THEN
Olysia meekly walked through the Grand Palace. She wanted nothing more than to escape the gloriously extravagant building that seemed to try and hide all of the ugly things that happened in it.
The King decided to keep Olysia right next to him the entire morning, constantly throwing his arm over her shoulder but never letting her talk. She hated every moment of it but the Darkling needed her there, so she remained silent and allowed herself to be used.
Now that she was free from the suffocating room she walked into the kitchen, hoping to steal some pastries from the cooks or servants out of pity. When they first saw the young girl being introduced to the King of Ravka, their faces were full of remorse for something she did not know yet. They would always give her something as she left, but there was no one there. Only a plate of pastries with candied strawberries covered in powdered sugar were there.
Olysia frowned because she wanted to take one, but she didn't want to get the cooks in trouble.
"I'll take one if you take one." A voice came out of nowhere.
Olysia snapped her head in the direction of the sound and was met with a blonde boy with hazel eyes grinning slyly at her. One look at his fancy clothing let her know he was the son of someone important.
"I was simply appreciating how pretty they looked." She bowed her head in respect. "The Grand Palace is lucky to have such talented cooks."
"Yes, very lucky." The boy wrinkled his nose at her obvious diplomatic actions. "So, are we stealing them?"
"No?" Olysia's eyes flickered from the desserts to the boy.
"And why not?"
"Why would we?" Olysia furrowed her eyebrows.
"Because they look delicious." He started stepping closer to the plate. "That's reason enough for me."
"And if we get caught?"
"Who said we would?" He dramatically looked around the empty kitchen. "Besides, I don't see anyone who can stop us." He kept eye contact with Olysia and smirked as he grabbed one. "Your turn."
Olysia frowned at his disregard of consequences. "I'm not stealing anything."
"It's a pastry, not the crown jewels."
"Some of us can get in trouble because we are not the son of someone important." She was starting to get frustrated at the boy's attitude. He wouldn't get in trouble if they were caught, she would.
"You're not going to get in trouble for eating a pastry. They make plenty." The boy didn't seem to take any offense at her tone, he actually seemed to enjoy it. "I know they don't make these at the Little Palace."
Olyisa had to hold back a glare.
His teasing face subtly switched into a more genuine one. "It's the least they can provide for all that you do, or will do for Ravka" He reached out to give her the pastry.
Olyisa just stared at him, suspicious of what he wanted. No one in the Little Palace really showed kindness unless there was something in it for them. Even Olysia was guilty of it, that was just the way things were.
"Nothing will happen if you take it and I won't make you do anything." He saw the way her eyes narrowed. "No exchange necessary but please do take it soon because I will eat all of these happily."
"Thank you." She accepted warily. She turned her head to clock the door, immediately trying to come up with an excuse to leave but something on the table caught her eye instead. It was a jumble of wire.
"I'm trying to get it to stay in the air." The boy seemed to notice what caught her attention and grabbed it to show her. "Haven't been successful yet."
"The wire is too thick. It's dragging it down." Olysia explained reluctantly, holding up her hand. "May I?"
The boy happily handed her the wire and watched completely mesmerized as she moved her hands. She inspected the wire and nodded when she deemed it thin enough. "It should work better now." She put the wire back into his hands.
The boy hadn't moved, choosing to instead stare at Olysia with wide eyes. "I'm Nikolai."
Olysia froze for a second, recognizing the name. She knew he was someone important, not the second born prince of Ravka important. She looked to the ground to avoid any type of eye contact. "Olysia."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Olysia." Nikolai grinned as he tested out her name.
"Moi tsarevitch, you cannot keep hiding in the kitchen to avoid your lessons!" An exasperated voice rang out in the doorway. She made eye contact with the woman who turned accusingly towards Nikolai. "And you're dragging poor Olysia into your shenanigans?"
"Of course not, Miriam," Nikolai smiled innocently. "For what little time I have known Olysia, she does not seem to be the type to get into trouble willingly."
"Good, she has enough on her plate as is." Miriam sighed as she turned to Olysia and smiled gently. "I see you got the pastry we laid out for you."
