It was Monday. I had to go into lecture that morning so Alex was getting an Uber from the airport to my flat. I left a spare key for her, so she would be waiting for me when I got home.
Lecture was fine, however the entire time I was thinking about reuniting with Alex. I almost thought about faking sick, but I already did that once this semester, I couldn't do it twice, even if I did have the placement with my professor.
Lecture finally ended and I raced home. I opened the door to my flat and there she was. I ran up and hugged her tightly. For so many years she was my rock, my platonic soulmate. When I needed her she would do everything in her power to be there, like catching a 7 hour flight on 5 hours notice to come see me.
We sat on the couch and I filled her in on every single detail of my life from the past three months.
"So basically, Owen is finally done with, Leah likes you, you might like her, and she stayed Saturday night when you found out"
"Am I being stupid?"
"I think you're figuring yourself out"
I nodded.
"I also can't believe you told Leah before me"
We both started to laugh and spent the rest of the day catching up, laughing, and her trying to start picking up some of the pieces.
----
It was now Tuesday and I had to go into Arsenal, I had to see Leah, we haven't really talked since that night. She texted me asking how I was doing Sunday night and I told her Alex was here.
Alex woke up with me, giving me a pep talk before I left for the day.
"You know what you should do"
"What?"
"You should host a party on Friday, invite your Arsenal friends, and Leah"
"That'd be fun"
I made sure she would be fine at my place and not bored and then headed to work.
When I pulled up to Arsenal I didn't see anyone and walked into my professor's office. The morning sessions went quick. I saw Beth in her session, hoping she would come find me at lunch. There was so much to tell her.
It was lunch and I went outside to my usual spot. I texted Beth to see if she would join me, and she did.
"Hey"
"I heard what happened, Leah told me, I'm sorry"
She gave me a hug, I'm assuming if Leah told her, she told her everything.
"Alex is here"
"That's nice"
"She was saying that I should throw a party Friday, to celebrate me getting out of that relationship I guess"
"Is this you inviting me"
"I was hoping you would take care of the guest list"
"Will do"
She spent the rest of her Lunch with me. We talked about the most random things, it was like my breakup never happened, and Owen didn't exist.
The rest of the day went on, and then it was time for Leah's session. We hadn't talked yet, so I had no idea where we stood, but she let me stay in the room. It's a good thing my professor knows she's weird, one day she'll like you the next she might hate you. Apparently she was the same with Alina, so I never had to worry about being caught acting unprofessionally.
The day soon finished and I made sure to talk to Leah before I left. I was lucky as she was just getting into her car. I stopped her.
"Leah wait"
She turned around. She smiled at me.
"I don't think I ever thanked you for the other day"
"You don't need to"
I could tell she was hoping I would say a specific thing, that I had feelings for her, but I couldn't.
"Look, i'm figuring things out right now, but I know that I want you in my life"
I could see the glimmer in her eyes start to fade away.
"Ab, I'm not expecting anything"
"I know"
There was a pause.
"My friend Alex is here, from back home, we're throwing a party on Friday at my place you should come"
I wanted her to come.
"Sounds fun, I'll stop by"
We smiled at each other once more before she got into her car and I got into mine, and we both headed home for the day.
----
"Have you told your parents?"
Alex asked me out of the blue.
"About my failed engagement? Of course not"
"You need to at some point"
"I know I just can't"
"Is it because of Jack?"
Her and I rarely talked about him, they weren't my favourite conversations.
"Maybe"
"Want to talk about it"
I nodded and we flopped onto the couch. My head in her lap while she brushed through my hair with her fingers. This is something we did. If either of us was going through a hard time or wanted to have a deep conversation we would lay in each other's laps, play with each other's hair, and say every single thing on our mind. No matter how dark it was or how scary it was, even if it was something funny to lighten the mood.
"I think every single success in my life is for my parent's, I don't think it's ever been for me, and I think me marrying Owen was for them"
"You need to start doing things for yourself"
"I know, but they had two children and now they only have one, I feel like I'm compensating for all of his lost experiences"
She kept listening to me.
