left.. it was like a normal amount? i dunno. not much more than jean."
"oh. huh." my shoulders shrug as much as they can while lying flat on the chair. my ears cling to the words 'before he left.' it shouldn't matter to me; but i do know it would hurt if he was still with historia. the possibility is slim.. but it's definitely there, creating a dark fog in the back of my brain.
she turns to me with the largest smirk i've ever seen on her, "what? ya jealous?"
"psht. no." waving my hand in her face, i disregard her.
sasha inhales, face suddenly melting into a serious expression, "don't think i don't see the chemistry between you two, because trust me, it's there," she chuckles as my heart rate picks up, "but i'm saying this as both of your friends.. eren doesn't take relationships seriously. even before he left and came back a different person."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
laughter echoed around the sandpit; drowning out the crackles from the bonfire. sasha calls to me, "pass the bottle, bitch," her arms sloppily extend to grab it. i tilt the nose of the bottle into my mouth, taking one last shot before leaning across the log to hand it to her. the bottle drags down with the weight of her arm before she brings it back up, chugging the vodka like it was juice. at this point, all of us are too drunk to be repelled by the taste of alcohol.
"you guys see the biggest star right there?" connie's voice sounds distant even though he's just next to me, i adjust my position, sliding off the log to sit in the sand as i recline my head against the log to look toward the sky.
it's pitch black, making the stars stand out even more. "i see it," i squint one eye, following his outstretched finger that points to the biggest star in the sky.
other affirmations are mumbled around; the smile on connie's face growing. "that's how big my dick is," he giggles as he lifts his feet up in the air to kick them. reaching my hand up, i push on his thigh, but i'm too drunk for there to be any actual pressure. "dummy," i choke out through bubbled laughs.
"haha so funny," eren remarks. i've watched him down more than all of us, but he somehow doesn't seem slightly tipsy.
connie points to nowhere in particular, "your's is that teeny one to the south." eren doesn't encourage his joke, instead taking another shot of bourbon.
"oh my god!" jean interrupts, "armin passed out!" all of us turn our heads; looking like groundhogs. across the fire from me, armin is sleeping soundly soft snores are heard with our sudden gap in noise. it can't be heard for long; snickering erupts once more.
"he's such a lightweight," mikasa chuckles, softly patting his head as he rests on her shoulder. mikasa takes her liquor like a fucking ox. even now, her pink tinted cheeks are the only give away. my mind drifts off on that thought, wondering if she acts the same sober and drunk.
"i'll go tuck him in," a slight humorous tone can be heard from eren as he rises from his position on the ground. he even walks steadily around the fire.
"i'll help," mikasa was quick to volunteer. unlike eren, she has a quick wobble as she transfers the weight upright, but she easily pushes past it; standing completely straight as she sets armin lying down on the log. eren scoops armin up; looking like a rag-doll held in his arms.
"bye armeen," sasha whispers, cautious not to interrupt his sleep while waving to the unconscious boy. not like we were all yelling a few minutes ago..
my eyes too tired to move, the trio slowly left my vision; leaving me with a view of the lake. an idea suddenly energized me, "let's go in!" using my hands to push against the floor, i stand up. my vision goes black at the edges, not finding balance with my legs feeling like jelly. sasha gasps excitedly, attempting to stand up as well.
"no, you guys are way too drunk," even drunk, jean is still concerned about our safety. it's sweet, but at the moment, i don't care. my body adjusts to the change in altitude as i remove eren's shorts i couldn't help but change back into after laying out.
my eyes roll dramatically toward him. "then come in with us, then. make sure we don't drown," i joke, curling my finger at him. i peel eren's hoodie off next, leaving me in sasha's thong. jean exasperated sighs as i turn to sasha, who's an article of clothing behind me. "race ya," i yell, attempting to run toward the water.
"cheater!" she yells, throwing her clothes and attempting to catch up.
my feet skip into the water, causing me to pause. the jolt of cold causes me to sober for a minute; chilling me to my bones. "fuck! it's cold!" i take a few more steps, "fuck, fuck!" i mutter at the discomfort nipping at my skin.
in my hesitation, a half-naked sasha comes charging from behind me. she doesn't let the water stop her; diving under the surface once she's far enough out. seconds later, her head pops up, "i win!" she giggles, splashing around water as she tries to stay afloat.
"no, you didn't" i try to counter, being sore at the loss, "my foot touched th-" my breath knocked out of me; arms circling my torso as they pull me up into the air. my feet curl; desperate to be out of the cold, but my entire body is soon thrown back into the water. as my head dips under the water, the pressure builds on my skill; an immediate headache forming.
my feet push up from the sand, instinct calling me back to the surface. "asshole!" i yell with no vision as my hair covers my face. i push it back; gasping from the cold and lack of oxygen. meeting my eyes is jean; hunched over with a body vibrating with harsh laughter, "i got you good, huh?" he manages to mock me though breaths. next to me, sasha is giggling, coming up to hold onto my arm, making it easier for both of us to stay stable.
jean's clothes have been stripped off; leaving him in just boxers. i push a current of water away from me; splashing him. his jaw goes slack as his laughing stops. his eyes widen in dramatic surprise, making his face appear even more flushed.
he makes a move further into the water. i don't have time to escape as he grabs my waist, shoving me underwater with him. he lets go quickly, swimming further into the lake to get away. "what was that about keeping us safe?" i yell at him, trying to swim closer for revenge.
next to me, sasha lets out a blood curdling scream. grabbing my ear closest to her side; my face flinches with the pain of the sound vibration through my skull. "his dick is out!" she points to the shore, my gaze following her finger.