"Yes, ma'am." Olysia nodded shyly.
"You best be on your way. You can't be late." Miriam urged her to leave.
"Good luck with your contraption, moi tsarevitch." Olysia turned to Nikolai who was waving goodbye to her and he smiled at her. She curtsied quickly and nodded goodbye to the older woman. "Goodbye Mrs. Miriam."
"Stay safe, sweetie." She demanded gently.
◣━━━━━━━━━━━◢
PRESENT
Olysia slammed her head on the table in frustration. "Why is this so difficult?"
"This is only your second time trying to read liturgical Ravkan." Tolya slid his hand in between her forehead and the table. He gently lifted it so she could glare at him out of the corner of her eye.
They were sitting in the library with dim lighting in the Little Palace, doing their monthly poetry reading together when Olysia mentioned offhandedly how she always wanted to read a specific set of poems by Brodsky that were lost to time because they were written in liturgical Ravkan.
Tolya immediately tried to start teaching Olysia the basics because he claims the translated versions do the work no justice.
Olysia was eager but it ended up bringing her nothing but frustration because she didn't understand it.
Olysia picked up her head and peered at Tolya. "And I should have been able to get it tby now." She dropped her head back down and frowned.
"It's a dead language very few can understand."
"Do you think I don't know that?" Olysia scowled. "But I'm Olysia Kuznetsova. Everything comes easy to me."
Tolya scratched his neck in amazement of how arrogant she could be despite being filled with self deprecation and loathing. "This took me years to understand."
"What part of I'm Olysia Kuznetsova did you not understand?"
"And what part of Olysia Kuznetsova can understand liturgical Ravkan?" Tolya shot back.
"There's no need to be cruel." She mumbled.
"If you are patient, time will pass quickly enough." He turned the page. He continued as he saw Olysia try to argue "And patience can be learned."
"I don't want to learn patience. I want to learn liturgical Ravkan." Olysia sighed as she picked at the paper gently. She saw the moon settle high in the sky from the window and furrowed her eyebrows. Normally by now, Tolya would have excused himself to deal with Alina. She calmly observed him.
Tolya was always a hard person to read. He had two visible emotions. Zen and scary. And the occasional excitement when talking about poetry. But other than that, he was a blank slate.
He did seem more stormy than usual, his eyes flickering towards the window as if trying to find someone. The only thing Olysia thought could affect his mood could be interacting with people and Alina deciding to be rebellious and do things she shouldn't be.
"Where's Alina?" Olysia took a random guess.
His eyes widened slightly for a moment before returning to normal. "With Mal and Tamar."
"In her chambers?" Olysia began to collect her books. "She didn't stop by the workshop today and I should probably give her an update on David's progress."
"She's not taking visitors right now."
"Why is that?"
Tolya tried to come up with an excuse but Olysia was already up and making her way out.
It was a very entertaining sight to see a fast paced Olysia out walk a towering giant such as Tolya all the way to Alina's bed chambers.
She opened the doors and saw absolutely no one in it. She turned around and crossed her arms.
Tolya was catching his breath when he saw her face. "How do you walk so fast?"
"I don't have enough hours in the day to waste it by leisurely strolling everywhere. Another obvious fact about me, I don't like not knowing things. Where is she?"
"I can't tell you."
"Of course you can't." Olysia sighed and glanced at the room and saw a very orange silk fabric hanging from a chair. "That's fine, I'll figure it out myself." She left Toyla in the dark room by himself.
As she walked outside to where Tolya's eyes kept bouncing to, Olysia remembered Zoya mentioning from her pits of gossip mongers of a party happening at a mansion nearby, including Suli fortune tellers who would be wearing fabrics similar to the ones found in Alina's room. Zoya complained about not being allowed to attend balls and parties, claiming she was suffering from lack of fun.
Mal was stupid enough to come up with a plan involving disguising the Sun Summoner for a night out on the town.
Olysia sat under a tree directly on the dirt path back to the Little Palace waiting for the three stowaways and lo and behold, they came.
"Enjoy yourselves?"
All three of them jumped at the sound. Mal threw Alina behind him and Tamar raised her hand axes in defense. Olysia stepped out of the shadows and tilted her head at how jumpy everyone was. "What happened?'
