Sirius Black
Monday, 6th September 1971.
Hogwarts
"How dare you embarrass us in that way!", Walburga screamed at him, "Does this family's reputation mean nothing to you! Running around the castle in red with your little halfblood friend! Disgusting!"
Sirius was in the drawing room at 12th Grimmauld Place with Walburga, Orion and Regulus. They were all looking at him with something similar to hate. Even Reg.
Orion stood up from the sofa the three of them were sat on, "Do you always think only of yourself!? You selfish little brat! Getting sorted into Gryffindor, tarnishing a centuries long tradition just because of some imaginary friendship!", he chimed in with his wife.
Sirius was in front of them, like a criminal being judged in court, "I... I didn't even ask the Sorting Hat—", he tried but was cut off by another round of Walburga's screams.
"You really think they are your friends!? Who in their right mind would want to be friends with you! You selfish, useless, little traitor! You betrayed your own family! You don't deserve to have friends!"
Sirius was now shaking looking pleadingly at Regulus, but his brother's cold expression didn't even falter, "You make me sick. You abandoned me. Running along Hogwarts having fun while I'm stuck here. One day without me and you already replaced me.", there wasn't a hint of emotion in his voice, it was just cold.
Trying to come closer to Regulus, Sirius tripped on the stupid expensive rug with thousands of stupid tassels. He fell to his knees, supporting himself by palms on the ground while looking pleadingly at his brother, "Reg. No... I... I didn't—", but he didn't get to finish his sentence as he saw Walburga and Orion lifting their wands toward him.
Still pathetically trying to reason with them, Sirius pleaded, "No! I didn't do anythi—", but he was cut off once again, this time by green light coming from their wands.
Sirius jolted awake breathing heavily. He often had nightmares, but this one was something else. He tried to get his breathing under control but nothing was happening. It was like little needles invaded his lungs.
"Sirius? Are you okay?", he heard James whisper sleepily, but could not manage to respond due to the lack of air in his chest.
He clutched a hand to the shirt he was wearing, wanting to tear it apart as if that would help his stupid lungs to work properly. Tears of frustration and panic started to form in his eyes as his hand was now above his heart, trying to clutch at it in a desperate attempt to slow it down. It beat so rapidly that he thought it would rip the thin fabric of the night shirt instead of him. His forehead was drenched in sweat, same as his palms.
"Sirius?", now James' voice was a bit louder, maybe even with a hint of panic, but everything started to sound kind of distant. Like he was entering some imaginary universe. His vision got a bit blurry as well, but he could decipher the curtains being ripped open.
He felt James jump onto the bed, "Sirius! You're okay, you're okay. Just breathe with me. In and out.", James tried to demonstrate, "Slowly, come on, in and out. Yeah, like that. In and out..."
Finally, some oxygen was entering the lungs, his vision returning to normal as well as hearing. Sirius saw James in front of him, with his hands on both of Sirius' shoulders and glasses askew. He could see the boy's concern.
When he finally got his breathing under control, they were quietly just looking at each other. This was one of the rare moments that Sirius wasn't the first to break the silence, "Are you okay?", James asked him and he could now clearly detect panic in the boy's voice.
That's when Sirius realized he was actually shaking. He tried to calm himself down a bit more, before trying his best to give James a reassuring answer, "Yeah, I... I think so... sorry. Sorry for waking you.", he managed to respond.
James huffed at his words, "Don't be an idiot. I know you said that you would go back to the dorm, but, when we arrived, Peter and I just assumed that you were tired, I didn't know that you weren't feeling good as well.", now there was some disappointment in his voice, like he was mad at himself for not noticing that not everything was perfect with Sirius. James fixed his glasses, "We brought you some dinner if you're feeling hungry."
Sirius didn't know what to say to that, so he just stayed quiet, looking in front of him into nothingness. He was mad at himself for waking James up, for worrying him.
The silence was broken once more, "Do you want to talk about it?", James had a kind look on his face.
