CRAWFORD HALL
A middle-aged man in a suit and overcoat walked towards a university building. Outside, an attractive young woman in a white dress was posed seductively, fixing her shoe.
"Excuse me," the professor called. "Are you lost?"
"No," the girl replied. "I've been waiting for you, professor."
"Oh, are you in one of my classes?"
"Don't you recognize me?"
"We-ell, they're big classes. Anyway, my office hours are Tuesday and Thursday mornings."
"Really? I was hoping I could see you now."
"Um, well, since you asked so nicely. Come on."
OFFICE
"Such a handsome photo," the girl told him.
"Oh, that old thing," the professor noted. "So, what can I do for you? How's the paper coming?"
"Um, professor, I, uh, I have a confession to make."
"Oh? What's that?"
"I'm not really one of your students."
"Really? Then why are you here?"
The girl looked at him suggestively, then got nervous. "Maybe I should go."
"Well, I get it. I understand how you're feeling, and it's only natural. You are young and wide-eyed, and I'm somewhat of a celebrity around here. Don't get me wrong, you're a very beautiful girl, but it would be wrong of me to take advantage of you. I just, um, I just respect you too much." He kissed her and her face turned hideously gray and rotted; he pulled back in horror. "Oh my God."
"What? Don't you like me anymore? Don't you want me?"
EXT. CRAWFORD HALL
A janitor locked the front door and walked away. A body fell behind him with a heavy crunch. He turned back to see the professor dead on the steps.
ONE WEEK LATER
HOTEL ROOM
Sam was sitting on the couch looking through books and rubbed his face tiredly. Dean was sitting up on the bed, listening to the radio, which was playing Walk Away by Joe Walsh, and eating chili cheese fries from a disposable plate. Lucie was reading to Harriet and Cadence.
"Dude. You mind not eating those on my bed?" Sam asked, annoyed.
"No, I don't mind." Dean ate another. "How's research going?"
"You know how it's going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer."
Lucie rolled her eyes, more than a little fed up with the boys' behavior.
Dean nodded sarcastically. "Hmm."
"Can you turn that down please?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, absolutely." Dean turned the music up louder.
Harriet covered her ears and yelled, "Owie, Daddy!"
Cadence screamed and also held her ears.
"You know what?" Sam said. "Maybe, uh, maybe you should just go somewhere for awhile."
Dean shut off the radio and looked up, snappish. "Hey, I'd love to. I'd love to take my girls. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell."
Harriet glared at her father. "Daddy, you need to say sorry."
"Sorry, sweet pea. But do we yell? Cady, we don't scream."
"No, Daddy. Sorry."
Sam frowned at his brother. "Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with-"
He was cut off by a knock on the door. Sam stood and went to open the door. He looked through the peephole, then back and Dean, Lucie, Harriet and Cadence, then opened the door. Bobby was outside.
"Hey, Bobby," Sam greeted.
Bobby entered, hands in pockets as he said, "Boys. Girls."
Dean stood and approached. "Hey, Bobby."
"It's so good to see you again so soon."
"Yeah, thanks for coming," Sam replied. "Come on in."
Dean shook Bobby's hand firmly. "Thank God you're here."
Lucie nodded. "Yes, what he said."
Bobby looked between the five of them. "So, uh, what didn't you want to talk to me on the phone about?"
"It's this job we're working. We weren't sure you would believe us," Sam answered.
"Well, we can believe a lot," Bobby replied.
"Yeah, no, no, it's just, we've never seen anything like it-"
"Not even close-" Dean added.
"And we though we could use some fresh eyes," Lucie finished as Harriet and Cadence walked to one of the beds.
"Well, why don't you begin at the beginning?" Bobby suggested.
"Yeah, um, all right." He gestured to the bed. Bobby picked up the empty takeout tray and peered at it, set it aside, and sat. "So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth story window, only there's a campus legend that the building's haunted. So we pretexted as reporters from the local paper."
FLASHBACK 1A - SAM'S POV - BAR
Sam and Lucie were sitting at a table with a cocky jock boy, Curtis, and a dippy attractive girl, Jen, and set a voice recorder down on the table.
"Yeah, we both had the professor for Ethics and Morality," Curtis said.
"Yeah? So why do you think he did it?" Sam asked.
"Who knows?" Jen replied. "I mean, he was tenured, wife and kids. His book is like a really big deal. Then again..." She leaned in conspiratorially. "Who's to say it was suicide?"
