Sirius Black
Sundy, 5th September 1971.
Hogwarts
"Are you feeling okay, Remus?"
Sirius was looking at the tall boy sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. James and Peter had already gone down for breakfast, but the other two wanted to sleep in a bit.
When Sirius finally decided to leave his beautiful bed, Remus was still asleep, so he tried to wake the boy up, otherwise there will be no breakfast. It took a while, but in the end, he succeeded resulting in the current situation.
Not even bothering to lift his head, Remus sighed, "Yeah, just tired, I guess."
He did look a bit paler than normal to Sirius, maybe it was just some headache, "Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing? If your head hurts maybe school healer can give you some potion and—"
Remus finally managed to stand up, cutting him off while waving a dismissing hand, "Maybe later."
Sirius watched as the boy went inside the bathroom, legs wobbling a bit. He was concerned, but Remus seemed to not want to talk about it, like just Sirius' question annoyed him. After their prank on Snape, Remus seemed off for the whole rest of the day, but it looked just like he was tired. Now that he had a whole night to sleep, Sirius knew that tiredness wasn't the reason for the boy's exhaustion.
He looked carefully as Remus exited the bathroom. Eyes half shut, skin pale and barely standing, the boy started packing his bag.
It was still hot, but he was wearing long sleeve shirt. Yes, technically, they all were, but every student had their sleeves rolled up. Except Remus. Even when they didn't have to wear uniforms, he would always wear long sleeves while the rest were wearing T-shirts instead.
That little detail sparked the familiar curiousness in Sirius and before thinking about it, the question just escaped his lips, "Why do you have your sleeves rolled down? It's too hot.", this was the question that has been on his mind from the beginning, but he never found the perfect opportunity to ask about it until now.
Remus stilled for a second, then reaching for his bag he turned away, preventing Sirius to see and try to read his face expression, "I don't know, I'm always cold."
He didn't really buy that answer, but Sirius let it be. It wasn't his business after all, maybe it was something personal. He got worried for a second that he offended Remus by asking such question, but the tall boy turned to him with a smile and the two started their journey to the Great Hall.
Throughout the whole day Remus was cranky and ate like his stomach was a black hole, although the tiredness seemed to stick as well. They were all chilling underneath their tree, yes the tree was theirs now. Sirius and James had their eyes closed, enjoying the last sunny days they will be experiencing in months. Peter was trying to finish the painting of the Black Lake and Remus was reading his book.
With the sound of the book closing, a shadow spread across Sirius' face, "I think I'll go to the hospital."
He cracked one eye open, hands still behind his head and looked at the tall boy. Even now, after he had eaten breakfast and lunch, Remus was still looking sick and on the verge of his legs giving up, "Yeah, I think you should. Want me to walk you there, you seem a bit pale?"
Remus gave him another dismissing wave, "No need, I'll manage—"
But Sirius was already standing up, leaving his little paradise. Even though his friend didn't want the help, he just couldn't let the boy walk alone all the way to the hospital while looking like he was about to fall every three seconds, "Come on, I was planning on going back to the dorm either way."
His imaginary reason seemed to work seeing as Remus just rolled his eyes and followed the curly haired boy while waving a goodbye to James and Peter. Of course, Sirius wasn't planning on retreating back to the dorm on such nice day, but he figured Remus wouldn't cooperate if there wasn't a reason for him to actually go back inside.
They walked side by side in complete silence, Sirius dying to ask what was wrong with his friend. Did he have a stomach ache, but they all ate the same food? Maybe temperature, but he wasn't hot when Sirius checked back outside? Was he exhausted, but from what? He knew that it, again, wasn't his business, but he was so curious. Remus was his friend after all and friends care about each other, right?
At last, when they got to the hospital entrance, Sirius gestured towards the Gryffindor Tower, "I'll wait for you in the common room.", it was his way of trying to show to Remus that he cared, without being too upfront. He was still learning how to express his feelings and concerns to anyone who wasn't Regulus.
Remus had a nonchalant attitude, "No need, I'll be back tomorrow."
That sentence caught Sirius' attention so he quirked an eyebrow at the boy in front of him, "How do you know that they will keep you overnight?", he knew he should have just nodded and walked away, but the question just slipped. He needed to work on his impulse control.
The boy took a step back before he started to stutter, "I don't... I only suspect. I have been feeling sick all day."
Again, Sirius wasn't satisfied with the answer, but he just let it go. He patted Remus on the back for good luck and turned around. Maybe he still needed some time to actually learn the boundaries of friendships.
After all, Remus wasn't a little boy that Sirius needed to look after, but the only thing similar to friendship Sirius had, was his relationship with Regulus. It was kind of hard to get used to being friends with someone who wasn't so soft and in need to be taken care of as Reg.
On his way back to the tree, Sirius started to wonder about his little brother. He still hasn't received a letter from Regulus, which started to worry him a bit. After all, he should have received one yesterday. Maybe the owl was just late?