"holyshit!" i whisper, too shocked to yell. on the shore is in fact, a very naked connie; posing as a roman sculpture. covering my eyes, i scream into my hands. i could've gone my whole life without ever needing to see connie's dick; especially in this situation. i'm splashed with water, uncovering my eyes to show connie is missing.. next to me are big ripples of water.
"ohmygod he's in here!" sasha yells, beginning to breaststroke towards the shore. i follow her quickly, "ewwwuh!" my breathing picks up with the adrenaline of not knowing where naked connie is; he still hasn't surfaced. "sasha don't leave me," i beg.
sasha flips her body over, laying on the shore as she watches out for any movement. as soon as my feet can touch the sand below me, i copy her movements. letting out a breath of relief; both from being out of the freezing liquid, and being away from the threat of connie. "where is he?" jean yells to us, trying to swim back up. he was at a much deeper part of the lake, and he lags behind us as he tries to catch up.
"did he drown?" sasha's voice shifts. i scan over the water's surface.
"i don't know," my head perks up to try and spot any bubbles but there's nothing. "you don't think he's just too drunk?" i question back worriedly.
"shi-" jean yells as he disappears below the surface. sasha and i look at each other; giggling as connie's head pops up to drag jean under the water. arms are flying everywhere; water splashing up around the two. "GAH," he yells again, "his dick touched me!" he shrieks in the highest pitch voice i've ever heard from him.
sasha and i's laughter intensifies; she hunches over to hold her stomach as my back lays flat against the sand, crunching to the side. "you guys are screaming bloody fucking murder out here," my laughter quickly dies down, recognizing the voice.
sasha let's out one more giggle, "connie's dick is out." looking to her, i realize her tits are out.. which means mine are too. my back pops back up, hands covering my chest. i don't turn my head to look at eren; a sudden wave of embarrassment flashing over my body. a warm towel is dipped on my shoulders, and i instinctively wrap it around the rest of my body. my shivers pick up as the wind washes over my ice cold skin. next to me, sasha repeats a similar motion.
"you guys are dumb," eren complains, but there is genuine humor leaking through his voice.
jean interrupts him quickly, "get away!" he screeches again, finally close enough to run out of the water. connie's right on his heels, his arms reaching out to grab him, even on the shore. "truce! i surrender! truce!" jean scrabbles his words causing connie to finally halt. giggling, he walks over to where his boxers lie.
"damn, con, sorry for doubting you," i boost his ego. drawing the confidence to look at eren, a smile is tugging its way onto his lips. seeing the tenderness on his face causes my lips to curl as well.
"i tried to tell you guys," connie complains, finally half-clothed. eren laughs at him. for the first time his eyes hold a gleaming spark. the smile on his face grows to be immense and genuine. i continue to stare at him, soaking him in. i don't know if i'll ever get to see him like this again. the cold water sobered me up a bit; but right now i feel like i haven't had anything to drink today.
jean walks up to eren, his hoodie back on. he slaps his shoulder as he passes by, "c'mon," he urges all of us, "and dry off completely. i don't want sand all over my floors."
i wrap the towel around tighter, standing up to help get sasha to her feet. "yo momma's floors," she gives one more yell before i feel her slump into my front side. her tiredness rubs off on me, sleep being the only thing i can think about now.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
my hand scours the mattress, trying to locate my phone in the darkness. as soon as my fingers umble over the corner, i grab it. the screen lights up as i scrunch my eyes to evade the light. '5:37' it read. looking to the window, no light bleeds through the shutters. i must've only gotten a few hours of sleep. just enough to burn off the alcohol and leave me with an uncomfortable throb ricocheting around my skull.
i push the covers off my body, careful not to wake sasha still snoozing next to me. my skin is slightly tacky from the lake water; my face scrunches from the feeling.
making my way to the downstairs bathroom for advil, the living room light is dim but on. passing it on my way, i look in spotting eren. his hair is down; body laid back on the couch. his face is lit up by his phone screen; random quiet sounds coming from the speakers. i clear my throat to get rid of any remaining sleep, "why are you up?" i grab his attention.
eren doesn't respond for a few seconds before he raises his torso, turning his phone off. "why are you?" he counters as he stands up fully to face me.
"because my head hurts," i step away, moving toward the bathroom. the sharp pain in my head being the only thing i can focus on at the moment. once the bottle is in my hands, i fumble to get it open. resting it on my hip to properly push down on the lid before twisting. "stupid fucking seal," i mumble while shaking it to release a few pills onto my hand.
i don't count how many i take, just shove them into my mouth as i wash them down with my own saliva. a breathy chuckle erupts next to me. "you're so hungover," eren mocks, leaning on the bathroom doorway. he's fighting the emergence of a smile.
my eyes roll, taking my head with it as i try to stretch it out. the few hours i did sleep must have been in an awkward position. "really? how could you tell," my words come out in a groan. i take note of his stature; he looks like normal eren. "wait, how are you not?"
he shrugs, moving off of the doorframe to give me room to move out of the bathroom, "i just don't really get hungover," he says it easily, like it isn't a blessing.
my eyes widen in jealousy, "that's despicable." the feeling intensifies as another throb reverberates through my head. i bring up my thumb and middle finger, massaging tiny circles on my forehead.
eren gives another cold laugh, walking the other way down the hallway, "come on," he grabs my attention, "i know something that'll get your mind off it." his tone doesn't seem to give any other options, but i wouldn't have chosen any different. how could i decline when eren is offering to spend time with me?
he makes his way to the front door, keeping it open as i walk through. if the sounds of nightlife in sina were pretty, it was magnified tenfold here. everything was louder, more clearer with the absence of other homes and human life for acres. it was peaceful. the night sky around us was turning a lighter shade of dark blue, almost dusk. taking my attention away from the sky, eren's many paces before me, heading to the shoreline. "what are you doing?" i call to him, trying to keep my voice low as i pick up my pace to walk alongside him.
his head half turns to glare at me, "do you ever have patience?"