Curtis scoffed. "Jen, come on."
Lucie frowned. "Well, what else could it be?"
"Well, you two know about Crawford Hall?" Jen questioned.
"No, we don't, actually," Sam answered.
"It's a bunch of crap, it's a total urban legend," Curtis said.
"Yeah well, Heather's mom went to school here, and she knew the girl?" Jen told them.
"Wait, what girl?" Sam and Lucie asked.
"Thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off, she jumped out the window and killed herself."
"You know her name?" Lucie inquired.
"No. But they say she jumped from room 669. Get it? You turn the nine upside down?" Sam and Lucie nodded and Curtis laughed. "So now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her? They don't live to tell the tale."
"Well if no one lives to tell the tale then how does the tale get told?" Curtis wondered.
"Curtis! Shut up!"
Sam glanced between them. "You know what? Uh, thanks a lot guys. Excuse me."
Elsewhere in the bar, Dean drank three shots of a dark bluish-purple liquid and slammed all three in succession. Harriet and Cadence, who had grown bored of conversation, ran up to their father.
Sam and Lucie approached and he called, "Dean. Dean, what are you doing?"
Dean burped. "I don't know, man, babe, I think they're called purple nurples?"
Lucie let out a sigh. "Listen. Sam and I think maybe we should go check out the professor's office."
Dean grabbed his wife and pulled her close. "Oh, no, no, no, I can't right now, I've got some... feisty little wildcat on the hook, I'm about to - zzzzp - reel her in. I'll introduce you."
Next to Dean was a blonde girl in fishnet stockings and a tight miniskirt. She was a sloppy drunk, and her face was heavily made up.
"Starla! Starla, hey. These are my shuttle co-pilots Major Tom and Major Tammy. Major Tom, Major Tammy, Starla. Isn't Major Tammy beautiful?"
Starla draped an arm around Dean, causing Lucie to frown. "Enchante."
"Hi," Sam and Lucie greeted, the latter removing Starla's hand.
Starla gagged and covered her mouth, then looked up with a grin. "Sorry. Just trying to keep my liquor down!"
"Yeah!" Dean exclaimed. "Good job." He looked to Sam. "Hey. Good news. She's got a sister. Lana, you're the only lady for me."
He pulled Lucie close again, grinning suggestively.
Harriet whispered loudly, "Why's Daddy and the golden hair girl acting funny?"
Lucie let out a deep sigh. "Daddy and Starla drank a little too much grown-up juice."
END FLASHBACK 1A
HOTEL ROOM
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean protested. "Hold on a minute."
"What?" Sam asked.
"Come on, dude, that's not how it happened."
Lucie met Dean's eyes. "No? So you never drank a purple nurple?"
"Yeah, maybe that, but I don't say things like "feisty little wildcat". And her name wasn't Starla."
"Then what was it?" Sam challenged.
"I don't know." He looked to Bobby. "But she was a classy chick. She was a grad student, anthropology and folklore. We were talking about ghost stories. Lucie and the girls were with me."
FLASHBACK 1B - DEAN'S POV - BAR
Dean and Lucie were speaking to a girl in black heels and a sleek black cocktail dress. Harriet and Cadence were sitting nearby coloring. The women and Dean each held a purple nurple and toasted with them.
"Here's to..." the girl began.
"Here's to us," Dean finished.
"My God. You... are attractive."
"Thanks. But no time for that now. And please, not with my wife present. I'm loyal only to her. You need to tell us about this urban legend. Please. Lives are at stake."
"Sorry, I just... can't even concentrate," Lucie said in a dreamy tone. "It's like staring... into the sun."
She reached up and pulled his head towards her for a slow kiss. Sam approached behind them, Sam with an extreme bitchface and his jacket slung over his shoulder.
In an exaggerated prissy tone, Sam called, "Dean! Lucie! What do you think you're doing?"
Dean, in a smooth and casual tone, replied, "Sam, please. If you wouldn't mind, give me and my wife five minutes here."
"Dean, Lucie, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah Blah!"
Dean leaned in to kiss Lana again as Sam continued blabidiblahing behind them.
"Blah!"
END FLASHBACK 1B
"Right. And that's how it really happened," Sam said sarcastically as Dean shrugged. "I don't sound like that, Dean!"
"That's what you sound like to me and probably Lucie, too," Dean replied.
