Irene had to cancel last minute.
Turns out she was paged because there was a freak chain reaction accident on the freeway. With dozens of injuries, the hospital needed all hands on deck. Lisa had seen the accident on the news and was disappointed, but knew this was part of Irene's life. It was why she became a doctor, to help people. Lisa found that it was hard to be upset with Irene when she was living her dream.
It also gave her time to think about the kiss. The kisses. Which she hadn't stopped thinking about. Even during her defense, she found her mind wandering and had to regroup a couple times. Fortunately, she had it under control. She's pretty sure it went well. And honestly, after what happened, she had enough confidence to go in there and wing it. She was refueled, invincible. She could have run around the world.
Lisa had never had a kiss that good before. It was a cliché – every kiss from Irene made her see stars, it made her heart pound, and while part of her hated that she was being so disgustingly saccharine, another part of her, a newer part, didn't care. She was in love. And the woman she was in love with had feelings for her too.
Friends? Seriously, what was she thinking? She could never be just friends with her.
She hated that she would have to wait another day, maybe even more, before she got to see her friend again.
When she finally was able to sleep, much later that night and after watching a handful of Doctor Who episodes. Yeah, Lisa still for the life of her couldn't get into it, she didn't get much rest. Her phone rang, she knew it was Irene because Irene set her ringtone to the sound of an ambulance.
It scared the shit out of Lisa the first time Irene called her, she told her as much.
"What? I thought it'd be cute. You're so sensitive, Lisa," Irene teased. Her sense of humor was surprisingly tacky sometimes.
"Everything okay, cupcake?" she asked, groggily.
"I just got off work." Irene sounded exhausted. "I can't be alone right now, can I come over?"
Lisa yawned and looked at the clock. 2:00 am. "Uh, yeah."
"I'll be there in ten," Irene said before hanging up.
Lisa got out of bed and unlocked her front door. She went to the kitchen to turn on her kettle when Irene inevitably asked for hot cocoa. She went to the washroom to brush her teeth and comb her hair, wiping the sleep up from her eyes.
This wasn't the first time Irene had ever done this, it certainly wouldn't be the last. Irene hated being alone after working difficult shifts. And every time Irene showed up to her house late at night, looking a little frazzled, a little exhausted, but entirely adorable, Lisa felt pride that she was Irene's 'person'. She made Irene feel safe, and secure and comfortable again. She was the person who helped pull her out of her bad mood or hard day.
Having been told her entire life being told that she was nothing but doom and gloom, nothing but a stressor, a cause for concern, being this person for someone made her feel worthy. Of what, she didn't know. She hoped it meant she was worthy of her.
One more quick, evaluating look in the mirror, she deemed herself presentable enough. It was the first time she was going to see Irene since their kiss, just hours ago, she wanted to look good for her. But she also knew that Irene wasn't really going to care about that, she probably just needed a distraction, like a movie marathon or something, like she always did after a hard day of work.
When Lisa left her washroom, she almost let out a gasp.
Irene stood in the middle of her bedroom, with her shy smile. She was out of her work clothes, in a pair of jeans and a shirt Lisa recognized as her own that had gone missing.
"Cupcake?"
"Hey," Irene breathed out. She frowned a little, and then seemingly making a decision, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lisa, sinking into her.
"Hard day?" Lisa pressed a kiss to Irene's forehead and immediately started her fingers through her hair.
"I had a terrible day. So hard. So many people...I didn't lose anyone, thank god, but..." she stopped herself and took a deep breath in. "I'm so glad I'm here with you, Lisa."
"Me too, sweetheart," Lisa said. Irene lifted her head up. Her eyes still looked concerned, and anxious and Lisa wanted to fix it. "Let me make some hot cocoa for you and you can tell me about it," she offered, starting to untangle herself from Irene's arms.
"No, don't leave," Irene said, tightening her hold. She kept her stare, only for a moment shifting her eyes down to Lisa's lips, before snapping them back to Lisa's. "Okay. About earlier...in the spirit of being completely candid with you..."
"Yeah?" Lisa smiled, unsure where this was going.