"Did Tolya rat us out?" Tamar lowered the weapons.
"Tamar, you hurt my feelings when you underestimate my skills." Olysia's eyes bounced around everyone. "Something obviously happened, so what was it?"
"We'll explain somewhere that allows somewhere a little more privacy." Tamar sighed.
Olysia held a hand out, allowing them forward.
Alina meekly walked into her chamber past Tolya who was standing guard at the door and Tamar roughly shoved her brother.
"Ow! What was that for?" Tolya rubbed his shoulder.
"You know what for." Tamar calmly explained.
"Whatever." He grumbled.
With that, Mal and Tamar began to explain what happened to Tolya and Olysia.
"I only have one question." Olysia ran her hands through her hair as they finished. "Why?"
"Alina needed a break, to not be the Sun Summoner, General of the Second Army." Mal defended with his arms crossed. "To be a human."
"And while I don't deny that, did you not expect something to happen while you were out?"
"That's why me and Tamar were there." Mal scowled.
"A lot of good you did." Olysia scoffed.
"Can you really blame me for caring about her?"
"No, but I can blame you for being ill prepared."
"Can you shut up?" Mal groaned.
"You're the reason why Alina was almost kidnapped tonight so I don't exactly think you should have speaking privileges right now." Olysia sneered.
"You're snippy today." Tamar finally seemed to lighten up.
"Name a day when she isn't." Toyla bumped Olysia gently which sent her stumbling and made her scowl at him.
"I suppose I can't." Tamar looked at the ceiling as if trying to remember but failed to retrieve any memory. "I would say she has levels to it."
"You can just call her rude." Mal grumbled.
Tamar, Tolya and Olysia all shushed Mal.
"Can we just let this go?" Alina finally chimed into the conversation. "I'm tired and I have a busy day tomorrow."
"Just make sure you actually stay in your quarters and don't go roaming around. We don't know if the kidnappers will try to strike again." Olysia sighed.
"I second." Tamar agreed.
"What part of 'I'm tired' do you not understand?" Alina snapped. "I'm not going to run off in the middle of the night."
"We understand it perfectly fine, but we're making sure you perfectly understand us." Olysia's tone hardened. "I get that this can all be too much, I really do." Olysia raised her arms, gesturing towards the darkened room, swirls of bad memories coming to the front of her mind. "And it might not be what you want, but you don't have a choice anymore, not now at least. You can't just think for yourself anymore, because you have a lot people depending on you and if you were to disappear, all of us who stand behind you are truly fucked. Do you understand that?"
Alina glared at Olysia who just stared at her defiantly, until she crumbled and looked away ashamed. "I understand."
"Good." Olysia's tone immediately softened. "I am glad you are okay and I hope your time before everything that happened was enjoyable."
She looked out the window and saw the dull light coming up behind the clouds and sighed. She might as well go to the roof to greet David who would most likely be up there within the hour.
She left Alina's room without another word to work which she always did anyways. Olysia could not think of the last time she just sat and did something as simple as eat without a million sheets of paper in front of her.
It went on like that for weeks, constantly drowning in constant work, barely keeping her head above the ever-growing body of work she threw herself in.
Between debriefing with Alina, working and unfortunately failing on the research with Bastian, teaching the Durast how to use their Small Science in combat, coming up with a different kefta for them to hold more metal within the lining, helping fix multiple projects, training with Tamar, helping Paja perfect the flashbang bomb, assisting David and Nikolai in the mirror dishes, and a million other things, Olysia was beginning to feel stretched a little too thin.
And yet she never said anything, just suffered silently. More often than not she wouldn't sleep, getting a few minutes here and there. The only good thing about it was that she wasn't losing it to nightmares but due to her over productivity. She knew she was going to crash and burn eventually but she was ignoring it until she had to acknowledge it and that was not today.
"Do you think it will work?" Olysia bit her fingernails anxiously.
"Of course it will work, we both worked on it." Nikolai explained as if there was not another option but to succeed.
"You have too much confidence in yourself." She turned her head so he could see her judgy stare.