Lucie frowned. "Hey, no. Don't assume that for me."
Bobby stared at them. "Okay. What's going on with you three?"
"Nothing," Sam answered. "Noth- it's nothing."
"No, come on. You're bickering like an old married couple."
Dean got up and crossed to the kitchenette. "No, see married couples can get divorced. We're like, uh, Siamese twins with my wife caught in the middle."
"It's conjoined twins!" Sam corrected.
"See what I mean?"
Lucie closed her eyes a moment before saying, "I think we've just been on the road for too long. Tight quarters, all that. Don't worry about it."
"Okay," Bobby said.
Sam continued. "So anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime."
FLASHBACK 2 - SAM POV - INT. CRAWFORD HALL
The janitor let Sam and Dean, posing as electricians, into the professor's office. Lucie stayed in the Impala with Harriet and Cadence.
"So, how long have you been working here?" Sam asked.
"I've been mopping this floor for six years," the janitor replied. "There you go, guys, ma'am." He noticed Sam's EMF reader. "What the heck's that for?"
"Just find a wire in the walls."
"Huh. Wow. Not sure why you're wiring up this office. Not gonna do the professor much good."
"Why's that?" Dean wondered.
"He's dead," the janitor told them bluntly.
"Oh. What happened?"
"He went out that window. Right there."
"Yeah? Were you working that night?" Sam inquired.
"I'm the one who found him."
"You see it happen?"
Dean saw a bowl of nuts on the side table and ate one.
"No. I just saw him come up here, and uh, well," the janitor said.
"What?" Sam pressed.
"He wasn't alone."
Dean's cheeks were stuffed with nuts. He was holding the bowl and continued eating them.
In a muffled tone, Dean asked, "Who was he with?"
"Come on!" Dean complained. "I ate one, maybe two!"
"Just let me tell it, okay?" Sam said.
"He was with a young lady," the janitor informed. "I told the cops about her, but uh, I guess they never found her."
"You saw this girl go in, huh? Did you ever see her come out?" Sam questioned.
"Now that you mention it, no."
"You ever see her before, around?"
"Well, not her."
Dean, still in a muffled tone, earning a glare from Sam and asked, "What do you mean?"
"I don't mean to cast aspersions on a dead guy, but uh... Mister Morality? He brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat."
Dean laughed delightedly, Sam glared, and the janitor grinned.
"One more thing," Sam said. "This building, it only has four stories, right?"
"Yeah."
"So there wouldn't be a room 669?"
"'Course not. Why do you ask?"
"Aw, just curious. Thanks."
HOTEL ROOM
They returned to the hotel and Sam sat at the table. Dean got three beers and two juices from the fridge.
"Well, not traces of EMF, that's for sure," Sam said.
"And the room 669's a load of crap," Dean added.
"So what do you two think?" Lucie asked. "The professor's just a jumper? A legend's just a legend."
"I don't know. I mean, the, uh, girl the janitor described, that's pretty weird."
"Yeah," Sam and Lucie agreed.
"We oughta check out the history of the building. See if any co-ed ganked herself there."
"Yeah, you're right," Sam said, opening up his laptop, then stared at the screen, confused. "Dude. Were you on my computer?"
"No."
"Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now. Oh uh, Bustyasianbeauties.com." Dean frowned, winced, and retreated. "Dean! Would you - just don't touch my stuff anymore, okay?"
"Why don't you control your O.C.D.?"
END FLASHBACK 2
HOTEL ROOM
"But did you dig up anything out the building?" Bobby asked. "Or on the suicidal co-ed?"
"No," Sam replied. "History's clean."
"Then it's not a haunting."
"Maybe not. Tell you the truth, we're not really sure," Dean admitted.
"What do you mean, you're not sure?"
"Well, it's weird," Sam explained.
"What's weird?"
"This next part, we uh, we didn't see it happen ourselves exactly, but it's pretty friggin' weird. Even for us," Dean said.
FLASHBACK 3 - DEAN'S POV - EXT. CRAWFORD HALL
Curtis walked alone through the campus. He heard a noise and turned, startled, then kept walking, laughing at himself. He heard another noise and stopped, looking straight up. He walked more carefully, hands in pockets. Suddenly a bright light whooshed on overhead and he cringed, arms over his head. He started running, but tripped and fell; a bright beam of light shot down and grabbed him like a tractor beam, pulling him up. He screamed and fell.