"You've been an incredible friend to me, Lisa. The last few months have been surprising. I never thought we'd be this close. I never thought I could be this close with anyone. I'm glad that we are. But..."
"But?"
"But I'm ready for more. I couldn't help myself earlier. I hadn't seen you in over a week and I missed you way too much for it to be considered friendly. Option two was actually a cookie that I stress-ate before seeing you. So...I kissed you."
Lisa smiled. "You did..."
"You asked me, all those months ago, if I was waiting for you and the truth is, I have been. I didn't realize that at the time but I think I've waited for you all my life. And I'm tired of waiting when all I want to do is be with you. And everyone in my life has been telling me to go for it, hell, even my dad told me to. So I did."
"Oh."
"'Oh'? Seriously Lisa, I just said, like, a hundred words there. I'm kind of pouring my heart out to you—"
Lisa stopped her by grabbing her face and kissing her. Finally. They could do this every day for the rest of her life and Lisa felt like her response would always be finally. She'd learned that every minute she wasn't with Irene was a waste of time, and validation from Irene that she actually felt the same way, as strongly as she felt.
It was different from their previous kisses. The first kiss was overwhelming, an outlet for sexual frustration more than anything. It felt like drowning. Subsequent kisses were either calculated or controlled or filled with anticipation – they were beautiful in a lot of ways, like a promise for more.
But this kiss? It felt less like drowning and more like falling.
When her tongue touched Irene's, she couldn't hold back her moan. When Irene tugged a little at her hair, she saw stars. Lisa's heart was beating so quickly, that she was sure Irene could feel it. She pulled back and stared into Irene's eyes. She realized it was the first time she'd ever initiated a kiss with her.
"Well, damn, cupcake. I thought I was going to do the grand gesture, give the big speech."
"Is this okay? I know I told you I would give you time, but you're all I could think about today. If I'm being honest here, you're all I've been thinking for months, and with the day I had, all I wanted was to come home, but when I tried to picture home, your face kept coming up and-- "
Lisa kissed her again, both of them smiling, their grins awkwardly pressing together. Irene cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer. They stopped laughing, their eyes locking into one another, both realizing at the same time what was being said without saying the words. So Lisa said them.
"I love you, Irene."
Irene's eyes glistened a little before capturing her lips again. She pulled back enough to whisper, "I love you, too," into her mouth, before leaning back in. They found their rhythm, languidly kissing, making up for lost time.
Lisa's hands wandered past the bottom of Irene's shirt. Irene gasped as her fingers touched the skin of her lower back. Lisa walked them backwards towards her bed.
"For the record," Lisa said, pulling away as she lifted Irene's shirt over her head, "you're who I picture when I think of home too."
****
She learned, a long time ago, not to romanticize her first time with a person. Sex was sex. Sometimes it was good. Sometimes it was great. Sometimes it was horrible. But sometimes people were right. Sometimes it was a completely different experience when you were in love.
Clothes discarded, lying next to each other in bed, facing each other, Lisa's practiced hands felt unsure. Irene pressed her lips to hers, to stop her from shaking.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice breathy. "I'm just...nervous."
She had never felt like this before, as experienced as she had been. Part of her knew she should've felt embarrassed but it was with Irene and she never felt safer.
"Lisa, it's just me." Irene gently pulled Lisa closer, and they both gasped when their bodies touched. There was electricity in the air, it was almost tangible, how desperate they both were for release, how much they needed each other.
"Exactly," Lisa agreed, letting out a breathy laugh.
Irene kissed her again, before pulling back and whispering, "It's just me and you, okay?" She trailed her mouth from her lips down to Lisa's neck, placing wet kisses, biting, nipping, and licking gently, leaving a mark.
She whimpered then moaned when Irene reached up and cupped her breast.
Lisa was able to focus from there, living in the moment.
And the night was full of moments that she'd store away.
Like when Irene looked up at her with so much reverence. Like when Irene whimpered when she nipped at her collarbone, tasting the skin there for the first time. When Irene's breath hitched as Lisa mapped her way down her body with her lips and tongue.
