Epilogue (Part 2)
I oftentimes hear people say na hindi nila alam kung saan nagsimula magkagulo ang lahat. That was not the case for me. I knew exactly when my life began to fall apart.
Probably because I was not in denial.
I saw the cracks.
I tried to fix the cracks.
But I knew that it was just a matter of time before things crumble down.
"Happy birthday, D," sabi ko nang makita ko siya. "Tanda mo na."
I wanted to lighten up the mood. Kahit ngayon lang. Alam ko naman kasi na magulo na kami... Pero alam ko rin na pareho naming gustong ayusin 'to. Kasi alam ko na kung ako lang ang may gusto, wala na sana siya rito ngayon. Kasi madali lang naman akong iwanan—mas madali akong iwanan kaysa ipaglaban.
And the fact that she's here?
I knew I must've done something right before to have her in my life.
Umirap siya. "Nagsalita iyong gurang."
I spent hours trying to fix up the place. Ewan. Maybe I was trying to compensate. Maybe because I was guilty. Maybe because I was selfish—dahil alam ko na mas dadali iyong buhay niya kapag wala ako, pero dahil maka-sarili ako, mas gusto ko na kasama ko pa rin siya kahit alam ko na nahihirapan siya.
Maswerte ako sa kanya...
Pero parang minalas siya sa akin.
"Aattend ka mamaya?" tanong ni Lui sa akin.
"Hindi," sagot ko. "Ikaw?"
"Hindi rin."
"Talaga?" nagtatakang tanong ko.
Lui had always attended the initiation rites... May pagka-gago din kasi 'to. Nag-e-enjoy ata na pahirapan iyong mga neo. Pero kahit ganyan si Lui, halata na hindi siya nag-e-enjoy kapag paluan na. I'd see him try his best na 'wag lakasan. Kung pwede nga lang na 'wag na naming gawin 'yon, e. Kaya pareho kaming stressed kapag maraming aattend na alumni.
"Yeah..." he replied. "Done with that shit," he continued. Tumingin siya sa akin. "Ikaw? Bakit 'di ka aattend?"
I just shrugged, but we both knew why.
"So... no more presidency?"
I remained silent.
I wanted the presidency.
Ewan.
I had a lot of plans for the fraternity. Maybe I was ambitious, but I knew I could make it better. Kasi maayos naman kami. Marami naman sa amin iyong maaayos. Pero kapag gago iyong nasa taas, anong magagawa namin?
So, I thought I could make a difference if I become the president. Kasi kahit si Maven, wala namang pakielam. And I couldn't exactly blame him... Ayaw niya naman talaga sa amin. So, why expect him to fix the mess that he didn't create nor want in the first place?
But being the president meant losing Deanne.
"Maybe next lifetime," sabi ko na lang.
"Yeah... next lifetime, I'd stay far away from you all."
Natawa ako. "Gago. Ikaw 'yung bad influence."
He gave me the middle finger. "But seriously, you would've make a great president," sabi niya. "Not that the bar is high," he continued, pertaining to Maven na basically sa akin din iniwan iyong responsibilidad.
I just remained silent.
I'd probably think about the presidency every now and then... but I'd seriously rather lose that than to lose Deanne—I'd take the loss that I can actually live with.
The day went well—as well as it could be. I attended my class. I put my phone on DND. Hindi pa ako nagsasabi sa kanila na hindi ako aattend sa ini. Kapag nagsabi ako nang maaga, hahanap sila ng paraan para mapa-punta ako roon. I figured I'd just tell them the very last minute. Malalaki na sila. Kaya na nila 'yon.
"Di ka ba talaga pupunta?" Iñigo asked nang makasalubong ko siya sa hallway.
"Pupunta," I said, lying.
Tumingin lang siya sa akin na para bang alam niya na nagsisinungaling ako. "Paano kapag maraming umattend na alumni?"
"Wala. Busy daw sila."
"Paano nga kapag?"
Hindi ako nakasagot agad. A part of me wanted to go... because I was actually terrified of what could happen kapag wala kami nila Lui para pigilin iyong mga alumni kapag sumusobra na sila. Pero bakit palagi na lang kami? Hindi lang naman kami iyong member ng frat.
"Kaya niyo na 'yan," I just said and then tapped him on the shoulder.