HOTEL ROOM
"Aliens?" Bobby repeated.
"Yeah," Dean and Lucie confirmed.
"Aliens?"
"Yeah."
"Look, even if they are real, they're sure as hell not coming to earth and swiping people."
"Hey, believe me," Dean replied. "We know."
"My whole life I've never found evidence of an honest-to-God abduction. It's all just cranks and pranks."
"Yeah, that's what we thought," Sam noted. "But... we figured we'd at least talk to the guy."
FLASHBACK 4 - UNCLEAR POV - BAR
Dean was seated next to Curtis, who had three full glasses lined up in front of him. Lucie, with Cadence on her lap, was on his other side with nothing. Harriet sat on the other side of her mother. Sam was standing nearby. Curtis took a shot.
"Hey, you ought to give those purple nurples a shot," Dean suggested.
"So, what happened, Curtis?" Sam asked.
"You won't believe me," Curtis said. "Nobody does."
"Give us a chance," Lucie told him.
"I don't want this in the papers."
"Off the record, then," Dean stated.
"I, uh... I blacked out, and... I lost time, and when I woke up, I don't know where I was."
MYSTERIOUS PLACE
Curtis laid on a medical table, bright lights in his eyes. A blurry alien face appeared above him.
BAR
Sam sat. "Then what?"
"The did tests on me. And, uh..." He took another shot. "They, uh... They probed me."
Sam turned his face away, struggling not to laugh. Harriet and Cadence laughed.
"They probed you?" Dean and Lucie repeated.
"Yeah, they probed me. Again and a -- Again and -- And again." He took another shot. "And again and again and again... And then one more time."
"Yikes," Dean commented.
"And that's not even the worst of it."
"How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch." He smirked and Curtis glared, causing him to stop smirking.
"They... They made me... Slow dance!"
MYSTERIOUS PLACE
Under a rotating disco ball, Curtis was slow dancing with a short alien figure.
BAR
The trio were shocked. Harriet frowned.
"Sow dance?" Cadence repeated with a confused expression.
"You guys are exaggerating again, huh?" Bobby asked.
END OF FLASHBACK
HOTEL ROOM
"No no," Sam and Lucie said.
"Then this frat boy's just nuts."
"We're not so sure," Dean replied.
FLASHBACK 5 - UNCLEAR POV - EXT. CAMPUS
Sam, Dean, Lucie, Harriet and Cadence were standing over a large, perfectly round scorch mark in the ground.
"I'm telling you, Dean, Lucie, this was made by some kind of jet engine," Sam said.
"You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?" Dean wondered.
"What else could it be?"
"What the hell?"
"I don't know."
"Seriously -- What the hell?"
"I don't know. I mean, first the haunting. Now this? The timing alone -- There's got to be some kind of connection."
Dean frowned. "You mean between the angry spirit and the sexed-up E.T.? What could the connection possibly be?"
"But what could we do? So we just kept on digging," Dean said.
DEAN'S POV
The trio were talking to another college student. Harriet and Cadence were holding their father's hands.
"So, you and this guy, Curtis -- You were in the same house?" Sam questioned.
"Yeah," the student replied.
"You heard what happened to him, right?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, he says it was aliens, but, you know, whatever."
Sam, with exaggerated concern, said, "Look, man, I -- I know this all has to be so hard."
"Um, not so much. But I want you to know... I'm here for you. You brave little soldier. I acknowledge your pain. Come here." He grabbed the student in a hug. "You're too precious for the world."
"I never said that!" Sam protested.
"You're always saying pansy stuff like that," Dean said. "Lucie's usually being sweet and encouraging and Hattie and Cady are usually being cute."
"Well, um... Yeah, uh, thanks," the student said as Sam released him. "Thanks for the hug, but, uh, I'm okay. Really. To tell you the truth, whatever happened to Curtis, he had it coming."
"Why is that?" Dean and Lucie asked.
"He's our pledge master. Put us through hell this semester, and got off on it. So now he knows how we feel."
Dean glanced to Sam. "It's okay."
---
The four made their way back to their hotel room.
"Still doesn't make a lick of sense," Dean said. "But, hey, at least there's one connection."
"Between what?" Sam questioned.
"The victims. The professor and the frat guy -- They're both dicks."
Lucie frowned. "That's a connection?"
"You two got anything better to go on, I'd love to hear it."
