He swings his leg over straddling the tree branch. He pulls me into a hug, I lay my full weight against him. I let out a sob and hid in his arms, he smelled of white Jasmine and vanilla sweat and floral and a small hint of woody scent. I took a deep breath in; I felt all the stress slowly leave my body with every breath.
"What's wrong?" He asks kindly his tone is low and it rumbles in his throat. A purr— like an audiobook narrator a pleasant-sounding voice.
He begins to softly hum, a tone I do know, he said it has no lyrics when I asked. He hummed it often when I was high-strung. It's soft and whimsical, gentle. Like fairies dancing across the air around us.
It was a wave; my emotions came crashing down on me like a tidal wave come back into repolished the emotions left to dry out. Like ever, in all my life, I have taken so long to complete what normal people can do easily.
I bury my face into his shoulder letting the waves crash and destroy me all over again. This is a battle for my sanity for my sound of mind! For my entire being.
"Why me?" I finally ask my voice breaking with the unspoken question that lingers in my mind. The one that has haunted me for a year.
"It's not your fault—"
"How do you know! I could have done something!" I cry out.
"You fool, they left you behind because you were part of the team!" He said cupping my face and shaking me a little.
"I—"
"The radios caught what they said, you weren't killed because you weren't the target— They didn't see you as a threat— they called you a medic." What a lie! I don't believe it. My eyes drift away from his face.
"You were spared because they thought you were a mere woman. I was spared out of sheer luck!" He stated calmly.
"Why isn't this eating you up?"
"It does," He rested his head against mine staring pointedly into my eyes. "I just... I know that fate is cruel, and I was more worried about you." I give him a tearful smile and he pulls me into a hug.
"I know you don't like hugs."
"I don't mind right now," I mutter.
"Let me get that leg," Charlie broke the silence. He grabbed onto my thigh and pulled out a flashlight, "Hold it." I hold it above him, so he can look down at my wound.
"I'm going to have to sew it back up... They're not a lot of blood," He mutters, "You'll need a professional to look at it, but it seems like you didn't hit an artery." I nod along as if I knew what he was talking about... I don't.
"It's so red." I mutter, "Red, red, red." Charlie nudges me like always.
"Red, red, red, red," I grab onto his shoulder and my eyes widen. Not now!
"It's OK! it's Ok!" He states looking into my widened eyes, the fear that my own echolalia inflicts is wild.
The night wore on and my emotions came in waves each wave less powerful than the last, but it was hell. By dawn— when the world turns blue before the skies burst into flames of red.
"You want to get down."
"red...red...red...red" I mutter sniffling as my nose runs due to the cold and pain. I shook my head no. I look down at my hands. My nail beds were fucked, and small blood was caked underneath my nail.
"Red... Red... Red..." I look up at Charlie with a grimace.
"C'mon" He stands up and offers me a hand. "You can sit on me as I descend so you don't fall." I take it and stand up. Immediately I feel this rush as my vision goes blurry and I stumble. Charlie grabs onto my hand making sure I don't fall to my death. I sit in his lap as we descend slowly from the tree.
'How did you find me?' I sign looking at him as we slide down the rope.
"Your knife."
'I don't want to face the others,' I said my face slightly warming to the embarrassing confrontation. On average I'm fine with confrontation, I can do it if needed. But now when my mind is in ruin, exhaustion winning over me, I just wanted to hide. To sleep and deal with it later.
"I'll handle it after we get that leg healed up."
'...Oh right.' I sign as I continue to mumble red.
"BITCH did you forget?" He yells, causing him to stop descending.
'Yeah,' I sign and look away. He sighs and slides down. A few minutes later his feet touch the ground. He places a hand behind my back and helps me settle onto firm ground. He unhooked himself— where did he get rock climbing gear?
"Russian military," He answered my thoughts. He threw the equipment over one shoulder and grabbed me by the legs hauling me over his other shoulder. I smack him in the back I can walk!
"Monkey you'll fucking limp, slow us down," He states obviously. He trudges through the forest and back to base. He dropped the gear in front of the barrack and walked in repositioning me in his arms. I cover my face so I can't see anyone.
How embarrassing!
"What do we have here?" I hear Soap's voice calls out cheekily.
"Her leg is wounded," Charlie states, but he keeps the true reason to himself.
"What?" I hear Price's loud voice call from across the room. I peek through my fingers to find everyone looking at me.
"How?" Gaz asks.
"Got it from a tree branch must have felt on it, pretty deep nonfatal." He states. I think for a second— the map!
I reach into my pockets pull out and look over to see Soap walking up to us. I handed over the map, he took it looking confused. He set his teacup down and opened it, his eyes lit up and he spun around.
"Price this map!" 141 crowded around Soap and we slip by. We continue down the military base to the medical bay. The medic looked me over and checked the leg out as Charlie took out the small splinter and fragments from my nails.
"It's deep, and will leave a scar, but it didn't hit an artery." The medic stated in his thick Russian accent. Charlie nods and thanks the man before turning to me.
"Good... you're not injured." He sighs and look at me, "¿Qué idiota se apuñala a sí misma?" He yells loudly smacking me in the head.
"¡Idiota, podrías haberte desangrado!" He continued to berate me in Spanish what he was saying I have no idea. I could understand some of the insults, that were easier to decipher. He stopped his rant and placed his hands on his hip looking down at me.
"You, ok?" He asks after a time.
'A little tired.'
"No shit." he sighed, "Let's get you to bed, and let me handle this." I nod.
I am selfish. He does so much for me and yet I do so little.