I tried to get the initiation rites out of my mind. I needed to focus on my girlfriend. Birthday niya ngayon. I wanted to give all my attention on her because she deserved that and so much more for sticking around even when it was so hard to be with me.
I didn't want her to think that being with me is a sacrifice... I promised myself that I'd do better. I'd go inactive sa frat. I'd just focus on acads. I'd do well on the BAR. I'd find a great job. I'd marry her someday and then eventually start a family with her.
That's the plan.
And it starts with me letting go of the frat.
Pagdating namin sa restaurant, nakita ko kung gaano kasaya si Deanne. I knew that the past weeks... or maybe months have been hard. Gusto ko lang naman siya pasayahin. Kagaya nung dati. Kasi alam ko na masaya naman kami dati. Kaya naman sigurong ibalik.
Ayokong sumuko.
Ayokong sukuan kami.
"Para na akong puputok sa suot ko," sabi niya.
"Ayaw mo ng kumain?" I asked dahil may dessert pa kami.
"Gusto ko pa... pero ang laki na ng tiyan ko," she said and the pointed at her stomach. She was wearing a fitted dress. She looked... wow.
I see Deanne everyday—I mean, I try to see her every day. Sanay ako na makita siya sa kahit anong itsura niya. Madalas, simple lang iyong suot niya lalo na kapag sa school kami. Kapag hell week, nakikita ko kung gaano kagulo iyong buhok niya pati iyong eyebags niya. Kapag nasa mood siya, nakikita ko na puno ng makeup iyong mukha niya.
Honestly? I love all versions.
Kasi kahit ano naman itsura niya sa panlabas, I fell in love with what's on the inside. Kaya kahit ano man ang itsura niya, gugustuhin ko pa rin siya nang paulit-ulit.
"You look fine."
She wrinkled her nose. "Kasi in love ka sa akin."
Humalakhak ako. "That, yes," I said, "But honestly, you look great to me. But if you feel uncomfortable, may coat ako sa sasakyan," I told her. "Kunin ko tapos pwede mong isuot."
She nodded and then I told the waiter na pwede ng i-serve iyong sa dessert. While waiting, we were talking about random things. I love talking with her—hindi kami nauubusan ng pag-uusapan. And even when we don't have anything to talk about or we're not in the mood or we just didn't have energy to talk, okay na kami basta magkasama kami.
I just didn't want to let her go.
And couldn't even if I wanted to.
I went on for years searching for someone like her... and now that I finally found her, I just couldn't let her go just like that.
I was selfish like that.
But then the phone rang.
Parang bumagsak iyong puso ko mula sa dibdib ko.
Hindi ko alam.
O baka alam ko.
I knew within me that something was wrong—intuition ba iyong tawag doon? Na pakiramdam mo may mali? Kasi iyon ang naramdaman ko. Na may mali.
Pero hindi ko alam na doon na pala magsisimula iyong pagkagulo ng buhay ko.
"May tatawagan lang ako," sabi ko kay Deanne. She didn't say a word. Mabilis akong tumayo at naglakad palayo sa kanya. I just wanted her as far away from this as possible.
"What?" I said nang sagutin ko iyong tawag ni Lui.
He had been texting non-stop.
He kept on telling me to go answer my phone.
"What? Hindi kita maintindihan," sabi ko dahil sobrang bilis magsalita ni Lui. He sounded so scared. And I knew that they fucked things up dahil sa buong pagkakakilala ko kay Lui, ngayon ko lang siya narinig na ganito ang boses.
"Ano'ng sabi mo?" tanong ko dahil para akong sandaling nabingi nang sinabi niya iyong mga salitang iyon.
"Someone..." he said and then stopped. "Someone died."
Hindi ako makapagsalita.
Naramamdaman ko iyong pagsikip ng dibdib ko.
Iyong panginginig ng mga kamay ko.
"Ayaw nilang pumayag na dalhin sa ospital. Fuck. Fuck!" sigaw niya. "Fuck, we should've just attended!"
Para akong panandaliang nabingi.
Hindi ko na narinig iyong ibang mga sinabi pa ni Lui.
Hindi ako makapag-isip.
"What are we gonna do?"
Huminga ako nang malalim.
Fuck.
