I managed to calm down by the next day, and while I was still not happy about Caroline's attitude towards me, I knew her well enough to be able to deal with the exasperating side of her personality. I still expected an apology though, and I would let her know that as well.
As soon as I parked my car, I went to my locker to retrieve my books for my two first periods.
„Hey, Lori! How are you?" I heard Elena's voice and turned around to face her and Bonnie.
„Good, and you guys?"
They were about to answer when Caroline skipped over, cheerful as always.
„Good morning, ladies! Oh my god, Elena, Bonnie, we have to do another dinner party again soon. Last night was just so fun, wasn't it?" She exclaimed clapping her hands in excitement before turning to me. „It's such a shame that you couldn't make it, Lori!"
I furrowed my brows and looked confused between my friends. A knot started to form in my stomach.
„What are you talking about?" I asked.
„You didn't know?" Caroline asked surprised, while Bonnie and Elena looked uncomfortable. „We had a dinner party yesterday, with Elena, Bonnie and Stefan. I brought Damon too."
She added that last part with a dreamy expression. I felt a pang in my chest as I looked at my best friends. They didn't even think to invite me?
„No, I didn't know," I said, looking at Bonnie and Elena, as they squirmed under my hard gaze. I slammed my locker shut and walked in the direction of my first class. I could hear Bonnie calling me, asking me to wait, but I ignored her.
I didn't talk with any of the girls the whole day afterwards. I was too angry and hurt. I knew how air-headed Caroline could be, especially when she was all over a guy, but I expected more from Bonnie and Elena. I called them my best friends after all. I sat far away from them during class and skipped lunch to avoid them further. I had turned my phone off, to not have it buzz with the many messages they would send me. I needed distance.
As soon as the last bell rang I practically ran outside and drove home.
In the pit of my stomach the knot was growing bigger and bigger as I knew that one of my anxiety attacks was nearing again and I pressed down on the gas pedal to get home as quickly as possible. I didn't want to be driving when it would hit.
I turned on the radio, trying to distract myself but it didn't work that much, as my thoughts kept swirling around the feeling of hurt I felt after hearing my friends met for a dinner party without inviting me, or even telling me.
They didn't want you there, you're just a burden to them. They're only acting friendly with you because they pity you. They're not really your friends, after all who could like someone like you?
I shook my head, trying to clear it of the negative and toxic thoughts that were flooding it and was relieved to have made it back home. I jumped out of the car and went directly to my room, curling up on my bed.
I couldn't tell anymore when I started having these attacks. I would feel sick to my stomach, my heart would start racing, and I would feel like I couldn't breathe, all while my brain was giving me a horror show on it's own.
This time was no different.
You're nothing but a burden, people smile in your face, then laugh behind your back at how stupid you are! Nobody likes you! You're just a disappointment. Who could ever date you? Even Duke stopped wanting to fuck you. You're disgusting them all, with your pathetic excuse of a life. If you died tomorrow, nobody would care. They would only be relieved to not having to fake being nice to you anymore. Even Dad hates you, he'd rather have you died than Mum.
I didn't know how long I've been laying there when I felt a cool hand brush the hair from my face.
„Oh, Lori, I'm so sorry", Bonnie murmured as she began to rub soothing circles on my back.
Slowly, Bonnie's presence dragged me back to the surface, leaving the abyss of my thoughts behind. She always knew how to bring me back from these episodes. Too often had she witnessed them, and it almost seemed as if she had a sixth sense when it came to knowing when I had my attacks.
„There you go," Bonnie whispered when I let out a shuddering breath. „Better?"
I sat up, pulling my knees to my chin, and nodded. „Yeah, thanks."
„Whatever your mind comes up with when that happens, it's not true," Bonnie said softly. „We all love you, and we'll always be there for you."
I averted my eyes. While it was nice to hear those words, the chilling doubt and feeling of betrayal still didn't leave my mind. Bonnie sighed next to me.
