Lisa wasn't sure if Irene even remembered last night. It was the next day. Irene wasn't exactly in the state to discuss what happened, she was incredibly hungover. They had a quiet morning aside from a few pained grunts of acknowledgment from Irene.
So yeah, nothing was discussed.
It was only later that day, when Irene was more or less back to her usual self that things really shifted for Lisa. Irene was reading on her couch and Lisa had her work sprawled on the kitchen table. She was hunched over one of many journals and textbooks, going over her notes from her thesis advisor. Her last draft came back with a red pen all over it, so she was re-editing the re-edits. She read her sentence for the third or fourth time, the words not making sense so she closed her laptop.
Lisa leaned forward onto her arms. God dammit. She just wanted to be finished already. She was at that stage where she wanted to just give up, drop the program, and stay a minimum wage book hock for the rest of her life. She thudded her head against her laptop.
The sudden feeling of two firm hands massaging her shoulders made her head spin – in a good way.
"Lisa, you've been working at this for hours today. You should take a break," Irene's voice said, gently working at the knots on Lisa's back. Lisa groaned involuntarily – at Irene's strong hands and at the mountain of work she still had to do.
"I have an idea," Lisa ventured, moaning as Irene's thumb pressed against a particularly sore spot, "how about you become my sugar mama and I quit school."
Irene chuckled. "While that sounds awfully tempting, I'm not sure...you're definitely beautiful enough, but if I'm going to have a trophy wife, I kind of like my girls smart and nerdy."
And in spite of herself, Lisa blushed, something in her chest fluttering. "I'm none of those things, cupcake," she said, pouting a little.
"Right, says the beautiful girl surrounded by academic journals and photocopies of stuff in languages I had no idea you read from the 1600s." Irene stopped massaging her shoulders and knelt next to her, on the floor. Lisa opened her eyes and turned her head slightly, not lifting it off her laptop.
"Is there anything I can do to help? I know doctors are supposedly bad writers, but I actually think I'm pretty good at it. I took a couple of journalism classes in my undergrad and I considered doing that, but the Dean of the Faculty of Medicine was kind of hot and that convinced me..."
Irene trailed off, she reached up, and cupped Lisa's cheek, tracing her thumb along her cheekbone.
"Hey." Irene grinned.
"Hey," Lisa said.
And in that moment, seeing Irene, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail, in Lisa's shirt, Lisa realized something.
She was happy. Or, rather, she could be happy. She had been apprehensive about her relationship with Irene. She was scared of getting hurt again, she always got hurt. She had never gotten a happy ending. She didn't know if she'd get one ever.
But every minute she wasn't with Irene was torture and she realized in that moment that all the caution she was taking was for nothing. She had feelings for Irene. And she was finally in a place where that was enough. It was more than enough.
She was sure. She was ready.
She had to tell her.
"Do you remember last night? Like, when we got home," Lisa asked suddenly, sitting up. She turned in her seat, facing Irene. Irene got up and slid into one of the other chairs, a little taken aback by her abruptness.
"Uh, not really. Umm...I remember coming home...and stealing your shirt," she said, touching the collar of the shirt she was still wearing. "But other than that, nothing. Why?" Her eyes widened. "Did we do anything?"
"No, no, absolutely not. I just...," she ran her fingers through her hair, sweeping them away from her face, "we need to talk –"
Irene's cell phone rang, it was the ringtone she used when the hospital would call. "Okay Lisa, hold that thought." She ran to her phone in the other room.
Lisa stood up and started pacing. She had to tell her. She didn't exactly know what – 'I like you' sounded juvenile, 'I want to be with you,' sounded like an understatement, 'I love you' well, that was way too much for having just come to the realization...
She heard Irene come back into the room, and as Lisa was about to speak, Irene's change of clothes stopped her. She was leaving.
"Sweetheart?"
"I'm so sorry, I know you had something to talk to me about, but they need me at work. I have to go," she said, regretfully. "Whatever you were going to say, can it wait?"
A little voice in the back of her mind laughed at her. Of course, Irene's work was stopping her. Of course, it was.
Lisa nodded, hoping her disappointment didn't show.
****
And now it was the end of September. A day had turned into one week, which had turned into several. Her potential relationship with Irene had been all that her mind was occupied with. The absolute 'no' had turned into a 'maybe' and now 'yes' wasn't even a question – it was becoming a matter of when. But every potential opportunity that had come up had been interrupted or missed or screwed up by Lisa's incredibly poor timing.