"Make them bring him to the—"
"Kanina ko pa—"
"Drive him yourself kung ayaw nila," I said, cutting him off. "Nasan na iyong mga alumni?"
"Umalis na."
Hindi na ako nagulat pa. Of course. Of course they'd leave the scene of the crime.
"Hindi na ba talaga—" I asked pero hindi ko matapos. I knew that this would happen one day. Kasi grabe sila. Na para bang hindi na tao iyong nasa harapan nila. Na para bang punching bag iyon na doon nila ibinubuhos kung anuman ang problema nila.
"I... I don't know," Lui said. "Ayaw nila akong palapitin nung sinabi ko sa kanila na mamamatay na—" then he paused. "Gago... Ano'ng gagawin ko?"
And that was the only time I heard him sound scared.
So, I told Lui that I was on the way. I couldn't just leave him there. Agad akong bumalik sa lamesa.
"Deanne—" I said, hoping that she could understand me. Ngayon lang naman. Kasi kailangan ko talagang pumunta doon. Hindi ko kayang iwan si Lui doon.
"Ano 'yun?" she asked. I couldn't tell her anything. This... this could be a crime. I couldn't risk involving her in this. I'd rather face her wrath later kaysa ang idamay siya dito. Alam ko na magiging magulo lahat.
"May pupuntahan ako," I said. "Babawi na lang ako sa dessert."
"Ano 'yung pupuntahan mo?"
"May kailangan lang akong ayusin."
"Ano 'yun?"
"Deanne—"
"Ipatakeout mo na lang—"
"Mukha bang may pakielam ako sa dessert?Ano iyong pupuntahan mo?" diretsong tanong niya sa akin. Ramdam ko iyong galit sa boses niya. Pero mas gugustuhin ko na magalit siya kaysa madamay siya sa gulo na 'to.
"Deanne—"
"Ano 'yung pupuntahan mo, Samuel?"
I remained silent. I couldn't tell her anything. I refuse to tell her anything. I'd choose her safety over and over again. She didn't deserve to be included in this mess.
"There's... an accident," I said.
"Accident?" she asked. "Sa frat niyo?"
"May initiation—"
Mabilis siyang umiling. "No."
"Deanne—"
Umiling siyang muli. "No," she repeated. "Hindi ka pupunta 'dun."
"Deanne—"
"Are you fucking kidding me, Samuel? Pupunta ka 'dun? Alam mo naman na madadamay ka kapag pumunta ka 'dun! Nakalimutan mo na ba ang pinag-aralan mo? Kapag pumunta ka roon, magiging co-principal ka ng kung anuman ang ginawa nila—" she said and then paused. She looked me in the eye. "No. Hindi ka pupunta 'dun."
I knew that I was treading on a thin line.
I knew that choice that I wanted to make—of course, her. I'd always, always choose her.
My phone vibrated again.
But I also knew the choice that I needed to make.
God, I hope I didn't fuck this up beyond fixing.
* * *
Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakarating doon ng buhay. I probably got myself into at least five traffic violations para lang makarating doon.
"Vice—"
"Si Lui?" agad na tanong ko pagdating ko roon.
"Dinala 'yung neo," simpleng sagot niya.
"Di mo man lang alam pangalan?"
Kita ko sa mukha nila na lasing sila. They're probably high, as well.
Isang gabi lang kami nawala ni Lui, nagka-ganito na sila? Parang mga bata. Ang tatanda na nila. Dapat alam nila na hindi pwede na ganito kapag initiation. Lalo na kapag may mga alumni. Kasi kami iyong pipigil sa kanila kapag sumo-sobra na.
Fuck.
Tama nga siguro si Lui—dapat nandito kami.
Tangina.
Kasalanan ata namin.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan. I didn't sign up for this shit! Nakaupo lang ako doon at hinihintay na magtext si Lui.
"Si Lui?" tanong ko nang may lumapit sa akin at iniabot ang phone.
Umiling siya. "Congressman," he replied.
I didn't even know kung sinong Congressman ang tinutukoy niya. Marami sa amin ang congressman, senator, at kung sinu-sino pa na nasa mataas na posisyon.
"Congress—" sabi ko pero ni hindi ko man lang natapos iyong sasabihin ko.
"I'll send a location. Meet with the lawyer. He'll discuss things with you."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Discuss?"