„Look, Elena only planned the dinner party between her, Stefan, and me, so she could sway my opinion on Stefan after I told her about my bad gut feeling. Then Caroline suddenly showed up with Damon and I really wanted to text you, but it got really awkward really fast," Bonnie explained. „I also wanted to spare you having to watch Caroline being all over Damon the whole evening," she added with a disgusted look on her face. „I swear to you, I've never seen her act like that, complying to his every demand. It was totally freaking me out and kinda creepy..."
I gave her a weak chuckle. „Guess both Salvatore's are creepy then, huh?"
Bonnie smiled warmly at me.
„Actually...Elena's little plot totally worked. I took your advice and gave him a chance. He's a really nice guy, I can understand why Elena's so smitten."
I wanted to know more about last night's evening and Bonnie indulged me, answering all my questions. From what I was hearing, I was actually thankful not to have been present. I really didn't need to see or hear Caroline gush all about Damon.
„I've never seen Care act like that," Bonnie said with a frown. „Whatever Damon asked her to do, she did it... Since when does Caroline do things she doesn't want to do?"
„Or not answer her phone," I added. „She's usually glued to the damn thing..."
„Yeah," Bonnie muttered, letting herself fall backwards on my bed. „I'm kind of worried, after Stefan's rejection she's been comparing herself to Elena again, and you know how she can get."
I groaned at that. Caroline was one of my best friends, and I loved her, but her falling down this rabbit hole never ended well.
„Sometimes I just want to shove some self-confidence down her throat," I answered. „It's not a freaking competition!"
„That's exactly what I told her too, but she sees that differently."
DING DONG!
I shot Bonnie a questioning look but she just shrugged her shoulders.
„Are you expecting someone?"
„No", I answered and got up. Together we made our way down the stairs. I could already see Elena through the window next to the front door, a tub of ice cream in her hands.
„I come with a peace offering!" Even though her voice was a little bit muffled through the door, we could hear her clearly. I looked through the window without opening the door yet.
„What flavour?"
„Cookie dough."
I fought hard to suppress a smile, she clearly knew me well, but I just wanted to make her work a little bit harder.
„Mmmh, I'm not sure yet...", I said, a small smirk escaping me. I could see Elena rolling with her eyes grinning as well. We both knew she had me at the ice cream.
„Then I guess it's good I brought this as well", she said and reached in her bag, pulling out the first season of Supernatural.
I looked back at Bonnie who wore the same large grin on her face as me.
Not too long after we all sat in the living room, huddled under a blanket with bowls of ice cream in our hands. We were watching Sam and Dean Winchester being chased through the forest by a Wendigo and I could feel Elena shudder beside me.
„I'm just glad that it's just a TV show," she murmured. „Imagine getting chased by that thing through the forest..."
„Well, they didn't find out what attacked Vicki," I said shrugging my shoulders, teasing Elena.
„They said it was an animal attack," Elena quickly defended. I looked at her with raised eyebrows enjoying seeing her getting a little freaked out.
„That's what they said too." I pointed at the television and saw Elena blanch before I laughed out loud. „Relax, Lena. I'm just kidding!"
„Not funny," she huffed and crossed her arms.
„Yes, it was," Bonnie interjected, which brought a tiny smile to Elena's lips and shortly after we were all cracking up.
„I wouldn't even mind though, if it meant Dean and Sam would show up here and save our asses."
„God, Lori, you're incorrigible!" Elena groaned and hit me with a pillow.
After another couple episodes we decided to take a break and get something to eat. I was working on our family's special sauce while Elena was draining the pasta and Bonnie was setting the table. We had been talking more about the dinner party while we were working and Elena shared what she found out about Katherine.
„So apparently both of them dated her," she said as she placed the pot back down.
„Wait, you mean at the same time?" I asked, surprised.
