"you've been staying out late,
trying your best to escape.
i hope you find what you're looking for."
- A Violent Noise, The xx
☾
Monday, October 30th, 2023.
New week. New day.
New client.
I release a deep exhale before hopping out of my parked car.
I've never been this nervous about a meeting a new client before.
But this is not the typical client.
This client's therapy is court ordered. Mandatory. Government assigned.
And I am the assigned therapist. I am the 'chosen one.'
Well, kind of.
My mentor, Dr. Raynor, was originally assigned to this client. However, after their first session together, she could tell they were not the right match for each other.
She spoke to the government officials involved with the case and they asked for her recommendation.
Which just so happened to be me.
This works easy for everyone involved, due to the fact that her office is on the floor above mine.
One very short trip in the elevator and they were knocking on my door.
Speaking of that elevator, I decide to forgo it today, opting for the stairs in the hopes of walking out some of my nervous energy.
It's only a short trip, from the basement carpark to the ground floor, where my office is located. But it's better than standing still for a moment in the elevator.
The drive to the office didn't even help calm my nerves. Quite the opposite.
It was to be expected, really. I'm more agitated around the general public these days. Still not used to all the extra traffic back on the streets. Human and vehicular.
I walk through the door, exiting the stairwell into the lobby, adjusting the strap of my brown leather bag on my shoulder as I go.
"Looking lovely today Audrey, as usual." Madeline greets me from reception.
"Thanks Maddy." I reply with a shy laugh. "Same to you!"
She smiles back, her long brown hair pulled up into a perfect bun, her sleek glasses framing her face nicely.
I walk down the hall and enter my office, dropping my bag onto my desk. I remove my caramel suede jacket and hang it over the back of my chair.
I'm getting a bit hot and it's not because I took the stairs.
I try to go about my usual motions of my mornings in the office. While I get myself settled, I try to focus on my excitement more than my nerves.
Because despite the nervousness, I am excited.
It's always a thrill meeting a new client. Someone who's in need of some extra help and has chosen me to do the honours.
Only, today's new client didn't choose me.
So, this will be interesting.
I take a seat at my desk and pull my new clients case file out of my bag, looking through it for only the thousandth time.
James Buchanan Barnes.
Born: March 10, 1917.
Like I said; this is no ordinary client.
Mr. Barnes is 106 years old. Yet he doesn't look to be any older than mid thirties.
How?
Barnes was a Sergeant during World War ll and an excellent marksman.
During the war, Barnes was believed to have been killed in action, January 1945. Thrown from a train travelling through the Austrian alps.
Sergeant Barnes survived but was taken by the secret terrorist organisation; HYDRA.
Barnes was injected with Super Soldier Serum and fitted with cybernetic arm, after losing own arm in fall.
Barnes was then experimented on, brainwashed and cryogenically frozen for preservation.
Kept in cryosleep until HYDRA awakened him to perform assassinations on their behalf. They named him the Winter Soldier.
2014, Barnes' true identity was discovered by Steve Rogers. With the aid of Rogers and Avengers, Barnes was recovered from HYDRA.
The Winter Soldier laid dormant within Barnes' mind, able to be activated with a set of trigger words.
- Winter Soldier was activated in 2016, by Baron Zemo, who is currently in custody.
Barnes spent 2016-2018 in Wakanda-
I pause at the sight of 2018, my whole body freezing, except for my lungs as they take a big inhale exhale through my nose, before continuing.
-where he successfully received the needed treatment to release his mind from HYDRA's trigger words.
He's now free of the Winter Soldier.
Free to be James Buchanan Barnes, once again.
Well, at least once this court appointed therapy is complete.
To further my research and better prepare myself, I travelled to Washington over the weekend, to visit the Captain America exhibit displayed in The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum.
There was a lovely old photograph of Mr. Barnes and his best friend, Steve Rogers. AKA, Captain America. They were both very handsome men, and in this photo in particular, they were both smiling. They looked so genuinely happy, I could feel the friendship and love just looking at the image.
There was a panel dedicated to Mr. Barnes, with some extra information in his war achievements. I'd read it through three times and then fixed my eyes on the last sentence of the dedication.
"The current whereabouts of Barnes remains unknown."
Said Barnes is due in my very own office, any time now.
I take a quick look at the few photos in my file.
There's one of James from back in the 40's. He was so from the forties, with that perfect bone structure and smooth skin. Sheesh.