"no, it's one of my many talents," a smile i can't keep down grows on my face. just being in his presence seems to elicit a safe and euphoric feeling; it's too bad it doesn't happen as often as i would like.
he approaches the boathouse, entering the keypad code to unlock the doors. he points to a yellow craft in the corner, "canoe," is all he said in response to me. gripping its sides, he hauls it out of the shed. careful to avoid the actual boat beside it.
his muscles stick out through the t-shirt he wore with the sudden exertion of force. the curves of his muscles deepen in the careful touch of the moons light. he makes movements with ease, like lifting an entire canoe wasn't strenuous work for him. walking it over to the shore, he brings it down to toss it on the surface. his hands come on the side to keep it sturdy, "you just gonna stand there?" he teases.
turning my head to the ground to hide my smile, i wade through a few inches of cold water to reach the canoe. my body can't help but shiver as the wind bites through my clothes. which happen to be a mismatch of sasha's sweatpants, and eren's hoodie i can't seem to keep off me.
eren stands beside the canoe now drifting as small waves carry it's movements. his hand is outstretched, and i don't hesitate in grabbing onto him. however, my grip doesn't hold tightly as i realize his hands are just as cold as the water. "are you really not cold?" i remark, scanning his graphic t-shirt and sweats. my body is battling hypothermia, and he looks fit to go to the beach on the sunny day.
"not particularly," he deadpans, his other hand slides onto the small of my back to give me extra support as his other hand moves from my hand to my upper forearm. his grip is tight but not uncomfortable. lifting my legs at the knee, i trust his strength as he lifts me over the canoe's edge. a giggle at the motion escapes me as my body glides easily through the air. my free hand quickly stabilized on the other side of the canoe, trying to keep it balanced. once i'm sat on the plank bench, eren's touch lingers a moment more than necessary.
as he easily jumps in, the canoe rocks to adjust the balance. he makes a motion to grab the ores in the center. i move my legs to allow them to be pulled from underneath me; criss crossing them on my seat. as he works to propel the craft, i can't help but admire him. the moonlight filling in the hallows of his face, framed by his hair i rarely get to see down.
as heat rushes to my face, i quickly look away. even if it is doubtful he'd be able to make out my blush in the dark. "so why are we on a canoe at six in the morning?" i trail.
air blows through his nose in a chuckle, "didn't we talk about you trusting me more?" i give him a tightlipped expression, watching as his features ease up. "just over there," he answers in a defensive tone, pointing to a small island not far out from the water. "it's called eight-mile island," he explains as he puts his hand back on the ore to continue moving toward it.
"eight-mile?" i ask, questioning the strange name of the island. the light is just strong enough to see how soft his face is. it seems the longer he stays up here, the more relaxed he appears. and considering how much he seems to know about this lake; it makes me wonder if and how often he's been here. it might be comforting for him to be here.
"yeah," he confirms i heard him correctly, "it's eight miles from the island before it."
i laugh out of reflex, "how creative."
looking over the canoe's side, we're about halfway there already. the water is pitch black beneath us, but small lights could be seen within the forest through the reflection. jean's house gave the most light, reflecting on the water behind us. "this reminds me of tangled," i think out loud.
"tangled?" eren's brows furrow as i bring my attention to him.
"yeah. like the floating lanterns, just no floating lanterns," his expression deepens at my explanation. "have you really never seen it?"
"no?" he questions himself, "the blonde one, right? long hair?"
"you could phrase it like that," i laugh at his description. "so no chick flicks or chicks with long hair, what movies is eren jaeger watching?"
the whites of his eyes become more visible as he rolls them, "good films with actual plot. i dunno. like star wars." his voice becomes quieter, the echo across the lake becoming duller with the drop in tone.
a full fledged smile becomes bright on my face, "no way! you're a closet loser!" i taunt with a hearty laugh. even in the dark, the color of his face becomes bright, a small twinge of pink dusts his cheeks. the sight is hard to look away from. i feel my smile drop slightly in my admiration of him.
"whatever, you have bad taste," his tone betrays his offense. he breaks our eye contact, looking in the distance next to me.
"hey, i never said i didn't love star wars," his gaze returns to mine, almost looking like an eager puppy for a split second. "but i do have a controversial opinion," my voice lowers as i drag out my words.
he makes an untrusting expression, brows furrowing as his head tilts, "i'm not sure i want to know, but it doesn't sound like you're giving me an option."
"i'm not!" i exasperate, "i don't like the original trilogy," bringing my hand up, i use it to cover my mouth, ending with a scandalous gasp.
"what?" he almost shouts, "it's confirmed, you must be evil," he jokes before the canoe starts to spin in the opposite direction we were previously going in. he starts rowing back towards the lakehouse, "what are you doing?" checking back from my shoulder to him, the smallest smile is curling on his lips at my reaction.
"if you don't defend your horrible opinion, y/n l/n, we're turning back," he threatens.
my face heats at the demand.. wanting nothing less than this moment with eren to end. "ok, ok, i concede!" the ores stop wading through the water and i continue, "i really hate the leia and luke thing - just so horrible to watch that. and the pacing is too choppy between all the movies."
he starts turning the canoe around, scoffing as he does so. "i mean, you're just wrong, but i can't disagree on the incest," i choke out a laugh at the lack of humor in his response.
"and your opinion on the prequels?" he probes with caution.