„I'm not sure, Damon was pretty enigmatic and Stefan won't talk to me about that," Elena said leaning over the counter.
„That's so messed up..." Bonnie said, shaking her head, and I couldn't help but agree.
„At least it explains all the bad blood between them", I shrugged my shoulders and turned off the heat. „Ok, dinner's ready!"
We all dug in and all you could hear from the girls were moans of pleasure.
„Petition to only have dinner parties again when Lorraine's cooking?", Bonnie said after a few minutes. „I mean nothing against your takeout Elena, but this is way better!"
„Hey! I don't want to be the one stuck cooking all the time!" I said, laughing.
„Whoever's going to marry you, will be a very lucky man!" Elena interjected, to which I just rolled my eyes.
„Not happening in a very long time!", I said taking a sip from my wine. It had to have one advantage to have the house to myself.
„Why not? We always dreamed of finishing school, going to college, getting married and having kids!"
„No, that was your dream, Elena. I always wanted to travel the world, maybe even living abroad for a while," I answered. „And don't ever let Damon hear that, or he will start again with me being the dutiful housewife type..."
Bonnie chuckled remembering me telling about the laughing fit I had after his statement, but Elena just looked between the two of us with a confused frown on her face.
„Wait, what do you mean? You never told me you talked to Damon."
I cringed, not really wanting to relive the disappointment of Damon going straight to Caroline after not getting invited in.
„Didn't really have the opportunity yet," I mumbled. „But let's not talk about that, it's old news already."
„When did that happen?", Elena asked not letting it go. I looked pleadingly to Bonnie, who didn't know what to do either. We both knew that Elena wasn't one to just let things go.
„Night of the comet. He walked me home, we talked, flirted, I didn't invite him in, he left." I abbreviated the story.
I hoped Elena would leave it at that, but she didn't.
„Isn't that the night he and Caroline started–" she started before she cut herself off, when she saw Bonnie and me looking uncomfortable. „Oh..."
„Yes," I said forcing a tight-lipped smile on my face. „I don't feel that hungry anymore. I'm going to change into something more comfortable, but please, feel free to finish up."
I got up from the table and went up to my room ignoring Elena's plea for me to stay. I was in the middle of changing when there was a soft knock at the door. I was with my back to the door, putting on a tank-top, when Elena entered.
„I'm sorry, Lori, that was so inconsiderate of me, I shouldn't have–"
She went abruptly silent and I turned around wondering what made her stop, but in two big steps she was next to me, turning me back around and lifted the tank-top again.
„What happened to your back?", she inquired.
„What are you talking about?" I retorted, confused.
„You have bruises along your spine!"
My thoughts went directly to when Duke shoved me against the tree. I didn't realise it would show there as well. Her eyes then caught sight of my wrists and she quickly grabbed one to examine.
„Lori, who did this to you?"
I freed my wrist and quickly pulled on a cozy hoodie to hide the evidence of Duke's assault.
„It's nothing. Don't worry about it, Lena," I quickly dismissed.
„That's not nothing, Lorraine. Someone hurt you", she said with trembling voice. „Who was it? Was it Damon?"
„What? No! He has nothing to do with that," I said and sat down on my bed. Not wanting to look up at Elena.
„I'm your friend, Lori. Why won't you tell me what's going on? I could help you–"
„It's already fixed Elena, ok? So no need to worry," I interrupted her. „It won't be happening again."
I wasn't sure who I wanted to convince of that more in this moment, her or me. I still had nightmares about the night of the bonfire, the feeling of helplessness and the stench of Duke's alcohol-infested breath. I could feel Elena kneel down in front of me.
„I know I haven't been the best friend lately, I was so caught up in my Stefan-drama, that I haven't seen what's going on, but I'm here now." She said, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. „Please talk to me."