"Yes," simple niyang sagot. "Samuel, right?"
Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad. His voice... it sounded like a threat kahit pangalan ko lang naman ang sinabi niya.
"In this fraternity, we take care of each other."
* * *
I didn't know what the fuck happened.
I felt like we were just going through the motions.
Ang gulo na.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko—na kahit gusto kong magsabi ng totoo, hindi ko magawa. Every word they said to me sounded like a threat.
They said that we take care of each other... but why did I feel like I was one step away from my grave kapag hindi ko sinunod ang gusto nila?
"Lui," I called.
Tahimik lang si Lui. Sa buong pagkakakilala ko sa kanya, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na tahimik. Hindi siya nagsasalita. Simula nung dalhin niya si Jake sa hospital, ma-declare na dead on arrival, kausapin kami nung abogado, maartesto at ngayon na naka-detain kami.
"I'm not going down for this," he said after hours of saying nothing.
"No one's going down—"
Tumingin siya sa akin. "Think, Samuel. Someone died. Someone is going down for this. You seriously think na papayag 'yung mga alumni na madamay sila dito? It's just a matter of time until they decide on who the scapegoat will be," sabi niya sa akin. He looked me in the eye. "It's not gonna be me. I'll fucking drag them down to hell with me. Subukan nila."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
Lui's always made light of everything... but I guess everything has its limit. And Lui's reached his limits pagdating sa frat na 'to.
We were released after a while. How it happened? I had no fucking idea. I didn't even have the energy to ask. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag sa pamilya ko na nadamay ako sa ganitong klase ng gulo.
Homicide?
Paano ko sasabihin iyon sa pamilya ko?
Ni hindi ko masimulang isipin kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanila... kay Deanne.
Tangina.
Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong pinasok ko.
"Ayokong makipagbreak," agad na sabi ko sa kanya nang magkita kami. "I don't want to break-up."
"Ayoko rin naman... pero ayoko na rin nung ganito."
"Anong ganito?"
"Ito," sabi niya. "Ano'ng nangyari sa frat mo? Huling basa ko naka-detain pa sila Zach, ah."
"You know I can't talk about that," I told her. I couldn't talk about it. And I didn't want to talk about it with her. Ayoko siyang idamay sa problema ko. Because I knew that she loves me and she'd try to make this her problem, as well.
And I didn't want that for her.
Ayoko na madamay siya.
Kasi kahit ako... kahit ako, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.
I constantly feel them breathing down my neck. I constantly hear them tell me to not fuck things up—na para bang ako pa ang may kasalanan ng lahat.
And I fucking resented Maven dahil bakit sa akin napasa lahat?
I was not even there! Lui's not even there! Pero parang lahat sila, kaming dalawa ang sinisisi. Na para ba silang mga bata na kailangan naming bantayan at paalalahanan palagi.
"Precisely—it's a huge part of your life and you can't talk to me about it—me, your supposed girlfriend."
I looked at her.
And I knew right there and then that I was losing her.
"Fine. What do you want to know?" I asked, trying to grasp at straws—at anything, something basta may makapitan pa ako sa kanya. Kasi ayoko siyang mawala.
I told her.
Everything.
I didn't care anymore.
Because I was a selfish fuck and I'd rather tell her everything that risk losing her.
Because I knew that if I lose her, I'd never find someone like her again.
"Are you ready?"
Gusto kong lumingon sa sasakyan kung nasaan si Deanne, pero hindi ko magawa. I didn't want them to know that she's with me... and that she's the reason why I'd go against what they asked of me.
Tahimik lang akong sumunod sa kanila sa loob. Nauna na si Lui na iinterrogate nila. He's in more trouble than me dahil siya iyong nagdala sa ospital mismo. But he told them straight to their face that if he got himself as much as a one day jail time, he'd call for a conference and drop all their names.
That scared them off.
"Everything that will happen from hereon after will be recorded," sabi sa akin habang nasa interrogation room kami. "Do you understand your rights?"
Tumango ako.
"Let's start with the day Jake Uytingco had been recruited."
I answered everything honestly. Ilang beses akong sinubukan na pigilan ng abogado na kasama ko. I proceeded to tell them about what happened—to the best of my knowledge. Na totoo naman na hindi ko alam kung ano talaga iyong nangyari dahil wala ako roon. Na tinawagan lang ako nung tapos na.