"i absolutely love them," another smile fights it's way onto my face, "actually, you kinda remind me of anakin.." i say aloud, not sure if i really mean to make that comparison to his face.
eren's brows furrow, but he doesn't look upset. more intrigued, "really?" his tone perks up, "is that a good thing, or bad?" he asks genuinely.
for the first time tonight, he really looks into my eyes. it feels like he sees through my exterior, looking directly into my soul. his green eyes gleam in the moonlight, and i shiver under his gaze. "um- good," i stutter out, nervous with the amount of attention he's giving me.
even so, i don't want to disconnect our gazes. if he is looking into my soul, i can see a part of his, too. a small sparkle in his eyes.. showing me there's a lot more to eren. a part of him he's hellbent on keeping buried away. but our eyes are forced apart too quickly, the canoe abruptly stopping with a thud as it hits the shore's sand. my body jolts forward, arms hanging onto the sides of the canoe. "ow," i say out of reflex.
eren scoffs, "that didn't hurt." just as quickly as it appeared, the gleam is gone. he slides his legs over the edge before using the momentum to get the rest of his body over. a few droplets of water splash on my face as he hits the ground. he rotates the canoe before approaching me.
"and how would you know that?" i question. his hands grip me; this time he lays both on the upper part of my waist before lifting me out. my arms grab around his neck easily; and i find it difficult to let go, even when my feet are safely on the ground.
he moves away from me, lying down on a dry part of the sand. "you tend to be dramatic," he answers me with an obvious tone. i kick a bit of sand over to him, causing his torso to lift quickly. "hey!" he yells, a laugh coming through.
"and i'm dramatic?" i sit next to him, sparing us about a foot between each other. his body leans down again, but i keep my gaze locked on the lake; too nervous to meet his gaze so close together.
his hand wraps around my wrist as he tugs lightly, "and can't take a hint either." i follow his force, lying down beside him as he motions toward the sky. in the time it took to get here, the dark blue of night has begun to lighten. just a bit.. but it hints at sun soon to be peeking through.
both of us staring at the sky, i focus on the rise and fall of his chest. his breaths that begin to slow down from the lack of previous exertion. there's a slow hum of wind entering and exiting him.. i find myself wishing i could hear what his heartbeat sounds like. is it threatening to breakthrough his ribs like mine is? "this is romantic," i joke through my churning stomach.
"tch," he pauses, "i bring everyone here," he attempts to downplay, but there's a softness to his tone.
"yeah? even jean?" in a taunt, i drag out his name. it has no effect on him, his eyes were still locked on the sky.
his brows furrow for just a moment, before smiling slightly. like something in my tease elicited a memory in his mind. "of course," he phrases it with a lightheart, but he was telling the truth. my earlier theory of him being well versed with this area must've been correct.
eren's arm lifting up draws my attention away, "a shooting star!" he gasps.
"really?" i inhale sharply, lifting my head slightly to get a better look. before i can truly search the sky, laughter erupts next to me. i frown, shoving his shoulder. i couldn't keep the expression on my face for long. the sound makes my heart flutter; his unyielding laugh is loud, light hiccups in the middle. i fake an angry expression as his laughter dies down, secretly absorbing every second of it. "you're fun to toy with," his head turns to meet my gaze; teeth poking out from his smile.
i shoo him by waving my hand, "glad you're having so much fun."
the space between us remains quiet, each watching as the sun finally begins to rise above the horizon. i sneak glances at him every now and then, trying to memorize his features. remembering the tattoo covering his arm, i decide now would be the time to ask about it.
i grab his wrist in my hand, trying not to initiate too much contact. bringing it toward my face, i feel his gaze slide to me. from this angle, the ink wraps around his pinky finger; almost looking like a ring. "what is it?"
keeping his hand in my own, i pretend to look at it in an attempt to hold him a little longer. i've always felt something tying me to eren, and i've only just noticed the feeling grows stronger when we're physically connected. it might just be my mind playing into my feelings, but i like the feeling it gives a bit too much.
"it's a shining centipede," he turns his hand a bit, looking at it for himself as my hand keeps its hold. i look at his face with a confused expression, urging him to continue.
he laughed through his nose after glancing at me, "family thing. don't ask." i nod; but all i want to do is ask. i've never seen a 'family thing' like that before.
"how far does it go?" i ask instead. remembering i initially thought it stretched to his back. he smirks at me, "you want me to take my clothes off?" i feel my face heat, laughing in hopes of distracting from it, "aw, do my tricks not work on you?"
he cautiously takes his hand away from mine as he sits up, "no, they do." with one hand, he pulls his shirt cleanly off. sitting up slightly, i inspect it. from his arm, the centipede crosses over his shoulder, before moving to the middle of his back. after the blade, it curls in again, becoming smaller before ending. the body is lighter, the shading becomes darker at the legs, making it look like it's really moving.
my finger lifts up with a mind of it's own, beginning to trace the lines. at first, he twitches before settling into my touch. "so pretty.." i mutter breathlessly.
it's hard not to notice how toned his back is. he seems to always be wearing something that covers his muscles, but he can't hide the definition under the fresh morning light. and then, my vision is covered as i feel something drape over my head, "hey!" i yell at him, removing the shirt i couldn't see him throw at me.
"ya done gawking?" he removes his shirt from my head, taking a second to straighten it out before putting it back on.
i make a sour expression, "there wasn't much to gawk at." deny, deny, deny.
he chuckles as he lifts up from the sand completely, "oh, yeah? it looked like you were gawking anyway."
i take a deep breath, trying to clear the red from my face, "you're describing symptoms of temporary blindness. you should definitely get that checked out." i really do hate how easy i am to rile up.
"it's okay, you can pretend you don't think i'm attractive all you want. i don't mind." eren turns to me with a cocky grin, and i have to convince myself that i don't wish i could have him. this version of eren.. makes the butterflies even more present than usual.