So I started to talk. Once the dam opened everything flooded out. I told her about how Duke was practically harassing me since we had made out last spring while I was wasted. How he pushed me against that tree and how helpless I've felt. How Stefan miraculously must have heard me and effectively saved me. How I still had nightmares about that night and felt paranoid all the time. How I've met Damon, and how he intrigued me. How he walked me home and we bantered. I didn't even know anymore when we started crying, but we were both crying and laughing at the same time and it felt good to just let it all out.
When we came back down, Bonnie had already cleaned everything and was fixing us new ice cream bowls.
„Thank you! You're amazing, Bonnie", I said gratefully.
„No problem, really. I put the leftovers in the fridge, in case you get hungry later," Bonnie answered smiling.
I was just about to answer her when Elena's phone started ringing.
„Sorry, I need to take this," she said and went over to the living room.
„So you two talked?" Bonnie asked once our friend was out of earshot.
„Yep", I said with a sigh. „I told her everything."
Bonnie raised an eyebrow. „Even about Matt?"
„Everything but that."
„Why not? Elena has Stefan now, I doubt she would be opposed if you were to be dating," Bonnie retorted.
„Because it would make everything more awkward and complicated! We both know how Matt still looks at Elena, and she knows it too. She already feels bad enough about it as it is, it wouldn't help for her to know one of her best friends has a crush on the guy."
Our discussion was cut short when Elena reemerged from the living room.
„It was Jenna, I need to go home, it's a school night," Elena said slightly rolling her eyes. I looked at the clock hanging over the doorway in the kitchen. It was only nine.
„Already? Didn't Jenna let you guys hang out later than that?"
„Yes, but she got Tanner'd a few days ago, so... I guess I'll see you two tomorrow?"
We all grimaced at the mention of of favourite teacher. No wonder if Jenna was a little more on edge.
We packed away our stuff and Bonnie decided to go home as well. The DVD box remained in my living room for now „For when we do part 2 of this evening ," as Elena put it.
„Get back home safe!" I called out to my friends as they were climbing into their cars and I watched them drive away before going back in. Just as I was about to close the door behind me, I once again got the odd feeling of being watched. I looked out toward the tree line in front of my house, but couldn't see anything. With a shudder I locked the door.
The next few days passed without any major incidents. Caroline actually apologised the next day and we made up, which we decided to celebrate with round two of our Supernatural Marathon at my place although Caroline's incessant gushing about Damon annoyed the rest of us pretty quickly.
Friday during lunch Bonnie shared with me how she kept seeing the same three numbers over and over again and that it kind of freaked her out.
„If it were six numbers I'd say go for the lottery," I said while picking at my salad to which Bonnie looked at me with unimpressed eyes. „But three? Which ones was it again?"
„8, 14, and 22," Bonnie said with a sigh. I pondered the numbers for a while, but couldn't find any connections for the life of me.
„Sorry, Bon. Nothing rings a bell."
„Don't worry. Any news from your dad and when he's coming back?"
I shrugged my shoulders. „He's fine. He was supposed to be coming home today, but either they had a breakthrough or something went really wrong. I'm never sure what anything means when he starts speaking science to me."
Bonnie snorted in response. I wasn't a bad student by any means. I excelled in History and English Literature, but when it came to Maths or Science I was absolutely hopeless.
„He promised me though to be back by the Founder's Ball, so we'll see," I finished. „How's training for the game going? I heard Caroline's been pushing you guys really hard."
Bonnie rolled her eyes. „Well you know Caroline, but it's nothing I can't handle."
„What about Elena?"
„She's been struggling a little bit, but I've been working with her after practice, she'll be ok!"
„Good to hear," I said at the same time as the bell rang.
With Stefan being the new star player on the football team, Tanner was a little more agreeable before the first game of the season and all animosity that was going on between the two of them was gone. It was almost weird seeing the History teacher in such a good mood. Even weirder was that my mind kept drifting back to the three numbers Bonnie told me about. I had the feeling that they had a significance and that we wouldn't have to wait much longer before it would be revealed.