I hated that I had to include Deanne in my story because she was the one with me that night.
Nang makalabas kami, tumingin sa akin iyong mga abogado. They didn't even say a word... but the silence and their looks spoke volumes.
"Hey," Deanne said when I got back in the car.
"Hey," I replied, trying to look okay.
I was exhausted.
I was fucking exhausted.
"Okay ka lang?" she asked.
I looked at her and nodded.
I'd be fine.
I have her on my side.
I'd be... fine.
* * *
"You're being such a fucking dickhead."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi ni Rhys sa akin. He's right. I was being a dickhead. I knew it. I just... I just couldn't control how I feel.
"Break up with her," Rhys said.
Hindi ako nagsalita.
I couldn't.
I love her.
I just... couldn't understand myself.
"She doesn't deserve this," he said. "She didn't force you to do things. Don't take your frustration out on her."
"Alam ko."
"Then do better or break up with her," sabi niya sa akin.
"I don't want to break up with her."
"Then do better," he replied. "I know things are rough right now, but it's not her fault. Blame the frat, not her."
Rhys dropped by my condo para magdala ng reviewer. I was still a member of the frat, pero wala akong nakukuha na review materials. Lui, on the other hand, still got the reviewers. He forwarded everything to me.
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko mapigilan na mainis. Bakit ako lang? Bakit si Lui nakaka-kuha pa rin ng reviewer? Pareho lang naman kami na nagsabi ng totoo.
Bakit sa akin lahat?
Tanginang 'yan.
"You don't need the frat—you'll pass on your own merits," he said, giving a tap on my shoulder.
I wanted to believe him badly pero hindi ko alam... I wasn't on the best headspace. Hindi pa rin ako nakakauwi sa amin. Hindi ko pa rin kayang makita sila Mama. Hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag kung paano ako napunta sa sitwasyon na 'yon. They'd always been hesitant sa pagsali ko sa frat. Mama always asked me kung kailangan ko ba talaga na sumali doon.
I always told them that I knew what I was doing.
But now? Now, I just felt so lost.
Sinubukan ko na mag-aral.
Kasi ayoko na ring mag-isip sa iba.
"Ano'ng time mo gusto magpa-gising?" tanong sa akin ni Deanne.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. Nakangiti siya sa akin pero alam ko na pagod na rin siya. She'd always try to get me all the reviewers. Sasabihin niya sa akin kung ano iyong narinig niya na magandang gamitin. She'd ask her friends kung ano ang recommended nila na reviewer. She even used a part of her sayings to buy me the Memory Aid of our school kahit sinabi ko na sa kanya na hindi ko naman kailangan iyong original. But she just smiled at me and said that I deserved to have the original one.
Maybe she felt guilty.
Or maybe she felt the resentment.
Either way, no one wanted to talk about it.
"Wag na," sabi ko sa kanya. "Malapit na finals."
"Okay lang. Weekend naman saka isang araw lang naman."
"Kahit na—"
"Please?" she asked, cutting me off. "BAROPS mo ako, 'di ba?"
I gave in.
I didn't want to argue about this. Wala akong lakas. Gusto ko lang magreview at makapasa sa BAR. I kept on telling myself na kapag nakapasa na ako, matatapos din 'tong parte ng buhay ko. Hindi ko naman kailangan iyong frat para magkaroon ng trabaho—
I shouldn't even think about that.
"Fuck. I'm sorry, D," sabi ko nang buksan ko iyong pinto sa condo ko at nakita ko na nakaupo siya sa sahig. Sinabi ko nga pala na magpapa-gising ako sa kanya ngayong unang Sunday ng BAR.
She looked at me and smiled. Tumayo siya at saka pinagpag iyong pantalon niya. I knew that she cried. Kita ko sa mga mata niya. Pero nagpanggap siya na hindi umiyak. Nagpanggap ako na hindi ko napansin iyon.
"Okay lang," sabi niya habang naka-ngiti. May hawak siya na paper bag ng pagkain. "Buti nagising ka. Muntik ko na ipa-tanggal sa guard iyong pinto mo," mapagbiro na sabi niya.
I just smiled at her.
