Chapter Twenty-seven
Naka hilig ang ulo ko sa bintana habang naka pikit. Hindi ako naka tulog ng maayos. Buti nalang ay puro acitvities lang ang gagawin ngayon.
I blew out a deep breath and opened my eyes.
"Puyat ka ba?" Rix glanced at me. "Ano na naman ba 'yang binasa mo at nag mukha kang panda?"
"Thanks for the complement, Rix, really. Iyan dapat ang sinasabi mo sa mga babae mo." I grumbled and crossed my arms.
He chuckled. "Baka gusto mong i-uwi kita? Hangga't malayo pa tayo sabihin mo lang."
"I can't believe you guys knew. Pinagtatawanan niyo siguro ako"
"Minsan lang naman," he smiled. "You're too dense baby."
"Am not!" Mabilis kong sagot pero ngumuso rin agad ako. "Okay, maybe I am. Kasalanan ko ba ha? Ha?!"
Hinampas ko ang braso niya. Timawanan lang ako ng loko.
"Ako ang huling naka alam," he shrugged. "Logan knew from the start, Josh too, Jace found a whole box filled with your pictures in Master's room sa Tagaytay, it was enough for him para itanong sa kanila kung anong meron. Hindi naman dineny ni Master, proud umamin ang gago. Saktong wala ako non kundi nasapak ko siya. I found out nung madalas siyang nadayo sa Olympus. Ganon lang naman iyon pag may problema o kaya gusto ng away."
I shut my eyes and remembered what he said after asking me the question that almost freakin gave me a heart attack.
"Do I really have to answer that?" I frowned. Umupo siya, naka indian sit na siya sa harap ko ngayon.
"So you do know."
"Chloe told me," umiling ako at umiwas ng tingin.
"I got my confirmation when you went all awkward with me," malungkot siyang ngumiti. He scoots even closer and tilts my chin up. "I'm still me, I'm still your Vini. I don't want you to feel awkward with me baby."
Umiling ako para matanggal ang pagkakahawak niya sa baba ko. I heard him sigh. Hindi talaga siya kayang tignan.
"I was joking," he muttered. "I'm willing to wait. Sa tagal ko ba namang nag hintay ngayon, a few more years won't hurt."
Hindi ko maiwasang tumawa. "Sigurado kang magiging tayo?"
"Oo naman." He gave me a boyish smile but then it suddenly turned sad. "Mataas ang kumpyansa ko sa sarili ko but there are times you'll give me doubt. May mga oras na itatanong ko sa sarili ko kung kaya ko pa ba. You know what? Everytime I ask myself that, I'd just think of you, kung ano yung pwedeng mangyari sa'yo pag wala ako."
"Wag mo kong dramahan, maiiyak ako." Speaking my feelings out felt great. Nakakagaan ng loob pag wala nang sugarcoat ang mga words na lalabas na bibig mo.
He shook his head, "Just let me finish,"
Umiling ako. I don't want him to finish. He's actually spilling it all out. Talagang hinintay lang niyang malaman ko and it will be up to him to say the rest.
Nakakaloko itong nararamdaman ko.
"I thought na it's better for you to be with me than any other asshole out there," he caressed my hair. I bit my lip. My eyes started to water. I know na the asshole Vini was still there, naiiyak ako dahil mas sanay akong iyon ang kausap ko. This guy in front of me now sounded vulnerable, transparent, na para bang isang salita ko lang ay masisira na siya. His eyes were passive and I don't kung paano ko iyon tatanggapin.
"Walang may karapatang sumira ng matagal kong inalagaan."
I hate crying dahil sinabi niya noon ang panget ko raw pag naiyak. Kaya bigla kong natakpan ang mukha ko when the tears suddenly fell. His words crashed on me. Never in my whole life it will cross my mind how Vini can be like this. I knew how he can have his way with words, but now it's different. He's not trying to woo me, he's just stating his feelings kaya naiiyak ako.
I felt his arms wrap around me. I didn't hug him back. Nakatakip parin ang kamay ko sa mukha. I silently cried. Nakakainis, nakakaloko, nakakatanga kaming dalawa ngayon. Naiinis ako dahil sa tagal na pala ng nararamdaman niya sa akin, I never got the hint, Nakakaloko yung nararamdaman ko, at Nakakatanga dahil wala akong maisagot.
"Hey, hindi naman kita pinipilit. Alam kong naguguluhan ka pa pero wag na wag mong isipin na lumayo sa akin dahil ngayon palang sinasabi ko na sayo, hinding hindi na kita lulubayan ngayong alam mo na."