Did he want to talk about it? Maybe talk was all he needed. He never really gave it a try with anyone except uncle Alphard, but whenever he did talk to Alphard, he felt better.
Still a bit unsure, Sirius just nodded, "Yeah, I... I think so."
James immediately saw his uncertainty, "Do you maybe want me to ask you questions? Would that be easier for you?"
Sirius tried not to show how grateful he was for this offer, "Yeah, I think that would be good."
The two boys got comfortable on Sirius's bed, both laying on their backs and looking at the bed canopy. The first question came short after.
"What was your nightmare about?"
Does this family's reputation mean nothing to you! He tried not to flinch at the thought of the dream he just had, "My family."
There wasn't even a slight change to James' voice, which Sirius was thankful for, "Are they nice?"
Who in their right mind would want to be friends with you! You selfish, useless, little traitor! Sirius swallowed thickly, "Not really."
Again, James kept his voice steady, "Do you like them?"
Do you have any idea how valuable those books are?! They date back centuries, you disgrace of a child! There was another gulp, "Not really, except Reg.", he had already told the boys all about his little brother.
"Are they awful to you?"
His back and arms started to tingle, "A bit."
Then came the question he wanted to avoid the most, "Are you scared of them?"
Sirius didn't respond. There was silence before James broke it once again, "It's not something to be ashamed of. I mean, being scared."
"You're not scared.", Sirius said without really thinking, but the boy had an immediate answer, "Yeah, I am. Not from my family, but I am scared of some things. Ironically, I'm scared of snakes."
There was now a small smile tugging on the corners of Sirius' lips, "Really? James Potter, the Gryffindor, is scared of little snakes?", he mocked.
James punched him playfully in the arm, "Hey, they don't have to be little.", he defended and they both laughed quietly. There was silence again, but that small confession from his friend made Sirius want to be the one to break it this time, "I guess I am... a bit", he finally said referring to the previous question.
Now James was quiet for a while, probably thinking about what to say. Sirius could tell that he was searching for the right words.
James' voice was unnaturally quiet for such loud boy, "Do they hurt you?"
Sirius flinched at that without meaning to. He didn't want to tell everything to James, scared of the fact that the boy would look at him differently, but at the same time he didn't want to lie to him, "Sometimes."
There was a pause. Sirius could practically see the wheels turning in James' mind and he hated it. He didn't want for his friends to look at him through his family. He just wanted to be happy and carefree with them.
James turned his head towards him, "Why do you stay with them?", he asked, you could hear the genuine confusion in his voice.
Sirius just sighed, getting up to sit properly while hugging his knees, "Where am I supposed to go? My uncle Alphard was the only normal adult, but he died. I have a cousin that was disowned, Andromeda, but I don't want to be a burden to her now that she finally got some peace. And they are still my family in the end.", now his forehead was resting on the knees.
James got up to sit properly on the bed as well. He placed a comforting hand on Sirius' shoulder, "You can stay with me."
When he lifted his head to look at James, there was a determined look in his eyes. Sirius watched him, mouth slightly parted, his heart could burst from appreciation for the boy in front of him. He never had someone offer him a way out, not even Alphard.
But before Sirius could even start to think about that, he stopped himself. What was the point of dreaming about something that will never happen, "I can't", James could probably see the sadness in his eyes, but he didn't have the strength to mask it.
The pressure on his shoulder increased a tiny bit, "Yes, you can. Just don't go back. My parents would be delighted to have you at our house and we can—"
Sirius just shook his head, "No, James, I can't. I'm the heir, they will never let me leave and I can't leave Reg there."
"You don't have to, he can come too. The Potter Manor is massive we can all—"
"James...", you could hear the sadness and tiredness in his voice, "They will never let me leave. I will be stuck in that house until the day I die."
The boy went quiet after that. Sirius suspected that he understood, after all James was also an heir to a pureblood family, he knew what it meant.
