The frigid embrace of the chilly air surrounded me, its bitter coldness seeping into my skin. Each breath I took was filled with the icy sting of the atmosphere, mirroring the ache in my heart. In that frozen moment, time seemed to stand still, as if the air itself was holding its breath.
As I stood before Ryann, the pain became overwhelming.
"Why...?" I whispered, my voice heavy with defeat and despair.
She managed to utter my name, "Ran..." Her voice trembled, "I am sorry."
Anger welled up inside me, but seeing her tears broke me completely.
"Where had you been all this time?" I asked.
She remained silent.
I couldn't stop asking, countless unanswered inquiries flooding my mind. "Why did you leave?"
Still, no response.
"Ryann, why must you leave me hanging?" I pressed on.
She shook her head, seemingly disagreeing with all my questions.
"Ran... I had... I had to," she said between impending tears, her words barely audible amidst the desolate landscape.
"There were circumstances beyond my control," she continued.
Ryann's voice became shaky with each word. She struggled to find the right way to explain herself, her tears falling freely onto the icy ground.
"I...I never wanted to leave you hanging, Ran," she finally confessed, her voice choked with emotion. "But...things were...so messed up."
I looked into her eyes, searching for answers that could soothe the pain in my heart. "Tell me," I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper. "Tell me what happened."
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "Ran...I...please forget about me."
I was deeply puzzled.
"Then why are you even here? Ryann, I don't understand it all. You're saying that, yet you're here at my game? Does that even make sense?" I blurted out, overwhelmed with emotions.
Ryann broke into loud sobs. I never expected to witness her crying like this. It was tearing me apart.
For a moment, she wavered, almost collapsing onto the icy ground, but I managed to catch her.
I felt panic rising within me. "Stop crying... shhh... let's go inside the car. It's too cold out here," I said, wiping away the tears streaming down her face.
"No... no," she shook her head. "I should go," she replied, still in tears.
"Ryann, you're not okay right now. Where are you staying? I'll take you to your home," I responded.
She persistently shook her head, as if not wanting me to inquire about this any further, still sobbing uncontrollably.
"In that case, where are you planning to go? Ryann, I won't let you go alone. Not now, not after you've already revealed yourself to me. Let's address our issues honestly and openly, and then we can decide what to do next." Taking a deep breath, I continued, feeling the pain in my heart. "...And if that's truly what you want... I have to accept it."
She shook her head once more. "I...I do not stay here..." she replied weakly.
"Not even a hotel?" I asked, confused.
She shook her head.
I was too confused, but coldness crept into my bones and I couldn't let Ryann remain in this vulnerable state. Without asking any more questions, I guided her to my car to keep her warm.
"Ryann, please don't misunderstand this situation. I think we have to talk privately, so I brought you here," I said.
She looked up at me, her eyes still watery and red. There was a brief silence before she spoke up.
"I don't mind, Ran." Pausing for a moment, she continued, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you. That's why I came back. I...I panicked when I saw you looking in my direction earlier during the game, so I hid in the restroom. I thought you would just go back to the game, but you went out of your way to search for me. I felt guilty, so I showed myself to you," she replied.
"So, where were you all this time?" I asked.
"You don't have to know," she answered.
"Ryann, can't you just be open with me? It feels like we're always going in circles," I responded.
She took a deep breath and said, "I'm really sorry. Ran, I'm grateful you came into my life. You've torn down my walls and you've shown me the good in everything, that's there's still beauty to appreciate, and a life to experience. You've inspired me to do things that I never thought I would even do and to find a passion that I never knew existed. But Ran...." she paused for a moment, "There are things that are meant to be and things that aren't supposed to stay the same forever. Allow me to be a passing lesson in your life. Let me be that someone who opened your eyes to something new. Let me be that stepping stone that led you to greater things."
Her voice cracked as she continued, "Ran, please let me go."
Ryann's words spun in my head, but I struggled to fully comprehend them. In truth, I was resisting understanding what she meant.
"Why do you keep being so mysterious, Ryann? I thought you had let your guard down with me, but I was mistaken. Your reservations have always remained high. You have never truly accepted me, Ryann," I replied, my voice filled with hurt. "I don't blame you, as it's your choice. But, Ryann, if you're rejecting me now, can't I at least know the reason?"
She looked at me with intense eyes. "Things are not as they seem. Let's just accept that we are not meant to be together, Ran. Please live your life to the fullest and cherish what you have right now," she replied.
I jolted at her remarks. "Enjoy? Live to the fullest? Are you joking, Ryann? What if I told you that you are an essential part of my life and that being with you allows me to truly live to the fullest? What would you do then?" I retorted, my voice trembling with emotion.