Sam looked in his bag. "Where's my laptop?"
"I don't know." Sam continued to search, getting more frustrated. "Think about it. A philandering professor gets a dead girl. A pledge master gets hazed."
"I left it in here."
Lucie glanced at Sam. "I guess you didn't. These punishments, they're almost poetic. Actually, it'd be more like a limerick, but still-"
Sam approached his brother. "Okay, hilarious. Ha ha. Where'd you hide it?"
"What, your computer?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, where'd you hide it?"
"Why would I take your computer?"
"Because no one else could have. We keep the door locked. We never let any maids in. Lana and Rose know not to touch my stuff, and they wouldn't do that."
"Looks like you lost it, Poindexter," Dean said.
"Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you."
"What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around. So are my girls."
"Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge."
"What's wrong with my food?"
"It's not food anymore, Dean!" Sam yelled. "It's Darwinism. All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff!"
"You done?"
"You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?"
"It'd be the last thing you ever did."
Lucie glared at the boys. "Hey! That is enough!"
"Yeah! Enough!" Harriet cried.
"Nuff!" Cady said.
"Did you take his computer?" Bobby asked.
"Serves him right, but no," Dean replied.
"Well, I didn't lose it," Sam said. "'Cause I don't lose things."
"Oh, that's right, 'cause he's Mr. Perfect."
Bobby looked between them. "Okay, okay. Why don't you just tell me what happened next?"
"There was one more victim," Sam said. "Now, we don't see this one ourselves, either. We kind of put it together from the evidence. But this guy -- He was a research scientist. Animal testing."
"Yeah, you know -- A dick, which fits the pattern," Dean told them.
FLASHBACK 6 - CAMPUS - NIGHT
The research scientist left a campus building and headed towards the street. He saw something shiny in the gutter and stopped. He looked around cautiously, then got down on his hands and knees to see it better. It was a gold watch. He got all the way down and stuck an arm through the gutter bars, trying to reach it and struggled. Something grabbed him. He began screaming and struggling as blood spattered on his face.
MORGUE
A window latch slid aside as Sam opened it from the outside with a small knife. Flashlight in hand, Sam crawled through the window.
"Hey," Dean called, tossing his flashlight to Sam before crawling through.
Dean opened a body drawer and shined his light through and grimaced. "Well, this ought to be quick."
They slid the drawer out and gingerly peeled off the body blanket, revealing extremely mangled remains.
"Okay, that is just nasty," Dean commented.
"Uh, yeah," Sam agreed.
"Mutilated?"
"Looks to me like something was hungry."
"They identify him yet?"
"Yeah. A research scientist at the college. Guess where his office was, by the way. Crawford Hall, same as the professor.
"That's right where frat boy had his close encounter."
"Yeah. Hey, grab my that thing, would you?" Dean slid a magnifier/light to Sam, who peered through it at the corpse. "Thanks."
"What is it?"
"Looks like a... A belly scale?"
"A belly scale? From what?"
"Uh... An alligator?"
"An alligator in the sewer. Come on."
"What? Well, Dean, it's a classic urban legend. A kid flushes a baby gator down the toilet, and it grows huge in the tunnels."
"But no one's ever really found one. They're not real."
"Neither's alien abduction, but something chomped on this guy."
"This just keeps getting stranger and stranger."
"Maybe we should get some help. I'll call Bobby. Maybe he's run into something like this before."
"Oh, I'm sure he has. Just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it's simple."
"We decided to search the sewer anyway, so we split up, Lucie was still at the hotel with the girls, both taking one end of campus," Sam said.
"Did you find anything?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah, I found something, just not in the sewer," Dean replied.
Dean emerged from the sewer and entered the alley where the Impala was parked. All four tires were flat.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled.
Dean circled the car and found a money clip on the ground, engraved with S.W.
"Sam!"
HOTEL ROOM
Sam was reading a book and Lucie was giving Harriet and Cadence food as Dean entered.
"You think this is funny?" Dean asked.
"It depends," Sam replied. "What?"
"The car!"
"What about the car?" Sam and Lucie wondered.
"You can't let the air out of the tires. You're gonna bend the rims!"
Sam frowned. "Whoa, wait a minute. Lucie, Hattie, Cady and I didn't go near your car."
"Oh, yeah? Huh. Then how'd I find this?" He held up the money clip and Sam patted his pocket and stood.
"Hey, give me back my money."
