Tris POV
I turn over in bed the next morning, and see that Tobias is still fast asleep. Which I'm happy he is since he had the same repeating dream again last night. I hurt for him, having dreams about the ones you've lost, I've experienced that.
"Morning." I hear Tobias's deep low voice say. His blue eyes show themselves and he turns on his side to face me. His hair all over the place, but still cute.
"Did I wake you?" I ask running my fingers through his dark brown hair.
He shrugs, "Did you sleep any better after the dream?" I ask him. He sighs, runs a hand up my arm which sends a shiver through me. "A little." He mumbles and I know that it's still bothering him deeply.
This dream, and the visit to Marcus's was the last thing he needed, especially now. When we just lost our baby, and having me in the hospital. He can't take anymore pain, anymore sorrow.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. He tilts my chin so I look him directly in the eyes, "Don't apologize. For anything. You didn't do anything, and nothing.. nothing is your fault." He says to me, sternly I may add.
He sighs again, "I just keep picturing her, and the whole funeral." He says and the pain is in every word he says.
"The headstone.." He says and looks down. We're sitting up now, against the headboard. Shoulder to shoulder, a pillow on my lap. I only read her headstone once, but I know it bothers Tobias quite a bit.
"It said that she was a loving mother, beloved daughter and supportive wife." He says. Anyone who didn't know about Tobias's real life, his childhood with all three of them together, which is mainly everyone. They wouldn't know that not all those things were true.
"What part bothers you the most?" I ask and lean my head onto his broad shoulder.
"I don't know. I mean all of it, it all bothers me for different reasons." Tobias says and his hands had apparently clenched into fists as he was talking. I rest my hand on his, to calm him.
"She could be a loving mother.. At times." He says and stare down at our now clasped hands.
"I never met my grandmother, so I don't really know much about her childhood, I guess." Tobias explains.
"And supportive wife.." He stops mid sentence to chuckle lightly. "That's just pure bull sh*t." He says and his language takes me off guard, for this kind of thing. I'm used to him using that kind of language but in this case I find it unnecessary.
"She was never supportive of Marcus. She was afraid, and maybe to some that came off as supportive." He tells me. "People just don't know what you do, and in a way that's okay." I say to Tobias.
"Yeah." He says with a big sigh. We turn our head to the door when we hear it creak open. Lucca walks in, his tiny body clothed in his black dauntless pajamas.
"Hey bud." Tobias says as Luca walks over to the side of the bed. "I have question." His little voice squeaks. Tobias picks him up and sets him in the middle of us.
"What's your question?" I ask. Luca's kicking his little feet back and forth, content with the motion in his legs.
"Can we ever visit mommy?" He asks looking up at us, and we know he's talking about Evelyn. I see Tobias shut his eyes, as if to seal off the pain the question just gave him.
"Well luca, you see.." I stumble on the words not knowing what to say or how to say it. "Remember what daddy told you?" Tobias asks. I look to him, but he's staring down at Luca. Luca thinks for a moment, then nods.
"So you know that it would be hard." He asks. "Just ask the angwel to bring momma back down, fo a day." He says, his voice filled with hope and excitement. Which makes this so much harder.
I look to Tobias and he looks back at me. "Maybe someday." I say and Luca takes in the answer he was given and seems happy with it. He gets up and skips out of the room, a classic five year old thing to do. I smile at Tobias and give a small peck on the lips, then walk over to our closet to get ready for today.
(A/N: Not my best chapter... Sorry for all the downer chapters. It'll get happier soon.)