Tahimik kaming nakasakay sa elevator pababa sa parking. Kita ko na tumitingin siya sa mukha ko. Nagpanggap ako na hindi ko napapansin iyon.
"Good luck, Samu!" sabi niya pagdating namin sa venue. "Test permit mo?" she asked as she proceeded to check kung kumpleto na ba lahat ng gamit ko. "Okay, kumpleto na. Sa gate 3 ako mag-aabang sa 'yo mamaya."
Tumingin ako sa kanya.
"Thank you," I said because I was thankful for her more than she'll ever know. I just needed some time. Magiging okay din ako. Magiging okay din kami.
Ngumiti siya sa akin. "You're always welcome, future attorney ko."
* * *
"Congrats on finishing strong, Samuel!"
Nabigla ako nang makita ko kung ano iyong hinanda ni Deanne sa condo ko. Kakatapos lang ng BAR exam. I was... not in the mood. Nakasagot naman ako, pakiramdam ko, pero hindi maalis sa isip ko nung mabanggit sa akin na halos 100% daw iyong hit rate nung last minute tip na binigay sa frat. Tinanong ko si Lui kung nakuha niya ba 'yon kasi wala siyang sinend sa akin. Sinabi niya na hindi daw siya binigyan ng soft copy. Literal na binigay sa kanya nung papunta na sa venue.
I was pissed.
I was mad.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ko ilalabas.
"Thank you, D," sabi ko ng naka-ngiti.
"Nandyan lahat ng favorite food mo! Alam ko masakit katawan mo sa kaka-review, so kinuha kita ng day pass para magka-spa day ka. Also, after ng finals ko, bakasyon tayo. Deserve mo magpahinga!"
I looked at Deanne. She was struggling like me. Nilalaban niya iyong relasyon namin kahit ramdam ko na pagod na pagod na rin siya.
She deserved the best version of me.
Magiging maayos din ako.
Pipilitin ko para sa kanya.
* * *
Weeks passed by.
And then they turned into months.
Okay na kami ni Deanne. Bumawi ako sa lahat ng sakripisyo na ginawa niya para sa akin nung BAR review. I was attentive and tried to be the best boyfriend for her. Ginawa ko lahat ng alam kong magpapasaya sa kanya.
Okay kami.
"Samuel—"
"Pwedeng iwan mo muna ako?"
Kaka-labas lang ng resulta ng BAR.
Hindi ko nakita iyong pangalan ko.
Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong iisipin ko.
Parang na-blangko iyong utak ko.
Nanlalamig iyong mga kamay.
Hindi ako pumasa.
San ako nagkulang?
Kung nakuha ko ba 'yung materials ng frat, papasa kaya ako?
Pumasa ba lahat sa frat?
Ang dami kong tanong na hindi ko alam kung gusto kong makuha iyong sagot.
"Samuel—"
"Please. Leave."
"No," sabi niya na umiiling. "Please. Talk to me."
Hindi ako nagsalita.
"Alam ko mahirap, alam ko masakit—"
"Can we please not talk about it?" I repeated. Hindi siya gumalaw sa kinatatayuan niya. "Deanne, please."
Ako na iyong tumayo at nagsimulang lumakad paalis. I just... I just needed some space. I just needed to be alone. I just needed to breathe.
I just needed to cry.
Five years.
Five years of my life, I spent studying.
Tapos... tapos bagsak.
Gusto ko lang mapag-isa, pero bakit ayaw niyang ibigay sa 'kin 'yon?
"Don't shut me out..." rinig ko sabi niya.
I kept on walking. I needed to leave. I didn't want to have this conversation with her pero para siyang bingi na hindi naririnig ang mga salita ko.
Why was she insisting on talking about this now?
Hindi ba ako pwedeng mapag-isa?
Wasn't I allowed to process this alone?
"Sinisisi mo ba ako?"
Binilisan ko iyong paglalakad because it was a question that I didn't want to answer.
I went on a drive. I didn't even know where I was headed. I just kept on driving and driving until I decided to stop. Bumaba ako ng sasakyan at saka naglakad-lakad hanggang mapagod ako.
"If you're going to sit with me, I need complete silence," sabi ni Shanelle nang maupo ako malapit sa kanya. I knew her, but I was not particularly close with her. She's from another school.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Same here," I replied as we both ordered alcohol and drank together in total silence.
**
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