"Oh, no, no. Consider it reparations. For, uh, emotional trauma."
"Yeah, very funny. Now, give it back." He reached for his money clip.
"No."
Sam frowned. "Dean, I have had it up to here with you."
"Yeah? Right back at you!"
Sam reached for the money again and Dean avoided him. Sam grabbed at him again and tackled him to the bed. They struggled.
"Get off me!" Dean yelled.
"Give it back!" Sam demanded.
"Boys!" Lucie shouted.
"Okay, I've heard enough," Bobby decided.
"You showed up about an hour after that," Dean said.
"I'm surprised at you three. I really am. Sam, first off, Dean did not steal your computer."
"But I-" Sam was cut off.
"Shh, shh, shh, shh! And, Dean, Sam did not touch your car."
"Yeah."
"And if you five bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it would have been pretty clear."
"What?" Dean asked.
"What you're dealing with."
"Uh..." Sam hesitated.
"I got nothing," Dean said.
"Me neither," Sam and Lucie agreed.
"You got a trickster on your hands," Bobby explained.
"That's what I thought," Dean stated.
"What?! No, you didn't," Sam argued.
Bobby looked between the three of them, focusing mainly on the brothers. "I got to tell you... you guys were the biggest clue."
"What do you mean?" Sam wondered.
"These things create chaos and mischief as easy as breathing, and it's got you so turned around and at each other's throats, you can't even think straight."
"The laptop."
"The tires."
"Idiots."
"It knows you're onto him, and it's been playing you like fiddles," Bobby said.
"So, what is it -- Spirit, demon, what?" Dean asked.
"Well, more like demigods, really. There's Loki in Scandinavia. There's Anansi in West Africa. Dozens of them. They're immortal, and they can create things out of thin air. Things as real as you and me. Make them vanish just as quick."
"You mean like an angry spirit or an alien or an alligator."
"The victims fit the M.O., too. Tricksters target the high and mighty, knock 'em down a peg, usually with a sense of humor -- deadly pranks, that sort of thing."
"Bobby, what do these things look like?" Lucie questioned.
"Lots of things, but human, mostly," Bobby replied.
Dean glanced at his brother and wife. "And what human do we know who's been at ground zero this whole time?"
Sam and Lucie frowned, thinking, then got it.
JANITOR'S HOUSE
The janitor was flipping through a copy of Weekly World News.
A headline read, AN ALIEN MADE ME IT'S LOVE SLAVE
"Oh, that's a good one," the janitor said.
Another page read, Alligator in the sewer.
The page read, ...CHAINSAWS FAMILY... BODY PARTS STREWN OVER GRISLY SCENE
The janitor was sitting in a velvet arm chair, surrounded by patterned walls and huge mirrors. He was wearing a white tank top and red satin boxers.
He called to a small, energetic dog who came bounding towards him. "Come here." He picked up the dog. "Could you eat? I could eat. Come on."
He got up and circled to the kitchen, holding a champagne flute. The kitchen table was covered in lavish sweets.
The Trickster frowned. "Something's missing."
Two scantily clad women appeared behind him; one blonde and one brunette. He took whipped cream on one finger and held it out and the brunette on his left licked it off.
"That's better."
"Mmm!" the brunette woman moaned.
CRAWFORD HALL
The Trickster locked a gate with a key attached to his belt. Sam, Dean and Lucie followed him up a staircase. Harriet and Cadence had fallen asleep in the Impala.
"Sorry I'm dragging a little ass today, boys, lady," the Trickster said. "Had quite the night last night. Lots of sex, if you catch my drift."
"Yeah, hard not to," Dean replied. "Listen, we won't be long." He signaled to Sam behind the Trickster's back. "We just need to check a couple offices up on 3."
"No problem."
"I, uh, forgot something in the truck," Sam told them. "You know what? I'll catch up with you guys."
Lucie glanced at her brother-in-law. "I'll join you. Two sets of eyes can get more done than one."
"Okay," Dean agreed.
Sam waited until they were out of sight, then hurried back to the locked gate, pulling out his lock picking tools. He entered, followed by Lucie, and rummaged through lockers until he found a copy of the Weekly World News in one.
Sam, Dean and Lucie exited the building.
"Just 'cause he reads the Weekly World News doesn't mean he's our guy," Sam said. "You read it, too."
"I'm telling you, it's him," Dean replied.