Another from 2016; with longer hair and stubble.
Then a more recent photo, post 'blip.'
His hair is down to his shoulders, nearly as long as mine, and his stubble, thickened to fluffy scruff.
He looked sexy, I won't lie.
I flip to the page about Wakanda, the East African country where he found refuge and treatment.
There's a photo of his new bionic arm. Not only did they heal his mind, they fashioned him with a new arm, made from vibranium.
Suddenly, there's a knock on my door.
Oh, gosh. Here we go.
I close the file and stand up.
Deep breath. I remind myself.
I smooth my dark brown pants, make sure my shirt is still tucked in and that my hair still sits in it's loose, low bun. Before I can overthink anything frivolous, I quickly walk over and open my door.
And here he stands before me..
Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.
Former Winter Soldier. Former Avenger. And soon to be free man. Soon to be just your average member of society.
Only, he is anything but average.
Holy ocean eyes..
"Good morning Mr. Barnes. I'm Dr. Edwards. It's nice to meet you." I greet with a soft smile and stick out my hand for him to shake.
He's taller than I imagined. His hair is shorter now, too. The scruffy beard reduced to stubble.
I can see the judgement swimming around his iris's as he stares down at me, but he takes my hand in his gloved one and shakes it.
Then he gives me a nod before dropping my hand.
I step back from the doorway, giving him room to enter. "Please, come in, have a seat. Make yourself comfortable."
Mr. Barnes enters and I shut the door.
His eyes dart around the room as he saunters over and plops himself onto my soft, grey couch.
He lets out a big sigh and continues to glance about the room.
"Can I get you a coffee? Tea? Glass of water?" I ask him.
He presses his lips together and shakes his head.
"Okay. Are you happy with the lighting? My switch is a dimmer. I can lighten or darken the room, whatever you prefer."
He gives me a slightly perplexed look. "It's fine." he answers, speaking for the first time.
Even though his tone is flat, his voice sounds like velvet.
I take a seat in the matching arm chair opposite him.
Those stunning blue eyes stare at me with contempt and disapproval and I have to fight the self consciousness starting to trickle into my mind.
"First, I just want to say welcome and thank you. Thank you for your service. Back in the 40's, in 2018 and this year. You have my deepest respect. It's an honour to meet you." I tell Mr. Barnes, keeping my voice soft and calm. "I really hope I can help you and please know, that I will do all I can to do so."
"Bragging rights?" is all he grumbles out in response.
"Excuse me?"
"That why you've taken me on? You want to brag about it to all your friends?"
"Bold of you to assume I have friends." I try to joke but he doesn't look impressed.
I clear my throat and answer him properly. "No, not at all. That doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It doesn't matter how others see you. What matters is how you, see you. And I want to help you with that."
His scowl falters ever so slightly as he takes in my words.
"Also, there's this little thing called doctor-client confidentiality. I couldn't brag even if I wanted to." I add.
"I thought it was doctor-patient?"
"Oh, I prefer client. I find the word 'patient' can hold some form of negativity and inferiority. Whereas 'client' implies we're more equals." I explain. "No one is lesser just because they may need help."
He says nothing and continues his glowering.
"Shall we begin?" I ask.
He gives a singular, unimpressed nod and looks out the window.
"I'll start with a typical, cliche phrase and say; this is a safe space. It's cliche but I truly mean it. And I don't just mean this room. I mean this-" I gesture between him and I. "-is safe. You are free here, Mr. Barnes. I want to feel safe to say whatever you feel, whenever you feel it."
He continues to pin me with his icy stare.
"I hope you can be comfortable here." I proceed. "Do bear in mind, therapy isn't always comfortable, but you are safe with me."
"I'm 'free'-" he says using air quotes. "-yet I'm here against my will."
Hostile, this one.
"If you want to look at it that way, then yeah, you're right. But while you are here with me, you are free to be yourself." I state.
My fingers fiddle with my pen as he glowers some more.
"As this is court appointed, government required, what have you.. We do have a regime we need to follow. I believe Dr. Raynor introduced you to this regime last Monday?" I say.
"She did. My rules. My amends." he replies with distaste.
His whole presence screams 'I don't want to be here.'
"Yes. Do you remember what they are?"
"Don't do anything illegal. Don't hurt anyone. And make sure the person knows I'm not the Winter Soldier. Make sure they know I'm James Bucky Barnes and they're part of my effort to make amends." he says mockingly.
