My first month at Arsenal flew by. I started getting closer with the girls, especially Beth and Leah. I was learning more everyday, growing more passionate about this career. But most importantly I felt finally like I belonged somewhere, I felt at home.
Sure, I did miss parts of my life from Canada, I missed Alex, I missed Owen, I missed my mum, I even missed the cafe I would get my coffee from all of the time. I was happy here, and surely my people could see that too.
The Arsenal season had started. They won their first game against West Ham at home, Beth scored the first goal. I was there but in the stands as my professor and I weren't needed. I was able to get free tickets as I technically worked for the club. So I sat and watched my friends play a good first game I was proud.
I called Alex that night telling her all about it, even in university she had to deal with me talking about football all the time, she didn't mind though as I had to deal with her complaining about Seb all the time.
"It was incredible, I wish you could've been there with me"
"Maybe when I come visit you can get me a free ticket"
"I'll try, no promises though"
I really did miss her. She's the one person who truly knows who I am, more than Owen does.
"How are you and Owen"
She often asked this.
"We're good, although there's this blonde girl who he's always with, she's seeing one of his friends, so it's probably nothing"
"I swear to god Abi, if he's cheating on you again"
"He's not" I shut her down.
I said goodbye and hung up the phone quickly after that. This wasn't something I needed to focus on right now.
----
It was Tuesday. My favourite day of the week. I walked into the Arsenal training grounds, without my professor. I had finally saved up enough money to get myself a car. I still walked most places, but I needed it to drive down to my dad as I hated taking the train, and the bonus was I got to drive myself to Arsenal.
I felt a random person grab me from behind and cover my eyes.
"Happy 1 month anniversary!!" The person sang, but I immediately knew who it was.
"Thanks Beth" I shrugged her off before heading into the office.
The rest of the day was good like any other day. I got to speak more in sessions now. My professor had started letting me say my opinions on strategies we were giving to the players. It wasn't a lot yet, but still a change from just sitting in the background taking notes.
----
As the day ended I packed up and headed back to my car. Before I could get into it Leah was standing right there. I didn't notice her so I was startled at first.
"God Leah you scared me"
She laughed.
"My bad"
This time I laughed.
"I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight like come over and watch a movie?"
Was Leah Williamson wanting to see me more?
"Sure that'd be nice"
She smiled again.
"Cool, I'll send you the address"
She waved and headed back into the grounds, while I got into my car heading home. I smiled the whole way home. Leah and I hung out many times throughout these past few weeks, but usually it was with the rest of the team or just grabbing coffee before I had to head to work, it was never anything like this.
----
Leah sent me her address. I was supposed to be there in an hour. I sat on my couch and I was a ball of anxiety. I'm not sure why though, Leah and I were just friends.
I finally got up to my room and stared at my closet. I put on some sweats and called it a day then headed back downstairs to chill out for a bit before I needed to head to Leah's.
I decided to drive, it was too far for me to walk, which I would've preferred as I would've been able to calm down, but it was fine.
I got to her house and was in awe. It was so normal, like somewhere any normal person would live, not a famous footballer.
I rung the doorbell and she answered rather quickly. She gestured for me to come in.
"This is nice" I said while taking my shoes off.
"Yeah I guess".
She was being awkward.
We went to the couch and sat on opposite sides. We put on the first harry potter movie, one of my favourite feel good movies. We watched in silence for a bit, something common for us. Neither of us ever knew when to break the silence, but when we did, we could talk for hours.
"You feeling good about the season"
I finally did.
"I feel like we could win the league, there's just so much more pressure with the olympics this summer and qualifying so international breaks aren't fun"
"I think you'll qualify"
"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'll even be on the team"
"I'm sure you will"
We continued to watch more of the film.
"Do you miss Canada?"
I didn't want to sound conceited that I didn't.
"Parts of my life yes, like I miss my people, especially Alex, whenever I had a bad day I could just walk out of my room into hers, I can't do that here"
"You miss your best friend more than your fiance"
I didn't respond to that, mostly because I didn't know how to say yes.
"How did you know he was the one?"
"Full of loaded questions tonight Leah"
She laughed.
"I mean we're happy, he's close with my parents, he's a really good guy, so I said yes"
"You're 22 Abi, what if there's another person out there that is truly the one for you"
I was young, Owen was young, maybe she was right, but him and I just made sense to me in my brain and I don't think anyone else would.
"I'm young but it makes sense"
She moved closer to me on the couch. We were inches a part when she grabbed my leg.
"Leah what are you doing"
"It felt right"
"Im engaged, and i'm also not into women"
Part of me felt a spark on this couch when she touched my leg, but I couldn't do that with her, I'm straight and getting married.
"Sorry, Leah this was great but I have to go"
I rushed out of her house and hopped into my car racing home. Once I got home I immediately pulled out my phone to call Owen, I just needed to hear his voice for that reassurance I needed.
Fuck, he didn't pick up. I didn't know what to do, so instead i went up to my bed trying to shut my brain off from what happened this evening.
----
Leah and I didn't talk all week. She didn't shut me out of her sessions again, but I stayed silent. I didn't want to set her off, but I couldn't think of any words to say to her.
It was Friday night. I didn't work at the pub or have anything really to do so I asked Beth to come over. I knew she couldn't keep secrets but I was hoping this one she would.
"That's crazy, I'm starting to think Leah may have a thing for sports psychologists"
She tried to make a joke, but at this time I didn't find it funny.
"I really don't think it's the time Beth"
"Fine"
"I just don't know what to do about it, is she going to start hating me again"
"You want me to be honest?"
"Yes"
"I think it'll be awkward if you make it, just pretend like nothing happened, I don't think she'll forget for a bit, but she'll get over it eventually"
I nodded at what she said.
"But Abi are you sure you didn't feel anything when she did that"
"I'm sure"
Beth promised to keep what I told her a secret. I did believe her. We chatted for a few more hours before she left. Tomorrow was Saturday and they had a game on Sunday, so it was a pretty important training day for them.
When Beth left, I started to spiral with my thoughts again. I've never once questioned my sexuality. Since I was a little girl who loved princesses, I always thought I would end up with my prince charming. There was not one person who made this change. Maybe I was just being silly or maybe meeting Leah Williamson made things change. I just didn't know what to do.
----
The next day I woke up pretty early. I worked at the pub that night, since it was a Saturday it would be insane, so I spent the morning taking care of myself by doing things I loved, and trying to clear my head from the past week.
I was going about my day when I heard a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone, it was strange.
When I opened the door, it was the last person I expected, but the person I needed the most at this time.
"Owen"
There was my fiance standing in the door way. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and looked tired from the plane ride here. I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug.
"You have no idea how much I've needed this"
"I love you Ab"
"I love you too"
Maybe having Owen here will stop all the Leah thoughts from coming into my head, that's what I needed at this time, but maybe it wouldn't be what I wanted.
A/N:
-Bit of a shorter loaded chapter, but i didn't want to keep adding on and it just be all over the place.
-Abi's beginning to question her sexuality slayyy
-also to everyone that's been voting and viewing, thank you for all of the love <3 you guys don't know how much it means to me to have this support so early on in this story so again thank you:)