"No, I'm not joking. Ran, I was never the one who could make you live life to the fullest. I would only hold you back," she replied.
"Ryann, why do you keep saying that? For heaven's sake, can't you stop saying it?" I said, frustration evident in my voice.
She seemed taken aback by my reaction.
"I'm sorry, it's just a rush of emotions. But Ryann, why are you so hard on yourself? I've always told you that I am here for you, yet you continue to push me away," I continued.
She remained silent, her head down.
"Ryann, please. Don't keep everything to yourself," I pleaded.
"Ran, this is precisely why I don't want you around me. I don't want to burden you. Remember earlier, when you almost lost your game because I distracted you? That's one of the reasons why I said I would only drag you down. Ran, I have so much on my plate that it's best for you not to be involved," Ryann explained.
I ran my hands over my face, exasperated. Why couldn't Ryann understand the depth of my intentions?
"No relationship is easy, Ryann. Both of us must work together to make it last. It cannot be left to just one person to carry the burden," I replied.
Still, she remained silent. It was as if she was battling about her thoughts.
"Ryann, please allow yourself to open up to me. If you weren't even holding yourself back, we could handle this relationship very well. But you're always hiding behind that wall, even though it has already been torn down," I said.
Ryann looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes once again. She shook her head vigorously.
"No? Why not? Ryann, why can't you just tell me what's happening?" I asked, growing frustrated.
Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed, uttering the words, "I'm sorry, Ran... I truly am."
Then, what she said next came like a big wave crashing onto me, "I'm getting married next year."
I froze in shock, her words echoing in my mind. It felt like the ground beneath me had disappeared, leaving me floating in a sea of confusion and heartbreak. The air around us became thick with an awkward silence, as I struggled to process what I had just heard.
Finally finding my voice, I stumbled on my words, "Ma--married? How... w-when did this happen?"
Emotions overwhelmed me, and I found myself slumping over the steering wheel of the car, unable to hold back the tears that welled up in my eyes.
As my vision blurred, Ryann's apologies echoed in my ears, repeated relentlessly. But no matter how many times she said she was sorry, it couldn't ease the pain that consumed me. I desperately tried to understand why this was happening, but my pained feelings made it hard to find clarity in the midst of the chaos.
"Why?" I managed to ask, my voice trembling with hurt and confusion. "Why was it so sudden? When did this happen?"
How could everything change in the blink of an eye? Was the connection we shared merely an illusion?
Silence filled the air. Ryann's face, covered in tears, showed regret and pain, as if she too carried the consequences heavily.
"I'm so sorry, Ran," she whispered through her sobs, her voice barely audible. "I didn't plan for any of this to happen. It was never meant to end like this."
Her words only added to my confusion, leaving me with unanswered questions and a heartache that seemed insurmountable. I struggled to comprehend how we came to this point, where she was now preparing to marry someone else, when we even hadn't started yet
I never anticipated our situation to unfold in such a manner.
"I have so many questions running on my mind, but I'll respect you and your decision," I said despite the overwhelming feelings.
I continued to stare at Ryann with her head bowed down and she continued to cry. It was so heartbreaking to see her in her vulnerable state.
I continued to gaze at Ryann, her head bowed and tears streaming down her face. It pained me to see her vulnerability, yet her revelation compelled me to hold back.
In that moment of silence, an impulse emerged from the depths of my heart. I blurted out abruptly, "Who is he?"
My mouth is definitely a non-stop blurting machine.
She looked at me with longing in her eyes, a gaze filled with love and countless unspoken thoughts.
"Do you love him?" I continued to ask, desperate for an answer.
Ryann's eyes searched mine, her face displaying conflicting emotions. It was as if she wanted to disagree, but something held her back. The silence between us became deafening, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
Not willing to give up as I may have find myself amused with her honest reactions, I gathered my thoughts and asked once again, "Do you love him, Ryann?"
I watched intently, hoping for a response, any response.
She remained silent, yet her silence spoke volumes, and my own emotions began to surge within me. Like a flickering light being switched on, a wave of feelings overwhelmed me. Doubt, fear, and insecurity clashed with love and hope.
Gathering all my courage, feeling both vulnerable and desperate, I asked another question. "Do you love me?"
Her reaction was immediate, tears welling up in her eyes, yet she remained silent. In that moment, it felt as though her eyes held the answer. Her gaze filled with tears revealed a yearning and a longing to agree, but the words remained unspoken. The tension between us peaked, the silence becoming unbearably heavy.
I couldn't contain myself any longer.
"I couldn't stop loving you, Ryann," I said.
I leaned in and kissed her, hoping to express what words failed to convey.
-----
"Every day I fall in love with you just a little bit harder
Ain't it obvious to you?"