Now she knew how Irene tasted, how she felt against her lips, how wanted – needed – she felt because of it. She knew that Irene was loud, which shouldn't have surprised her, but not with words, which did. Now she knew how it felt to have Irene cling to her and hold her head in place as she came, after moaning her name.
Now she knew how focused Irene looked before quirking her lips into the most devastatingly sexy smile Lisa had ever seen in her life, the moment before she slipped two fingers into her.
Now Irene knew how entirely, completely, and utterly powerless she was when it came to her.
****
"I'm giving you a minute to rest up, tonight we have ten months to make up for," Irene said, her head not moving from where it rested on Lisa's chest.
Lisa felt exhausted, satisfied, and full. "Seriously, cupcake? How do you still have energy?" She traced her fingers between Irene's shoulder blades, causing her to shudder.
"I'm a doctor," she said, propping her head up, tracing Lisa's jawline with her finger, "you have to listen to me." She tapped her finger on her nose, for good measure.
"You're not my doctor, cupcake."
"No. I'm not," she said, absently running her fingers through Lisa's hair. "I'm still sorry about all that, you know."
"Me too," Lisa replied.
Irene quirked an eyebrow. "We're both sorry?"
"Yeah." Lisa nodded. "But hey, we can make it up to each other."
"How so? Like...this?" Irene grinned before pulling Lisa down for a kiss. Before it could get any more heated, Lisa pulled away.
"I was thinking along the lines of you making me breakfast in bed, but..."
Irene rolled her eyes and then traced her fingers down Lisa's side.
"By the way, your minute? It's up," Irene said, a glint in her eyes as she trailed her fingers to Lisa's center but then quickly removed her hand, "But if you want to keep making jokes instead," Irene continued, pulling away from Lisa entirely.
Lisa stopped her, instead rolling them both over, so that Lisa was on top. Irene's full, loud giggle was infectious. As was the gasp when she pressed her leg against Irene's center.
Yeah. She fucking loved this woman.
****
And as long as it took for them to finally be together, time flew after. It was somehow already a few weeks from Christmas. This time Bambam and Seulgi were on her roof, getting the Christmas lights up. Lisa managed to guilt them both into doing it for her.
"Hurry up, jackasses. Need I remind you that I did this by myself last year?"
"Yeah and you fell off your damn roof," Seulgi quipped.
"Uh, no. That was taking them down. I put them up just fine."
"Touché. Speaking of... Irene, flip the switch!" Bambam yelled out, clipping the last of the lights to the house.
The lights went on and Irene came out of the house. She gave Lisa a peck on the cheek before evaluating their handy work.
"So, how does it look, cupcake?"
Irene smiled, eyes not leaving Lisa's. "Perfect."
Surrounded by the people she loved most, Lisa realized for the first time in her life she was truly happy.
****
"Careful! Careful, Lisa!" Irene teased as Lisa climbed down the ladder, one hand firmly gripping the rung, the other holding the bundle of lights she had taken down. It was January, a week after the year started, and at Irene's insistence, they were taking the Christmas lights down.
"I'm not going to live in a house that has its Christmas lights up all year, Lisa."
"Uh, cupcake, you don't live here."
"Please, I basically do. Half my stuff is here, half your stuff is at my place. And don't change the subject, we're taking the lights down."
"Cupcake, I'm fine." She got off the ladder with a hop. "I was fine earlier when you suggested I be attached to a carabineer and harness. I was fine when you tried to call Seulgi to come over and help. And I was fine when you were Googling crash pads for me to land on."
"Well, you are now, but only because I was putting out an energy of extreme safety." Irene grabbed the lights from Lisa's hands and motioned at the ladder.
"Let's put all the stuff away and get inside. I'm freezing."
Irene scooped up the rest of the Christmas lights on the ground, adding it to her already full arms, and walked towards the back. Lisa turned – for just a second, intending to pack up the ladder – when she heard a whoosh! and a thud. She ran to where Irene was, on a heap on the ground, covered by the lights. She must've not seen the patch of ice and slid.
"Cupcake?!"
"I'm...suing...you..." she groaned. Well, at least it didn't affect her sense of humor, as Lisa helped her up. "Ow, ow, stop, my ankle."