"Just the right amount I would say. You could do with a little more though." Nikolai stayed unbothered. "Having some arrogance might actually do you some good."
Olysia just shook her head.
"Let's just hope for the best and we can go from there." Nikolai's voice softened as he tried to ease Olysia's nerves.
"The best never happens, not for me at least." She sighed out. "I'm not exactly what one would constitute as lucky."
"Well, while you expect the worst for both of us, I'll expect the best. That way they cancel each other out and the correct outcome occurs." Nikolai unconsciously pulled her arm down and stopped her from continuing to bite her nails. "A side conversation to distract, the Kingfisher is done."
It had the intended effect because Olysia immediately perked up.
"Have you tested it out?"
"Yes, I thought it would be impossible to outdo the Hummingbird but it easily outperforms." He gloated with a proud smile, the smile turned softer as he bumped her shoulder with his. "Suppose I have you to thank. Your notes were by far the most helpful."
"Let's just call it a joint effort." Olysia began feeling warmth blossom from her chest and fill her up. She looked away to hide the red flush that overtook her cheeks.
"I'll have to take you up in it. I'm sure you'll have plenty of notes on how to improve its performance" Nikolai crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. "I do love the sight of your mind at work."
Olysia rolled her eyes and cursed how her heart seemed to beat faster at the thought. She distracted herself by banging on the door next to her. "Let us in, David!"
There was shuffling and a muffled "In a moment, I need to get this right and you both are distracting."
"We can't fault him, Olysia. I am especially quite pleasant to look at. Many claim they lose their train of thought in my presence."
"You need to stop considering yourself in the mirror as other people. Soon enough you'll be called the Mad Prince of the Lanstov line."
"I'm not picky, so long as they call me pretty I could care less of my nicknames." Nikolai shrugged. "I'll be lucky enough they put me anywhere near the actual bloodline section in history."
"Are people still trying to lure that over your head?" Olysia whipped her head around and turned into a scowl. She huffed outraged scoff, completely offended on his behalf. "You know they can talk all the want, but it will never make them half the man you are."
He refused to look at Olysia. "They're not wrong though, are they?" For someone who appeared so naturally assured of himself, he sounded a lot like the timid little boy who cried over being ignored by his older brother. "I am just a stray they let in."
"You're not a stray and even if you were it wouldn't change my view of you."
"That's different."
"How so?"
"Because you're- you're Olysia." He shuffled his weight between his two feet. "You've always been by my side."
"And am I known to just blindly follow people?" Olysia moved so she was standing directly in front of him.
Nikolai licked his lips and sighed. "Not particularly."
"So there must be a reason I believe in you and it has nothing to do with who your father is or isn't."
"You believe in me?" He asked doubtfully, focusing on his fidgeting hands as if they held the answer.
Olysia fought with herself for a few seconds, if she wanted to cross a line she so forcefully drew or to stand meekly behind it as her arms reached out but could never hold him.
Try as she might, her hands were never built to comfort. They were clumsy, always fidgeting. The only thing they were built for were to fix or destroy, two things she would never want to do to him. But she was willing to fight her natural instincts and try, so she stepped over the line.
She reached out and grabbed his hands. She kept her focus on their hands instead of his shifting eyes wandering up to watch her face. She was certain that he could see her pink cheeks, the small furrow of her eyebrows pulled together to try and hide the anger she felt on his behalf, how she was discreetly biting her lip to stop a flurry of words she wanted to say from falling from her mouth.
She gently rubbed her thumb along the rough skin of his knuckles. They were not the hands of a prince, they were hands that had been beaten and bruised. Her hands were buzzing with warmth she only felt with him. "I've always believed in you."
Nikolai felt himself wanting to step forward, lean into her, just move closer to her but he stood in place. He refused to compromise her space she asked him for even if he was craving to feel her warmth pressed against him in any way she would allow.
Olysia found herself feeling the exact same way as Nikolai was.
"You are still Nikolai Lanstov, the boy who cares more for Ravka than any other man who sits on that throne ever could." She let go of one hand and leaned it against his chest, right where his heart laid. She could feel his heart skip a beat but she elected to ignore it. "Your heart is filled with love for your country and more importantly the people in it. And that's what matters to everyone outside of the royal courts, not who your father is."