"If you ever want to leave, my offer will always stand.", James said in the end.
Sirius nodded at him, "Thank you. That means a lot."
That statement was a sign to both of them that the conversation has ended. They got up, James to move back to his own bed and Sirius to go to the bathroom, but then they noticed their fourth member was nowhere to be seen.
With a quirked eyebrow, Sirius muttered, "Huh... I guess they did keep him overnight after all.". James put two and two together and just shrugged before disappearing behind his curtains.
Sirius wanted to splash some water onto his face, but as soon as he saw the reflection in the mirror, he startled. It wasn't his awful state that scared him, it was his eyes, her eyes. It was his hair, his hair. It was his porcelain skin tone, everything reminded him of them.
It frustrated him that even this far, all the way in stupid Scotland, he still couldn't escape London, he couldn't escape the dark corridors of 12th Grimmauld Place. Sirius clutched at the sink in an attempt to ease his broken feelings that were quickly transforming into anger. He took a few more deep breaths before exiting the bathroom.
Sirius went back to bed. He started thinking about what would happen if he really tried to leave. If he was being honest with himself, he would probably assume the worst, but somehow his mind couldn't comprehend that Walburga or Orion would do something like that to him. They were still his family in the end, right?
Yes, they were different in a lot of aspects, after all, he was a lion among snakes. Did he agree with their views? Definitely not, specifically when it came to pureblood ideology, especially after he met a lot of muggleborns and halfbloods. Remus was a halfblood and, to Sirius, he was brilliant. Lily Evans was a muggleborn and she was one of the best in their year so far. Why should he be above Remus only because he comes from a pureblood family?
It didn't make any sense to him before, but he didn't have any proof that he was correct, so he always stayed quiet on the matter. But now that he was sure that he was right, Sirius knew he won't be able to keep quiet. The 12th Grimmauld Place will become an even bigger hell for him. The nightmare he had just had could be seen like a walk in the park compared to what was coming to him.
* * *
The next morning was awful, but he managed to get out of bed only for one reason. He wanted to make sure Remus was okay.
First task was to wake the other two, "Come on, James. Pete.", Sirius didn't have to tell James twice seeing as he was the morning person, although Peter was a different story.
After a couple of yells and whines, the three of them were making their way to the Great Hall. They would still get lost, but it was a bit better than on the first day.
Sirius suggested they pack all of their breakfast, go visit Remus and eat together with him. They did just that, packing a couple of apples, toast, bacon and eggs on the trays. Within fifteen minutes the trio was entering the Hospital Wing. There was only one occupied bed with dawned curtains.
"Hello, dears, do you need anything?", a kind voice echoed through the white room.
Sirius turned and saw school healer, "Good morning, we were just wondering if Remus is feeling better?"
She looked at them with sad expression, "Sorry dears, but Remus can't have visitors. He is feeling better though.", she tried to cheer them up at least.
Of course, Sirius wasn't satisfied with just that information, he wanted to see for himself if Remus really was feeling better, "But please, we brought him breakfast.", he pleaded.
There was some switch in the witch's eyes when she saw three trays packed with food before she sighed, "Alright. Let me check if he is awake."
With triumphant grins, the trio watched as the witch went towards the occupied bed and disappeared behind the curtains. You could hear muffled conversation, but the boys couldn't make up the words.
When she appeared again, there was a wave of her hand indicating for them to come closer. Sirius was the first to oblige and when he finally saw his friend, there was relief spreading through his chest. He looked okay, tired but okay.
"Hey Remus, how are you feeling?", he sat on one of the chairs next to the bed, James and Peter following the action.
The boy smiled at them, "Better than yesterday, Madam Pomfrey says it was some type of flu."
James lifted the tray he was carrying, "Glad to hear that, mate! We brought you breakfast, and, of course, we couldn't let you eat alone, so we brought ours as well.", he gestured to Peter and Sirius to which the two mirrored his action of lifting their trays.
