CORA WAS OUTSIDE, PLAYING WITH AARON. I didn't miss the way they looked at each other. It was a sight to behold forever. They were around the firepit, and my little brother was helping her put marshmallows on her stick. It made my heart warm. He was growing up. They were still very young, but childhood friends becoming lovers had always been one of my favorite tropes.
Once I was close enough to hear what they were discussing, my heart got stuck in my throat. Cora was giggling and I couldn't see very well but Aaron was blushing. He had a little smile playing on his lips, his hands still showing her how to correctly put the marshmallow on her stick. I didn't believe for a second that Cora did not know how to burn marshmallows. She was doing this on purpose, wasn't she? God, I loved love. My brain was spiraling, still, I saw the look on my brother's face. He seemed happy.
I glanced over at my parents and they were laughing, too. It had been a long while since we were all happy- smiling. And not just for the pictures this time. It was real, they were genuinely overjoyed.
I sat down next to Cora and once she spotted me, her mouth widened and she screamed. She rushed to my lap, asking me to braid her hair. I did not shrug her off, I didn't dare to. She was very persuasive. I remembered that much from the time I babysat her, she was hard to say no to.
As my brother glanced at me, I chuckled. I brushed Cora's hair with my fingers, humming the song that was playing on the speaker. Our parents were chatting and drinking, unaware that we existed. It felt kind of nice. The freedom of not being grounded or constantly hearing my father order me what to do.
After everything, my family had become my priority. Mostly because it always should have been that way and I had also been at fault. My stepmother and Jackson bickered a lot, which got to me. It was always over something stupid like him taking her towel, knowing damn well it was hers. My father never said anything, instead, he'd scream.
He detested fights, he didn't want to admit that both of them were wrong. He dodged bullets as well as he could. For Aaron and I, it worked. Whenever something was about to go down, we stayed out of it. We kept our mouths shut. But I couldn't deny that my parents were doing their best. After everything with my mother and Matthew... It wasn't easy. We kept a smile on our faces and never complained. Who knew it would have actually made a difference?
Faking it had been easier than pretending like we needed to talk about it. There was nothing to explain, we all knew what had happened. We all knew who was to blame, too. Regardless, it was nice to see the fakeness of the facade we plastered on our faces fade away.
That's what summer brought to us. They were always the same, sometimes a little hotter, never colder. And we were changing. The years went by quickly and if we were to not stop and look around for some time, we would have missed all of it. Even though it was facile to blame my father for all my problems, I was well aware of the truth.
We didn't talk, we never really tried and it didn't matter to me that much. He did a lot for us, he worked his ass off to get where he was now and give us the life he wanted as a kid. Two years ago, I had royally messed that up.
He told me it wasn't my fault, that there was nothing I could have done to change what had happened. He was a liar. Nevertheless, I tried my best to believe him. Although, I really never did. Everyone should have hated me, it was because of me. If I could have changed the outcome of that day, I would have given my life for it.
"Am I pulling too hard?" I asked. Cora was still staring at the fire, sometimes glancing at my brother. Their gazes met and they were too shy to maintain eye contact. It was cute–no. Cute wasn't strong enough; bewitching and adorable were. They might have been discovering the meaning of attraction as I observed them. No matter what it was, that precious memory would remain in my heart forever. Maybe not all was lost, I hoped.
"It's okay," she responded, in that tiny little voice that made another smile rise on my face. I didn't think I had ever seen her this timid. She was the first to stand on a table, encouraging others to join her. Ridiculous did not exist in her world. She was bold and fearful, I admired her. She reminded me of Juliette. The both of them would have gotten along. I was pretty sure if Cora had been our age, they would have been best friends.
"I'm almost done." As I sat there and listened to the quiet of the night, my eyes closed. Having a fresh breeze blowing through my hair made me feel alive. It used to be Matthew's favorite, too. When we were younger, every summer would be filled with tubing, paddle boarding, and most importantly, stargazing. Sometimes it was so cold to go outside and he pretended not to notice, just so I would suck it up and follow him.
I liked to say that Juliette showed me how to appreciate the sky. She was the one who pulled me outside when we were in the middle of binging a series on Netflix so we could closely inspect it together. Later on, she admitted the idea came not from her but from Matthew. She didn't know him personally.
We had been neighbors since we were young and she admitted that she had a crush on him, before the accident. She said she always saw him lying on the ground at night and wondered what it was like. So really, he was the one who brought that discovery into my life.
Guilt bit at me, all the time. There was a moment where it was too much. I couldn't breathe, my lungs were crushed and barely an ounce of air could make it in. Camila watched and she told my father. I begged her not to and she ignored me. She said she was doing it for me, that it was the thing to do.
I hugged my knees close to my chest as I sat in my room and listened to them. As I expected, my father was not happy. Their conclusion of the events was that I needed to see a therapist. A shrink had never been something I considered. Talking worked for a lot of people, it was nice to talk. I didn't deny it.
It was only after one session that I implored my parents to never take me there again. They didn't fight me. The fun fact was that they didn't ask questions and they believed when I said I didn't need it. The truth was that I probably did need it. The nightmares had become more frequent and the bad thoughts took over a lot. Besides that though, everything was fine.
I handled things on my own, I didn't need help. I was okay. It had been two years, and moving on had not been simple. It was quite the opposite. But I was here, healthy and alive. While I could blame myself all I wanted, it was easier to ignore it. Take advantage of the present and forget about the past. Life was too short to dwell on things that didn't last. Still, I was good at doing that.