"Once I tell them its real, and it's not even about the breakup anymore, I feel like I failed them, I've built such an amazing life for myself and them and now that Owen's not in it, it's a messed up life, and it's not what they deserve"
She finally put her opinion in.
"Just because your brother isn't her anymore, doesn't mean you have to be perfect, if anything because of him your parents just want you to be happy, it doesn't matter if you're not successful, or have a failed engagement, if you're truly happy Abi, they'll be the happiest and proudest people in the whole entire world"
She always knew how to say the right thing.
"You know you're like the smartest person I know right?"
"I try"
We both laughed.
"But seriously, you need to know you don't have to be perfect all of the time, and do what makes you happy and not what you think will make them happy"
Alex was the one person I knew I could never live without.
We stayed on the couch for a bit longer before heading to bed.
-----
The week flew by. I was still crying most nights, but Alex was there, guiding me through this rough patch and helping me figure out all of my feelings.
It was finally Friday, the night of our party. Beth texted me the guest list she made, full of the arsenal squad and some friends and family of the squad.
Alex and I went shopping stocking up for the night after I finished at Arsenal. We were adding a lot of our Canadian party traditions we had. We made jungle juice, a staple at frat parties, house parties, and pregames. We got a keg for keg stands, and we made jello shots, although I did fight with her saying they have them here, but she didn't believe me.
"They're gonna think I'm weird"
"They know you were in a sorority right?"
"Yeah"
"You'll be fine, just say its a part of your culture"
I rolled my eyes at her ignorance before we prepared everything else for the night.
It was soon ten and people started arriving, I was tipsy at this point. Beth was one of the first.
"Beth!" I screamed and gave her a big hug.
"Are you drunk already?"
"Just tipsy"
I pulled her over to Alex and introduced them. They got along quite well.
Jill Roord soon came up to me.
"Is your friend single?" she whispered into my ear.
I laughed at this almost spitting my drink out.
"What's funny"
She looked at me confused.
"Nothing, she's been dating her boyfriend for years they're basically married, but if she didn't you are her type"
"Noted"
She walked away, like she was determined she would talk to her by the end of the night. Alex has always been very comfortable in her sexuality, liking both men and girls, but her and Seb were always meant to be.
---
It was now 11:30, I got a text from Leah.
Leah: Sorry got held up with something, on the way now
Then I got a second text.
Leah: Tell me there's lots of alcohol left.
I could tell something was up with her, but the last thing I needed was a repeat of wine drunk Leah.
Abi: Yeah don't worry i've saved some for you:)
I ran to find Alex and pull her to the bathroom. At this point I was very drunk.
"Leah is on her way"
"Okay and? I don't know why you're freaking out"
"Leah's coming, I'm drunk, we haven't really talked"
"And you're definitely not going to talk about that tonight"
She was scolding me. She always talked me out of doing stupid things.
"What do I do then"
"Be her friend, talk to her about normal things, and when you're both ready you'll talk about it"
Seriously, I don't know what I would do without her.
We headed out of the bathroom, Beth was right there.
"Is it a straight girl thing to spend hours in the bathroom"
"Not straight Beth!" Alex joked back.
"Honestly Abi, I'm starting to like her more than you, can you keep her?"
I laughed at this and went to grab another drink. When I saw her. Leah Williamson was standing in my kitchen.
I slid in beside her, watching herself pour herself a drink.
"I was starting to think you would never come"
She could tell I was drunk.
"And miss out on a drunk Abi, no way, make sure your top is done up properly this time before you give out any speeches"
"That wasn't funny"
I poured myself another drink.
"You sure you should be having another one?"
"My future basically ended last week, give me a break"
She went to pour me a glass of water and handed it to me. In her own way she was taking care of me.