Remus' eyes widened, "Really? I... thank you.", the surprise and happiness in his voice didn't escape Sirius' notice.
A smiling Peter started eating his toast, "Of course! What are friends for!"
The boys ate and talked a bit before Madam Pomfrey made another appearance, "Sorry boys, but Remus needs to rest. He will be released after lunch."
* * *
Tuesday, 28th September 1971.
Hogwarts
"It's literally in just a bit over a month!", James whisper-yelled at Sirius.
The curly haired boy banged his head on the table in a sign of protest with a loud groan. All of the books jumped a bit while Peter and Remus looked amused.
"Shush!"
The four boys gave an apologetic look to their Astronomy professor. Sirius continued to complain still with his head on the table, "I don't want to celebrate. It's always boring."
They were supposed to be writing the positions of the planets on their date of birth, which led to James, Remus and Peter figuring out that Sirius' was on November 3rd because the four of them shared a round desk.
James poked him in the head with a quill, "But you are at Hogwarts now! It literally can't be boring.", he protested.
Peter shrugged, "I agree with James, we should celebrate."
Sirius lifted his head giving the small boy a death stare before he turned pleadingly at the last friend he had, "Ugh... Remus tell them!", in his opinion, this one was the only rational one.
"Mr. Black! One more warning and I'm giving you detention!"
Sirius glared daggers at his friends, waiting for Remus' response. Unfortunately, the boy just gave him a sly smile, "Sorry mate, but I agree with them."
Feeling utterly betrayed by all of them, Sirius muttered to himself, "Little traitor..."
James took this as his victory, continuing to plan his birthday, "It doesn't have to be big. It can only be the four of us.", he was now trying to imitate puppy eyes, but it was awful.
Sirius flicked a hand at the back of James' head, "Okay, okay. Just stop doing that, I'll vomit."
In truth, Sirius thought that it could be fun, but he was so stressed about the possibility of getting a letter from his parents, or even Regulus, that he didn't think he could take a celebration. But his friends were adamant and he knew that it will be a great time, so he was slowly giving in.
This declaration of his agreement was enough for James to raise his voice in excitement, "We can sneak out of the dorm with the cloak and explore the castle at night!", thankfully no one actually heard the words the boy spoke, only a muffed noise.
"Mr. Potter, last warning to you as well!", Mrs. Shelton pointed an accusing finger at James, but he just smiled in return, "Sorry professor. We were discussing how Pluto is really small and shouldn't even be a planet.". She tried to give him a warning look, but you could see a little smile creeping its way on her face. No one could resist the entertaining James Potter.
Getting back at the topic at hand, Remus nodded at James, "I like that idea, there are supposed to be a lot of secret passageways. I read it in Hogwarts: a History."
Peter bumped his shoulder with Sirius', "Imagine if we get lost, it would be hilarious!"
It all sounded well and good to Sirius, but those were all night activities, "And do nothing else all day!? If I am celebrating let it at least be good!"
"Mr. Black! Detention! Tomorrow!"
"Oh, come on Mrs. Shelton! I already finished the chart!", he complained while waving with the said chart in his hand but to no avail, the professor just turned away.
Remus then slipped him a piece of paper with the little note.
There is a Quidditch game on the 31st October,
it can count as a birthday celebration game?
Sirius gave him a disappointed look and quickly scribbled something back.
No, it can't. It's not on the 3rd
The tall boy sighed, not protesting when James lurched forward to grabbed the note, resulting in their table shaking once more, "For someone who doesn't want to celebrate, you sure have a lot of requests."
"Mr. Potter! That's enough! You will be joining Mr. Black tomorrow!"
The boy's face fell immediately, dropping the note and giving Peter a chance to grab it and read it as well, "But Mrs. Shelton—", he was cut off with another warning look from the witch.
In that moment, nobody would have been able to erase the grin from Sirius' face, "Justice.", he muttered which got him an elbow to the ribs from James.