"Hey," Callum said, snapping me out of my thoughts. He sat down in the chair next to mine as his sister rushed to sit on his lap. Her braids weren't completed, half of her hair was still loose. She didn't seem to care or notice. See? There was no such word as ridiculous in her vocabulary.
"Hi." I started to get up, but then I sat back down. It was time for me to let go of Matthew, of Ben, of what had happened. I could keep my guard up, or so I thought I could. Callum wouldn't solve all my problems, but he could help me have a good time. Right?
"You okay?" He asked, finishing the braids I had started for his sister. My eyes widened and a giggle erupted from me. Callum Walker knew how to braid hair? Well, as I said before, I didn't know him as much as I thought I did. He was full of little surprises.
"Sorry. Yeah, I am fine. Where did you learn how to braid hair?" A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.
"Why? You want me to braid yours?" I inched closer to him, observing his work. I hummed in satisfaction, he wasn't half bad.
"A little bit now." He nodded as his tongue was now at the corner of his mouth. He was so concentrated, it was sweet.
Since we had gotten here, I hadn't noticed how close those two were. It occurred to me that Callum's family was one of his priorities as well. The two of us might have had more in common than I expected.
"Here, done." His sister hugged him so tight, she knocked the breath out of him. He leaned into the hug, still watching me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. If I thought Callum was attractive, it was nothing compared to what I felt as he held his little sister close to him.
I remembered when Ben had asked me if I had any siblings. I answered and asked him the same question. He had three sisters. At that moment, I felt thrilled. Long story short, I never met them. We never hung out at his place, always at mine. He didn't want me to meet his family.
Cora ran out of Callum's arms and straight into their parents. They laughed and Sabrina held their daughter close to her chest. I turned in time to see Callum staring at me. I was prepared to flick him off, instead, I pouted. He raised an eyebrow as he slightly shook his head.
"Come on," he said, nodding to his knees. I wouldn't sit on his lap, it didn't feel right. I stood up, took the blanket from my brother's arms, and made my way to him. Aaron scowled, still burning marshmallows. For himself or Cora? Most likely both.
When I was about to sit down, Callum yanked my waist and I fell on his thighs. My stomach churned, and sweat coursed down my back. Now, sitting on the ground seemed like the worst option. He was gentle and rapid enough to kiss my neck, without our parents noticing. They were talking so much that I wasn't even sure they saw what was unfolding right in front of them.
Their conversation must have been fascinating.
"You have beautiful hair, you know that?" His words hung in the air for quite some time. My breath roared in my ears and it was all I could focus on. He had taken me by surprise. Did I mention that I despised surprises?
"Thank you." My panic slowly faded as I clutched the hem of my sweater.
Back at home, Juliette had a list of red flags. We did it together, and most of the things on it were stuff that Ben did or didn't do. 'Doesn't compliment you' was one of them. At first, I didn't pay attention to that. I knew I was pretty, I didn't need a boy to confirm that. Yet, it was the bare minimum.
When I helped Juliette write that list, I realized that I was complimenting him. I ignored the obvious. It seemed like nothing, until the hurricane hit. I guess hearing Callum say I had beautiful hair startled me.
"You're welcome." His fingers were massaging my skull and it wasn't long until my heartbeat increased. I crossed my thighs, that spot burning with need.
He braided and tugged slightly so that my head was tilted back. I gasped again as he leaned in and softly bit my earlobe. He knew what he was doing. He definitely knew how much that affected me. My back was against his chest, my head almost under his chin. I bit back a shiver and tried my best not to seem uncomfortable. The intent behind Callum's actions made my knees wobble. If I had stood up, I would have fallen right into the fire.
Once he was done, he kissed the back of my head and wrapped his arms around my waist. He hesitantly rested his head on my shoulder as I placed my hands on his. I was not a slut and I would not let him make me one. Yet, I still couldn't help but lean in his touch.
"Is this okay?" The words were barely a necessity. It was okay, it was more than okay. I bet he knew it. Instead of responding, I squeezed his hands. Then, he let go of my waist just to wrap his arms around my torso, his hands leaning on top of mine. A sound choked out of my throat, bringing attention to us.
I glared at Camila whose jaw was practically on the floor. My lips pressed into a thin line as I noted that we weren't alone. Callum was still holding me close to him as I turned my head to look at him. He didn't look at my lips, nor was he hinting that he wanted to kiss me. It felt like I was the only thing that mattered to him. He wasn't pushing me, he was letting me lead.
There was a gleam of eagerness in his eyes and I smiled at him. He returned it as his fingers were now inside my sweatshirt. They did nothing but rest on my stomach, not invading my space. He was so tender, it was hard to look away.
"I'm gonna go to bed," I whispered. He bit his bottom lip and nodded. I stood up, not expecting my parents to wish me goodnight right away but that's what they did. I narrowed my eyes, confused at their urgency.
Until I felt a hand press on my lower back. There was no need to turn around because I knew who it was. I didn't expect him to follow me inside, let alone lead me to my bedroom. It wasn't awkward, it was rather nice. He didn't touch me again as I eased into the house. He didn't follow me to my bed. He went to his room and that was how I knew things wouldn't go as planned this summer. Juliette and Margot were right.
Perhaps that summer wish from all those years ago could finally come true.