"Why me?" I finally asked after calming myself. Humiwalay ako sa kanya at pinunasan ang ilong ko. God, I so hated crying.
He smiled. He gave the heart stopping smile that always gets girls everytime.
"Hindi mo man lang ba naisip na hindi malayong mahalin kita?"
"Cara," bumuntong hininga si Rix. "I'm speaking as your cousin, okay?"
Tamad kong minulat ang mata ko nang ma sense na medyo seryoso si Rix. Minsan lang ito mag seryoso. He was gripping the steering wheel and eyes locked on the road.
"Hindi mo obligasyon na ibalik ang nararamdaman nila, I'm talking about Master and Castillo, kung ayaw mo at alam mo naman na sarili mo na you can't reciprocate their feelings then tell them o kaya ay palayasin mo sa harap mo. Andito lang ako bilang back up. But my real point is, wag mong pahirapan yung sarili mo. I don't want you to juggle two guys."
"I am not going to juggle two guys," I grumbled. That made me sound like a play girl. "Ethan is my friend, Rix."
"I know, if he really is your friend then your friendship won't be affected even if you reject him but I reckon na hindi pa siya nanliligaw sa'yo. Master on the other hand, even if you reject him, he'll still be there for you. He will always be there for you, dahil mas matatag ang foundation ng friendship niyong dalawa. If the relationship won't work, I'm not saying it won't, alam ko namang hindi magiging bitter yon si gago dahil balikatarin man natin ang mundo kahit na bastedin mo pa yon ng paulit ulit, mahal na mahal ka parin non. He can still be your best friend."
"I love it when we talk about love," Humalakhak ako. He chuckled too.
"It will be your descision," he shrugged. "Just be sure to pick the right one dahil ayokong ikaw ang magsisi sa huli."
"I'm not asking for you to love me," he said after a few minutes of silence. "Kahit na iyon talaga ang gusto ko."
I laughed, I finally get to laugh.
"The thing is..." Napakamot siya ng ulo na para bang nahihiya kaya hindi ko na napigilan. Hinampas ko siya ng unan.
"This is so not you!" Tumatawa ako as he swatted the pillow.
"This is me, deal with it. You'll be seeing a lot of this version of me so suck it up, baby." He smirked. "Patapusin mo nga kasi muna ako!"
Mabilis akong umayos ng upo.
"Can I court you?"
Nangunot ang noo ko. I saw that coming, but then I shook my head. "You don't have to."
I took a deep breath bago pa siya maka sagot. "Listen to me okay?"
He slowly nodded. Mukha namang kinabahan ang loko, dapat siyang kabahan kung bigla ko nalang siyang sipain paalis ng kwarto ko.
"I know you don't do the flowers and chocolates thing, hindi mo naman kailangan iyon gawin dahil alam mong ayoko rin ng ganon. Ang corny kasi e. I just want you to be you, the 'you' I'm comfortable with. But I'll give you the chance to show your feelings, kung hindi mo pa iyon ginagawa ngayon," I rolled my eyes again, para sa sarili ko yun. "And I will feel awkward if you get all sweet with me like those mushy words--"
Napangiwi siya. Mukhang naimaginge niya yung sinasabi ko. I think we're actually on the page on this.
He sighed and shook head before staring back me, smiling. "Say no more, baby. Sabihin mo lang na ayaw mong may magbago sa atin but I can't promise you na ganon nga ang mangyayari. Now that you know, there is bound to be change, but it will be the change na magugustuhan mo."
I'm actually holding on to what he said. I guess I'm afraid of change, iyon lang ang kinakatakot ko sa aming dalawa.
I wasn't surprised nang malapad ang ngiti ng apat nang pumasok ako sa HQ sa gabing iyon. Mukhang may celebration silang lahat dahil finally ay nakaramdam na rin daw ako. Sarap nilang lunurin sa oras na 'yon. Ipagduldulan daw ba?! Nilayasan ko rin sila. Sa bahay ako natulog and I turned off my phone, Vini seemed fine. He was true to his words, para ngang wala kaming pinag usapan. Siguro kahit na walang aminang portion na nangyari ganon parin siya sa akin.
He'll treat me like I'm the most precious thing in the world.
I guess I'm lucky na may katulad niyang nagmamahal sa akin. But right now, alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi agad maibabalik ang nararamdaman niya.
We both agreed to take this slow.
Nag park na si Rix at naunang lumabas ng sasakyan. Hinarangan ko naman ang mata ko sa araw. Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos, hindi dahil sa nabubulabog ang damdamin ko, nagbasa lang ako. I like to keep my mind off of things muna so I decided to read.