Lisa would've usually been discouraged because, fuck, it's like the universe wanted them to be together but keep tearing them apart. Fucking universe. But Lisa had gone through months of waiting for Irene. She was a fucking expert at suppressing her feelings for the woman. Well, with varying degrees of success at varying times, but whatever. What she lacked in bravery, she made up for in resolve.
It was a matter of when.
The leaves on the trees were beginning to turn, making the city look orange and red. It was Irene's favorite time of the year, so she dragged Lisa out for a walk. The air was crisper than it had been before, the cold made Lisa's leg hurt a little, but she tried not to think much of it as they walked through the park.
Irene linked her arm through Lisa's, pulling her from her thoughts. Irene tugged her down the path, smiling at a passing couple walking their dog.
"Did you even hear what I just said, Lisa?" Irene asked with a smirk, probably knowing fully well that Lisa had no idea.
Lisa was sheepish. "Sorry, cupcake. I was a little distracted there..."
"No kidding. You almost walked into that dog. Whatever you were thinking of must've been engrossing," Irene teased. She nudged her with her shoulder. "I hope the Irene that lives in your imagination was good, at least."
That had changed a little. The flirting? It had come back in full force, but it was somehow more fun, less restrained. Irene was as corny and adorable as ever. Lisa remained pretty forward. But everything felt less like a game than before.
Lisa nudged her back. "I have a feeling that anything my imagination could think of would pale in comparison with the real thing," she said, throwing in a wink for good measure. Irene's blush was encouraging.
Then, well, Lisa's smug grin was wiped off her face.
"Well, maybe you should find out for yourself," Irene drawled – she fucking drawled. She was going to be the death of her. If it wasn't for the fact they were in public, with people everywhere, god dammit, she would've fucking mounted her then and there.
But no.
Seriously, god-awful timing.
"Okay, what did you actually say?" Lisa grumbled as a child ran past them, with his father close behind. Irene grinned at the pair.
"My dad wants to get to know you better sooo," Irene drew out, her eyes shining brightly, "you have been invited for dinner with us on Friday," Irene said this simply, like it wasn't a big, strange deal. Lisa stumbled, causing the pain to feel sharper than before. Irene immediately wrapped her arm around her waist, keeping her from falling.
Her eyes. Lisa wondered if there'd ever be a time when she wouldn't get lost in them like she usually did. If Lisa had a shred of bravery left when it came to this friendship, she would've kissed her then. But she didn't.
Plus, fuck, her leg hurt.
"Lisa, are you okay?" Her voice was full of worry. She helped her over to the nearest bench and sat down, patting her lap. "Legs up."
Lisa listened, she leaned against the arm of the bench and put her legs on Irene's lap. The doctor started gently working on her, paying careful attention to her right shin.
"You're great with your hands," Lisa said, the innuendo escaping her until she said it.
"Well, I've had no complaints." She blushed at her own joke, then added, "I mean, obviously. I'm a surgeon." She looked away, nodding at the people passing by. "So, anyway, my dad wants you to come out with us for dinner."
Ah, right. The reason for the stumble. Lisa couldn't think of a more terrible idea.
She'd only 'met the parents' once, with a past girlfriend, and it was a disaster. And while she'd already met Irene's dad, it was just the one time. It was well before she had the realization that she wanted to have lots of sex and babies with his daughter.
If she wanted any chance with Irene, she couldn't.
"And interrupt your father-daughter dinner? Uh, no thanks, cutie."
"You wouldn't be interrupting, Lisa. You'd be my guest."
"Why would he even want to have dinner with me?"
Irene rolled her eyes. "You're my best friend." Her tone told Lisa that she thought that it was obvious, why would you even ask that, Lisa? "I talk about you all the time."
Lisa's eyebrows furrowed. "Doesn't this seem a little..."
"What?"
She hesitated a little before answering, "Girlfriend-y?"
Irene sighed. "You're my best friend and I want you to spend time with me and my dad. So suck it up, Lisa. You're coming to dinner."
Ugh. She was totally whipped. "Fine," she said, through gritted teeth, just so Irene wouldn't think she won so easily she probably did though.
****
And there she was, a few days later, seated across from Irene's dad. So far, dinner was every bit as awkward as Lisa expected it to be. He had a strangely knowing look in his eyes. She hadn't felt this kind of parental scrutiny since she was a teenager. She was a grown-ass woman, she should not have withered as much as she did.
It didn't help that when Irene reintroduced her to him – "Lisa, you remember my father, Richard Bae." – he interjected with, "Hello, Lisa. You can call me Mr. Bae."
She really wanted him to like her.