Abruptly, he came to a halt in the middle of the corridor, changing his mind about where he was going. Sirius decided to actually go back to the Gryffindor Tower and write another letter. Maybe his one from a couple of days ago was lost somehow and that was the reason Regulus hasn't replied yet. Better to be safe than sorry.
After a couple of turns, lost in thought, he ran into someone. Before even lifting his gaze, Sirius muttered an apology, ready to just pass the person and continue his sad walk, but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
"Hello little cousin."
When he looked up, a smile spread across his face. He ran into none other than Narcissa Black. The boy completely forgot to go and talk to her after the Sorting due to the prank on Snape.
She looked happy to see him, but there was something off in her gaze that caught his attention immediately. His heart gave a little twist. She knows something.
Sirius nodded at her crossing his arms playfully, "I see you don't despise me yet like the rest of your house.", he joked, although it was true. From the moment the Sorting Hat had put him into Gryffindor, he has been getting nasty looks from the Slytherins. It was nothing major, but for someone who got stared at quite a lot just by appearing somewhere, Sirius' attention would always snap to some Slytherin giving him an up and down look or just straight up disgusted look.
Narcissa chuckled, "Yet? I could never despise you, Sirius.", she was still smiling, but there was a hint of concern in her voice.
Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He knew there was something she wasn't telling him. He sighed and pressed a hand to his temples, "Just tell me, Narcissa. What do you know?"
He was desperate for some crumbs of knowledge about what was actually happening at 12th Grimmauld Place. There was not even a letter with disappointing and threatening words from his parents, there was just silence.
She looked like she knew exactly what he was talking about which wasn't a great sign, "Well... I don't know much to be honest. The only thing I know for sure is that your parents are aware of your Sorting and are not exactly happy with it.", she looked at him apologetically, "Mother told me that Walburga forbid Regulus to write to you. She wanted to send you a Howler, but Orion explained that it will be even more embarrassing for the family. You know, the less attention the better.", she finished sadly patting him on the arm.
Sirius was quiet for a minute, lost in thoughts. He didn't really care about his parents' opinion, he stopped caring years ago. But now? Now his communication with Regulus was at stake. Now there was something to lose, or rather, something was already lost.
The Sorting wasn't even his choice, which probably made Walburga and Orion even more mad because that meant he had always been destined to become a Gryffindor. That was just who he was, not a Slytherin.
Narcissa brought him back to reality once more, "I know you're worried about him, but mother tells me that he is doing alright. Walburga brags about how perfect he is, so you can relax.", now her smile was more genuine.
Sirius laughed to himself, "I knew he was the smart one."
She just smirked knowingly, "Yeah, I told you so."
They talked a bit more about his experience at Hogwarts and his new friends. He told her all about the prank they did and she had to muffle her laughter with hands.
At last, they parted ways, Narcissa going to the Slytherin Dungeons and him going to the Gryffindor Tower. Maybe in some other universe Sirius would have accompanied her. Maybe they would have been walking hand in hand, both in green and silver. Maybe they would have been spending more time together, as a family.
But in this universe, it was not meant to be. He was destined to bright red and gold, while other Blacks wore green and silver. He was destined to go up the Great staircase while the rest of the Blacks were meant to go down, resulting in Sirius only seeing them when they bypass each other.
Sometimes it made him feel like an outcast, like a freak that didn't belong with them. He would always try to shake those thoughts away from his mind by reminding himself that he didn't even want to be a part of the Black family, that they were cruel and prejudice. But at the end of the day, who did Sirius had to go back to? They were still his family and he wanted to try and understand them, he wanted them to love him as he was, not to try to change and reshape him so that he could fit their standards.
The battle in his mind between loyalty to the Blacks and his own opinions and resentment towards them was always rough. Sirius knew that family should be cherished, respected and always in the first place, he was taught that ever since he could remember, but was he in the first place to them?
It was difficult to actually see the other side of things when you have been taught one thing for your whole life, especially for a young boy who didn't know or experience anything else. There will always be some excuse for them in his mind, because that was the only way that Sirius could deal with everything. If there was no excuse, then it was all out of pure cruelty and evilness and he was still not ready to fully accept that.
Unfortunately for Sirius, reality was much more difficult than that. Some people just didn't want to change no matter how many chances were given to them. It will take some time, but little eleven year old boy will understand that in the end. It will be a painful truth he will experience, but that was the thing when it came to truth. No matter how much you manage to avoid it, it will always wait for you behind some corner.
Sirius really felt awful after the conversation he just had with Narcissa. Not even the cozy atmosphere in the common room could bring back a smile to his face. All he wanted to do was sleep and not think about his family anymore, to escape all this chaos and complications for a couple of hours. He got ready to do just that before dinner. Sirius wasn't even hungry, so he got into bed and pulled the curtains closed in hopes that, when he wakes up, these thoughts will be long gone.