"it's always the ego that ruins it," i scoff. he offers his hand to make, and i take it, pulling myself up. dusting the sand off my sweatpants, eren says the one thing that makes my heart sink.
"we should get back before jean-boy starts to worry." he motions toward the sun that's significantly higher. the pastel pinks and oranges have begun to fade from the sky, leaving baby blue in its wake. even if jean was up, would he even notice our absence? all logic bleeds from my mind; looking for any excuse to stay here with eren longer. i felt like a brat. with everything i'm given i need more. and more. i could never get enough of eren.
we make our way back to the canoe, but my mind doesn't shut off, despite the wave of sleep prickling at my eyes, looking at the stars with eren, everything seems to solidify in my mind. it's obvious i have feelings for him, but that wasn't the question to begin with.
i'm falling for him. i can feel my feet being lifted off the ground as my body falls into the void. is eren falling next to me, reaching out for my hand? it's like the hydra: one solution appears, branching two more paths appear before me.
my stomach ties knots in itself in this moment. butterflies rush to my head; filling my body with an overwhelming giddiness. but with good comes bad, and the nerves are running right beside my happiness, trying to pull it down. my mind flashes to my conversation with sasha. my brain overrides my heart with insecurity. if eren's playing a game, is this it? bringing girls eight miles up.. and then what?
with his constant and repetitive mood changes, it's hard to know how long the eren on this island will stay around. will he burn away everything as we return to the lakehouse? to sina? i want so badly to ride out the void with him, and take any pain that comes with it. but minds don't allow you to bite your own finger off. it's reflexive.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"do i look cute in these?" i ask mikasa, a pair of shark sunglasses covering my eyes. they're too small for me; stretching out at the arms.
mikasa puts her spoon back into her ice cream. "i'd definitely fuck you," she chuckles.
"what 'bout me?" connie's voice calls. peering around the sunglass cart, connie is smiling with seven pairs of sunglasses all stacked on his forehead. mikasa laughs even harder; but i was over being his babysitter for the day. "take those off," i reach toward his face, grabbing them all off at once.
"wait, where'd armin go?" mikasa asks as she pops her head over the shelves, trying to spot them.
"he was just in here?" i hang the question, mimicking her movements because i swore i just saw him.
connie blurts out an obnoxious laugh, "my man!" his voice raised. we both turn toward connie confusion, seeing him gesture to the shop's window. there armin was: blushing and rubbing his neck in nervousness as he talks to a blonde girl.
they both look so awkward with each other, but jean's presence seems to ease the tension. he stands next to armin, talking to a girl of his own with pitch black hair, obviously more comfortable. "oh my god, two man!" i laugh at the group.
jean must've felt eyes on him because he turns to look through the window. all three of us divert our gazes, pretending to look distracted with the store's items. connie waits for jean to turn back around, his eyes roll as he does so, before walking out of the store.. probably going to interrupt them.
"you ready to go?" mikasa asks, putting a snow globe of a bear on a surfboard back on the shelf. "yeah lemme just pay for the glasses," i remove them from my eyes.
she covered her mouth in a chuckle, "you're actually getting them?" i nod with a smile. they might look stupid, but i fucking love sharks. eren appears out of nowhere, walking toward the front of the store, "hey, get me a pair too." he points to the glasses in my hand, nearing the exit with sasha close behind him, laughing at something. mikasa follows them, close on their heels.
"as you wish," i mutter, pulling another pair from the kid's section. they looked so fucking stupid it i almost felt embarassed walking up to buy them. i grab the snow globe mikasa seemed to be eying on the way to the cashier and paid.
making my way back to the boat alone, everyone has already gotten on the boat. jean sparks the keys in the ignition just as i reach the dock they're tied to. armin's in the captain seat next to him, face still red. "saw you guys got some punani!" i direct towards the two boys, unable to shake the grin on my face. armin puts his head down; face tuning impossibly redder. i look away from him, untying the last rope to the dock.
jean scoffs, "yeah, almost, until cock block connie came over." he points to the back seat of the boat where connie sits, "just makin' sure y'all stay safe!" he looks to me, "you saw them, standing just a few feet apart. that's how std's happen!" he defends.
"you're a shameless dick," i laugh, climbing over the side of the boat. sasha and mikasa sit in the front seats this time, so i take the only one available. next to eren. and connie, but i don't focus on him.
eren sees me making the short distance to him, moving his arm up on the stern to make room for me. "did you get the glasses?" he has a goofy smile, sounding oddly excited about the things.
"oh, right," grabbing into the bag i almost forgot i had, i hand him his glasses. taking out my own pair, i put them on, not bothering to remove the tag that hangs right next to my left eye. "mika," i grab her attention, taking the globe out of the bag, throwing them to her.
her on-point reflexes catch them easily, "aw, thank you baby," she jokes with a wink.
"y/n!" jean booms, "don't throw shit on my boat." he shakes his head with annoyance.
"you gotta chill man. you sound like your parents," connie chides him. an increasingly annoyed jean turns to smack connie; hand hitting the bottom of his chin. his head lifts at the force, but connie spreads his entire body to the back of the boat.
eren's chuckle can be heard as connie pretends to groan. "jean!" armin scolds as i finally take my spot next to eren. jean puts the boat in reverse, engine splashing against the water. next to me, eren is adjusting the glasses, his fitter even smaller than mine; the tag still on.
"you look so cute, twin!" i poke him in the shoulder, cackling.
a shameless smile plasters on his face as he jokes, "i'm such bitch magnet." he grabs a fistful of his hair and tying it up with the band on his wrist.
"you're definitely pulling more than con-man," turning to connie, i poke him with the tip of my shoe. he looks over, completely lost in out conversation, "huh?"
"after last night.. i truly take that as a compliment," eren faces forward, trying to conceal his grin.