Which he did, eventually, she thought, at least. Over appetizers, the two bonded over their love of German beer and their pride in Irene. He did express some concern that Lisa was a Philosophy major 'What kind of job can a master's degree in philosophy get you?' but before Lisa could defend her degree which she didn't really care to do, 'cause she had the same concerns Mr. Bae had, Irene jumped in.
"Dad, leave her alone. Lisa is an incredibly smart woman. She could do anything she likes, but she chooses to pursue something that she's passionate about. And you know what? She's a wealth of knowledge. I have every bit of faith that whatever she chooses to do with her master's degree, she'll be excellent at it. She's intelligent, well-spoken, and charming. She could do anything."
Lisa was stunned, she looked over at Irene's dad, who smiled at her, again with the look. She took a generous gulp from her beer, willing it to take the edge off already.
The conversation took a turn when Irene left for the washroom.
"I'm really proud of my daughter, Lisa," he said, as soon as Irene was out of earshot. "She's an exceptional woman. I knew whatever she was going to do, she was going to help people. The fact that she's a doctor? I'm so proud. And her mother would've been proud too. And not only of her job but of the woman she's become."
"You should be, sir," she nodded politely.
"Whoever she ends up with will be a lucky woman, don't you think, Lisa?"
She took a sip from her drink and then nodded. "Absolutely."
They sat quietly for a moment, Lisa awkwardly pushing the tea light centerpiece with her knife, fidgeting. She looked back up at Irene's dad and was met with an unreadable look.
"When her mother died," he continued, eyes not leaving hers, "we both kind of got lost for a while. Me more than Irene – she's strong. But she got harder and less open to new things, and new people. When she took an interest in medicine, she got some of her spirit back."
He cleared his throat a little, his eyes glistening in the same way that Irene's did when she got a little emotional. He gave Lisa a small, contented smile, then said, "And now it seems, with you, she has her heart back."
Lisa's heart pounded in her ears.
"She's told me many times that you two aren't together, but Lisa, I think my daughter's in love with you. So if you plan on breaking her heart, don't."
"I...I wouldn't dream of it," she answered, a little shaken, but hoping he would understand how sincerely she meant it.
"Good," he agreed. "I personally wouldn't do anything, but I made sure my daughter took Krav Maga classes, she's a fully capable woman." His eyes narrowed. "So what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"
Just as Lisa's heart leaped into her throat and she sputtered a non-answer, he let out a hearty chuckle.
"Don't worry Lisa, I'm just kidding, you don't need to answer. I like you, just don't hurt my daughter and I'll continue to like you," he said, with a quiet laugh to himself.
Lisa grinned. She felt something within her grow more certain, more assured. This was literally the most encouraging news she had ever had in her life. He thought his daughter was in love with her. And he was okay with it. And he liked her.
Sure, he threatened her a little, but that was alright. That part she expected.
She didn't say much for the rest of dinner, content with just watching Irene and her dad interact. The love between the two was palpable.
And apparently, the love between her and Irene was too.
At the end of the night, she gave them some distance as Irene said goodbye. He whispered something to her, causing them both to look over at Lisa, who looked away, pretending to not be staring. Whatever he said, Irene blushed and smacked his arm.
****
Nerves.
She was a bundle of nerves, completely uncharacteristic of who she was. Her usually steely eyes were unfocused. She was pacing, clutching notes in her hands, reviewing them for probably the thousandth time. She had them all memorized but it provided some comfort anyway.
She was about twenty minutes away from defending her thesis, something she'd been working on for years. Something she knew better than the back of her hand. She had gone over the potential arguments from the committee. She had gone over all her possible defenses. She knew her shit.
Buuuuut no. She was nervous.
She put her notes down on the floor and leaned against the wall. She remembered what Seulgi told her to do when she was nervous, think about things that made you happy.
Her bed. A steaming cup of coffee. Good music. A good book. Curling up with the good book in front of Irene's fireplace. With Irene. Irene's smile. Irene's laugh. Irene's nerdy jokes. Irene in her arms, curled up against her, holding her hand.
Okay, she felt calmer, definitely. Irene worked. It had been weeks since she had last seen her, since she needed to focus on finishing up her thesis and preparing for her presentation. While they still texted all the time and talked on the phone every other day, she missed her presence. Irene was like a ball of energy, like the sun, brightening every part of Lisa's life.
The time apart clearly turned her into a sap, but whatever. She missed her.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was smart, she knew her shit, and she could do this.
She opened her eyes. And there she was.
"Irene?"
Irene smiled at her bashfully before Lisa threw her arms around her, settling into the woman she missed.