"Panda alert!" Halos masapak ko na si Jace nang tinuro niya ang mata ko.
"Tigilan niyo nga ako!" Singhal ko sa kanila.
"Leave her alone guys." Mariing saway ni Vini na ngayon ay naka tuon ang mata sa kanyang iPhone.
"Naks naman oh! Knight in shining asshole!"
"Tangina mo Jace, tigilan mo ko."
"Akala ko ba good boy ka na? Bawal na mag mura oy!" Mabilis na saway ni Jace.
"Fuck you."
"Aww pre, I love you too."
"Shut your twin up, Josh. Please." I turned to Josh with pleading eyes.
"Nasobrahan lang yan sa kape" Natatawang sabi ni Logan. Hindi ko man lang napansin na dumating na pala.
"Logan, pasok na tayo. Baka mahambalos ko lang 'to si Jace"
Nagpaalam na kaming dalawa, I told him na dadaan muna kami sa locker para sa libro ko. I actually braced myself nang makarating na kami doon. I had the 'talk' with Rix this morning and now alam ko kay Logan ko naman iyon mararanasan.
"So, kamusta?" He casually leaned on the other locker and crossed his arms.
"C'mon, lets pass the kamusta session. Lay it on me, superstar. I know you've got some words to say."
He chuckled. "I'm actually against him on dating you at first, nasapak ko pa nga siya nung malaman ko. But he told me he had clean intentions, and as the years passed nakikita ko na iyon. Naisip ko na mas okay nang siya kaysa sa iba na nangangapa palang sa ugali mo. Baby, I don't want you to make a descision na hindi ka sigurado at ikaw lang ang masasaktan sa huli. We're on your side, we'll support you all out."
"It feels like I'm going to fight in a war." Umiling ako. I know na gusto nila ang makabubuti sa akin and they're assuring me that I've got all the time in the world, but Logan's wrong. I've got a dealine. Hindi ko lang sigurado kung maibibigay ko na sa kanya ang sagot ko bago pa iyong dumating.
"Hey, Bommie." I gave her a shy smile nang maupo ako sa tabi niya. I haven't talked to her for a while, ngayon kasi I'm seeking girl time dahil baka mabanas lang ako kapag doon ako maupo sa table namin. Baka bigla kong malagyan ng packing tape yung bibig ni Jace ng wala sa oras.
"Oh, himala ata napadpad ka dito. Trouble in paradise?"
"I picked today as my day off from all the drama."
"Why? Anong drama?"
Bago pa man ako makasagot, naramdaman ko na may nakatayo sa likuran ko.
"Far away from your group I see." Nilingon ko si Ethan sa likuran ko, may dala siyang tray at halata namang makikisabay ng lunch.
Umupo na siya sa tabi ko at binati si Bommie, who blushed back a shy 'Hi'. Nakitang walang pagkain sa harapan ko kaya tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "Di ka kakain?"
Umiling ako. "Not really hungry."
Sinilip ko naman kung ano ang nasa tray niya. May tatlong slice ng pizza, pasta, a bottle of water, and pineapple juice.
"What? I'm a growing boy!" He started eating his pizza. Ang takaw talaga nito.
"Ate!" Nangunot ang noo ko sa pag tawag ni Megan. Alam kong half day lang ito ngayon dahil may activity ang year nila.
Lumapit siya sa amin at inilapag ang paper bag na galing sa Clique.
"What's that?"
"Malamang pagkain!"
"Umayos ka, Megan."
"Bakit ba? Sinagot lang naman kita." Inirapan niya ako. "Sabi ni Mom umuwi ka daw ng maaga, dinner out raw tayo."
"Galing to kay Mom?" Dumaan pa talaga si Megan sa Clique ara bilhin 'to?
"Hindi no! Pinabili yan sakin ni Kuya."
"Sinong Kuya?"
"Sino pa ba? Dami mong tanong Ate, kumain ka nalang!"
Aba kita mo nga naman tong batang 'to. Nilayasan talaga ako.
"Megan is such a sweet girl," Ethan praised, sarcasm dripping in his voice. Bommie chuckled. Patuloy lang kumain ang dalawa.
Ilang segundo pa ay may nag text na sa akin.
From: Vini
Eat up, baby ;)
I glance at their table. As expected, he's smiling at me.
Iba talaga ang feeling kapag alam mo na ang meaning sa nga ginagawa niya. You know there is something behind the simple action. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable, I actually imagined him doing this kahit na hindi ko pa alam ang nararamdaman niya.
It was a normal thing for us, and that's what he promised me.
We'll take this slow and stay like Vini and Cara.