I try not to focus on my hand in his as we walk on the dirt track. I'm not even sure you could call it a track, as it is pretty run down and you can barely see the path at this point.
It makes me sad that no one takes care of our towns environment. It's one of the things that makes it interesting. Our town is surrounded by trees and forest, the only settlement for hours until you get to the main city.
Even though we are fortunate enough to have beautiful surroundings, no one really ever appreciates it. I've actually never seen anyone go into the bush recently. Maybe people have forgotten about it in the midst of our extremely busy world and lives.
I used to love walking in the bush. I would go every single day in the morning and afternoon. I stopped because Logan found out about it, and told me that he was worried I would get hurt.
Why would he worry about that? He was the one hurting me.
I shake the thoughts of him out of my head, not wanting to ruin this.
"I love how this looks at night," I blurt out, and he turns back and smiles at me. Ashers white teeth are bright in the pitch black.
I was a little nervous about going out at night. Old traumas have taught me that only bad things happen after 11. But this isn't all that bad.
I'm beginning to trust Asher. I'm not sure if it's because of our history as kids, or if it is because he is the only person who has been genuine to me for a whole year. A bit of both, probably.
"Yeah. It's beautiful. Just wait until we get to the destination," He keeps his eyes forward. This entire 10 minutes on the track, my hand has been in his.
I can't say that I haven't had the urge to take my hand back. It's not anything to do with him, just the fact that any touch makes me uncomfortable at this point.
A minute passes and I start to hear running water. Asher seems to hear it at the same time and looks back at me with an expectant face.
I give him a small smile and nod. He seems pleased with that reaction, because he smiles again and leads us further.
The noise is getting louder and louder and Asher makes his phone torch brighter.
"Here we are," I look around.
It is beautiful.
We are standing about 3 feet away from a cliff, and I look below to see a waterfall coming from the other side running down to a small lake and stream. It is extremely hard to see, being it past midnight and pitch black but I can still see faintly because of the light coming from Ashers phone.
"Wow. I've never seen this place before."
He sits down and places his legs out in front of him, leaning on his hands.
"Yeah. My uncle used to take me here as a kid. Kinda weird that I remembered the way, right?"
"I guess so. But I think that core things from childhood stay with you if you want them to."
I strongly believe that your childhood shapes who you grow up to be. I'm not saying that you can't change, but I think that if you knew someone or did something in your childhood for a long time, it is likely that you will always have an attachment to said person or thing. It's like an instinct and a comfort.
I think that's why Asher is the first person I can see myself being friends with in a while.
"Yeah. I've never thought about it that way, but that makes sense."
We change the subject and start to just chat, with him doing most of the talking while I sit there and listen.
At some point we both lay down, our backs being supported by the rough dirt below us. As we talk I am extremely aware of how close we are. I'm trying not to think about it too much. I've never trusted someone this much since him. I trust Asher so much that I came out into the woods with him in the dark, kept walking with him and now I am lying on the edge of a cliff with him only about 2 feet away.
I even laughed a couple of times tonight.
He always laughed when I did, the sound of our real, genuine joy mixing together.
-------------------------------------------------
"Amira! Are you a fucking idiot?" He yells at me and tears fall out of my eyes like a waterfall.
"I didn't do anything Logan!" I am trying to keep my composure but that is difficult as his huge frame towers over me. It's like he's trying to scare me.
"Didn't do anything? How dare you."
He steps closer just as I take one step back. My breathing quickens and I make a note of not looking him in the eye, knowing that it will only make his anger worse.
"You wore that just to make me mad. Didn't you?" I bite my lip. I actually only wore this because it is boiling out, and my usual oversized shirt would have me sweating.
"You're such a slut," I flinch at his cruel words.
He grabs my forearm and fear rushes through my veins as his arm swings back with an open palm showing.
His hand is about to come down on my cheek, and I wince- getting ready for the impact.
I jump and try to even my breathing as I awake from my dream. I put a hand on my heart and press my hand to my cheek, bringing it down to check for blood.
I am relieved but confused when I see the absence of blood on my fingers.
Whenever I have nightmares, it takes me a couple of minutes to come back to earth. The other night I screamed and ran to the bathroom, on the edge of a panic attack.
I've been trying to wake myself up from these dreams recently. It is just so hard to convince myself that what I am experiencing isn't actually happening, because most of my nightmares are just flashbacks.
It's hard to move on and forget when the memories just get me in my sleep. I can't escape it.
"Amira? Are you okay?" Asher sits up and touches my arm, but I recoil back. It is hard to tell at first that it is him, as it is still dark. His face looks confused and concerned at my sudden reaction.
"Yes. I'm fine."
I cross my arms and smooth down my hair, feeling awkward. He looks at me like he knows that I am lying, but he seems to drop it.
"I guess we fell asleep. Do you want to head back?" He checks his phone, "Its 5:30AM. My parents would probably be getting worried if they found out I was here this late," Asher stands up from the ground and wipes the dirt from his pants.
I'm wide awake despite only just waking up from the stone-cold fear still settling in my blood.
We begin the walk back through the bush. I can practically feel his unspoken questions radiating off him. I don't think I will ever tell him about my past. It's not like he would ever want to get close enough to me for me to feel comfortable telling him. Even if he did, he would quickly change his mind when he realises the amount of emotional baggage I carry with me every day.
It's easier to keep him at arms length. Tonight was nice, but I could feel myself wanting to reveal or say something I shouldn't have. That's dangerous.
I am in front, leading us on the track. It is difficult to see the ground so I pray that I have enough co-ordination to not trip and fall- especially in front of Asher.
I must have jinxed it, because just as we are on a particularly rocky and dangerous part of the walk my feet get caught under something and I trip. If I were to fall, I would hit face first on the sharp rocks and I would probably end up doing some serious damage.
Just as I begin to realise what is happening, a warm arm wraps around my waist and stabilises me. I look back at my knight in shining armour and see Ashers worried face. Even in the dawn, I can see that his eyes are wide and his pupils almost covering his whole iris.
He hasn't let go of his firm grip around my torso, and the touch alone is giving me a feeling I haven't felt in a while.
We make eye contact and the feeling in my stomach intensifies. His eyes look so beautiful. I almost struggle to look away. After a solid 20 seconds of staring into each others eyes, he clears his throat and takes his arm from my waist.
"You alright?" I go red, the embarrassment hitting me like a train.
"Yeah. Thanks." I take a deep breath and we continue walking like nothing happened. I wonder if he felt butterflies too, even if that wasn't the most important thing in that moment.
The feeling makes me nervous. It contradicts everything I have thought about him getting too close. That is one step closer, a step I cannot afford to have him make.
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A/N
Longer chapter, 1582 words! This was fun to write ngl. I hope you are enjoying this book. I feel like a lot happens in this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed it. I added some more tension between our two love birds, and expanded on some of Amira's trauma ;)