"Oh shit, let's get you inside." Very carefully minding the ice that Irene slipped on, Lisa scooped Irene up.
"Lisa, put me down, you're being dramatic," Irene said, trying to wiggle out of her arms. "I'm a doctor, I can tell that I'm fine."
She ignored her and brought her inside, gently dropping her on her couch. Irene's grimace flipped a switch in Lisa's head. She felt herself become frantic and panicked.
"Okay, what do you need? Are you okay? Is your ankle okay? Should I take off your shoes? Or will that just make it swell? What do I do?" She felt her face flush and her heart race.
"Lisa, calm down. I'm a doctor. I got this." Irene grumbled and sat up, leaning forward to take off her shoe. "Oh, yeah, no, that was a bad idea. It's definitely sprained. It's going to swell up pretty bad..."
"We should get you to the hospital. Oh shit, should I call an ambulance? Irene, what should I do? I can drive your car, okay, come on."
"Lisa, it's fine. There's nothing they can tell me there that I can't figure out for myself."
"What if it's broken? I'll get you ice. Hold on, let me get ice!"
Lisa ran to her kitchen and grabbed a package of frozen peas from her freezer.
"Okay, I don't have ice, but I have these – holy shit, your ankle is huge," Lisa said, nearly dropping the bag. In the thirty seconds or so it took for her to get the peas, Irene's ankle swelled to nearly double its size. Lisa would've gagged if she wasn't so worried.
"Uh...yeah, let's go to the hospital," Irene appeased.
One of the perks of being a doctor at the hospital is that there is no waiting. Irene was immediately sent in for X-rays. They both ended up in a room on the Urgent Care wing – a standard examination room, not with a hospital bed or any of the extremely technical machines, but a room nonetheless.
Dr. Park brought the x-rays into the room and explained purely for Lisa's benefit, as Irene was able to read her own x-rays, that Irene's ankle was, indeed, sprained, but not broken. Rosé chastised Irene for being so careless before Irene shooed her away.
"I know, I know. Now go away, let me read my file." Irene grabbed the folder from Rosé's hands and pointed at the door, which Rosé begrudgingly took as her cue to leave.
As she flipped through her file, Lisa scanned the room, overcome by déjà vu.
The beep of the machine. Dr. Park waking her up. Irene coming into the room, filling it with more light than Lisa ever thought possible. Lisa's awful, medicated attempts at flirting.
It was probably love at first sight – or as close to it as Lisa could experience. There was always something about Irene, she thought as she stared at the woman she loved. Irene's eyebrows were furrowed, chewing on her bottom lip as she always did when she was in thought. She looked up at Lisa briefly, before looking back down at her file, then realizing she was being stared at, she looked up again.
She embarrassedly touched her face, as if checking if there was anything on it. "What?"
"I thought you were an angel when we first met. I mean, I was completely out of it, but...you came in and everything felt...right. And it hasn't really stopped feeling that way for me when I'm with you."
Realization flashed upon Irene's face, looking around the room, and putting the file down. "And I thought you were beautiful. And oddly charming. And totally stoned from the anesthetic."
"I really wanted to kiss you, actually," Lisa admitted.
A slow smile crept up on Irene's face. "You know...nothing's stopping you now."
"Nope." Lisa stood between Irene's legs and pulled her lips down to hers. No matter how many times they kissed, it never failed to take her breath away.
"Uh, knock, knock," Dr. Park's voice came from the doorway. "This is a hospital, not a hotel, ladies," she said as she continued walking by.
And they both laughed into the kiss and pulled away.
So it turns out, she wasn't fire. Irene wasn't ice. She wasn't a distraction. Irene wasn't a temptation. They were two completely different people on two opposite trajectories, a little lost, but somehow managed to stumble into each other's lives. Drawn together, but always a little divided until their paths met, their expectations became congruent, and they were ready. And despite the difficulties that this year presented, Lisa was at peace with how everything turned out. Everything happened when they needed to.
Sometimes people needed to be broken to be fixed. And they did that for each other.
-fin-