Olysia finally met his eyes and smiled softly up at him. She stepped back and took her spot next to him, slight closer than she was before, close enough to be consciously aware of the warmth of his arm to brush against her own.
The door slammed open. "It's ready." David looked every part of a mad man. His hair was sticking out in all directions, ink stains all over his hand, his clothes were wrinkled, and he had this glint in his eye.
It was like Nikolai read her mind because he leaned down and whispered in her ear. "And I'm the mad one."
Olysia's breath hitched for a second before returning back to normal. She pushed off the wall and walked right after David. "And you had to make us wait outside like we were on timeout?"
"Maybe if you two were not bickering I wouldn't have had to."
Maybe there were some heated words exchanged between Nikolai and Olysia but there had been no true anger behind them. They were having a more than civil discussion regarding the dishes that forced them to speak louder than normal.
Seeing Nikolai so passionate made her want to keep pushing at him. Nikolai seemed to share those same sentiments right back at her because he escalated the discussion further until David eventually kicked them both out to work it out.
"Oh, just shut up, David."
"I was not talking."
Olysia's eye twitched.
"Best stop while you're ahead." Nikolai interrupted Olysia from initiating a one-way argument with David.
"Excuse you." Olysia glared daggers at him which made me grin back at her. It was like he knew there was no malice in her stare.
"What did I do this time?" He held his hands up.
David gave a silent warning look towards the two.
Olysia jabbed his chest before walking away from him. Nikolai took a step back and held a hand to his chest pretending he was mortally wounded.
Olysia sat and hunched over plans looking at all the work David was able to complete. She began speaking in half sentences to him who made even less sense. Even Olysia was questioning if they were speaking Ravkan or not. They must have been because Nikolai was able to keep up with them.
"Think it's time to have a demonstration." Nikolai clapped his hands in excitement.
David and Olysia immediately found each other's eyes and looked slightly distraught.
"Whatever must be done, right?" Olysia voiced out for the both of them, forcing David to nod.
Nikolai went to say something else but the door slammed open and a red eyed Mal appeared. His eyes went directly to Olysia but a scowl showed up when he saw Nikolai.
"So shall I be the one to tell Alina the good news then?" Nikolai looked between Olysia and David. Olysia caught the small smug look he threw in Mal's direction.
"Can we talk, Olysia?" Mal ignored him and stared directly at her. "It doesn't have to be now."
"I'm almost finished here. I'll come and find you after, yeah."
Mal nodded and left without another word.
"There really is nothing to gain by acting like that." Olysia defended Mal. "It's just in poor taste."
"It's all in good fun." Nikoali gave a half-hearted chuckle.
"No, it's just cruel."
"Since when did you care so much about Oretsev?" His voice took on a sharp tone.
"Since when did you find joy in breaking down others?" Olysia shot back. They seemed to continue to have a silent argument. The soft glances they were just giving each other was left forgotten in the hallway and were instead replaced by eyes full of storms.
Nikolai eventually looked away in defeat. "Is there anything else David?"
"Just that someone needs to tell Alina."
"Well, you heard him," She nodded her head in Nikolai's direction. Her voice took on a bitter tone. "He wants to be the one to tell his Sun Summoner. Let's be dears and give them some alone time he seems to be so desperately craving."
Olysia stormed out to find Mal waiting on the steps.
"Are you just going to sit there and mope or are we going somewhere?"
"You know where any kvas is?" He looked up at her completely empty.
"That's probably not a good idea." Olysia offered him a hand to help him stand up.
"Entertain me?"
"Never."
He huffed a pathetic laugh. "Knew I could count on you to be normal." He accepted the hand.
"I live to serve." She pulled him up.
Nikolai opened the door and saw their hands touching. He bit his cheek and walked past them as quickly as possible.
"He's a dick." Mal spit where he was just standing.
"You're both terrible." She began to walk aimlessly.
"He started it."
"Still the overdramatic five year old I see."