"eugh," i gag at the memory, "don't remind me." a shiver runs over my skin; both from the picture in my head, and the wind beginning to whip against my skin. the boat picks up speed, jean easily navigating it over the water.
not being able to handle the cold anymore, i tuck my mostly bare legs into my chest, rubbing my arms over them to create more warmth. eren chuckles, but it sounds muffled with the sound. "c'mere," he leans into my ear so i can make out his words. focusing my attention on him, his hips adjust against the seat, extending his other arm out.
crawling over his legs, i change positions to sit on his other side. i keep my head facing away from him, attempting to hide my expression. tucking my body into the small space next to him, i extend my legs over his hips. adjusting to my body, his arm wraps around me, tucking my torso to be flush against his.
unexpectedly, he removes his hand for a moment, coming up to my head to stroke my hair back. the wind whips at that too, but not for long as he knots my hair into a bun similar to his, securing it with a tie. "better?" he asks, already knowing the answer.
tucking my head into his neck, i conceal my infectious smile, "mhm" i mumble into him. my hand balls into a fist to rest against his ribs. his body isn't emitting any heat, but being tucked away hid the wind well enough. i notice that eren is always cold. his jacket, his hand this morning, and now. it's strange, but it's probably a circulation issue. or something like that.
the comfortable consistency of the rocking boat could've lulled me to sleep, especially after not really sleeping the night before. but i'm too aware of eren's body pressed against mine, and i doubt my mind will ever be able to shake this feeling.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
all of us are sprawled out in different places in the basement. the thrum of conversation drowns out the sounds coming from the tv as superbad plays. sasha and i are practically on top of each other on the chair, our faces glued to the movie; the only ones actually watching.
jean and armin are on the couch, deep in conversation. on the other side of the room, eren's sitting on the basement stairs, scrolling on his phone. mikasa and connie surround him; connie trying to irritate eren. as soon as i look away, his body crosses over the tv screen, "hey!" sasha yells at connie, trying to poke her head over him to continue to watch the movie.
"get your fatass out of the way, for real con," i'm just as annoyed, mimicking sasha's movements. we're at the best part: mclovin getting his id checked after the robbery. the conversation quiets at the commotion he's causing.
his finger presses the off button as sasha and i object further, "you're such a cunt!" sasha reclines against the chair in anger. before we can curse him out, he's standing on top of the coffee table.
"i declare-" he's cut off by jean. he stands up, head almost touching the lowered basement ceiling. "get the fuck off," jean scolds through clenched teeth. his hands grab at his arm, trying to pull him off.
connie fights him, grabbing his arm away, "i declare you boring bitches play a party game!" he says with a goofy grin, allowing jean to pull him off now that he's made a statement. eren puts his phone away, trying to hide his grin. "no one wants to do that," mikasa sighs. none of us are drunk enough to find connie amusing at the moment.
"seriously," sasha sighs, "you ruined the movie!" she can't help but complain.
"kinda lame, con," i sound just as annoyed.
armin perks up from his spot on the couch. "c'mon you guys. we rarely get to all be together, we should be doing something fun!" he reasons.
connie strides over to him, cupping his cheeks and placing a kiss onto his forehead. armin immediately retracts, wiping at his forehead with his wrist. "thank you!" connie exclaims, "see, someone thinks it's a good idea."
mikasa laughs at her distressed friend, "he just wants you to feel better about your lame idea."
connie frowns, throwing a small tantrum with his fists, "c'mon, is there nothing you guys want to do? sasha? you love party games!" he convinces.
with a sigh, sasha's eyebrows perk up. after getting over the initial annoyance of the movie shutting off, the gears start to turn in her head. at sina's parties, she's always the one playing truth or dare and suck and blow. her eyes slide to me, a gleam within them that i don't like. "you're right connie," she doesn't break our eye contact, "can't go wrong with seven minutes in heaven.."
my jaw goes slack before sending her a glare, kicking her leg in distress. "yes! now we're thinking!" connie exclaims, dapping up sasha with excitement.
"uh, do we really have to play that one?" armin interjects, a slight blush on his face.
jean laughs at him, "you'll be fine, no ones gonna have sex in the closet." he turns to me and sasha, then turning to look at eren, silently scolding the three of us.
"hello? why are you looking at me like that?" i interject, already having a feeling.
he has to hold back the laugh in his throat, "we have a few of sina's biggest sluts in this room. i don't want cumshots in my parents house."
"oh? are you including yourself in that list?" i scoff, throwing a half-full water bottle at him. he deflects it easily, laughing harder now.
mikasa throws a bottle of her own, giggling as it hits him square in the nose, "ow!" he yells, hand coming up to rub at his nose. "how hypocritical, the biggest whore is slut shaming," she giggles.
"okay, okay," connie actually mediates, throwing his hands up. "it's a good idea, we've pretty much all made out with each other anyway," he says nonchalantly.
"whatever," jean ignores the previous tiff, "get a hat," he directs to connie as his hand points to nowhere in particular.
"hey, wait, none of us are drunk enough," i add in, feeling uncomfortably sober.
connie snaps in my direction, "right," he hums, looking around the room. eren lays a hat out on the coffee table, and i'm surprised he hasn't walked out of the basement to avoid the game.. this eren is actually fun. "okay," connie announces, adding a few cups to the table. "your name gets called, you chug this, got it?' he clarifies, pouring vodka into the glasses.
"connie!" jean booms, "really? in my mom's crystal?" connie ignores him, pouring the vodka. it 'glugs' as he pours almost three shots into each glass. not what i had in mind, but i guess it gets the job done.
"holy fuck, i never want to hear that sentence again," sasha complains covering her ears.