"Why'd you get held up"
"That's a conversation for when you're sober"
"You're boring, I'm going to find Beth"
I ran over to Beth who was sitting with Danielle, Viv, and Lisa. I joined their conversation, but I wasn't really adding much.
----
The night went on. I was stuck to Beth, only really because she was sitting on my couch and I was too lazy to get up. I soon spotted Leah and Alex talking. I wasn't sure what they were saying, but I knew I needed to find out. My eyes stayed glued on them waiting for one of them to get up. Alex finally did and came straight for me.
"Can we go to your room for a minute"
I nodded and she pulled me out of my spot and we headed to my room.
"What were you and Leah talking about?"
"A lot of things, and yes we did talk about you"
"Good things?"
"I really like her for you"
This time I actually spat my drink out.
"Like I know you and Owen just broke up, but from what she's told me and what you've told me, there's something there and I think you'd be dumb not to explore it"
"Alex, I don't like girls"
"Can you listen for once please"
I nodded and let her continue to talk.
"You and I both know that's not true, and maybe you needed to meet Leah to realize it, for the love of god stop holding yourself back"
"I'm scared"
I finally admitted that out loud. This entire time I was scared, scared to like Leah, scared to like girls.
"I now you are and that's okay, you know you have me, Beth, and Leah to walk you through every step of the way, everyone's story is different, you just happened to realize you might be gay at 22"
I could feel myself crying. Alex gave me a hug.
"You've changed since you've come her you know, these girls, Leah, they changed you, and for the better"
She wiped my tears away and we headed back downstairs. We enjoyed the party for a bit longer together, before she told me to go find Leah, and not to do anything stupid.
"Finally came back" she joked.
"Want to go to my room"
That was very blunt. I tugged at her shirt and she agreed. I grabbed her hand and led the way, even though she already knew how to get there.
"What are we doing?" She asked me.
"No talking, we'll do that tomorrow, just kiss me"
She was shocked by this.
"I'm not doing that"
"Leah kiss me"
This time she was holding herself back, instead of me holding myself back.
"I can't be led on like this"
She did have a point to be fair.
"I'm not leading you on, please just kiss me"
She finally started to realize I was being serious. She leant in and pressed her lips against mine. It started off soft, then grew into something more passionate. As soon as Leah's lips touched mine I had a feeling I've never had before, not with Owen, not with anyone else. It felt right, she felt right. She pulled away.
I whispered into her ear.
"Leah Williamson, you've made me question every single thing I thought I knew about myself"
A/N:
-A lot to unpack here.
-First thing, idk if y'all remember but I left some easter eggs in chapter 1 and 3 (I think) about Abi's brother (very proud of those), more to come about that in future chapters but it gives more explanation to why Abi is the way she is.
-There is soooo much dialect in this chapter, but I think it makes sense, so I hope it doesn't look too bad.
-Yes in this timeline it's only been a week, but there relationship was over a long time before that.
-Coming out and figuring out your sexuality is something so special and so difficult to figure out, there are a lot of people who don't come out until later in life and that's okay, you don't have to have everything figured out all the time there's no timeline on that kind of stuff, I personally didn't know that I was gay until I was 19.
-Also, Alex is loosely based on my best friend, I basically lived at her apartment last year when I had roommate drama, and I seriously don't know what I would do without her, so I definitely wanted to have a chapter dedicated to that, female friendship is just too powerful.
-Leah and Abi have finally kissed!! There's so much more to come so be prepared, I'm planning for minimum 40 chapters, maybe more.
-As well a bit of a life update, I've been putting so much pressure myself about this book, I just want it to be perfect, so I literally didn't write for 4 days (I wrote a bunch of chapters one weekend and posted them like I did in real time don't hate me for that lol), but I've come to realize the story to tell is important and everything else will fall together like it's meant to.
-At this point i've used 300 words for this author's note, but I just love writing these for you guys and I want to connect with my readers more, so please let me know of any suggestions:)
-At this point y'all are sick of me, as always thanks for all of the love <3