Mal went to retort something but a groan came out instead, he threw a hand on his side, face scrunched in pain.
"If you're going to fight every night against people who are stronger, and refuse to be healed, you need to learn how to protect yourself."
Olysia knew all about Mal's late-night escapades of the dirty fighting ring everyone tried to participate in. It was good training for all parties involved but it was dangerous. He had dragged her out a few times and every time she sat with resigned disappointment. She was the only one he would listen to when she told him it was time to tap out and when he didn't, the fear she struck into everyone worked just as well.
"How do you do it?" He asked suddenly.
"For starters I don't get my ass beat-"
"No, how do you live knowing you can't be with the one person you love?"
Olysia grew rigid. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I see the way you look at him." Mal refused to look at Olysia. "You hide it pretty well but as one hopeless in love fool to another, it's obvious enough."
Olysia gave a glare that was not nearly as scary compared to her others. Instead, they were filled with a dull ache that could only be detected as hurt.
Olyisa sighed in defeat. "I would say 'love' is a strong word."
"I think it's the right one."
Olysia stayed silent. Even if she refused to admit it even to herself, she knew deep down, Mal wasn't wrong. She knew she did but if she spoke those words out loud, it would just leave a hole in her chest that she could never fill. It would just be empty for the rest of her life.
She would be empty.
If she never acknowledged it, she might be able to move on, meet someone, live a happy life she didn't deserve until that feeling was small enough to ignore. She wouldn't ache anytime she was near him or heard him speak or even heard his name in a conversation.
How desperately she wanted to be able to use logic to get rid of the feelings that burned within her, clouding her head.
"I mean I feel like an absolute idiot. Who am I to deserve her? Alina was always there no matter what, and I treated her terribly because it only made sense she'd still be there." Mal sniffed. "And I took that for granted. Other people know how amazing she is now and they're treating her better than I ever could."
"You're not an idiot. A tracker and a cartographer could have something, a nice little quiet life. You didn't know she was the Sun Summoner. That was just an unfortunate set of circumstances." Olyisa played her hands and scoffed sarcastically. "I, on the other hand, knew exactly who he was. I have no excuse."
"Is it supposed to hurt this much?" Mal's voice broke, sounding exactly how Olysia imagined it would sound if she ever voiced her deep secrets she clung to her chest.
"I can't imagine it's supposed to feel good." She focused on the wood grain, how coarse it felt. Someone needed to send a Fabrikator to smooth it out. "It will pass, in time."
"Has it gone away for you?"
"No." She quietly confirmed what Mal was too scared to hear.
Mal hung his head.
Olysia cleared her throat, taking any emotion out of her voice. "I'll give you two more minutes of pity and then we're moving on."
"You'll give?" He raised his head to show off his skepticism.
"Yes, give. I'm being generous by even giving you any." Olysia didn't feel the need to look at him. She picked off a small piece of lint that was on her kefta. "Be grateful."
"You were right," Mal paused as if he expected to know what she was right about, but there were too many possibilities for Olysia to know what he was talking about. She stayed silent and let him clarify. "Just two nameless faces."
"Of complete unimportance." Olysia agreed quietly. She looked out of the window, she could see the Summoners practicing by the pavilion.
"Thank you." Mal said sincerely.
"You ever try to mention this to anyone, I'll tell everyone how delusional you are."
"I'd expect nothing less." Mal gave a half-crooked grin. He turned away and continued to watch the Grisha train outside from the window.
Olyisa nodded and left Mal alone to his thoughts.
a.n
I had a random burst of creativity and needed to strike as quickly as possible so here's another chapter. A bit of a filler but it is what it is.
Random thought: I feel like Olysia would listen to midwest emo ngl. What do y'all think she would listen to?
Baby Nikolai and Olysia meeting for the first time, it does feel underwhelming, but I think that it is perfect for Olysia because she's not someone who is very in touch with her feelings/emotions and had lots of trust issues back then.
I also wrote a filler scene with Tolya because I miss my two poetry loving besties.
Not Mal calling Olysia out like that. He really read her like she was an open book. Kind of gagged her ngl.
Sleep well and keep drinking water xoxo <3