"just how rich is your family jean?" armin asks figuratively as eren chimes in, "you haven't even seen his actual house," he scoffs.
jean rolls his eyes. "you're one to talk, jaeger trust fund," he tiffs back. once again, the lines blur. i've never seen so much as a photo of jean's house. maybe that's just the difference between high school and college friends; but jean and eren seem too familiar with each other's lives to hate each other as much as they claim.
mikasa pushes her hand into each of the boys, spreading them further apart. "you both need to take an extra shot," she complains, "soo uptight," she mumbles next.
we all write our names down on scraps of paper, throwing them into the hat. connie gives the bowl a mix; like he was sauteing vegetables, moving it back and forth. "as holder of thy bowl, i shall goeth first," he projects, holding his right hand over his heart in a salute. he rotates his hand around the hat for a while longer than he needed to before finally picking a paper.
he immediately frowns, "you're kidding," he sighs as his body slumps inward. sasha laughed at him, "oo is it jean?" she teases, grabbing the paper from his hand. "come on, no way!" she's quick to complain after reading the name that was obviously hers; throwing it to the floor with a scoff.
jean cackles loudly, holding his stomach, "rules are rules. this is your own doing," he points to the closet, "go!" giving them a final push as they were just staring at each other in defeat. connie and sasha stomp their way into the basement closet on the other side of the room, chugging down their cups on the way.
"can't believe i have to go back in the closet," sasha groans.
connie looks back at her confused, "it's your first round?" he questions himself with a confused expression. she giggles at his stupidity. "you are so dumb," she remarks, voice becoming muffled as they close the closet door behind them.
"usually waiting is more fun with a bunch of drunk people around," jean complains.
"put superbad back on, i wanna watch," i demand him. mikasa mumbled an agreement as she joins me on the chair, taking sasha's place. eren moves to where armin is on the couch, jean sitting on the floor as he turns the tv back on.
"did any of you set the timer?" armin asks as collective 'nos' are heard around the room.
"guess they'll spend a few more minutes in heaven," eren holds back a laugh.
jean gives a laugh of his own, "and don't tell them. i don't need connie burning down my house again." his face scrunches as he finishes his sentence.
"your mom's house," i clarify with a grin. he turns to me quickly, annoyance apparent of his face, "really? you're still going with that?"
"yup."
mikasa moves her body, relaxing further into the chair. "i mean, you do act entitled about it," mikasa jokes. jean's face turns from annoyed to pissed at her words, "entitled?" his voice is challenging.
"yeah, yo-" mikasa is interrupted by obnoxious moans and slapping. we all exchange scared glances with each other, "you don't think?" jean suggests.
"really?" armin deadpanned, a surprised look on his face. i laugh at him as mikasa turns the volume down.
"you can't seriously be asking that," i make an expression similar to armin's. even if they were the last two people on earth, sasha would never; but it's funny jean seems to think so.
he scoffs, trying to cover himself, "it was just curiosity."
with the volume turned down, the moaning is clearer. a loud bang is heard against the wall, followed by a shot, "fuck, your dick is so big, sash," connie moans at a high pitch. we try to keep our giggles at their antics down, but it gets harder when they add slapping sounds in.
"jean," eren calls for his attention, "do you still think they're fucking?" he taunts. jean picks up a pillow from the floor, chucking it at him. eren deflects it easily, a cocky grin plastered on his face.
my timer goes off as connie and sasha continue to keep up the ruse. "time's up, get out fuckers!" jean yells, none of us bothering to get up.
the closet doors open after a few seconds of shuffling; a huffing but fully clothed sasha and connie emerge, "she found my clit!" connie exclaims, sitting down in armin's lap, kissing his cheek in excitement. armin tries to swat him away, but to no avail.
sasha picks up the hat that had been placed on the coffee table in their leave. "i relinquish thy bowl to y/n," she hands it to me before sitting down in her previous spot. "ah, thank you sash!" i paint my face with a fake smile. i dig my hand in, pulling the first paper my finger touches.
i was taken aback. not by the name, but the handwriting. armin's tidy scribble spells out eren's name. why would armin write his name? i lightly furrow my brows, but choose not to say anything. "ere-bear!" i use the nickname connie used previously, turning the paper around to him. it's his turn to look confused, noticing the handwriting isn't his. he doesn't have to know that i know that too. right?
for whatever reason, he doesn't say anything either. just shoots a glance at armin before getting up. on his way to the closet, he picks up the cup of vodka, chugging it before throwing it on the floor. jean's scoff could be heard in my wake as i follow eren's movements.
he strides to the closet quickly, opening the door, "after you," he plays gentleman. it unfortunately wins him a few whoops from the circle behind us. i hide my blush, by finishing off my cup, walking into the dark closet. already, the alcohol rushes to my head, my nerves feeling a bit more calm. i silently thank connie for being heavy handed on the pour.
micahel cera's voice plays in the distance, but it was muffled through the closet walls. the cracks on the door provided light, but it was still hard to see. both of us sat on the floor on opposite sides, his head turned toward the door. "think we have time for a quickie?" i cover my nerves with jokes; hearing him lightly gulp. if i didn't know any better, i'd say he looked nervous. his demeanor gives me a boost of confidence; feeling some sort of power over him. but maybe it's just the alcohol.
closing the space between us, i lean closer and closer. at some point, our faces are just shy of each other. eren closes his eyes. just for a second before opening them again. "eren," i call, somewhat of a question to myself.
i won't lean any further. i don't want a repeat of the fair, but it's hard to hold myself back. even harder when he looks into my eyes; green gleaming brightly despite the darkness around us. "y/n," he calls back in the same slightly questioning tone.