"Exactly right."
I don't particularly agree with the regime but it's a condition of having Mr. Barnes as a client.
"Not the fastest I've had someone hate me." he mutters.
"Pardon?"
"Dr. Raynor. Couldn't stand me, so she palmed me off to you." he says with a humourless smile, tilting his head.
"She doesn't hate you." I reply, shaking my head softly. "She just feels my methods may be better suited for the healing you need."
His mouth parts as he narrows his eyes at me. Then he snickers and looks back out the window again.
"Look, I get it-"
"Do you?" he cuts in.
I pause briefly before continuing, pinning him in with a stare of my own.
"..You don't want to be here. But right now, you kinda have to be. It's a condition of your pardon. So why not utilise this time and actually let me help you?" My voice stays soft but holds a serious tone.
Like a toddler to a parent, he's testing his boundaries. He's snarky and standoffish but I'm prepared to kill him with kindness. One of my 'methods' Dr. Raynor believes he needs. I think she might be right.
I want to eliminate the jadedness that's become his defence for self preservation. Understandably so, but he doesn't need it. Not anymore. Not in here.
"You ever treat someone like me before?" he asks.
"No. Not exactly."
"So how can you help me?" He narrows his eyes again.
"You're very unique, Mr. Barnes. But despite everything that's happened.. you're human. And I've treated plenty of those." I tell him. "I've seen other soldiers, I've seen victims of abuse.. We'll work our way through this, together."
The rest of the session continues much the same. More trying to figure out where each other stand rather than soul searching.
A subtle glance at my watch tells me our hour is up.
"I know that you have been through a lot, but you've got your mind back and you are being pardoned; these are good things. You're free." I say, wanting to end on a positive note.
"To do what?" Barnes asks, still glowering.
"To figure out who James Bucky Barnes is these days." I answer with a small smile.
He just looks me up and down.
"Times up." I add softly.
"Finally." he groans and stands up.
I stand up too and shake his hand again.
"Thanks Doc." Barnes says with a hint of sarcasm. "Only thirteen more weeks." he adds, heading for the door.
"Uh, actually.. Fourteen.." I say and bite my lip.
He stops at the door and turns back around to face me. "What?"
"..I convinced them to let me have you for the full fifteen sessions, rather than include your session with Dr. Raynor.." I tell him, with a sheepish smile.
"Are you serious?" he asks, his tone so flat and his face, the most unimpressed it's looked all day.
"I know, I'm like that annoying kid in class who reminds the teacher about homework. I'm sorry. Please just know, I have your best interests at heart." I say sweetly.
"Oh, I'm touched." he says, sarcastic as ever. "Excuse me while I shed a tear."
He turns and heads for the door again.
"Thank you for coming, Mr. Barnes, it was nice meeting you. I'll see you at the same time next Monday."
Barnes steps out into the hall and faces me, looking me up and down once more.
I give him a smile. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."
He gives a singular nod and walks away.
I watch him leave down the hall and then slip back into my office and shut the door.
I lean against the door and let out a deep exhale.
My goodness..
I had to force myself not to blush or giggle every time he pinned those blue eyes onto mine, during that session. Even though he was looking at me with so much disdain.
Pathetic.
It wouldn't be the first time I've found a client attractive but it's never affected me like this.
It's the day for new things apparently.
Well, one session down.
Fourteen to go.
Authors Note
Here it is, my first chapter!
A few things quickly..
This fic takes place during The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.
There will be a change to the Avengers timeline, regarding the 'blip.'
Instead of everyone returning in October 2023, they returned August 2023.
Also, I'm no therapist, nor do I have any schooling in psychology. So apologies in advance for any technical errors regarding this characters occupation and technique and what not. I hope I can make it believable.
I also don't have extensive knowledge regarding the Avengers. I've seen CATFA, CACW, Endgame and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier series. And I've seen them all once. (I also skimmed through Infinity War for the Bucky scenes.)
The Avengers are honestly, not really my thing, but I love Sebastian and I love him as Bucky.
The Bucky fan base and the Sebastian fan base are phenomenal, so I'm a little nervous to upload this story. I hope it isn't too insufferable. (If anyone reads this fic anyway.)
And finally, reference; some of the dialogue here was taken from the first episode of TFATWS.
Thanks for reading!
- K