Lucie pursed her lips. "Look, I just think we need some hard proof. That's all."
"Another thing Bobby mentioned was that these suckers have a metabolism like an insect, a real sweet tooth," Dean reminded them.
"Lana and I didn't find any candy bars or sugar," Sam stated. "Not even Equal."
"Probably missed something."
"Lucie and I don't miss things."
"Oh, right, 'cause you're Mr. and Miss Perfect," Dean shot back.
"What? Are you really still pissed at me 'cause of what the Trickster did?"
"You been a tight ass long before that Trickster showed up."
From an upper window, the Trickster was watching them.
Sam frowned. "Look, just... stay here, keep an eye on the janitor. Lucie and I'll go to his place to see if I can find any actual evidence before you go barging in and staking the man! Just wait till we get back, okay? Okay!"
"Okay!" Dean agreed.
Sam and Lucie left and Dean paced.
By nightfall, Dean was still waiting impatiently.
"Eh, screw this," Dean muttered.
He entered the building, poking around cautiously with his flashlight. As he went up the last staircase, he put the flashlight away and pulled out a large wooden stake. He heard something behind him, tucked the stake into his jacket, and entered the theater. On the stage was a round red bed with a tacky canopy and a slowly rotating disco ball. The two women the Trickster materialized before were sprawled on it seductively. As he got to the stage, the women crawled towards him.
"We've been waiting for you, Dean," the brunette said.
"Y-Y-You guys aren't real," Dean stammered.
"Trust me, sugar, it's gonna feel real."
Dean laughed nervously.
"Come on. Let us give you a massage," the blonde offered.
"You know, I'm a -- I'm a sucker for a happy ending," Dean said. "Really, I am, but... I-I'm gonna have to pass. I've already got someone pretty damn awesome."
The Trickster, who was sitting in the audience, told them, "They're a peace offering. I know what you, your brother and your wife do. I've been around for awhile. Run into your kind before."
"Well, then you know that I... can't let you just keep hurting people."
"Come on! Those people got what was coming to them. Hoisted on their own petards. But you, Lucie and Sam -- I like you. I do. So treat yourself... Long as you want. Just long enough for me to move on to the next town."
"Yeah, I don't think I can let you do that."
"I don't want to hurt you. And you know that I can."
"Look, man, I-I got to tell you, I dig your style, all right? I mean, I do. I mean... and the slow-dancing alien-"
"One of my personal favorites."
"But, um, I can't let you go."
"Too bad. I like you. Sam and Lucie were right. You shouldn't have come alone."
"Well, I'll agree with you there."
The door slammed shut. The Trickster looked back up the stairs to see Sam and Lucie, who'd just entered, with a large stake of their own. Bobby stood at the top of the next two aisles, also with a stake.
"That fight you guys had outside -- That was a trick? Hmm. Not bad. But you want to see a real trick?"
A masked man with a chainsaw appeared near Sam and Lucie and attacked. The brunette attacked Dean. The Trickster watched, entertained, as Bobby, Sam and Lucie grappled with the chainsaw man and Dean fought the two women. The two women threw Dean into the seats near the Trickster.
"Nice toss, ladies," the Trickster commented, standing. "Dean... Dean, Dean, Dean." Sam tossed a stake to Dean. "I did not want to have to do this."
Dean stabbed the Trickster in the chest. "Me neither."
As Dean ground in the stake, the two women and the chainsaw man disappeared. Dean pulled the stake out and the Trickster fell, seemingly dead, into a seat.
Sam, Bobby and Lucie approached.
"You guys okay?" Dean asked.
"Yeah. I guess," Sam replied.
Lana nodded. "I suppose so."
Dean looked down at the Trickster. "All I gotta say... he had style."
"Bobby, thanks a lot," Sam said.
"Hey, save it!" Bobby said. "Let's just get the hell out of Dodge before somebody finds that body."
"Yeah," Dean and Lucie agreed.
Sam paused at the car. "Look, Dean, um... I just want to say that I'm, uh... um..."
"Hey. Me too," Dean interrupted.
"I am as well," Lucie said.
Bobby glanced between them. "You guys are breaking my heart. Could we please just leave?"
The trio exchanged a look over the top of the car, got in, and drove away.
INT. CRAWFORD HALL THEATER
A figure approached the Trickster's body and stood by it. The body shimmered and disappeared. The figure was the Trickster, who bit into a chocolate bar and smiled.