before my eyes can process anything else, his hands are wrapping themselves around my cheeks; back being pushed against the closet wall. my eyes close as soon as my lips lock with his. adjusting quickly, our bodies flush together, eren moves a hand to slide up my shirt, hand leaning on my waist.
i twist my fingers around his hair, strands releasing from his tie. our movements are fervent, but the kiss was far from sloppy. our lips move easily with each other; but none of it feels like it will ever be enough. my stomach breaks out in butterflies, making my body thrum with a low tingling. it adds to the physical sensation of kissing eren. everything is euphoric. somehow better than i could imagine.
his tongue swipes across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. i easily oblige, opening my mouth as he connects us further. kissing him was intoxicating; i never wanted to stop. at the thought, i relax further into his arms; his grip on my waist brings me further between his legs as his other hand drops to my collarbone, caressing my nape.
another second later, he pulls away from my lips, breathing just as heavily as i am. at the loss of contact, i grab at his waist, trying to pull him back in. he obliges, kissing down my neck. i tilt my head back, looking up at the ceiling as i try to hold back a moan from his mouth sucking on my skin.
he starts below my jawline, leaving a trail of hickies i knew would be vibrant in the morning before he reaches the sweat spot on my collarbone. seconds after i let a whimper leak through, a sharp prick shoots through my skin. both of us stop moving for a second, and then his grip tightness tenfold.
his hand goes from caressing my neck, to gripping it with force as he tilts it to the side. his arm around my waist brings me impossible closer to his body, making it hard to breathe.
"ah er-" i try to call out, but the pressure on my lungs is too much to get any words out. the pain on my neck continues, almost like he's biting me. he continues the same motion of giving a hickey; but it feels wrong. my hands go from pulling him closer to trying to push his body away.
his grip has gotten so tight, i can't suck in air anymore. my vision starts to blur as i feel lightheaded, my grip on him slackening completely.
my lack of movement seems to make him aware of his surroundings, losing his grip on me as soon as it came. he backs up to the wall behind him in another instant; loud and heavy breathing makes its way to my ears. sucking in large breaths of air, my vision starts returning.. finally being able to focus on eren again.
collapsing against the wall, i'm too weak to do anything else. my breathing hitches as i look at his face; trace amounts of blood are dripping from his mouth, but it's his eyes that really stop my breathing. they're black. pitch black. we stare at the other; trying to understand what the fuck.
the room is filled with our pants; but i can't do anything. can't do anything except stare into his eyes that were bright green just a few minutes ago. eren snaps out of his trance before i do, exciting the closet without a word. the door is pushed open so hard, it hits the wall with a loud sound, then comes swinging back to close. leaving me in the dark. the dark that looks like his eyes just did. i can't take my eyes away from the spot he was in; pure shock keeps me in a heightened state.
my mind must be playing tricks on me. it has to be. right? images from the ferris wheel flash before me; and i remember now that his eyes looked similar back then. at the time, i played it off as the lighting. but for something i've never seen before to happen twice in just over a week?
sasha enters the closet, her face somber. she and the others must've seen the tenacity in which eren left. for a moment, i wondered where he went. but right now.. the urge to see him, to be around him, has disappeared completely in my unease.
"aw, baby, c'mere," she comforts, lowering herself to my eye level. she checks my face before embracing me tightly. she must have misunderstood my emotions. right now, i didn't feel the hurt of eren leaving so abruptly. i barely even registered it.
my mind was running in circles, replaying the image in my head. his eyes were black. pitch-black. a tear involuntarily slipped out of my eye at the utter confusion and frustration i felt. i've always treated eren like a mystery.. because that's what he is. it's been so hard to figure him out, but at least before there were logical explanations for his behavior. but whatever happened tonight.. logic can't explain.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"hey.. how are you?" jean asks with caution as he walks into the kitchen. he stands across the island from me, leaning his hands against the counter to get a better read on my face. we're the only ones up. the morning light starts to seep through the wall of windows in the kitchen. reminding me i didn't sleep. did jean?
i pick at my cuticles. they've become increasingly red and raw since last night. but i can't stop. the small pricks of pain bring my mind to focus on that and not.. that. jean stares at my hands, but doesn't say anything. "i don't know why everyone keeps asking," i huff. even connie was sympathetic. normally, i think their condolences would comfort me; but how could i tell them what was really eating at my brain? if i didn't look him in the eyes myself, i would pass an occurrence like that off. like i did at the fair.
i sigh through my nose, "it's not me you should be checking up on. eren's the one who left- do you even know where he went?" i ask out without answering his question. eren's first disappearance kept echoing through my mind. is this why he left the first time?
despite what happened; his eyes, his abrupt leave, i didn't want any of it. my stomach was also raw with the nerves of never seeing him again. of eren disappearing into thin air again. i just needed one more look at him, just to see his normal green eyes, and i could push that memory to the darkest corner of my mind. i wanted to, because i wanted eren. so badly, i want everything that happened in the closet to just.. cease to exist. thinking back to how badly i wanted to be able to touch eren.. to kiss him.. i can't help but kick myself for it. what will happen now? to him? to us, if i can even group him and i together?
the eren that took me to an island to watch the sunset- i don't want that eren to disappear.
a ringing on jean's phone pulls me from my mind-numbing thoughts. he checks it; looking relieved at whatever popped up. "i'll be back," he spoke before leaving the kitchen again. he ruffles my hair on the way out as an apology before answering immediately.
watching his figure leave the kitchen, i walk over the mirror. i just need to see it one more time. make sure it's there before it's gone. dark hickies line my neck, but as i pull down my shirt, something darker is embedded into my skin. a bite mark. where the canines would be, two large flesh wounds are in their place. standing out against the smaller imprints of teeth.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
a/n: this has always been my fav chapter but I love it even more now 😩