"Hey," Irene said into her neck.
Lisa pulled back, keeping her hands on Irene's shoulders.
"Don't you have work, cutie?" Irene's hair was up in a ponytail and had her coat on. She was wearing her scrubs underneath.
Irene tucked a loose strand of Lisa's hair behind her ear, letting her fingers trail down her cheek when she was done. "I may have made an intern cover for me so I could come here to wish you luck. Plus, I haven't seen you in a while and...I missed you."
Lisa's heart gave a squeeze.
God, she loved her.
"Okay," Irene said brightly, "I know you're nervous, so I didn't come empty-handed. I brought two things to give you for good luck, but you have to pick just one."
Yeah, she really fucking loved her.
"Okay, what's option one?"
Irene zipped open her coat, looked left to right to make sure they were alone, then pulled out a mini bottle of rum. "Option one. A shot."
Lisa laughed. "You're sending me into one of the most important meetings of my life with a shot of rum?"
"Well, there's something to be said about the muggle Felix felicis, Lisa," she said, raising an eyebrow.
She was so in love.
"Right, of course," Lisa mockingly appeased. "And option two?"
"I'm not saying. It's option one, the shot, or option two, the 'exciting mystery item'."
"How exciting are we talking here?" Lisa asked, sliding her hands down Irene's arms and taking her hands.
"No, no clues," Irene said. "But it's a good one. I think you'll like it?" she added coyly.
"Okay. Well, I'm definitely not picking option one," Lisa beamed at Irene's growing grin, "so give me option two."
Irene made no move to reach for anything. "Close your eyes and stop talking," she said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"If you rob me then I'm going to be pissed," Lisa joked.
"Shhh, close your eyes," Irene repeated, squeezing her fingers.
"Fine."
Lisa made sure to roll her eyes before closing them, not knowing what to expect. She took a breath and then felt Irene's length press against hers. She had time to quirk her lips into a smile before Irene grasped the back of her neck and then slid her lips against hers. It was short and sweet and convinced Lisa that she was absolutely head over heels in love with the woman.
A quiet voice in the back of her head screamed 'finally'.
"And there was option two," Irene said when she pulled away. She stayed her space, her body pressed against her, brushing her nose with hers, and coyly adjusted the collar on Lisa's shirt.
"You gotta learn how to warn a girl, cupcake," Lisa teased, her voice breathy. Irene leaned back up and kissed her again, which Lisa eagerly returned. The doctor's fingers tangled in her hair, bringing her closer. Lisa's arms slid around her waist, holding her tightly.
Not without irony, the moment was interrupted by the buzz of Irene's pager. They pulled away, grinning at each other. Irene blushed and checked her messages.
"Well shit, they're looking for me. I gotta go, Lisa," Irene said, giving her a quick peck on her lips before stepping back. She kept hold of her hand, lifting it to her lips and kissing her knuckles.
"And I have..." she reached into her pocket and checked her phone, "five more minutes. So instead of sending me in there drunk, you're sending me in there horny?"
"I'm sending you in there confident, Lisa," Irene answered, her face reddening at Lisa's words.
"So...are we going to talk about this?"
"Of course we are. Let's meet up tonight? I get off work late but," Irene paused to kiss Lisa again, this time tracing Lisa's bottom lip with her tongue, "we have a lot to talk about. But...I'm hoping we're on the same page about this?" Irene ventured.
"Definitely." Irene giggled and cupped Lisa's cheek, about to kiss her again when–
Buzz.
"Ugh, okay, I get it, stupid pager," she grumbled. "I really have to go back to work and the irony of the situation is not escaping me. So I'm going to go before, I don't know, we cause the world to end."
Lisa laughed. "You better get out of here soon then, 'cause I want to at least finish school before that happens."
Irene adjusted Lisa's collar and played with Lisa's hair, fixing it. "Are you still nervous?"
"Absolutely not."
"Good. You shouldn't be. You've got this!" Irene said. It was so declarative, that Lisa believed her.
"Tonight. Come over. I'll make you dinner and let you know how this goes and we can talk about..."
"Us?" Irene offered.
"Us," Lisa agreed, before being tugged in for another quick kiss. "Get out of here, before I decide to leave and make out with you all day. Go be an amazing doctor."
"And you go defend that thesis. You'll be great," Irene said, before giving her a small wave and turning down the hall.
Lisa brought her fingers to her lips and watched her walk away.
Before she could even process what happened...
"Miss Manoban?" A voice asked. It was the Chair of her program. "We're ready for you."
She picked up her bag and notes. She was ready.